on wednesdays we wear pink

Next Monday, Lily found herself skipping health again, sitting on the grass outside the school with Remus and Marlene.
“So you hate her?” Lily asked, sitting crisscrossed in the grass.
“Who?” Marlene asked, one pierced eyebrow raised as she plopped down next to Lily on the grass. Remus followed her lead, cigarette in hand and rested his head on her shoulder.
“Mary,” Lily clarified, “you seem to really hate her,”
“Yes, what about it?” Marlene replied, straight-faced and serious.
“Well, why?” Lily still couldn’t quite grasp what questions were okay to ask and which ones weren't, but nobody had told her to fuck off. Yet.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Remus chirped up,
“Well, in seventh grade-”
Marlene smacked him, ash from the cigarette falling in the dirt.
“Remus,” she said shortly, like a warning, “shall we not?”
He shrugged, “Lily’s good, she won’t do anything,”
Lily nodded quickly, desperate to know more about Marlene, “I’m super trustworthy!”
Marlene looked sick, “whatever, let’s just talk about something else,” something in her expression made Lily back off. For now.
“I want to see the Notebook,” Lily proposed, trying to make plans for them to go to the movies over the weekend.
“Gross,” Remus groaned, “I hate romantic movies.”
“But you love romance books!” Lily spat back, referencing the two page long list of recommendations he wrote her.
He looked embarrassed at that, and picked at the sleeve of his sweater.
“Oh yeah, and he loved 10 things I hate about you,” Marlene added, Remus rolled his eyes.
“Only because it’s relatable!”
Marlene snorted, “sure,”
“What does this have to do with the Notebook?” Lily asked.
Remus sighed, “just go see it with someone else!”
“Who else?”
“Obviously the plastics!” Marlene exclaimed, “god, that’s typical plastic behavior, watching rom-coms at the mall,” she said in a high-pitched voice that Remus snorted at.
Marlene had a way of making Lily feel so small and with her teasing. It seemed like no matter where she went at this school, nobody was honest. Everyone hid behind jokes and double meanings. It hurt that Marlene was the one mocking her, because Lily felt a draw to the other girl. She was drawn to her wild smile and eccentric fashion, she wanted to be someone Marlene liked, she wanted her to think she was cool too.
“How’re you feeling about that?” Remus asked, and Lily was reminded of her upcoming lunch with Mary, Dorcas and Sirius.
“I guess we’ll find out,” Lily said, moodily.
She didn’t contribute too much to the conversation after that, her mind was too occupied with thoughts of what lunch later would be like. She tried her best not to feel left out, sitting with her friends on the hill. She waited for the bell, glad to have company, but wishing they paid her more attention.
She went through her next few classes lazily, nobody bothered her much she kept to herself. It was math that she was really looking forward to. It was the only place at this school where she knew everything. Entering Ms. Mcgonagall's classroom, she prepared herself for a challenging class. She made her way to her desk, pulling out the weekend homework almost eagerly.
“Class! We have a new student,” the teacher, Ms. Mcgonagall announced, all eyes went to the front of the class. The teacher was gesturing to the boy next to her, “Potter, would you like to introduce yourself?”
Lily felt a weird feeling in her stomach looking at him. He was gorgeous. Tall, tanned and messy-haired. He had a goofy smile on his face as he looked out at the class.
“Hi, I’m James Potter, as you may know,” he said, winking at a group of guys to the back who cheered and laughed. He didn’t seem to be nervous, as Lily surely would be, standing in front of a group like this, “I’m a sophomore and my parents are making me take this class,”
Ms. Mcgonagall looked exasperated, “that’s enough, you can take your seat there, next to Miss Evans.” he made his way over, smiling brightly at Lily.
Lily had never had a crush before, and this one hit her like a big, yellow school bus. She didn’t know what to do with all this nervous energy flowing through her body. She tried to focus on her homework, but just his presence next to her was distracting. He really shouldn’t have been so attractive, with his messy hair and crooked glasses. His arms were so toned, though, Lily wondered what it would feel like to be held by him as she glanced up from her homework again. Ms. Mcgonagall was teaching from the front of the class, writing complicated equations on the board, but all Lily could focus on was James.
She risked another glance at him, only to find him looking at her with a wide smile.
“Hey, do you have a pencil I could borrow?” he asked, and god even his voice was cute.
Lily blindly reached for her pencil bag, finding pens and sharpies and even highlighters, but no pencil. She had been giving her pencils out to anyone who’d asked. The first time someone had asked her for a pencil she’d said no and they’d given her the nastiest stink eye. She didn’t want James to give her a stink eye.
“A pen is fine,” he said with an easy smile, clearly noticing Lily’s turmoil.
“What if you mess up?” she asked, before she could think.
“Oh, Evans,” he said leaning into her like they were sharing a secret, “I never mess up,”
He’s so arrogant, a small part of her brain thought, but the rest was just focused on the intense brown of his eyes. After a minorly awkward amount of time, Lily handed him a black ballpoint pen.
“Thanks,” he said, and got to work, taking notes. They didn’t talk for the rest of class but Lily’s heartbeat never slowed.

Lily was half-expecting Remus and Marlene to be outside her classroom to walk her to lunch, but instead she found Mary, Dorcas and Sirius waiting for her. They looked glorious, as they did a week before, a group of perfect people. Lily waved, and before she could speak, Dorcas grabbed her arm. Her long, dark green acrylics dug into Lily’s skin. She dragged Lily to the cafeteria as she spoke.
“Okay, since you’re going to be sitting with us,” she cast a look at Mary, who was a few steps behind them, holding hands with Sirius, “there’s a few rules you have to learn,”
Lily nodded, but Dorcas didn’t even look her way before continuing, “you can’t wear a tank top two days in a row, and you can only wear your hair up once a week,” she glanced at Lily’s long, curly ponytail disapprovingly, “I guess you chose today,”
She kept going but Lily tuned her out, wondering what kinds of friends have rules for each other. Remus and Marlene didn’t have rules, did they? They did seem to have an unspoken code of what's okay to say and what’s not. Despite this, Lily couldn’t help but prefer their company over Dorcas’, whose constant frown ruined her otherwise gorgeous face.
Dorcas went on and on even as the group sat down. After her first week, Lily decided to pack her own lunch, choosing her moms protein bars and a ham and cheese sandwich over mystery meat and cheese fries.
Mary and Sirius were talking only to each other as Dorcas explained to Lily everything she could and couldn’t do, “Now if you break any of these rules you won’t be able to sit with us,”
That hardly seemed fair, but before Lily could get a word in, she continued, “not just you. Any of us! Like, if I wore jeans today then I’d be sitting over there with the art freaks,” she pointed to Marlene a few tables over, attempting to dye Remus’ brown curls red with paint. She had a wild smile on her face, and Lily was desperately wishing she could be there.
“Oh, and we always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us,” Lily briefly wondered how she got in, Dorcas seemed to hate her and Sirius seemed indifferent at best, “you just have to be considerate of what the group wants,” Dorcas added. There was something off, though. Her speech was too rehearsed, and there was something akin to pain in her dark eyes as she continued, “like, you wouldn’t buy a skirt without asking your friends first,”
“I wouldn’t?”
“Right!” Dorcas gave her a smile, the first one Lily had gotten so far, “oh, and it’s the same with guys,” Lily’s mind rushed to James and she was pretty sure she was blushing as Dorcas kept talking, “you might think you like someone,” she paused, her gaze faltering, looking at something behind Lily before snapping her eyes back and continuing, “but you could be wrong,” she said this so resigned, so defeated that Lily couldn’t help but feel bad for her.
“God, what’s your problem?” Mary asked, loudly, an annoyed gaze fixed on Sirius.
“Oh,” he scoffed, “my problem? You do not want to do this here,”
Mary paused, taking in his short breaths, seemingly calculating the risks of fighting with her boyfriend in the middle of the cafeteria on a Monday.
A moment later, she sighed, “you’re right, I don’t,” then she smiled blindingly, the picture of angelic beauty, “would you get me a diet coke, babe?”
He blinked slowly, looking around the cafeteria. His angry, gray eyes met Lily’s for a second before he smiled at his girlfriend, kissed her on the cheek and said, “of course,”
Such a weird couple, Lily thought, wondering if this was normal highschool weird, or special ‘plastics’ weird.
She didn’t have much time to think before Mary asked, “so, what are y’all talking about?”
“Nothing,” Dorcas muttered.
“Boys,” Lily chirped.
“Oooo,” Mary leaned across the table, “see anyone you think is cute yet?”
Lily thought of crooked glasses and a warm smile, “yeah actually,”
Dorcas raised her eyebrows, seemingly interested in what Lily had to say for the first time.
“Well there’s this guy in my math class,” she felt herself flush just thinking of him, she shook her head, feeling embarrassed. “nevermind it’s stupid,”
“Tell us!” Mary exclaimed, smiling encouragingly at Lily.
“Okay,” she giggled a little, feeling light just thinking about him, “he’s in our grade, his name’s James Potter-”
“Oh no!” Mary’s face dropped, horrified like Lily had said something offensive.
“You cannot like James,” Dorcas said, gravely, “That’s Sirius’ brother,”
Lily raised an eyebrow, and Dorcas added, “adopted brother,”
Mary was shaking her head, “you can’t date James, brothers are off-limits to friends, that’s like, incest!”
Dorcas nodded along before adding, “Don’t worry, we won’t tell Sirius you said that. It’ll be our little secret,”
Both of them looked at her with eerily similar sly smiles which just made Lily feel more guilty.
When Sirius got back, he was pretty much silent for the rest of lunch, only chipping in when Mary prompted him. That was fine by Lily though, she had enough to worry about with Mary and Dorcas questioning her. By the end of lunch, she had earned a hug from Mary, an approving smile from Dorcas, and a “later,” from Sirius. That felt closer to acceptance than last week.

Just because I can’t date James doesn’t mean I can’t look at him, Lily thought as she sat in Math the next day. She was supposed to be focusing on solving equations, but she found herself distracted by James’ side profile. She was watching him obsessively, her green eyes darting between him and her paper rapidly. He was better at paying attention to the class, his brown eyes stayed focused on the teacher every time she looked over.
I can’t date him but I can think about him, and… talk to him? Between struggling to keep up with the class and looking at James, Lily had been trying to work up the courage to talk to him and ask for her pen back. In her head that’s how it starts. She asks for her pen, he gives it back, she compliments him, he says thank you, and pretty soon they’re married, have kids and are in love forever. The bell rings and she bends down to get her backpack, expecting James to be standing in front of her when she stands up.
Instead, a short boy with blonde hair stands in front of her. She recognizes him from her homeroom, the guy who had been enthusiastically making out with his girlfriend on the first day.
“Hey, you’re the Africa girl, right?” he asked. Lily tried to hide her disappointment.
“Yup,” she watched James walk out of the classroom, talking and laughing with the older boys.
“I’m Peter Petigrew,” Lily resigned herself to a conversation with him. He seemed nice enough, with a sweet smile and kind eyes. Not as kind or sweet as James, he was pure sunshine, and his eyes were such a pretty shade of brown-
“President of the Hogwarts High mathletes,” he continued, interrupting Lily’s train of thought, “we participate in math challenges against other schools, and we can get twice as much funding if we’ve got a girl!” his eyes went wide, embarrassed, “I mean, we don’t only want you because you're a girl! You’re really smart, I've seen your test scores!” Lily blushed and Peter stammered on, “not in a creepy way! I mean I just sat behind you, I swear I wasn’t peeking!”
Lily was enjoying his awkwardness, it was sort of reassuring that she wasn’t the only disaster at this school.
His freaked out expression turned serious, “we would really appreciate it if you thought about joining,”
Ms. McGonagall, who had apparently been listening in, said, “You’d be perfect for it!”
Lily tried for a polite smile, “yeah, for sure, I’ll think about it,”
Peter smiled at her, “great! Because we’d like to get jackets,”
She nodded, looking at the door, still vaguely hoping she could catch James in the hallway.
“You can probably get my number from Moony,” her eyes snapped to him. Remus? Lily was suddenly very invested in this conversation, she had no idea he had friends outside of Marlene.
Peter seemed to take her attention as a bad thing, he looked scared again, “not like that! I have a girlfriend, who I’m very happy with. I just mean,” he gave her a shy smile then, “I’d get if you don’t want to talk to me at school, you’re Mary’s friend after all.”
“Yeah,” she remembered that she has to go to lunch with them again, “I am Mary’s friend,”
“Good on you for being friends with Remus too!” he said with a kind smile, “that group is too hard on him, y’know the whole thing with Sirius,” Lily didn’t know, but Peter just shook his head, “I’m glad you're able to see past that, he’s actually a really cool guy, once you get to know him and all” he blushed a little before mumbling, “I mean you’d know that, you’re friends with him,” he sighed a little before finally saying, “sorry, Africa, I made you late for lunch. Think about it!”
Lily just nodded, having too much on her mind to formulate a response. The rest of the day passed by in a blur. She didn’t have to do much talking during her lunch with ‘the plastics,’ Mary spent the whole lunch animatedly telling a story about how she met a guy called John Stamos on her way to Hawaii over the summer. Apparently he called her pretty. And her classes were easy enough now that she was friends with Mary. People knew better than to mess with her when they saw Dorcas Meadows walking her to class.
When the final bell of the day rang, Lily walked as fast as she could through the hallways, scanning for a tall head with short curls. It didn’t take long to find him, he had a very unique look, with the scars and the skin and the height. He waved and smiled, and the crowd seemed to part as he made his way to her. People glared and shied away, almost like they were afraid of him. She wondered how she didn’t notice before.
“Hey, Lils!” she was sure her unenthusiastic smile gave away her anger. He looked side to side dramatically, “there’s no plastics nearby, the coast is clear,” he joked, Lily remained unimpressed. She caught sight of Peter in her peripheral vision, walking hand in hand with his girlfriend, smiling at her with stars in his eyes.
Lily had always hated secrets, albeit she hadn’t had much experience with them before she moved to this school, but they made her stomach churn nonetheless. She tried her hardest to be a good friend, a trustworthy friend, and thinking that Remus, of all people, was keeping things from her made her want to cry. Remus, the first person to treat her like a human at this school. Remus, who showed her so much sympathy when she was deciding to spy on Mary for them. Every glare sent their way as they walked down the hallway added to her anxiety.
“What’s wrong?” he finally asked as they stood on the lawn in front of the school.
What are you hiding? Was the only question on her mind, but it seemed much too abrasive.
“I have to walk home…” he said uncomfortably, shifting his backpack to one shoulder.
“Are you friends with Peter Petigrew?” she blurted.
Hurt flashed in his eyes, but he managed to keep it out of his voice when he said, “No,”
“You’re still lying?” she scoffed, “he was telling me about this ‘thing with Sirius’, and I thought that if there was something you’d tell me. Clearly not.” She tried to take deep breaths, but she knew she sounded hysterical when she asked, “what do I have to do to prove to you and Marlene I’m trustworthy? You guys are my friends, right?” he nodded quickly, “then act like it!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, it’s just hard-”
She cut him off, “it’s so hard for you guys, right? Did you ever think that maybe it’s hard for me too?”
He swallowed, looking remorseful, “I’m so sorry Lily, I’ll tell you all about it! I didn’t mean to keep it a secret, honestly I thought you already knew, everybody knows…” he took a short breath, “I swear, I’ll tell you anything you want to know, 100 percent honesty.”
She softened, “really?”
“Really,” he smiled a little, “wanna walk with me?”
She nodded, after the first day, she decided she would walk to school, she didn’t need the added embarrassment of being dropped off by her mom.
They started walking in the direction of Remus’ house, the crowd in front of the school fading into the background, all their chatter getting quieter with each step.
“Where’s Marlene?” she asked, thinking that she could use some 100 percent honesty from her.
“Art club,”Lily nodded. The ground beneath their feet was flat and hot with the late-summer sun beating down on them. For the first time since she met him, she felt uncomfortable. Sure, she’d felt dumb or left out when he and Marlene were joking, but never uncomfortable like this. She figured it was best to break the ice quickly, craving the ease they’d established over the past week.
“So,” she started, “how do you know Peter?”
He sighed, “I guess I’d better start from the beginning, and tell you the tale…” he paused dramatically, “of the Marauders,”
Lily snorted, “oh come on, be serious,”
“I am!” he looked mildly offended, “growing up that’s what we called ourselves,”
“You and Peter?” she asked.
“Peter, James, Sirius and I,” he corrected, “or Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,”
She looked at him disbelievingly, “you’re joking,”
“I definitely am not,”
She giggled, forgetting her apprehension, “who’s who?”
He smiled, “I’m Moony, obviously, Pete was Wormtail, James was Prongs and Sirius was Padfoot.”
“Wait!” she looked up at him, a smile growing, “James as in James Potter?”
He smirked at her, “Y’know for someone demanding answers you really do interrupt a lot,”
She glared at him.
“Yes, James ‘Prongs’ Potter, football star and all that,” he did a poor job of masking his anger, “we all grew up together, I mean since kindergarten we’ve been inseparable. Or we were,” he frowned, “or James and Sirius were, they were brothers. We all still hung out but they just had something different, ”
Lily listened eagerly.
“Our group worked for so long because I had Pete, but once we got to high school,” he looked over to Lily, checking on her before continuing, “Once we got to high school the whole dynamic changed. James and Sirius became obsessed with ‘being popular’, and Peter became obsessed with being a genius or whatever he does now, I don’t know,” he looked down at his torn, brown converse, “he didn’t have time for us, between school and Sybil, so I was left with James and Sirius. It was always hard to be around them, but without Pete it was torture. I was so jealous,” he laughed self-deprecatingly.
Lily must’ve looked confused because he clarified, “I was in love with Sirius,” he said it with so much hate and pain in his voice. Before Lily could say anything he continued.
“I know, in what world would he ever want me?”
“Hey,” Lily said, knocking his shoulder with hers, “he’s dumb not to,”
He just shook his head, “No, I would never want him now. That fake, two-dimensional, walking, talking piece of plastic-”
“It would be okay,” she interrupted, looking in his eyes before continuing, “it would be okay if you did,”
He gave her a brief smile before saying snarkily, “I thought I was telling you my life story?”
Lily rolled her eyes, “you may continue,”“Right so, I was in love with Sirius,” he mumbled, “and once James got on the football team we spent so much time together,” They turned onto the next street, passing nice houses with big front yards.
“One night, he slept over. It was just us, Pete was at a mathlete competition and James had practice in the morning,” he explained, his voice cracking and words coming out too fast, “and I told him. I told him I loved him and I kissed him, and he kissed me back. He told me he loved me too, and for months we were dating in secret. He was still dead set on being popular, and hanging out with me wasn’t doing him any favors,” he gestured to his scars, “I would’ve done whatever he wanted, I loved him so much,”
“That was around the time I started getting close with Marlene, she was in my science class. She figured out pretty quickly that Sirius and I were more than friends, but when I told her it had to stay a secret she freaked out,” he smiled fondly, thinking about her, “she told me I was worth more than that. And you can imagine what that meant to be, I mean she was my only real friend, everyone had ditched me for one reason or another. So I talked to Sirius about it. I thought that, if he really loved me, he would let us be public.” His voice grew louder, old anger bubbling up, “It’s not like I wanted to make out in the halls, I just wanted him to talk to me! You make compromises for the people they love, right? I mean, I kept it a secret all those months.”
Lily nodded, but Remus just smiled sadly.
“Well, he didn’t really love me, I guess. Dumped me on the spot,” he laughed sarcastically, “I showed up to school the next day to everyone calling me a pervert, or a rapist. A fucking predator, that’s what he said. James and Pete sided with him, of course, and I was left with no friends.”
“No friends but Marlene,” Lily reminded him gently, feeling newfound rage at ‘the plastics’ for treating this wonderful boy next to her so terribly.
“Thank god for Marlene,” he said reverently before continuing, “I knew I couldn’t say anything, he was with Mary soon enough anyway, doing all the shit he would never do with me”
They were silent for a moment. Lily was trying to think of the right thing to say.
“Thank you for telling me all that, Remus. If I wasn’t on board with spying before, I definitely am now.” she tried to joke, but he only stared sullenly ahead. Lily suspected he was trying not to cry, but she didn’t know how to comfort him.
Their scenery changed, from white picket fences to older, more simple houses. She could hear a dog barking in the distance and tried to focus on that instead of his irregular breathing.
They stopped at a small house with a blue door and a run-down garden in the front yard.
He cleared his throat, “Thanks for walking with me,”
Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Her head only came up to his chest, and his arms stayed by his side awkwardly.
She stepped back, looking up at him sheepishly, “I’m sorry I pressured you into telling me, I get why you’d want to keep all that to yourself,” she smiled at him earnestly, “you’re a really good friend.”
“Do you want to stay?” he said quickly, his voice hoarse, “Marlene is coming over too, we can order pizza.”
She felt her smile grow, “I’d like that.”