Day 1
Katelyn breaks up with Aaron because she started seeing him more as a friend than a boyfriend.
Aaron is fine with it—after all, the relationship started with him trying to go against his brother. Logically, it was clear they wouldn’t last that way. He swears to Katelyn that he’s okay with it. The thing is, he didn’t actually take it as well as he thought—or rather, as well as he tried to convince himself he did.
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Day 6
Aaron is a backliner, and he certainly doesn’t need to be a great shield when his brother is guarding the goal. But damn, he needs to get all the negative feelings out of his body, or he’s afraid he’ll break more than just a few things—and all the progress he’s made over the years with himself and his family. It’s only been six days since Katelyn broke up with him, and he can’t stop counting.
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Day 15
Waking up early isn’t something Aaron does without a reason, but today his body wakes up at dawn, and he can’t fall back asleep. So he gets dressed and heads to the kitchen without much motivation. Maybe he’ll study a bit more about the chemical composition of stomach acids. Chemistry is a subject he always studied with Katelyn, but now she’s broken up with him. She asked to stay friends but also asked for some space—something he remembers agreeing to. Honestly, it was a relief. Or so he thought. The day they broke up, they slept together like two kids at a sleepover. She hugged him tightly, as she always did when they slept together, but everything felt strangely mundane, without the same emotional attachment. Because that wasn’t supposed to be there anymore. Aaron felt restrained by her arms and barely slept.
“Hey, Aaron?” A voice snaps him out of his thoughts—the voice of a certain annoying redhead. But over time, it’s just that. He doesn’t even hate him or worry about his presence and what it implies anymore. However, he’s ready to kill him if he does even one thing to hurt his brother. He knows it well—killing wasn’t hard. He wonders if it’s a twin trait. After all, Andrew is like that too. “What did that spoon do to you?”
“Josten, running already?” Aaron says, ignoring the comment but looking at his hand, where the spoon he used to stir his coffee is completely bent and about to break. He leaves it on the table and ignores it to look at the soft smile of his brother’s lover.
“Yeah, see you at practice,” Neil says and disappears from sight. The faint sound of the door closing marks his exit. Honestly, the guy could be a ninja with how quietly he moves. Aaron supposes it’s part of learning to run and hide, something that’s become ingrained in him like a trauma. He drinks his hot coffee as if it were water and takes a piece of bread with jam to the couch. Watching TV is the only thing boring enough to do if you’re not a fitness freak or a diligent student. Aaron is supposed to be both, but he always feels like a joke when he thinks about it.
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Day 25
The gear feels strangely tight on his body today. He wouldn’t say suffocating, but he knows that’s not the case. Still, the day hasn’t been normal. Nicky hits his shoulder as usual, and Aaron just sighs at the affectionate gesture. He finishes putting on his uniform and sits with the others to listen to Wymack. The man arranged a friendly match for today, and everyone seems fine with it. Then the strategic conversations begin. He and Matt will be the defenders for the match, only switching if one of them gets too tired to continue. Andrew decided to play after Neil took his hand and whispered to him in the language they chose as their own. Russian echoes in Aaron’s head, but he doesn’t try to learn it, just to give them privacy. Strangely kind of him, he tells himself. His brother will play as long as he wants. Dan, Neil, and Kevin are also on the court.
Aaron wonders if he’s falling behind again. He wonders what language he could learn. Now he’s the only one who only speaks two languages. After all, Nicky started secretly talking to his mother, and they’ve been speaking her native language, Spanish.
Wymack brings him back to reality with his clapping. Aaron only catches bits and pieces of what’s being said about today—a match against a team that recently changed its lineup due to their seniors leaving. He doesn’t pay attention to anything else in the conversation and finally heads out to the court.
Aaron knows he’s in a free space right now, but he can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling of being trapped. He breathes to relax—in and out, subtly. He gets into position for the match. His body responds much better than his mind. As soon as the game starts, his brain shuts off.
The first attacker decides to go for him. It’s obvious why—the guy is a head taller than him, taller than Kevin even, and muscular, like a defender should be. Aaron doesn’t know why this bothers him so much—what he is and what he isn’t. It’s something that always spins in his head. His body and instincts act while his brain just wanders. He knows the move he makes is almost illegal because of how reckless it is. He steps out of the guy’s way, leaving his leg in the path, and when the guy trips over it, Aaron pulls his leg back before it gets crushed. He throws himself against the guy’s back with all his strength and weight. The gasp tells him he’s knocked the wind out of him. He gets up in a second, takes the ball, and throws it to where the forwards are. That’s where Josten catches it. Aaron looks down. He doesn’t need to know what others are doing. The guy gets up with difficulty and doesn’t look at him again. He doesn’t come back for Aaron, and after Matt completely blocks him, he’s substituted.
Aaron throws the next attacker over his shoulder with an ease he shouldn’t have. But he won’t question it now. Everything in his body screams that it felt like the right thing to do. He just lifted him at the right moment, hoisted him up, and let himself fall halfway with the guy. He fell like a sack of potatoes. Aaron took the ball and threw it to Dan this time, who was waiting for his pass even though her face showed astonishment at his actions.
The new attacker came at him with his racket forward, and Aaron met him head-on with his own racket. He doesn’t know how exactly, but he knocked him to the ground with a quick move to the left. This took the ball away, and he had to go after it before throwing it forward to Kevin. The guy took a while to get up but finally left, not without giving Aaron a hateful look.
And so the match continued. Frankly, all the new players were pathetic. His train of thought was abruptly cut off when the other team’s captain came at him like a bull. The whistle marked it as an illegal move. Apparently, the line of violence is crossed when you smash someone’s skull against the court’s defenses and leave them unconscious. And Aaron frankly doesn’t know how he did it.
“Control the force, Minyard. You still playing?” Wymack says once he approaches the bench. Aaron nods and returns to the game. He ignores the stares and the more insistent one from his dear brother behind him. However, he sighs and decides to listen to the coach. He doesn’t want to leave the game yet. For some reason unknown even to himself, he’s having a lot of fun today and frankly hasn’t been this relaxed in a while.
It’s not like he’s the only one who’s been violent today. He knows well that Matt could do this much better. Maybe Nicky too, with enough motivation. The match continues, and he defends, over and over. Now the attackers are coming for him, which is clearly out of revenge. After all, he knocked out their captain. Aaron is just surprised by how many forwards this team has to rotate. But again, his train of thought is abruptly cut off.
One guy decides that if he can’t win by force, he’ll do it with comments. Aaron ignores him well, even when he calls him a murderer. But that wasn’t the approach this guy needed to make Aaron angry. The next thing did, and Aaron almost laughed like a madman at it, but his body responded first to the verbal attack.
“Did you go back to drugs, Minyard?” the guy says while they’re holding each other. Aaron doesn’t know why this affects him so much. It’s a stain on the past. He no longer has anyone forcing him. There’s nothing to make him relapse because he doesn’t want that. But that was it. He knows that was it for him on the court.
He’s not aware of anything until he feels his body being pressed down by strong familiar hands. He finds himself kneeling due to the strong restraint. He follows his arms to the racket and sees blood—again, blood on a racket. He drops it, feeling the urge to vomit, but he holds it in. Andrew’s hands help him focus on the present. The large goalkeeper gloves are unmistakable, and somehow he knows that if his twin weren’t restraining him, he wouldn’t have stopped. Another death would be on his hands, but without a good reason. Hurting someone verbally isn’t good enough for the judges.
He feels calm under the weight of Andrew’s hands. That’s when he sees Abby with the other team’s coach and obviously their medic. Both are checking the attacker he took down. Aaron just watches this like a silent movie.
“Breathe,” Andrew’s voice is like a lightning bolt, and suddenly Aaron exhales the air he was holding. Everything around him becomes noisy, and he notices the chaos that’s been created. The Foxes on the court are actually containing the other players.
“Do you know how many forwards you’ve injured today? My whole damn team!” That’s the other team’s captain, and he sounds furious. Then Aaron hears more and more shouting and words being spat—from his team and the opponents. They haven’t come to blows yet, which is a relief but also a shame. He’s surprised at himself for that.
“That’s a murderer! He shouldn’t be playing! None of you should!” says a guy Aaron is sure he pinned to the ground. He’s built like Kevin, but that doesn’t intimidate anyone. Surprisingly, Neil is the one defending him—or maybe it’s not so surprising. Aaron doesn’t hear what he says because Andrew slowly helps him up and gently guides him to the bench. Aaron automatically does as told and walks away from the scene.
“Aaron, are you okay?” Nicky’s worried and confused voice makes Aaron feel so guilty. He can’t look him in the eyes—or anyone’s. He walks past his cousin and heads to the locker room. He feels Nicky try to stop him, but he manages to break free. He won’t continue in the match. They won’t let him. Is the match still going after this?
“Your turn, Nicky,” Aaron says softly, and that’s when Renee’s presence becomes noticeable. “The match is over, Aaron. The final whistle blew a few moments ago. We won.”
Aaron sits down, with nothing else to do here. He doesn’t feel like explaining what he just showed on the court. He doesn’t want to delve into it. He walks away, knowing he’ll have to explain his behavior on the court at some point. He takes off his uniform and stores it without worrying too much about how it’s arranged in his locker. He heads to the showers. He wants to escape, but that’s not part of the deal with Andrew. So he just puts on headphones and listens calmly to an emergency room podcast. It’s relaxing for him, with all the background noises of what they’re doing and the procedures—so vivid that he can imagine it. He wonders since when things like this have calmed him so much.
“Where do you want to be in a few years? Come on, play with me, Aaron.”
Katelyn’s calm voice comes to his mind. He remembers not knowing how to answer that. He still hadn’t told her about the trial. It feels like a lifetime ago.
“Given that it was an instinctive act to protect your twin brother from a sexual predator, you are acquitted of all charges. Have a good rest of your day, Mr. Minyard.”
“Aaron,” Nicky’s voice brings him back. He looks at him but only sees his mother in front of him.
“It’s all for your own good, love. Mom would never hurt you, remember? This will calm you down. Everything will be better.”
Then unconsciousness hits him after swallowing the offered pills. It was his first overdose and his second stomach pump. The needle marks itch, but there are no visible marks left—just a few tiny scars, very few, much fewer than there should be, fewer than he feels there were.
“Let’s go,” Andrew says, and Aaron gets up like a puppet whose strings have been pulled. He moves behind the group—his family, because that’s what they are, his safe place. He sits in his spot in the Maserati. He has his headphones on, but nothing is playing. He knows he’s spiraling because he keeps hearing the different voices and things people once told him, things that got stuck in his head.
“You want a brother? I’ll be one. Let’s be brothers.”
Everyone gets out of the Maserati. Aaron would have too, but he’s distracted. The car is empty—well, except for him and his twin, but it’s the same. The door closes, trapping him with the one who hates him, the one who only keeps him around because of a promise, the one who sees him as nothing more than the lucky one. He supposes it’s true. It is what it is. There’s no comparison of traumas. He remembers Betsy telling them, “No trauma is worse than another, and we all have different coping mechanisms.” He agrees, as he’s been trained to do since starting medicine. He knows this is true.
“You should be a doctor. It would be so easy if you were. Everything would be easier and simpler if you were.”
Medicine was his choice, he thinks. But he believes this dream of becoming a doctor was initially for his mother. He supposes his mother meant easily accessible drugs. He would be a facilitator for her. It doesn’t hurt now because he actually likes what he’s studying. The car starts moving, and he hears himself gasp. Again, he had stopped breathing.
“Talk to me, Aaron,” Andrew’s monotone voice is a good anchor. Aaron looks in the rearview mirror and sees his eyes—the ones they share but aren’t the same. Andrew has it all figured out. Aaron is a mess, unresolved, the wrong twin, the dependent one. He always has been. It’s not like that, he laughs humorlessly. He doesn’t know why it’s so funny. He starts laughing hysterically, rolling down the window so the fresh air hits him. He keeps laughing uncontrollably.
“Speed up, Andrew,” he says between laughs, and his twin complies. Breaking the law is something they both do. Nothing else matters but the wind in his face. He keeps laughing like a maniac until his chest hurts. They stop suddenly, and he realizes Andrew has put on soft music.
“What do you need?” Andrew’s monotone voice almost sounds concerned. It’s his head, Aaron tells himself. Tilda sounded like that too, concerned for him. But there’s a big difference between these two members of his messed-up family.
“I want to destroy things,” Aaron hears himself say, almost desperate. He doesn’t know where Andrew is taking him until they enter through a rusty gate and find themselves surrounded by car parts and all sorts of things—a dump, a junkyard. He moves when the door is opened, leaving his headphones and phone in the car. He runs and delves deeper. He doesn’t know what he’s doing until he finds an aluminum bat that’s almost in perfect condition. He sets up bottles, plates, furniture—things that break and make a lot of noise. The first swing is like breathing for him. He feels Andrew nearby, but it’s not bad this time.
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Day 26
When the sun rises again, Aaron finds himself lying on the hood of a pretty destroyed car. The only good thing about it was that it was pierced by the bat he was using, buried in the windshield like a glaring piece of evidence of his rage. He feels better. He feels so good. Everything is fine in the world now. His pain is gone, he thinks. He knows he’ll have to talk about his poor coping mechanisms for change at some point, but this made him feel like Aaron again—the new Aaron, happy to be alive. He hears the unmistakable footsteps of his twin. Andrew didn’t leave him all night.
“Katelyn broke up with me. It was fine. She’s important to me even if we’re not together anymore,” Aaron says and laughs, cutting off whatever Andrew was about to say. “I’m really bad at dealing with change. That’s all, Andrew.”
The moment of silence is long, but it’s good. It gives both twins a moment of peace. It’s a chaotic place they’re in, now a little more broken thanks to Aaron.
“And I’m the monster,” Andrew says, and Aaron looks at him incredulously at the bad joke. He laughs and swears he sees the other smile slightly. “Let’s go. I don’t want them to think I killed you or something.”
“Will they still think that after everything I did on the field yesterday?” Andrew scoffs, and Aaron gets off the car roof. They walk shoulder to shoulder as naturally as breathing.
“I think you should go see Betsy,” Andrew says, and this comment doesn’t bother Aaron anymore. He doesn’t want to fight. For now, he’s calm, without any more fight in him. Besides, he wants to talk to Katelyn about the exam coming up this week. He still needs her for chemistry.
“Yeah, I should,” Aaron says calmly. Family bonding can happen anywhere. His happened in a junkyard after almost killing someone. But that’s what it’s like to be a Minyard. They’re broken.