Start of a Feeling
“Lils…” Mary’s voice whispers her nickname from next to Lily.
She looks over at Mary and suddenly feels something pointy hit her in the back of her head. Her grip tightens around her pencil as she hears James and Sirius talking behind her. “It’s fine.”
Mary grins, looking towards her hand. “Doesn’t look fine.”
Then, instead of hitting Lily, a piece of paper floats itself onto her desk. Sparing it a glance, she sees it reads ‘future mrs. prongs’ on top of the folds. She picks it up and throws it in the trash, which is thankfully close, without opening it.
“You’d think he’d stop by now. It’s been years of this...” She fails to find the right word.
“Pining?” Mary laughs softly. “James can be surprisingly stubborn.”
Marlene, who sits in front of them, turns her head to look at Lily. “Just be glad you didn’t grow up with him.”
“Ms. McKinnon! eyes up front!” professor McGonagall says, and with a roll of her eyes, Marlene faces forward again. “and Ms. Evans and Ms. Macdonald, stop talking while I am teaching.”
They listen aswell, because who doesn’t listen to McGonagall?
Then, another piece of paper floats its way to her desk. After simply staring at it for a second, Mary nudges Lily with her elbow. Lily meets her gaze and can read through Mary’s eyes that she wants her to open it. Lily silently sighs and slightly nods, making Mary grin.
Lily takes the paper and starts to open it when a loud crinkling noise fills the room. McGonagall’s head snaps up from her desk, and Lily gives an awkward smile to the professor, putting the paper back down where it was. She mouths a silent ‘later’ to Mary and goes back to doing her work.
—
Lily is sitting in the library when Remus Lupin approaches her. Papers are strewn across the table, and her quill keeps getting lost in between them. Normally she was quite tidy when studying, but when multiple professors decide to make exams around the same day, that’s not quite the case. She looks up from her mess to see him. “Are you here with some sort of message from James?”
“Nope,” Remus says, popping the ‘p’. “I’m here to study; herbology isn’t my best subject; I hear you’re pretty good at it, Evans.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t Peter good at it too? Why don’t you ask him?”
“Key word: good. You’re great at it, Lily. Just let me sit down.”
“Fine.” She nods towards the chair close to hers. “What are you struggling with?”
“I never remember the ones that have to do with spells…”
A bit later, after Lily has tried her best to help Remus remember which plants do what, Remus clears his throat in the silence.
Lily hums in response, still facing her paper.
“So… you have to know before I say this, James did not send me here or tell me to say any of this.” This gets Lily’s full attention. “James isn’t as bad as you think he is, he’s actually quite-“
“‘Isn’t as bad as I think he is’? Remus, he tortures my boyfriend almost everyday! How is he not that bad?” Lily cuts him off.
Remus rolls his eyes. “Sniv-“ He stops himself when Lily shoots him a look. “Snape deserves it.”
“Of course you think that, Remus. You don’t bother to see it from his point of view. You all are bullies!” She sighs, looking down at the table. “You can stay here, or not, I don’t care. I’m leaving.”
After gathering all her things, she takes a step away from the table when Remus grabs her arm. “Lily, just… James can suck. I know it firsthand, been friends with him for years. I got in fights with him, Sirius got in fights with him, and Peter got in fights with him, but he tries as best as he can. But he hates Snivellus. And I can’t blame him, Lily.”
Silence fills the room. Even the small number of other students are silent. Whether it’s them trying to study or if it’s Lily and Remus talking, everyone is silent.
“Maybe you should.”
—
It’s late when Lily, Marlene, and Mary are sitting in their dorm. Everyone else around them is asleep, but they’re sitting together, sometimes talking just loud enough to hear eachother, or enjoying the silence the night brings. But Mary Macdonald could never stay quiet for long.
“Lily!” She whisper yells at the redhead.
Lily looks up from her copy of Little Women, confused. “What?”
“What ever happened to the paper Potter gave you?”
Marlene looks between them. “Did he give you a second paper after you threw the other out? And I thought that was his thing in fourth year after you threw everyone he gave you straight into the trash.”
“Yeah, guess he’s going back to his old ways.” Mary says.
“Well I didn’t throw it out, it’s in my bag.” Lily reaches into her tote bag and finds the pocket she had slipped the forgotten paper into while leaving class. “Here it is.”
“But why didn’t you throw it out?” Marlene questions.
“Dunno. I just, had a feeling, I guess.” Lily says.
Marlene’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “‘A feeling?’”
“Marls,” Mary chides, “just let her read the note.”
Lily takes the paper and opens it slowly, reading: ‘your hair looks extra soft today, did you do something different?’.
“What does it say?” Marlene pesters.
“Just something stupid about my hair.” Lily says.
“Oh, I guess that feeling wasn’t anything good then, huh?” Mary asks, a sympathetic smile adorning her dark red lips.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Lily reluctantly agrees.
“Well anyways, have you guys seen the new Hufflepuff chaser? Looks like your type, Mare…” Marlene starts.
Lily looks back down at the paper in her hands. It’s a stupid comment. But he noticed her hair was different. No one else said anything—not Sev, not Mary or Marls, but James Potter. The bully, the enemy of her boyfriend.
She hates that feeling deep inside her chest. The feeling of love.