'In every single one'
James
James takes the steps from the bell tower slowly, wondering how his friends are going to take the fact he was contemplating suicide. He wouldn’t though, he knows that, he knows they know, but they were all supposed to live past 80 so he understands the worry.
When he turns the corner from the door he’s flooded with his friends. “Are you mad!?” Sirius shouts “What were you thinking!?” He continues on, his boyfriends lays a hand on his shoulder with a shake of his head “The girls thought they would lose you too” Remus says, “Think with your head not your heart” Sirius spits, he’s being harsh but the 3 of them were the Potter siblings.
“Guy’s I’m fine, sorry for giving you a fright” The last comment stuck to his head, he knew the girls were also greatly affected by Marlene’s death he just hadn't realised the severity of it. He looked up over his friends and saw the familiar flash of curly black hair, he followed the boy till he couldn't anymore.
“I need to go, I’ll be back in a ... .yeah” James was already down the hallway before he finished the sentence, before his friends even answered. He tried walking normally but with his soaking wet clothes around him, it wasn’t exactly normal to move or do anything at all. He looked around the halls before finding the familiar head of black curls.
“Regulus” he called out as he got closer, a few heads turned in their direction but he didn’t spare a minute on any of them. “I just wanted to thank you for helping me earlier, I really don't know what I could have done if you weren’t there.” Regulus nods his head, collecting his books from his locker.
Regulus took a quick look at him over his locker “You might not want to be seen with me Potter, word spreads quite quick” he walked away, Pandora and Evan following him. Regulus leaves a smiling James at his locker, a goofy grin on his face.
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Regulus
Regulus knows he’s not okay. It’s the reason he has to see Dumbledore every Tuesday and Friday. He's been awake for 18 days now, and he intends to stay like that. He sits, now, at the bell tower as the rain pours, arms on the railing looking down and imagining his body there.
How would people react? Would his brother even realise? “I’ve been awake 18 days and I’m afraid to sleep” Regulus says out loud, good god, what is he doing? Nobody hears him of course, he was too quiet and anyway his words were drowned out by the consistent patter of the rain.
He runs a tired hand over his face and takes out a sticky note. He writes, Day 18 in his delicate swooping letters and puts it in his bag to stick on to his wall once he gets home. He climbs down from the tower with the intent of heading straight to lunch but he gets swept up when a mass of kids start making their way outside. Regulus would be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little interested.
He naturally follows the crowd to know what the issue is. The issue, which seems to be a big one, is that James Potter is sitting on the rail, and sitting on a rail is fine. Regulus does it all the time. The issue is that he’s sitting on the rail of the bell tower, and it’s raining which means one false move and he’s plummeting.
So stupidly he went up and thought he could convince him to rethink. It worked his plan, but now everyone thinks he forced James to stand on the rail. Which he thinks is insane but he doesn't listen to the gossip mill he lets Dora tell him.
Just like how he learnt Cas moved to the otherside of the country. He knew it would be hard on her, they all did. Her and Marlene had been dating since they were 14, 3 whole years together only for the other to be dead.
The worst part is no one told her, not a word. She woke up and heard there was a car accident and saw the body, Marlene’s. The reporter continued to talk but Dorcas’s world broke down, the whole school knew.
The news had come out and she went storming to Jame’s house to see if it was all an elaborate prank. Once again she broke down Marlene’s room was still in the mess it was when she left her room 3 days ago. It was devastating, she let her emotions get the better of her and attacked James
It wasn't a bad fight, James just let her hit him until she couldn't anymore. He felt so guilty he almost wanted Dorcas to kill him, James Potter was also at the incident. He was in the car. That’s the thing isn't it, he survived and she didn't, and Dorcas is angry,
She’s so angry he survived but her love didn’t, she's so mad she would have killed him if Dora didn't come to the rescue. Cas had calmed down and made her decision and by the time she was ready to go back to school they had moved.
No goodbyes, no I’ll keep in contact, not even I’ll fucking miss you. She picked up her life and left. They called her multiple times. Barty even offered to help, they obviously shut him down, but eventually gave up and let him help. Still nothing all 4 of them had lost a friend and didn't even know if she was still alive
It hurt, but he locked it away and lived with it. It’s not his issue if James has survivor's guilt. It’s not his issue if he jumps, but seeing James up there he knew he had to help. So now he’s being interrogated by the twins.
“So you helped him down?” Dora asks, trying to make it clear, Regulus nods, sending a warning glare to Evan, which only intensifies his laugh. “Loverboy is back at it again” Evan says in-between laughs.
Regulus had a crush on James, a small childhood crush that was stupid. He grew out of it, he swears, but every time he stares at James, his whole friend group jumps him like he’s bloody proposed.
Saving James was not the way to go. He admittedly still had a tiny crush, it did go away, but after finding out James broke up with Evans because he’s gay he had them come crashing down.
Honestly though anyone in Jame’s presence would be attracted to him. ‘ Faults of the sun’ as Regulus calls it, his friends continue making jokes around him but he ignores them. He smirks as he watches Barty make puppy eyes as Evan and turns back to look at him. “What about you and Barty?” Regulus asks, when Evan’s cheeks turn pink and Pandora chokes on her apple juice Regulus knows he’s done a good job.
Later, after lunch when Regulus and Pandora are done teasing Evan they drop him off at Chemistry while they both head off to English, Regulus doesn’t listen, he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t like the silence; it makes him think back to when the only thing he’d find in front of his eyes was a black canvas.
He dreads the thought of going to Dumbledore’s office after school and looks out the window, hoping the sun will warm him from the inside out.
When Regulus walks out the class he finds none other than James Potter waiting for him.
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Regulus
James Potter stands by the Chemistry door, having a chat with Emmaline Vance, she was by far the best dressed person in their year, always coming in with an air of calm and warm coffee dressed clothes. She was close friends with Marlene before the accident. Her and James would sometimes talk to each other, helping the other move on.
When James saw Regulus he stopped talking and smiled, Emmaline rolled her eyes and touched James arm, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek. Regulus hand lifted off his bag as he felt jealousy burn white hot through him, but it wasn’t his place and it never will be so he lowered his hand. He was just about to walk off when James called his name.
He shut his eyes quickly and had to count to 10 to stop the beating of his heart, he turned around and walked to James, “miss me already?” Regulus asked once he was close enough “Very much” James replied leaning his shoulder on the wall, smiling at Regulus. “Was this morning not enough?” Regulus asks his own small smile creeping out, he was already a different person in front of him “Never will be” he answered, the words coming out in a whisper.
He steps closer and puts his hand on Regulus' waist pulling him in. “James” Regulus says in a warning, “not here, please” James lets go of Regulus with a heavy heart and steps back “Sorry, sorry you just looked… nevermind, I’ll leave” He shouldered his bag and turned around
Regulus sent a quick round of prayers to the gods and followed him
“How do you feel about leaving school?” The grin Regulus sent him must’ve said a million words cause by 4th period no one knew where they were
__________________
James
“This is crazy” James said as he walked over to Regulus, “The current isn’t that strong, relax” That was a lie, the log they were sitting on above the river was definitely shaking, and something tells James it wasn’t from their weight.
“So..” James said, tapping his hands on the log, filling the silence. Regulus rolled his eyes and grabbed James hands, linking them together and stopping the tapping. A blush rolled over his cheeks as his eyes locked at their intertwined hands.
Regulus looked unbothered, just staring at the forest in front of them. James got bored with the silence and stood up pulling Regulus with, “Let’s explore” James said whispering in his ear. Regulus quickly turned his head trying to conceal his blush, but not quick enough
James made a quick catch of his chin and placed a small kiss over his blushing cheeks. Regulus was stunned into silence and just kept looking at James with love eyes. “Come on, let’s go” He nodded dumbly and followed James around the forest. They walked and talked for hours
When the Sun finally set they laid down on the grass, Regulus talking about the stars and James listening intently. Regulus yawned halfway through the tail of Hercules, James . grabbed his phone and checked the time “We should get going” but by the time he had finished his sentence Regulus had already snuggled close and fell asleep with his head on James' chest.
When James woke up the next morning to the sway of the wind, there was no curly haired boy next to him.
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James
James walked home with a frown on his face. His parents bolted up when they saw him, “oh, darling” his mum said once he was close enough, he dropped his bag and collapsed into his mums arms. “Mum it hurts, it hurts so much” James says, his arms clutching onto the nightgown his mother was wearing.
His dad comes to sit next to them and caresses his head, “It’s okay son, let it out, you don’t have to be strong around us” James does, he cries and cries and cries. The images of the car crash flashing at the forefront of his eyes, “I want her back” he says and he knows his parents are hurting too but he doesn’t know how to cope, Marlene was their daughter but she was his everything.
James can’t think of a time before Marlene and doesn’t even want to think of one, it’s not worth remembering if it isn’t with her, his mum gingerly lifts him off her lap and walks into the kitchen, coming back with an ice cream. Its black and red, and in glittering white letters, is his mothers beautiful handwriting, spells out ‘Happy 18 Marlene’ It was her birthday today, James thought dumbly.
“Remember how much trouble we went through to hide this?” His mum says, sitting in between them and laying the cake on the table, Fleamont lets out a wet laugh, “She was so set on finding that cake and eating it before her birthday” he said, his tears moving faster. “I thought well, it only seems right to eat it,” Effie says but she hiccups and covers her mouth before speaking “It’s what she would have wanted” James has to look away from the cake, it symbolises too much. When he closes his eyes he remembers Marlene’s outfit that day, How bright and colourful she always was.
“The months leading up to her birthday she was relentless, always talking about how she’d finally be able to take your car for a ride” Fleamont said and his demeanour seemed to shift at the mention of the car, they went quiet after that. James flitted his eyes and stared at the photo of them from last summer, it was taken by the cornwell lake: Remus had taken it.
She was his whole Earth, while he was the sun, oh how he wished he was burned instead. He nods his head and his dad picks up the knife and cuts the cake, “Happy birthday my shining knight” Fleamont says as he picks up the cake, his clothes are skew and his eyes are bloodshot. Euphemia has her head in her hands as she stares at the cake.
“We should have let her have the cake, oh my baby” Euphemia says, her sobs wracking her whole body she falls into her husbands open arms and cries for her daughter. James turns the cake and finds a small sticky note on the base of the cake, he pulls it off and closes his eyes as he cries harder.
Every interaction flashes through his eyes, she was so happy. He remembers, her words shooting 80 miles per hour, she was always such a breath of fresh air, his life, his heart, his sister. He couldn’t even think through the lump in his throat, he knew he had to show his parents the note, they were grieving too but James felt that selfishly Marlene would have wanted just him to see it.
When crawling into bed that night he stuck the note to the backboard of his bed, just as he was about to fall asleep, he turned his head and stared at the note “In every single one Marbear” he says just as his eyes shut
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The cake’s spot on James,
Can’t wait to eat it.
In every lifetime
Marbear