Here Comes the Sun
Atop the astronomy tower, with stone shingles jutting into their backs, Sirius and Remus lay. Their hands tangled; shoulders pressed together; Remus’ thin fingers massaging the spaces between Sirius’ knuckles. The break of dawn was nearing. Twinkling stars bade the boys good morning with one last sparkling performance across the navy sky. It had become tradition for the two boys – on the morning of their last full day at Hogwarts they watched the sun rise from the tower before being pulled apart by distance and Sirius’ family. It started their first year when Sirius found Remus on the roof of their tower after a random full moon in March. Before Sirius knew about Remus’ other form. He assumed Remus got into a scuffle with a Slytherin, or really was as clumsy as Remus claimed. This was also before the cane. The cane showed up their second year after Remus had a particularly bad summer. The first summer he was separated from Sirius, James, and Peter. Before, Remus didn’t bother with friends.
Nobody could ever know about his other form, his parents had said. They will treat you like the dirt under their boots. They will ostracize you and force you into a cage, one similar but scarier than the cage in the basement at home. Remus took those words to heart and hid himself away for the first half of his first year at Hogwarts. When Sirius and James confronted him in late October, days before the second full moon of his career at the school, Remus had snapped and shoved both boys into their respective bunks. James sported a nasty bruise on his shoulder and jaw from a right hook when he didn’t take Remus’ cold shoulder as an answer. Sirius, a black eye.
Afterwards, Remus was left alone. Sirius and James kept their distance with longing glances Remus’ ways when he sat alone at their House table, pushing food around on his plate before abandoning the food altogether.
It wasn’t until December of their first year when Sirius and James had had enough. Remus lost so much weight that he swam in his already oversized sweaters and corduroys. His eyes were sunken and the bruises and nasty red lines painting his skin never seemed to heal. They cornered him and refused to back down until Remus admitted what they had suspected since October. Except, their assumptions were wrong.
Remus wasn’t being bullied. No, he had a monster inside him that clawed at Remus every month until the full moon peaked in the night sky. Sure, there were Slytherins and Ravenclaws that sliced Remus with nasty words and a few shoves here and there but it wasn’t anything more than what others experienced. He could handle the words and the shoves. What he couldn’t handle were the soft looks from his roommates. Them noticing that something was wrong every month.
So when two of his three roommates pushed him into a corner and threatened the whole school with harm if he didn’t come clean with who tormented him to the point of starving himself and hurting himself, Remus fell into a panic attack so severe it sent him to the medical wing. His lungs worked until they didn’t, the organs seized in his chest and the air he pulled in through his nose escaped right back out of his mouth. Remus’ vison blurred, the two boys in front of him becoming shadows that yelled for him to snap out of it – to be fair neither of them had seen a panic attack that severe before. Eventually, James ran to find a nurse.
Remus spent three days in the medical wing before the full moon. After, he spent a week in the same sick bed before returning to Gryffindor Tower. The panic attack caused by his roommates forced the monster out violently. It tore into Remus until his skin resembled ribbons. Upon returning to Gryffindor Tower found himself alone again. James and Sirius let him be. If Remus wished to be lonely, there was nothing either James nor Sirius could do to pull him out of his shell.
The roommates separated for the holidays. Remus left school without saying goodbye and returned sporting new marks across his flesh. Sirius felt a pang of familiarity in his chest at seeing Remus return to school with injuries, as Sirius often did. Still, Sirius kept his distance. After what happened that December, both him and James were hesitant to invade Remus’ space.
Six months into the second half of their first year, Remus climbed onto Gryffindor Tower’s roof at four in the morning. He collapsed onto the jagged shingles and turned his gaze to the night sky. Bats crossed over the path of the moon, a sharp crescent against a stark black background. He listened to the creatures in the forbidden forest. A wolf, crickets, and mice skittering through the brush. Remus assumed he was alone until a grunt and curse came from the window below him. Remus shot up; his knees pulled close to his chest so he could lean over the side of the angled roof.
There was Sirius, a long, lanky boy who gripped the edge of the roof with one hand, a foot on the window sill and the other dangling. Remus watched him for several moments wondering if the boy would fall, but was snapped out of his thoughts when Sirius growled up at him and threw a few curses at him to help him onto the roof. Remus grabbed Sirius’ wrist and hauled the boy up onto the shingles. When Sirius collapsed next to him in a fit of breathy, muttered words of thanks that may or may not have included a curse thrown at Remus. For the first time in months, Remus grinned, his lips stretching to the edges of his face in a painful display. He laughed quietly and shook his head, curls bouncing over his forehead. Sirius sneered over at the scarred boy but at the sight of the wide smile on Remus’ face, he let himself relax into the shingles. That’s all he ever wanted. Their first day at Hogwarts he saw a lanky, scarred boy light up with the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever seen. After that day, the smiles faded.
Now, on the last morning of their fifth year, Sirius and Remus lay in the same spot they had that first morning five years ago. There were no tears – there couldn’t be. There was no time for such silly things because they knew it was only a matter of time until Sirius found Remus in their compartment aboard the Hogwarts Express come September. Their separation was only temporary. Two years to go before Sirius was free, before the boys were free to run, to escape with the rest of the Marauders in step behind them. Until then, their last sunrise before the start of summer afforded the boys the chance to savor a final quiet moment alone before a summer of watching the moon and stars from lonely windows.
Remus’ head fell to the side, his amber eyes catching his partner’s profile. Sharp jawline, straight nose, and piercings up his ears as well as one through his septum that he hid during the summers and holidays. The boys were contrasts of each other yet nobody’s hands had ever felt the way Sirius’ did in his own. The way their fingers nestled into the grooves between knuckles; Sirius’ cool skin warmed simply with a touch alone. One of Remus’ fingers pulled back to fidget with the rings adorning the other boy’s hand. Thin silver rings, one with an emerald and the other a garnet. On his thumb, a wider band with a date engraved on the inside:
01-09-1971
Next to the date, the silhouette of the moon in a waxing gibbous.
Remus often played with the rings Sirius wore, a habit he picked up when the dark-haired boy started wearing the garnet ring. Since then, Sirius’ collection grew and he offered his hand to Remus whenever they were together. In class, in the great hall, at night before bed where they shared a pillow and blanket on a single bunk. One of the rings was always spinning with Remus’ fingers.
“Look,” Sirius said, pulling Remus from his thoughts. The other boy returned his gaze to the dark sky now painted with harsh streaks of violet and crimson. The once twinkling stars were only a memory now; their performance an echo in the coming morning.
“Here comes the sun.” Sirius’ voice was barely a whisper. His grip on Remus’ hand tightened earning a soft nod from the taller boy. All around them, the navy sky softened into hues of magenta and clementine.
“Two more summers,” Remus murmured and turned completely to face Sirius. The dark-haired boy mimicked Remus and threaded their fingers together, the action stopping Remus from fidgeting with his rings. “We can do this,” he said in hushed tones. Sirius nodded with hooded eyes. A wavy strand fell from the bun atop his head, his wand nestled through the knot. The ringlet settled over Sirius’ forehead. Remus stole his hand away and brushed the hair back. Two years, and then they were free.