James? Where are you?” Lily asked, she sounded concerned. Of course, it was Lily. But James didn't want her to be concerned about him. No one should ever be concerned about him, James Potter. He was the happy friend, and everyone knew that… right?
“James, we were going to hogsmead today, you still owe me an icecream” she said jokingly, and then she opened the curtains of James’ bed.
Fuck.
“Don't wanna go, don't really feel like it” he said softly. Oh how he hated these days. When what his mother said turned out to be true, that the more you put your problems away the more they explode. Those days when he felt like he couldn't hide shit anymore.
“What? What happened? Where's my happy boyfriend?” Lily asked, jokingly again, trying to make James smile.
He couldn't do this, Lily didn't deserve missing out on things because of him.
So he wiped his tears away, did that one trick so his eyes weren't red anymore and put on a smile.
“Here he is, the happy boyfriend” he said, still trying to sound happy and energetic.
“No, that's not happy James,that's sad James with a fake smile on his face” she giggled, but she sounded a lot more concerned this time.
James felt his face falling, his smile faltering, because how? How is he gonna pretend now?
“What do you mean? I mean eh I'm perfectly fine, I'm okay” he lied, in a voice that no one will ever believe.
Lily cupped his face and stroke his cheek, her sweet, beautiful green eyes filling with tears only James could know where they came from.
It's a curse and a blessing to care so much, that's the first thing he and Lily ever found each other in. Lily's tears came from concern, she was hurt because James was. He hated and loved this feeling, but more hatred. Because it was his fault that Lily, his girl his lady his girlfriend his whole damn world was sad.
“We can stay here. If you'd want” Lily proposed “You still need to show me that one movie from your childhood.”
Well, that sounded nice. James agreed, and Lily got him some popcorn while James put on the movie. It was Frozen, James still couldn't believe that Lily had never seen it.
Not that James could focus on the movie tho, who could focus on made up characters when the definition of perfect sat next to him?
It was silent, but there was one thing James couldn't help but asking.
“How do you manage it? Being near me, I mean? Like, I get tired of myself, how aren't you tired of me?”
There was silence, a lot of silence, and James started to wonder if there was anything he'd said that he shouldn't have said.
“You're a bit… energetic, indeed. But that’s okay, that's you. And I love you for it” she responded, she sounded so sweet, damn so so so sweet.
“You can always talk to me, you know? That like… Kind of how relationships work” Lily said.
“Never had such kind of relationships” James admitted “Always me falling head over heels and the girl not feeling anything, just using me. I give them and give them and give them”
There was a long moment of silence between them.
“You're the first one that stayed through a bad day, you know?”
“I intend to stay forever. Good to know that I don't have any concurrents” she giggled softly.
“Do I have any?” James asked her, trying not to sound insecure, but of course Lily saw right through him.
“What? Boys that want me? You want a list?” she jokes.
“Alright”
“Okay, this is gonna take a while” she giggled. But then her face got serious.
It was over, James was sure of that.
“But no one's ever had me, not like you” she said “You are the best thing that's ever been mine”
“Okay swiftie” James joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Somehow Lily always managed to make him smile.
“Okay taylor-hater!” Lily laughed.
“I don't hate her!”
“Name one of her songs you never hated on”
“The Archer”
“And you say that my music taste is too depressing. Emo” she sneered, jokingly, but still. She looked serious.
But then she laughed, showing her perfect white teeth. She cupped his face with her soft hands and looked in his eyes like they were the most beautiful thing in the world (even though hers were clearly prettier).
And then she kissed him. Not the first time, but it feels like the first time every time. Somehow she managed that. But somehow, James also always feels like it's gonna be the last time.
It never was