cupid crystals and crazy kids
“I love her, Sirius. I love her.”
The response Sirius gives is not one of excitement, or empathy, or any normal reaction to finding out your best friend has met the love of his life, but rather annoyance. Sirius groans in return as if James just asked him to clean up vomit with nothing but his own toothbrush.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. And who, exactly, are you in love with this time?” Sirius faces his best friend and immediately spots it, what’s always there when he gets like this; his otherwise hazel eyes are closer to orange, the pinkish tinge of some witch’s Cupid Crystals love potion altering their colour.
“Jasmine Vance of course! The most beautiful girl in the entire wizarding world.” James sinks into his hands with a sigh and a distant look in his eye, swooning at just the thought of her. Sirius fights the urge to groan again, but who can blame him? This is the third time this week that James has been love potioned in the Great Hall and it’s only Tuesday. He mentally curses Slughorn for ever teaching them the recipe; he’s just glad they’re not up to the strongest love potion, Amortentia, just yet.
“James, do you even know what Jasmine looks like?” Sirius asks, and James falters slightly.
“Well, presumably a lot like Emmeline, only a lot prettier. There is no girl on this Earth prettier than Jasmine.” As if on cue, Emmeline Vance and her best friend Emma both walk past to take their seats at the Ravenclaw table. Emmeline looks at James with pure disgust for a moment, but Sirius only has to mouth the word “potion” for her to understand. His unfortunate habit isn’t exactly a secret to the school, see, James is not the type to love quietly, in fact he’s the furthest thing from it. Which is exactly why the entire school knows when he gets potioned, and why more and more girls keep getting the idea to give it a go for themselves. It’s not clear whether they actually think the effects will stick for once, or if they just want a bit of attention, but it’s been over a week now and James has professed his love to at least fifteen girls already.
Actually, make that sixteen.
James was standing on the table, about an inch away from the heel of his shoe landing directly in a plate of syrupy waffles, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was focused on one thing only: swinging his head from side to side to find the latest object of his affection.
“Jasmine! Jasmine, are you here my love?” The entire Hall descends into chaos, every student either doubled with laughter or whipping their heads around with equal vigour to locate the witch in question. Jasmine is found only moments later with her face red and embarrassed, tucked behind her hands in a weak attempt to hide her laughter.
“She’s right here Jamie!” One of her best friends sings out, enjoying the show all too much. James makes a move to run towards her, but he’s stopped by a hand yanking him off the table and into his seat, sending those waffles flying off their plate. He writhes in place, desperate to break free from the grip holding him so he can make it to the woman he desires.
“That’s quite enough,” Remus muses, pulling a small vial of antidote from his robe and, quite frankly, forcing it down James’s throat. As soon as the liquid hits his throat his eyes clear again, and he takes in the events that just played out.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he mutters, forever grateful that his friends had become prone to carrying small bottles of the antidote at all times. A chorus of boos sounded from the Ravenclaw table, especially Jasmine and her friends, all disappointed that their entertainment had been cut short. Remus and Peter held his shoulders from either side, grounding him throughout the humiliation. From the opposite side of the table, Sirius looked at him pityingly. He no longer found amusement in the sorry excuse for pranking, though he admittedly did at first, instead now simply being annoyed by the constant interruptions. A small part of him wished James would keep a closer eye on his food from now on, but he didn’t really blame him. After all, it’s not his fault.
As annoying as it must be for James, he never liked to show it. From apologising to the desperate girls, genuinely sorry that he doesn’t reciprocate their feelings and they feel the need to spike his food to have a chance with him, to even taking a couple out on pity dates, he never once yelled or complained at any of the girls. Today was like no other, so as soon as he caught Jasmine’s eye from his seat, he mouthed the word “sorry” and gave her a look that he hoped seemed genuine. As soon as he turned back to his food, students all across the dining hall started talking about the events, and Sirius could tell that this was beginning to take a toll on James. Of course, James would never say it, for fear of sounding vain, but being so wanted all the time took its toll.
Perhaps stupidly, Sirius stood up on top of his chair and pointed his wand straight into his neck to project his voice. He was getting angry, and quite frankly tired of having to deal with a spelled James so often. “Alright, listen up! I think we’ve all had enough of watching you lot poison James every day, so I suggest we make this the last time.” Sirius shoots a particularly angry glare at the far end of the Ravenclaw table, where Jasmine and her friends were sitting. They only roll their eyes in response, clearly not too afraid of Sirius’s vague threat. “The next person to slip something into my best mate’s food is getting popped into the lake.” Sirius finishes, short and direct. Everyone immediately stops giggling; they all remember third year when Sirius used a displacement spell to send Snape to the bottom of their school’s vast, black lake. It was only for a moment, but the boy went on about it for so long you’d think he’d genuinely died down there. Silence rang across the great hall, so Sirius nodded sharply and sat back down, allowing the students to hesitantly resume talking, this time decidedly not about Jasmine’s… attack? ambush? Whatever it was, people were pointedly steering clear from it now, much to Sirius’s satisfaction.
As soon as he sits down, he announces that they simply must prank the Ravenclaw girls for this. At the very least, his dramatic speech cheered James up, who was now staring at his with some kind of wild admiration, mixed with a slight amount of fear. Not even he had seen Sirius like this before, but he was oh so grateful to have such a good friend. Sirius had always had a flair for dramatics, but he usually wasn’t so, well, serious.
“That’s not necessary mate, come on. Let’s just enjoy our breakfast,” James responded, putting his head down to shovel bacon into his mouth, feeling perfectly normal once again. In fact, he was smiling slightly, as if even he thought it was funny. He probably did. Regardless, it only took a look exchanged between Sirius, Remus, and Peter for them to conclude that they would, in fact, be pranking Ravenclaw, with or without James.
The four of them indulged in their breakfasts, switching topics to discuss the upcoming game against Slytherin, and eventually the rest of the Hall moved on as well. Just as students started to stand and get ready for class, Professor Slughorn interrupted, tapping his knife against his glass to grab the Hall’s attention.
“Um. Alright, everyone?” he started. Every single student in the hall stared at him in silent bewilderment. No teacher addressed the hall without an introduction except Dumbledore himself, who was instead sitting firmly in his place at the staff’s table, looking as if he enjoyed Slughorn’s discomfort. It was clear he had put the poor professor up to it, likely as a small punishment for causing all of the drama in the first place.
“Right. I just, er, well. I think that, maybe, some lessons I’ve held recently have had a, er, negative impact, I suppose. Please refrain from using love potions on fellow students. Failure to comply will result in two week’s detention and a deduction of fifteen house points. Thank you.” He spoke gruffly and quickly, clearly wanting it to be over as much as the students. Of course, they’d already been receiving detentions and occasionally losing house points, though it had never been formally stated like this. As much as James appreciated someone stepping in, he had a sinking feeling it wouldn’t help too much. And he was worried it might make people mad at him, after all, they were only having fun and shooting their shot. He felt bad that Slughorn told them off, regardless of how completely unintimidating his announcement was.
No one responded as students from all of the different houses filed out on their way to class, picking up their conversations as if no teacher had interrupted at all. Sirius, Peter, and Remus exchanged another glance over James, all clearly thinking the same thing: would this really stop the potion attempts, or make them worse? One way to find out. Their first class of the day was transfiguration with the Slytherins, much to their dismay; so they decided to wait to unpack the topic later and focus on lessons for now. Classes with Slytherins were bad enough, but the fact they’re saddled with the year sixes in electives makes them so much more unbearable.
“Did any of you lads do the fourth parchment roll that McGonagall assigned for extra credit?” Remus asked the group. They all turned around and gave him a look.
“Obviously not mate. Most of us have lives outside of schoolwork,” James teased.
“Yeah Moony, you’re the only swot here.” Sirius shoved his shoulder lightly, but he was secretly impressed by his friend’s dedication. He was lucky enough to get good marks naturally, never needing to study to ace a test, but it meant he could never properly understand those who had to work for success like him. And if anyone worked for it, it was Remus. None of them knew anyone who worked harder, except maybe Lily.
“Why am I not surprised?” Remus asked rhetorically, more to himself than anything. Peter patted him on the back in a sarcastic kind of way, as if to say, “there there, sorry we aren’t all as wonderfully perfect as you.”
After half the lesson has already passed, McGonagall finally stops talking and allows the students to start individual practise: meaning everyone trying to turn a cricket into a paperclip. It was relatively simple magic, the hard part was then turning the paperclip to a beetle. As easy as it is to transfigure objects, it’s incredibly difficult to then transfigure that into something else. As the four boys struggled over their brand new paperclips, James’s attention got pulled elsewhere.
“Psst, Potter!” The whispered voice of a Slytherin behind him caught his attention immediately, and he rather unsubtly whipped around to answer the boy behind him.
“How’s Jasmine? Taking her on a date to Hogsmeade this weekend?” Regulus asked, smirking. James blushed as soon as Regulus had whispered for his attention, but he was blushing much deeper now as he recalled the events of breakfast. Regulus often teased him when he got love potioned, but Sirius always said he was just jealous he didn’t get that kind of attention from girls.
“Oh, erm. Not exactly,” James said carefully. He truly did feel bad for the girl, and he didn’t want to embarrass her by being mean about what had happened.
“Why not, Potter? She doesn’t deserve one of your pity dates?” The Slytherin looked James up and down, and he had to fight with all his might to not laugh. It was just so funny when Regulus made fun of him, not that he knew why.
“Fuck off, Reggie,” Sirius interrupted before James even noticed he’d turned around. “Leave my mates alone.” James wanted to argue that that wasn’t necessary, Regulus could bully him all he liked for eternity, and James would probably thank him. But he knew that would sound mental, so he just turned back around in his seat and tried to pretend he couldn’t feel the younger boys eyes burning holes in the back of his head.
Eventually the class ended, and only Remus had successfully turned the paperclip into a beetle. Sirius was close, he’d gotten a couple of legs before their time ran out, but James and Peter had made no progress so far. Not that either of them were worried about falling behind, their two best friends were so far the only people in the class to create any sort of beetle like features. Well, except for one of the younger Slytherins. His beetle rivalled Remus’s.
That night, after dinner, when the boys had gone to bed, James fell asleep immediately. And only half an hour later, the three other boys in his dorm crept out of their beds and began to conspire a prank idea.