Chapter 1
Regulus isn’t panicking. Really, he isn’t.
He certainly isn’t wearing holes in his kitchen floor with his pacing, or frantically tugging at his hair, or forgetting how to breathe. And if he was, it certainly isn’t over a letter he suspects is straight off of Orion Black’s desk, although he hasn’t opened it yet.
Not that there’s a letter, of course. Most certainly of all, there is not a black envelope sitting on his countertop right now, with his deadname printed in stark silver cursive on it.
Nope. No way. This is certainly not the experience that Regulus is currently having, he tells himself.
“Being delulu is the solulu,” he mutters to himself, channeling his inner Barty. “Denial is a river in Egypt.” He only vaguely understands the gist of those phrases, having heard Barty and Evan say them more times than he could handle, but they seem to work for them, and so Regulus hopes they’ll work for him, too.
Eventually, tired of the pacing, Regulus leans his back against the wall and slides down to sit on the cold tiles. The corner of the envelope peeks over the side of the counter, taunting him from above.
How could this have happened? Where had he slipped up?
Stupidly, a line from a song that Sirius used to like plays over and over in his head:
And I don’t know how they found me, found me here. And I don’t know how they found me, found me here.
There’s no use in denying it (Regulus supposes being delulu isn’t the solulu after all); if he tries, it would likely be to his own detriment. His parents know where he lives. He’s not sure how they know, or how long it’s been since they found out, but they’re clearly ready to alert him to the fact that they do. And Regulus is sure they would not have bothered unless they wanted him for something, which is bound to be absolutely distasteful, for lack of a stronger word.
Worse than whatever task his parents want completed is who they expect to complete it. Orion and Walburga Black are looking for their daughter, but Regulus Black is their son. He’s never been their daughter, and stopped pretending to be years ago. It’s the reason why, two years after Sirius did the same, he snuck out of his bedroom window in the middle of the night and disappeared, making sure that when his parents realized he was gone, it would be too late for them to find out where.
It seems, though, that he hadn’t made sure at all, because here he is, on the floor in the kitchen that he barely uses (Evan does all the cooking), struggling to comprehend what he did wrong in his escape, and how to go about doing so a second time with more success.
Regulus needs to make a plan. He needs to get out .
Shakily, and somewhat without thinking, Regulus stands, grabs his keys, and leaves the flat, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him. Moving practically on autopilot, thoughts of his big brother further infiltrate his mind.
He ran because Sirius showed him he could, but Regulus failed where Sirius succeeded. Escaped for a while, but not forever. Always alone, but still second best. The brother who isn’t good at leaving, just getting left. Regulus once believed he was over all of this; that he no longer missed his brother, but he does. And as he walks, he wishes Sirius was the family member reaching out to him.
But Sirius doesn’t even know who the fuck Regulus is.
And I don’t know how they found me, found me here.
I don’t know how they found me, found me here.
***
Regulus doesn’t fully know how he’s gotten here, but his own incessant knocking on the door wakes him up a little bit.
Open the door, open the door, open the—
The door swings open.
“Regulus? What are you doing here?”
Regulus immediately collapses into his best friend’s arms, burying his face in her shoulder.
“Oh–! Yes, all right, Reg. Hello to you, too.” He can feel Pandora smiling as she hugs him back, and he imagines her pale green eyes crinkling at the corners. He knows that smile is going to disappear once he tells her why he’s there.
Regulus pulls back and allows Pandora to lead him into her bright, sunlit flat.
“Xeno’s at his studio and Luna’s still at school,” she tells him as he follows her into the kitchen, “and, also, you’re quite lucky—I’ve just made some tea. Sit.”
Regulus does, almost smiling, because he doesn’t consider himself lucky that Pandora has tea. Pandora always has tea. It’s like she has an endless supply of teabags. She pours them both a cup, adding a dash of milk to hers and three sugars to his, just the way he likes it.
For a few minutes, they sip their beverages silently, until Pandora sets her cup down and says, “Alright, so are you going to tell me why you were banging on my door like J.D. from Wish? Or are we going to sit here in sad, brooding silence all day?”
“J.D. from Wish…?” Regulus repeats slowly, confused.
Pandora rolls her eyes. “Of course that’s the part you hear. You know. J.D. From Heathers the Musical.”
Regulus simply stares at her.
“Come on, Reg, you know. ‘Meant to be Yours?’”
More staring.
“Veronica, open the door?”
“Pandora… I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“Right, well, clearly you need to be subjected to more musical theatre nights with Xeno and I.” Regulus must visibly pale at that, because Pandora laughs. Her expression sobers more quickly than usual, though. “Come on, Regulus. What’s going on?”
That question causes a stone to sink in his stomach. Just five minutes with Pandora has him shaken out of whatever stupor he entered upon seeing the letter, and now he’s able to fully process just how afraid he is for himself.
“Oh, Reg,” Pandora says softly, gathering him into her arms again. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until she’s wiping tears from his face. “It’s okay. I’m here when you’re ready. You’re safe.”
“No, Pan, I’m not,” Regulus sniffles. “I’m not safe, I– Pan, they found me.”
“What?” Pandora says, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean? Who–” Regulus watches the horror settle across her features. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No, Regulus, no. ”
“I wouldn’t be saying it if it wasn’t true, Pandora!”
Pandora stands, beginning to pace just like he was not that long ago. “I won’t stand for this. Where are Evan and Barty? Do they know about this?”
“Barty’s on call and Evan has a shift at the restaurant, I just got the letter today—could you not do that? You’re making me more anxious than I already am.”
Pandora doesn’t stop, instead bringing her hand up and starting to bite her nails.
Regulus sighs and reaches up to still her. “Pandora, I’m sorry,” he says, moving her hand away from her mouth. She frowns at him, his fear for himself reflected in her eyes. She knew him before he ran, she knows just how bad it would be if he went back. “Let’s sit and figure this out. If they haven’t done anything else yet, then they won’t—”
“I’m not worried about what they’re going to do right now, Reg,” Pandora interrupts. “I’m worried about what you’re going to do.”
Despite himself, Regulus lets out a breathy, incredulous laugh. “What? Pan, I’m not going back.”
“Well, of course I know that ,” she scoffs. Then, her certainty falters. “It’s just… you don’t plan to stay here, do you?”
Regulus slowly pulls his hand back. “Pandora…” he tries, cautiously.
“No, see, I knew it. You came to me back then when you wanted to disappear and I said yes, I would help you because that house was killing you slowly and I knew that. But I only did it because you promised me you wouldn’t leave me behind when you left.”
“I didn’t.”
“Not entirely but… Regulus, I didn’t hear from you for a year. ” Pandora’s voice trembles, and something inside of Regulus withers.
He’s seen Pandora cry many times before—during their aforementioned musical theatre nights, during sad movies, listening to Hozier and Taylor Swift, when her plants die, when she married Xeno, when Luna was born and all her subsequent birthdays, Luna’s first day of school… but never had Regulus seen her cry over him.
He knew that the year of no contact hurt her as much as it did him, but he had to do it, and he couldn’t very well warn her about it. If his parents went to Pandora, which they did, she would be telling the truth when she said she hadn’t heard from him and had no idea where he went. If they were to illegally hack into her accounts and electronic devices, which they were likely to do, they would find no evidence of a lie, and would eventually give up the persistent surveillance after a few months. Regulus had stretched the time into a full year to be absolutely safe.
In that time, he gave Pandora no indication that he was even alive.
When the year had passed, he sent her a simple text, not calling her because he was too afraid she would be angry and would never forgive him.
But when she stepped into the cafe where they had agreed to meet and saw his short hair, heard his deeper voice, she merely broke into a bright, dazzling smile and hugged him tighter than she ever had before. They were Regulus and Pandora. Nothing could touch them.
Now, Regulus opens his mouth to speak but Pandora stops him. “No, wait. I’m not upset that you didn’t reach out for so long. I understand why you didn’t, and it’s all water under the bridge, I swear. But I’m remembering just how worried I was for you back then, Reg. Remember Evan didn’t like you when he first met you? It’s because I was crying over you all the time.”
At that, Regulus properly laughs, although just a little bit. Evan scared the shit out of Regulus for about the first year they’d known each other, absolutely pissed about the state that Regulus had put his little sister in. Today, Regulus shared a flat with him and his boyfriend Barty. Funny how time changes things.
Distantly, Regulus remembers how much Evan reminded him of Sirius back then.
“I just don’t want to lose you again,” Pandora continues, wiping a stray tear. “You’re my best friend. You’re Luna’s godfather. You can’t go.”
“I can’t stay either,” Regulus says softly.
“Yes, you can,” Pandora says firmly.
“They know where I am!”
“And if you leave, who says they won’t find you again anyway? They’ve done it once! They can do it again!”
“They could come after you if I stay! Or Xeno, or Evan, or Barty, or… or, fuck, even Luna!”
“Let them try! We’ll… figure something out.”
“How?” Regulus asks tiredly.
Pandora shakes her head. “I don’t know. I don’t know, just…” she trails off.
The front door clicks open then. Xenophilius enters the kitchen seconds later. “Hello, sweetheart,” he greets Pandora with a kiss, and despite the conversation she was just having with Regulus, she gives her husband a sweet smile. Regulus resists a fond eye roll.
People in love can be so disgusting, he thinks without any malice at all.
“Hi, darling,” she says.
“And hello to you, too, Regulus. I didn’t know you were coming over today.”
“Believe me, neither did I,” Regulus mutters.
“Well, don’t let me disturb you both,” Xenophilius smiles. “I only came in to deposit my art supplies before I pick up Luna from school. Though, I suppose I have time for tea, since I smell some.”
“It’s chamomile,” says Pandora.
“Oh, how I love you.”
Regulus quietly watches the two of them interact. It always makes him happy to see Pandora happy, and nothing makes Pandora happier than the family that Regulus has watched her build over the last few years.
“Oh, by the way,” Xeno says to Pandora, “I was speaking to… er, our… mutual friend today, and she asked me to tell you something.”
At this, Regulus actually does roll his eyes. Xenophilius had met someone rather famous and well-known when he did animation for a popular cartoon about two years back. He claims that he and this famous someone had become somewhat good friends, but he was practically sworn to secrecy about her identity. Not one to keep secrets from his wife, however (and a good thing, too, or Regulus wouldn’t approve of him as much as he does), Pandora naturally found out who it is, and has also apparently befriended her, and refuses to tell Regulus who it is.
Pandora brightens. “Oh, really? What did she say?”
“She was hoping you would spread the word about a job her friend is offering,” Xenophilius replies, sipping his tea. “He can’t advertise it publicly, of course, because he’s just as famous as she is—” another eye-roll from Regulus, which earns him an elbow from Pandora “—and is hoping word spreads to trusted sources who can help him out.”
“What’s the job?” Pandora asks.
“I’m not too sure, actually. She said it’s for 12 to 18 months, and all expenses are covered—potential travel fees, food, board. Oh, and that complete anonymity for the individual is near guaranteed, which is an extra perk considering the nature of the job.”
“And you don’t know what the job actually is?” Regulus finds himself asking.
“Well, no… I suppose she forgot to mention that part,” Xenophilius says sheepishly. Regulus sighs, and Xeno looks at the clock. “Oh, the time! I’m off to get Luna.” He kisses Pandora again. “Bye, sweetheart. Bye, Regulus! Nice seeing you!”
“You too,” Regulus mumbles. The front door opens and shuts again, and Regulus turns to Pandora, with a smirk. “You know you’ve married a bit of an odd one there, right?”
Pandora doesn’t respond, blankly staring at the space that Xenophilius had left empty.
“Um, Pandora?” Regulus says, waving at her. “Is everything alright?”
Slowly, a smile spreads across his best friend’s face. “Reg. Oh, God, Reg.”
“...Yes?”
She takes both of his hands excitedly. “That’s it! That’s the solution!”
“The fact that you married a weirdo?”
“What? No! The friend of our mutual friend’s job offer!”
Regulus arches an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”
Pandora bounces excitedly. “If you take the job, you’ll be guaranteed anonymity—”
“ Near guaranteed.”
“—for over a year! You wouldn’t have to drop off the face of the earth! It’s like you’d be getting paid to escape for a while until your parents move on and start looking for you elsewhere!”
“I don’t need the money.”
“You can’t live off of your inheritance forever.”
Regulus winces, because that’s likely true, but continues his argument. “The job sounds illegal.”
“It’s not,” Pandora says dismissively.
“It sounds like I’m getting recruited to pull off some massive illegal art heist or something.”
“That sounds more like something you would do than our mutual friend,” Pandora points out.
Regulus takes a moment to think about it, then shrugs. “Maybe in another life.”
“ Regulus,” Pandora whines. “This is the perfect opportunity! You stay safe, and we…” Her voice gets softer. “We don’t lose you.”
Regulus heaves a sigh. “Pandora—”
“Let me recommend you for the job. Please?” she pleads.
And Regulus wants to say no. He wants to say he can’t risk it. He wants to say it’s safer for all of them if he just disappears. They all know what the Black family is capable of when particularly motivated, and none of them want to be on the receiving end of their venom. It’s better if he leaves immediately. It’s not like he can’t. After all, all Regulus ever wanted to be as a kid was just like his big brother, and sometimes he still does. If Sirius could leave the people who mean the most to him behind, so could Regulus.
But Regulus was never very good at being just like his big brother.
And I don’t know how they found me, found me here.
“Okay,” Regulus breathes out. “You can try.”
Pandora squeals with joy, pulling him into his third hug of the day, leaving Regulus to hope that he hasn’t just damned himself and his loved ones to a fate that none of them are prepared for.