Chapter 1
“What do you want to be for Halloween, love?”
In the kitchen, James was leaning on the counter talking to their son, Harry. Halloween was a huge event in their family, complete with multiple parties, trick or treating, and homemade costumes. James and Regulus started making their own outfits when they first started dating, and the tradition continued as their family grew.
“Umm, spiderman? Or…no. Buzz.”
“Okay, we can do buzz. What about your sister?”
The little boy scrunched his nose up. He looked eerily similar to James, but his mannerisms proved he was Regulus’ kid too. “Lotso bear.”
Regulus tsked as he walked by, laundry that needed sorting on his hip. “Really? You can’t let Amelia be something good too?”
He shrugged his shoulders, focusing back on his coloring. “She’s a baby.”
From the other room, Regulus could still see his husband and their son, Harry. He saw the tension in Harry’s little shoulders, the crease between James’ eyebrows.
Harry was thrilled when his sister first came home. Even for the first few months, he was fine with her. He was patient, and gentle, and he kissed her head about 500 times a day.
As Amelia inched closer to her first birthday, Harry changed his tune. He was acting out, glaring at his sister, pulling mean comments out of nowhere.
James had cried about it. He convinced himself that he was failing as a parent. After an extensive talk about normal behaviors in children, and a lot of comforting, James and Regulus made a plan to talk to Harry about it.
“You were a baby once too, you know.”
“Was not!” He looked genuinely offended, one hand over his heart, his eyes wide underneath his glasses. “I never cried like her! And I didn’t smell. She pooped in the bathtub. She’s a stupid baby and I hate her.”
As he spoke, he pushed his crayon into the paper so hard that it broke. Then, on cue, he started to cry. Tears dotted his drawing — it was supposed to be a fish, Regulus thought — which only served to upset him more. James was at his side in a second, scooping Harry into his arms and walking him around the kitchen as he wailed.
The laundry was abandoned on the bed as Regulus moved into the kitchen, placing a comforting hand on James’ back, who looked horrified.
“Harry, what’s going on? Why would you say you hate your sister?”
He sniffed, wiping his nose on James’ shirt as he looked at Regulus with glassy eyes. “I don’t want any brothers or sisters. Ron told me that your parents love you less when there’s more,” he cried as he spoke, leaning into the hand Regulus rested on his cheek, “he — he said that his parents for — forgot to take him to the d-d-dent-ist.”
It was hard for Regulus to not crack a smile at how serious Harry was about his story. He knew all about the dentist. Ron’s older brother, Fred, broke his arm, so they couldn’t take Ron to his appointment. They rescheduled it for the next day, and it was all fine. He suspected that Ron was perhaps feeling upset about the lack of attention — they had a little girl not too long ago, the newest child in addition to the 5 other boys older than Ron, so his feelings were understandable, but the Weaslys were working on it — and the two children didn’t have the ability to see it from the perspective of an adult.
“Harry, we would never ever love you any less. Not in a million years. In fact, we love you more and more every single day.” Regulus kept his face very intense. If he laughed it would upset Harry all over again. “Want to know a secret?”
Harry nodded, his face brushing against James’ as it moved.
“You were our first baby. Do you know what that means? That means you’ll always be very very special to us, okay? We could have a million more and you would always be the first.”
“So—so I’m the — the most special?”
“Mhm,” James cut in, “the very most special. Both you and your sister are the most special people in the whole wide world. You have to be extra nice to your sister, though, alright? She isn’t the first baby, so she might need some extra love sometimes. Can you do that for her?”
“Okay.” A sniff. “I can do that, Daddy. I’m sorry I said she stinks. And I’m sorry I said the stupid word. And I’m sorry that I said another bad word in my room last night when you couldn't hear.”
“That’s alright,” Regulus said when he saw James frown, scooping Harry from his arms. He was the parent who coddled. Sue him. He wouldn’t apologize for wanting to spoil his kids; they were perfect. “What do you say we have some ice cream and watch a show while your sister naps, huh? If you ask daddy nicely I think he’ll get us some.”
Harry turned to James with big eyes, his bottom lip jutted out. “Please can we have some ice cream?”
“Yeah, please?” Regulus looked at him too, biting back a smirk.
James let out a big sigh. It was just for show, though, Regulus knew. With both Harry and Regulus looking at him he was never going to say no. “Alright, fine.”
“With stuff on top and white cream!” Harry’s voice called as Regulus carried him away from the kitchen. He waited for the magic word, shooting his son a look when he didn’t hear it. Harry picked up on it soon enough, raising his voice to be heard from the kitchen with a short, “please!”
Five minutes later, James joined them on the couch, delivering their ice creams complete with stuff on top — m&ms and fudge — and white cream — whipped cream. He snuck in a kiss with Regulus’ bowl, and gave Harry one on the cheek for good measure.
They were watching Toy Story — no surprise there — and Harry was mouthing all the lines as they were said on the tv, still transfixed as if he was seeing it for the first time.
“I changed my mind,” Harry declared part way through the movie, sitting up and holding one finger in the air. “Ame can be Rex. Or an alien. And I want to be woody instead. Buzz has a big head.” He paused for a moment, face screwed up in thought, then turned to James with a big smile. “You can be buzz!”
Regulus laughed for a long time after that.
**
James wasn’t always a light sleeper.
It came along with having kids, apparently. Someone could walk by their house and he would shoot up in bed, heart in his throat. It didn’t matter how quiet the noise was. Sleeping was hard.
That night, it was a noise from the monitor that woke him up.
Regulus stirred in bed beside him, but James took care to get out of bed without interrupting his sleep, padding into the hall with the device in hand.
Amelia had just started sleeping through the night most of the time, and he crossed his fingers as he turned the volume up, praying that it wasn’t any kind of sleep regression. She was such a happy baby lately. She was perfect no matter what, but getting to hear her laugh and see her smile made James want to cry every time.
She wasn’t awake, thank god, he could see that much once his eyes adjusted. There was another figure beside her crib, though. James’ heart fell straight to his ass until he actually listened.
“I’m really sorry I said you smell. I didn’t mean it. I hope you still like me.”
Harry’s voice was quiet through the speakers, and James held it up to his ear to catch his words.
“Ron has a sister. She’s three. Sometimes she plays with us. Ron says she’s uh-noyying, but I think she’s silly. I hope you’re nicer than her. She bit my finger once,” Harry whispered through the slats in the crib, one of his little fingers clutched in Amelia’s hand. Oh, James was going to cry.
“Daddy and papa said I have to be extra nice to you so you feel special too. I thought they love you more, but they don’t. When you’re older they say we can play football, but now you’re too little. You have a soft head and you would die if I hit you with a football, I think. Please remember that I’m being so nice, and play with me when you get older, okay?”
James crept down the hall as Harry continued to talk, the monitor pressed to his ear so he wouldn’t miss a word. When Regulus initially insisted on something high tech that could record video, James argued against it. They didn’t need anything fancy, just to be able to see and hear their kids. He felt so stupid for that as he listened to Harry. If he didn’t get to keep this moment forever he’d be devastated.
He opened the door a crack and poked his head in. Harry instantly turned, looking very guilty, and his lip began to wobble.
“Shh, it’s okay. You aren’t in trouble. You’re being very sweet with your sister, I’m very proud of you,” James whispered as he slipped into the room, crouching beside Harry. He had on outer space pajamas — his favorite — and his hair was just as bad as James’. His glasses were extremely crooked on his face, clearly thrown on as he stumbled out of bed. What a pair they were. “Let’s get you back in bed, alright?”
Harry rubbed one eye under his glasses with his free hand, glancing between the hand in the crib and his father as he pouted. “I just wanted to tell her I love her. I felt sorry that I wasn’t nice.”
“I know, bud. That’s a very nice thing to do. It’s just very important that you get lots and lots of sleep so you can get big and strong.”
His little eyes went big. “Like you?”
James absolutely lit up at that. He felt the telltale prickle behind his eyes again, and pressed a kiss to Harry’s head to distract himself from it. “Sure, like me.”
“Okay.” He nodded, very serious, and gently pried his finger out of his sister’s grip. James scooped him up the second he was freed, holding him right against his chest, melting when Harry’s head dropped right into his shoulder. “I want to be like you when I’m big, daddy. I’ll go to sleep.”
“Yeah?”
Harry nodded again, this time into James’ neck. “Yes. You play football good, and make me food, and swing me in the yard, and you can pick up big stuff.”
“That’s true. You’ll be able to do all that when you’re a little bigger. I’ll teach you.”
“When I’m five?”
James paused and thought about it for a moment. “Maybe. We’ll see. Maybe when you’re six.”
“Okay. I need to know before I’m seven, because seven is first grade. Will you read me a story so I can sleep?”
“Hmm, do you want to come downstairs and sleep with us instead?”
“Really?” Harry perked up, pulling back enough that he could look into his dad’s eyes. “Yes please.”
“Alright. We just have to be very quiet so we don’t wake up papa. Can you do that?”
Harry zipped his lips and threw the key over his shoulder; James gave him a thumbs up. When they both slipped into bed, Harry in the middle, James knew instantly that Regulus was awake. He was faking, because they both knew if Harry saw he was awake he would either think he failed at being quiet and get upset, or he would be too excited to fall asleep.
He waited until there were tiny snores to reach over and rest a hand on Regulus’ cheek, reveling in the way his eyes fluttered open, half hazy with sleep. “We have the best kids on the planet,” he whispered. Regulus gave a sleepy smile in response. As was expected, James teared up.
He was so, so unbelievably happy. It was hard to comprehend the full scope of it sometimes. It overflowed often, particularly when his kids or his husband did just about anything.
“I love you,” Regulus whispered back, the hand that wasn’t carding through Harry’s locks resting on the hand James held against his face.
That was how they fell asleep. James’ arm got ponds and needles, and probably fell on Harry at some point in the night, but he had never been happier.