Chapter 13
The next few days are taken up with cleaning, rebuilding and shopping for replacements of things, while easing Buffy through things which have happened over the time she’s been gone. She takes everything cautiously and only asks a few questions, but she is getting a bit less muted as the days go along.
Over breakfast on the second day we speak with her about how things are going to go with Dawn, who is reluctant to go back to school but knows she has to, having spent these first two days of the week home given she wants to be with her sister as much as possible.
“If you spend another day home, we have to take you to the doctor to get a note.” I point out, “and you haven’t been sick, and they’ll know it.”
She grumbles but relents.
Willow is modifying her new computer with bits of the old one and some other bits she has actually managed to salvage from Buffy Bot in order to get things working at a greater pace, more clicks and clocks or something. She seems frustrated though, and begins just looking things over instead of actively working on it.
“You will have to write her a note though, Buffy, to make sure her absences are excused, and she can make up the work so her grades aren’t affected.”
“How do you know all this stuff?” Dawn remarks.
“I did go to high school, you know?” I remind her, “and not too long ago. My Dad used to keep me home sometimes so that I could get caught up on chores, but it was only ever two days at a time and no more than twice a month.” Though I used to write my own excuse notes, because my father couldn’t be bothered. We’re not giving her any ideas.
Buffy nods, “Alright. Tomorrow. School.” She tells her sister who makes more grumbling noises but nods, and she disappears shortly after to pointedly go through her backpack and rearranging things loudly.
Buffy looks confused.
“She’s a teenager, Buffy.” Willow remarks, “Don’t you remember how we were.”
Buffy is very quiet for a long time, and I wonder if she actually doesn’t remember, eventually says, “It was different with us. We were fighting monsters during school.”
“Dawn has been exposed to monsters, especially this past year.” I point out. I’m not thinking about the fact that this past year is the only year she was actually in the world. I remember her seeing things the year before when I first met everyone. She interacted with Faith in Buffy’s body, and Buffy in Faith’s. She was attacked by other things. She will remember even if it supposedly wasn’t real. It was real to all of us. I remember it clearly. I remember hiding with her in a storage room at one point, trying to be as quiet as possible so that the roaming demons didn’t find us, using magic to keep the door sealed just in case while Buffy and the others hunted them down. I don’t care if the memory was manufactured. I only care about when Glory scrambled me completely.
“I suppose I can call Janice and find out what we did in History and Algebra.” Dawn remarks.
“Yes.” Buffy says, “That’s a good idea.” She’s sounding distant again.
Dawn comes and gives her a hug over her shoulders, “You need to finish breakfast.” She tells her, and Buffy nods against Dawn’s neck. She does reach up and ruffle Dawn’s hair which gets complaints from the younger Summers before she goes off to get some orange juice from the fridge.
“Glass.” Willow reminds her.
“Yeah. Yeah.” Dawn replies.
Buffy gives a half-smile, and then grinds her lips together looking pensive again.
“You okay?” I ask her, knowing she can’t be.
“I’m—I’m getting there. I think.” She answers.
“You okay with us speaking like that to Dawn?” I ask her.
“I’m okay with it.” Dawn remarks.
“Yes, but, Buffy is your sister, we’re just her friends.” I remind Dawn, “We stepped in when she…wasn’t here.”
“No, it’s fine.” Buffy says, “As long as Dawn is okay with everything.” She stares off again for a moment and then says, “I’m going to take a shower.” And she disappears upstairs.
Dawn watches her, pensively, “Sometimes it’s like she’s not even here.”
“It’s going to take a while for her to adjust, Dawnie.” Willow says, “She’s only been back a couple of days, and she hasn’t said how long she was in Hell.”
I feel a pull from the other side of the table where she’s sitting and then she’s staring at the computer with a satisfied look on her face.
“Will—did you just magic the computer?” I ask her.
She shrugs, “It’s faster.”
“But was it necessary?”
“We have the tools at our disposal—” she explains, “What’s the point if you don’t use them?”
I chew on that. I don’t like that there’s a little bit of a point there. Still, I worry about the self-serving nature of it, but it’s not a thing to bring up in front of Dawn. And really isn’t all magic self-serving after a fashion?
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Just wait a little while, see what happens. One computer fix does not a problem make, even as my brain is replaying the “SOLID” moment and her gleeful energy afterwards. Why am I being this way about the person I love?
You stupid children. Did you think the blood wouldn’t reach you? I smell the death on you. Look what you’ve done!
Did you cut the throat? Did you pat its head?
Breathe in. Breathe out. Picture a white light from above. Breathe in calm. Breathe out stress.
“You okay?” Dawn and Willow ask about the same time.
I give a smile to them, “Just had a moment. I’ll be fine.” I add to Dawn who is still looking concerned, whereas Willow just baps her head against me and continues with whatever she’s doing on the computer. I glance over and just see charts and graphs and things.
“Stocks.” She explains, “I’m just checking things. Seeing if there’s anything we need to move around.”
I nod, “Okay.” And let her know I’ll go order all the textbooks then given our school starts next week.
Dawn helps me gather a list of other things that we need. I can see she’s torn about going with me to help or staying here where Buffy is. I hug her and let her know it’s okay to stay, and she nods, “I know. I just don’t know if she wants me here—she doesn’t seem like she does.”
My heart is breaking for her, “Dawnie—” I’m not sure what to say that I haven’t already said what feels like a million times, that it’ll take time, and to just let her ease into everything, “—spend time with her. Help her remember the good here and know for sure that she’s back and not in Hell. That this isn’t a dream where she’s going to wake up and be in a nightmare again.”
Willow is nodding along, “Sounds familiar.” She remarks.
I remember my first few weeks back from Glory’s mind-screw and how difficult that was. The nightmares were confusion again, and I couldn’t break through the echoing swirls of thoughts and scramble of screams. Willow was there next to me, talking me through, helping me find that well of calm and my center again.
I’ll find you. I’ll always find you.
How can I be thinking things like that about her?
Buffy has asked to see Dawn off to school by herself the next day, so Willow and I head to The Magic Box to help tidy the books back up that had just been stacked in one corner out of the way for the past few days of business. We’ll be there early enough to get everything cleared away before they open, theoretically.
Anya and Xander show up an hour or so in.
“Worker bees.” Anya remarks, “but you know you’re not getting paid for putting away things you got out in the first place.”
“Yes.” Willow says, “We’re just clearing up our own mess, that’s all.”
“We would have done it sooner but there was the mess at the house.”
“Yes,” Anya agrees, “Xander told me about the kerfuffle it was to get the glass in for the many windows.”
“I really should get a discount at this point the amount of things I have to order over and over for that house.” He says.
“You would think.” Anya says, “Maybe I can negotiate for you next time.”
“Maybe.” He gives her a kiss on the cheek.
Anya gives him a questioning look and then when he shakes his head she huffs off into the back to “check stock”.
“What’s going on?” Willow asks.
“Nothing.” Xander says.
“She seems more testy than usual.” She continues.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” He says, sitting down at the table.
“You could help.” Willow remarks.
“I think you got it. It’s a lot easier for me to pull the books than put them back.”
The door unlocks out front, and opens, and I half expect to see Giles, but he’s not back yet. He’s been delayed by The Council and hasn’t been able to explain why.
“Buffy! Hey!” Willow says as Buffy locks the door behind her.
Anya reappears, another question and denial look passes between her and Xander, but this time she just seems resigned.
“Hey,” Xander asks her, “You get Dawn off to school all right? If you need help picking her up, I..”
“It’s okay. I got it.” She says, but then seems nervous suddenly, “Look, you guys, um, there’s this thing…so I’m just gonna say it.”
There’s nothing really to do but wait until she voices whatever it is and we all seem to have agreed on that.
“You brought me back. I was in a…” she swallows, “I was in Hell. I—I can’t think too much about what it was like, but it felt like the world abandoned me there, and then suddenly…you guys did what you did.”
“It was Willow.” I tell her, “She knew what to do.”
Willow blushes next to me.
“Okay,” Buffy said, “So you did that. The world came rushing back to me after all of that, so thank you. You guys gave me back the world. I can’t tell you what it means to me.”
Willow is tearing up and I wonder if I can hold it together too because she’s sounding more like herself as she speaks.
“I should have said that before.” Buffy continues.
“You’re welcome.” Willow says going towards her to hug her, which she accepts.
Xander moves towards the two of them welcoming her home. Anya and I are both hesitant to join and have a conversation non-verbally and both decide it’s best to just let that be for them. The original three.
“Okay.” Buffy says, “I’m still getting used to—I need some space.”
“Oh!” Willow pulls back, disentangling herself from Buffy and Xander, “Of course.” She smacks Xander’s arm with a, “Xand!” and he apologizes backing away. Buffy gives us all a soft smile and then disappears into the training room, but then leaves because we hear the door opening and closing.
Willow turns to me chewing on her lip, but her eyes are shining with happiness as she crosses to me and kisses me on the cheek.
I give her a smile and peck on the check before rubbing our noses together.
“She’s happy we brought her back.” Willow says.
I nod, “It’ll just take time like I said. Healing takes time.”