"Harry still takes two naps per day and his bedtime is at seven, but you have to read him at least two books before he'll go down willingly," Regulus said, following his brother out to the car as he lugged a massive baby bag down the path.
"You do realize we've babysat Harry before?" Sirius grunted under the strain of the bag. What the hell did Regulus pack in here? Harry's whole closet and crib?
Regulus watched him stuff the bag in the small car's trunk, a squirming toddler in his arms and squeezing anxiety in his chest. "I have another bag of the puffs he likes and toys he'll need while he's there. There's a first aid kit in the diaper bag just in case anything happens and I made you a laminated schedule so you don't have to remember anything-"
An arm snaked around Regulus' waist, a hand squeezing his hip before interrupting him gently, "Love, you're fussing, they'll be fine. They know what to do," James said.
"The only reason I'm letting you take my son is because Remus is coming too, someone needs to be the sensible one and I don't trust you to be," Regulus said to his brother.
"I can be sensible!" Sirius protested, scoffing when Regulus raised his eyebrow. "I just choose not to be because it's boring that way,"
"I'm boring now, am I?" Remus emerged from the backseat, having strapped the car seat in securely. "And who successfully executed your insane prank ideas all those years?"
"I'm just saying, you're the calm, reasonable uncle and I'm the fun, cool uncle," Sirius responded sweetly, flicking his hair over his shoulder to emphasize his coolness.
"You're the childish one, more like," Regulus rolled his eyes, turning to address Remus, "You'll update us frequently? Maybe every two hours or so, and send pictures. Let me know how much he's eating and sleeping too,"
Regulus and James hadn't been away from Harry for more than a few hours yet, and even that was a struggle for him, James constantly had to reassure him that Harry was fine. It wasn't that Regulus didn't trust his brother and Remus, he really did, but he couldn't function when Harry wasn't with him, brain invaded with anxious thoughts and possibilities. Harry was only two and a half, and the one time they let Sirius and Remus take him for the night, Regulus was at their door in the middle of the night after pacing a hole in the carpet at home, needing to see Harry to calm his mind. He had always been protective over the people he loves, but he'd never experienced it so viscerally as the day Harry was born, a writhing heap of limbs and shrill cries cradled in his arms. Regulus likes to think he's calmed a bit now that Harry is older, more durable, and independent, but he's never fully shaken that protective instinct.
Harry had come from a lovely surrogate named Lily, who they were still close friends with over two years later, and still came around for dinner every now and then. Harry had James' troublemaker grin and stubborn hair, but he was more reserved than James, a similar disposition to Regulus', though nobody could bring out his mischievous side like Sirius. He had bright green eyes with a flash of silver that made an appearance in the sun, a mix of Lily and Regulus' genes, and a spattering of light freckles on round cheeks.
"We've got him, Reg," Remus stated, a kind smile crinkling the scar that stretched from his cheek to the corner of his mouth. A bad car accident when he was young left him with scars from broken glass and corrective surgeries, and chronic pain that lingered twenty years later. "You two just relax and enjoy your anniversary, promise we'll update every few hours, and you can call Harry every day if you want."
Regulus nodded, taking a deep breath and addressing the toddler in his arms, "Okay mon chéri, you're gonna be good for Uncle Pads and Uncle Moony, aren't you?"
Harry threw his arms up, nearly smacking Regulus in his excitement, "Yeah! We're goin' to the beach! Gonna build sand houses and Uncle Pads says we can have sweets every day!"
"Did he?" Regulus said flatly, sending a look to his brother.
"That was supposed to be a secret, Prongslet," Sirius poked Harry in the ribs, making the toddler giggle and squirm away.
"If he gets cavities, I'll punch your teeth out so you and Aunt Dorea can match," Regulus threatened.
"Please, with your delicate little hands? You couldn't if you tried, Reg," Sirius teased.
"Let's test it out now," Regulus shrugged, never one to back down when challenged, handing the toddler to his husband and stepping forward only to be caught by James' free hand clutched in the back of his shirt, tugging him back. It didn't matter that the brothers were in their late twenties, siblings have a way of igniting the childishness in oneself, no matter the age.
"Alright, alright, I happen to like your delicate hands and would rather them not be damaged," James cut in, grinning at the irritated look Regulus shot him. Sirius snorted, sticking his tongue out at his brother who rolled his eyes in turn.
Remus shook his head in amusement and checked his watch, "We'd best be going if we want to make it before dark,"
Regulus and James exchanged goodbyes with Harry and their friends, giving Harry big hugs and a kiss before handing him off to a smug Sirius, who was ecstatic to spend the weekend with his nephew. Harry was as enthusiastic as his uncle, chanting, "Pads! Pads! Pads!" all the way to the car.
"Stop frowning, Reg, you'll age badly!" Sirius called over his shoulder, not needing to look at his brother to know exactly what face he was making. Regulus frowned deeper on instinct before wiping a hand down his face in exasperation.
"S’il arrive quelque chose à Harry, je te tuerai, frère ou pas!" He shouted back, leaning back into James as he tutted, beginning to massage Regulus' tense shoulders with adept fingers to get him to relax.
"Je t’aime aussi, petite etoile!" Sirius called from the rolled-down window as the stuffed little car pulled away from the drive and started down the road.
Sirius tapped on the steering wheel, singing along to The Clash, the toddler in the backseat mumbling along with nonsensical words to Should I Stay Or Should I Go. Harry bopped his head to the song, which was his favorite and a frequent request whenever he was in the car, despite not really knowing the lyrics.
"-Stay or need I go! Dun nun nun nah!"
Remus tapped on his phone, likely telling Regulus for the hundredth time that they were fine and passing puffs to Harry every few minutes who grabbed them with sticky toddler hands. The English countryside flew past their windows, streaks of green dotted with brown wheat stalks and trees, and the slightly cracked old road stretched before them. They were headed to Shell Cottage, a quaint beach house in a peaceful spot by the shore, and Remus could already picture it; watching the sunset from a quilt on the beach, building sandcastles with Harry, and lifting him above the waves of the ocean, maybe sharing a sneaky cigarette with Sirius outside when Harry was put to bed.
"Which is better, Galaxy or Cadbury?" Sirius asked, glancing at the toddler in the rearview mirror as they discussed which sweets to get at motorway services. Regulus had packed enough snacks for a week, but Sirius had insisted on getting sweets because "children need sweets to grow healthy", which is the most ridiculous thing Remus has ever heard, but he'll allow it, if only because he likes sweets too. Plus, Regulus and James were sort of health nuts, so it wouldn't hurt the kid to have some sugar once in awhile.
Harry thought about his answer for a minute before responding, "Gal-zee, Papa says it's the best,"
Harry had always seen Regulus' opinion of things to be correct, if his favorite color was green, Harry's favorite color was green, and if Regulus liked Galaxy best, it was no surprise he would too. Harry seemed to have inherited James' adoration for the Black brothers, Sirius, his favorite uncle, and Regulus, his best friend. Like James, their names were inscribed in his DNA, if people were mosaics of everyone they've ever loved, Sirius and Regulus' fingerprints were all over Harry. He had Sirius' taste in music, his inclination for mischief, and his boldness, a strong sense of justice, that was a little bit of James too. Remus was well aware he was not the favorite uncle, but he was okay with that because watching Sirius interact with Harry was a gift in itself, turning him into a puddle more times than he'd ever be willing to admit.
"Ooh, your uncle Moony would strongly disagree, and he's made of 70% chocolate, so he would know what's best," Sirius said playfully, winking at Remus.
"People aren't made of chocolate!" Harry giggled, kicking his legs against his car seat, "Are you, Moony?"
"Nah, Pads is just being silly, but everyone knows Cadbury is the best chocolate brand," Remus added, the ultimate authority on chocolate, considering it was one of his main food groups.
His father was to blame for that, for every hospital visit or doctors appointment, he'd be rewarded with chocolate, a small, familiar comfort in the cold, sterile places. He'd been just a little older than Harry when the accident happened, killing his mother, who was driving at the time. His father had never been good with emotion, not that he didn't care, he just never worked out how to show it properly, that was his mother's job before she died. His father didn't know how to comfort him, Remus, four years old and experiencing pain for the first time, pain in his body, and pain in his heart because his mother was dead, and he didn't understand why she wouldn't come back to him. So, he gave him chocolate, and years later, Remus still rewards himself with a bar after a hard day or appointment.
The old country roads were twisty, full of potholes and hills that made their stomaches swoop on the way downhill. There weren't many other cars on the road, but they passed several farms and ranches full of horses and cows, Harry pointed them out each time, making sure Sirius and Remus waved to the animals because "it's only polite" to do so. The radio crackled, going fuzzy in some places, 80's rock going in and out while Remus read his book, head rested against the cool window, and Harry mumbled the words to his favorite songs, going back and forth with Sirius as they played little games to pass the time.
It was because the roads were so twisty that Sirius didn't see the truck coming on time. They were coming around the bend in their tiny, packed car, on the left, the road dropped down to a grassy knoll, and on the right, a copse of trees. Sirius noticed the truck two seconds before it hit them, he only had enough time to fling an arm in front of Remus, who looked up from his book the same moment the truck hit them, tires screeching as metal and glass collided at horrifying speeds. The small car spun out nauseatingly, metal dragging against concrete before the car tipped off the left side of the road, flipping over and over as Harry screamed, books and toys flying, glass windows shattering on impact and scattering shards as they rolled down the hill. Harry's shriek and Remus' groan of pain were the last things Sirius heard before his head connected with the window sharply as the car came to an abrupt and painful halt.
When something awful happens as a child, the brain tends to protect itself by making the tenant forget things, by closing them off entirely, or by leaving behind flashes of memory that appear with certain triggers. Remus was about four years old when his mother was killed in the car accident that left him with persistent chronic pain and health issues; he had thought that he remembered everything about the crash and the hospital afterward, that it was all seared into his brain, the horrifying images and aftermath a permanent nightmare, but he was wrong. He had forgotten how truly horrible the sounds of a car crash were; the screech and scrape of metal bending and crushing against metal, the crackling of glass splintering before the cracks become too large and finally shatter, the gasps and screams of the car's occupants, the explosive sound of airbags deploying.
It was worse the second time because Remus looked up and in the split second before the truck hit them, he knew what would happen; he could perfectly see the blood-tinged broken glass, a bloody hand outstretched toward him but unable to reach, the starched white sheets and the oppressive disinfectant smell of the hospital, a glossy black coffin lowered to the ground with white roses tied to the lid. Then the airbag went off in his face, and he must have lost consciousness for seconds or minutes because as the car flipped, his hearing went to a dull ringing, vision clouded with black spots.
When Remus opened his eyes again, he couldn't breathe through his nose, blood was sliding upward into his hairline, and he was no longer firmly seated, but held in the air by his seatbelt cutting into his skin. It took him a few moments to realize the car was upside down, grass and tall stalks of wheat poking through the partially shattered windshield, smoke rising from the crunched-up front of the car. He panted through his mouth, dizzily trying to assess his surroundings and blinking the spots out of his vision, body numb and brain buzzing, though he found it hard to form coherent thoughts. A small whimper from the backseat snapped him back to reality as if waking up from a dream when he hadn't remembered falling asleep, Remus suddenly remembered he wasn't the only one in the car.
"Harry," He said under his breath, unable to move to see his best friend's son, held captive by the seatbelt. "Harry! Are you alright?" The little boy did not respond, only whimpered louder in response. Remus took several deep breaths, trying to swallow the panic, "It's okay, cub, I'm gonna come get you. Can you talk to me?"
Harry finally responded through hiccuping sobs, a weak, shaken voice saying, "Moony, I'm scared,"
"I know, I'm coming, just don't move, Harry,"
Remus breathed heavily through his mouth, head pounding fiercely and blood from his nose traveling up to the corners of his eyes. Sirius hadn't made a noise yet, and he was scared to look over at him. Remus could remember his mother's profile from the backseat, the memory a little distorted with two decades of distance, but clear enough to haunt him, her neck bent at an awkward angle, bloody arm thrown over the console, mere inches from touching him. Remus closed his eyes, tried to focus instead on the sounds of the toddler in the back to keep him present, and tried to remind himself that Harry was relying on him, and he could not afford to freeze in fear. Remus needed to get to Harry, but first, he needed to see Sirius, he needed to know, even if it was agony.
He swallowed, glancing over to find Sirius dangling limply next to him, face obscured by his hair and the arm he used to hold Remus in his seat bent at an abnormal angle, elbow twisted, the bone jutting out. There was the soft sound of blood, small drops hitting the steering wheel below Sirius with a splash. He couldn't tell if Sirius was breathing from the passenger seat, but Harry was still crying and alive, possibly hurt, and he had to be Remus' priority.
He trapped his own sob behind his teeth, not wanting Harry to hear, and bracing one hand on the roof of the car, Remus unclicked his seatbelt, body screaming in pain as he landed on the roof, glass shards cutting into his skin through his clothes. He twisted to see Harry, keeping his mouth firmly shut to hold back the groans of pain that threatened to escape, army crawling through the glass to get to the backseat where the little boy cried loudly, seemingly unharmed for the most part, except for a long gash in the center of his forehead, vaguely resembling a lightning bolt, that streamed with blood that flowed into his hair too. When Harry saw his face, he cried louder, and Remus couldn't tell if it was from relief or if the blood on Remus' face from what had to be a broken nose, scared his nephew.
"It's okay, it's okay," Remus tried to soothe, even though nothing was okay, even though he didn't know if Sirius was alive, even though he knew Harry would probably carry this trauma for the rest of his life as Remus has. He sat on his knees, suppressing a groan, "Listen cub, put your arms around my neck, okay? I'm gonna unbuckle you, but you won't fall, I'll catch you,"
He helped the boy wrap his arms around his neck, stretching at an awkward angle to cover the distance, Harry's face bright red from the blood rush of hanging upside down and crying. Remus wrapped one arm around his back, fisting a hand in the back of his shirt, fumbling one-handedly for the buckles on the car seat, grateful that they were so secure, likely preventing Harry from gaining any more injuries. At the last buckle, he counted down so Harry could tighten his arms around him before releasing it, swiftly flipping him over so he was right side up again, holding the toddler close to his chest to keep him from touching the glass. Harry whined again, cradled in his arms, blood all over his forehead.
"Tell me what hurts, Harry, is it just your head?"
"My neck," He said, sniffling.
Remus wiped some of the blood with his sleeve, careful not to touch the cut, checking the toddler's eyes to see if he might be concussed. Harry's wide green eyes were clear, and pupils were blown but even, so Remus reasoned the cut came from the glass or something flying in the car as it flipped. He moved to Harry's neck, feeling around carefully, watching the toddler for his reaction as he pressed lightly. He wasn't a doctor, but he'd been a patient his entire life, so he's picked up on a few things, and he knows basic first aid. Nothing felt wrong with his neck and Remus decided he needed to get Harry out safely so he could check on Sirius, it wasn't safe to stay in the car like this, not with the glass and smoke. The back windshield was covered with luggage, so it wasn't an option, but the window of one of the doors had shattered, so Remus shrugged off his jacket awkwardly, one arm at a time as he shuffled Harry around and cleared away some of the glass before laying it over the edge of the window.
"Alright cub, I need you to be really brave and crawl through the window for me, okay? I've got to get Uncle Pads, and then we'll be right out after you. Just be really careful and wait for us next to the car," Remus said, trying to sound sure of himself, the calm presence he was known for, despite feeling nothing of the sort. He didn't like the idea of leaving Harry, injured and afraid outside of the car alone, but he didn't have much choice, and it was the safest place for him.
"Is Pads okay?" Harry asked, sitting up against him as he tried to get a glimpse of his other uncle over Remus' shoulder. "Why he hasn't moved?"
Remus shuddered involuntarily, shifting to block Harry's line of view, that black coffin with white roses flashing in his mind, "We'll be right behind you, cub. Go on," He couldn't answer his questions, so he nudged Harry to the open window instead, watching him clumsily crawl through to the other side safely. Harry crawled a few feet away from the car before sitting in the grass, snot, tears, and blood running down his distraught face, the sweet curls that normally rested on his forehead were clumped and matted with blood, and there were little tears on his pants from where the fabric snagged on the glass. Remus' heart wrenched in his chest painfully, but he nodded at Harry, "Good, just stay there and wait for me,"
He crawled back to the front seat, shoving miscellaneous objects out of the way, sippy cups and toys, snack packages, and books. Remus used the headrest to pull himself forward, tremors wracking his body, muscles screaming in pain, and joints protesting. He positioned himself under where Sirius dangled, feet braced on the roof, breath frozen in his lungs. He could see his face from this angle, a vein in Sirius' forehead prevalent from the blood rush of being upside down for so long, an open wound on his temple from slamming it into the window, and glass debris sticking out of the raw flesh. There was a matching blood stain on the window next to him with spiderweb cracks. Shakily, Remus lifted a hand under Sirius' nose, checking for breath and letting out an explosive sob of relief when he felt it ghost over his hand.
"Sirius, hey," Remus moved his hand to grip his chin, and Sirius' hands twitched in the air as he groaned, brows scrunched in pain. "Open your eyes, sweetheart," Sirius groaned again, eyes moving restlessly behind closed lids.
"Mm Moons?" He mumbled and twitched again, like his body was waking up, and he cried out in pain when he jostled his broken arm, glossy eyes finally cracking open. Sirius inhaled sharply, eyes growing wider and wider as he seemed to realize where he was and he moved on instinct to reach for Remus, despite the agony that flared in his arm, not yet registering that he was still trapped by the seatbelt. "Your face- you're- Moony, where's Harry? Oh God, the truck, where's-" His hand clutched the belt, his head moving on a swivel, and his face creased with pain.
Remus grasped at his face, uncaring as he dampened his fingertips with Sirius' blood, focused on getting him to still so he didn't injure himself more. "Shh, shh, stop moving, sweetheart, you're hurt badly. Harry's okay, I got him out, he's fine."
“You got him out?” He repeated, like he needed to hear it again, “Harry’s okay?”
Remus nodded, still holding his face even though Sirius had calmed, “He’s okay and we’re gonna be okay too,” Remus couldn’t have said where this strength came from, he would’ve expected to be the last person that could handle this situation given his past, but he could do it because they needed him, and everything else just had to take a back seat until they were safe.
"Your nose is broken," Sirius whispered, one pupil was bigger than the other, and it appeared as if Remus was viewing them through a frosty window, his grey eyes unfocused, their usual intensity diluted. He had a concussion, at the very least.
"I'm alright, Pads. We need to get you out of here so we can call for help," Remus replied and repeated the same instructions he gave to Harry, "Brace your good arm on the roof, I'll count down before I undo your seatbelt and I'll catch you," When Sirius only stared at him, an anguished look on his bloody face, Remus guided his arm above his head and placed it on the roof. "Okay?"
Sirius stuttered on an inhale, "Moony, I didn't see the truck, I'm sorry-"
Remus opened his mouth to interrupt him when a whooshing sound came from behind them. He glanced over his shoulder to see a flame igniting at the engine of their car, flickering at first, and then growing larger.
"We need to get out, now," Sirius nodded, putting his weight on the arm braced on the roof, "Three, two, one," He unbuckled the seatbelt and tried his best to catch him, but Sirius was much heavier than a toddler and the breath was forced out of him as Sirius landed on top of him, both of them groaning in pain. Remus could feel tears on the exposed skin of his collarbone, Sirius unable to hold them back, body curled over Remus'.
The fire was starting to spread, blue and yellow flames that sent a wall of stifling heat toward them, and Remus knew they didn't have time to waste. He pulled them up on their knees, wished he could be more gentle considering how much pain he was in, but was forced to push Sirius in front of him, indicating the back window Harry escaped through. Sirius glimpsed Harry outside the car, standing in the grass, mouth hanging open, eyes wide with fear, illuminated in gold by the brilliant flames.
"Harry, get away from the car!" Sirius yelled, grabbing onto anything in the car to pull himself forward with onehandedly, his broken arm uselessly curled against his chest. Harry flinched at the tone, Sirius had never yelled at him before, and he tripped over his feet backing away, green eyes never once leaving Sirius'.
Sirius dragged himself over the shards of glass until he reached the window, Remus at his heels, panting and choking on smoke as it began to fill the car. The window was only a small opening, the top was smashed into the ground, barely giving enough room for an adult to wiggle through. The flames had made it through the front windshield, crawling along the front dash of the car, engulfing the steering wheel, and eating at the front seats. Sirius clenched his teeth, laying on his stomach and worming his way through the window despite the way his body screamed in protest, gripping handfuls of grass and dirt as he pulled forward. As soon as his legs cleared the opening, he flipped around to help Remus, who yelped in pain as the fire licked at his ankles, and Sirius grabbed one of his arms to pull him through the window, both of them coughing with blood and ash caked on their faces.
They stumbled to their feet, fleeing from the fire as ashes burst from the flames that fully engulfed the destroyed car, the grass underneath it blackening as it burned. Remus pulled Sirius' good arm over his shoulders as they retreated toward where Harry was waiting, both unsteady on their feet, swaying and wavering under the weight of their injuries. Harry met them halfway, colliding into Remus' legs, wrapping his arms around them with loud sobs. They collapsed on the grass, a safe distance away, folding the hysterical toddler in between their bodies, utterly exhausted, ash, blood, and tears smeared on their weary faces, clothes torn and singed.
Regulus burst through the hospital doors, pale as a ghost with rage in his eyes, James at his heels, disheveled hair and stress-bitten lips. Regulus stormed the front desk, forgoing any kind of formality or politeness, "Harry Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin, what rooms are they in?" The poor lady at the front desk had looked harassed enough before they came in, took one look at Regulus, and stuttered out an answer with a slightly resigned tone.
The hospital had called them about the accident, and Regulus, who had been pacing for the last two hours after not hearing from Sirius or Remus for too long, picked up by the first ring and promptly threw up before the nurse had even finished speaking. They were taken to some hospital he hadn't heard of, a long way away from where James and Regulus lived, so they had driven in near silence, hearts in their throats, James' knuckles white against the steering wheel, and Regulus' nails digging into his thigh.
They raced down long, bare hallways bustling with people in various colored scrubs and white coats, Regulus might have shoulder-checked a few people by accident, wholly focused on getting to his family, James muttering apologies to them as he tried to keep up. Regulus mouthed the names of the room numbers they passed, heart hammering in his chest as they got closer to the correct one, cold sweat dripping down his back.
He saw Remus first, sitting in a chair pulled up to the bed, his back to the door, talking quietly to Sirius. His brother was lying on the starched white hospital bed, a black cast covering most of his left arm and a large bandage on his temple. Regulus' chest tightened at the notable absence of his son, and he surged into the room causing them both to turn to look at him. The rhythmic beeping that had sounded throughout the room increased suddenly, and Sirius' eyes widened with some indescribable emotion, filling with tears instantly.
"God, Sirius," James breathed, clearly noticing his sorry state as well.
"Where's my son?" Regulus choked out, barely breathing around the words, sharp gaze focused solely on his brother. He looked devastated, and Regulus' knees wobbled with what that might mean, a cold fist wrapping around his heart, ice spreading through his veins.
"Reg-" Remus started, pushing the chair back and getting to his feet with a wince, he looked like he lost a fight, with two bruised black eyes, and a splint on his nose, but Regulus didn't care. He couldn't, not when Harry was missing.
"Where's my son!" Regulus yelled, trembling head to toe, his chest squeezing, squeezing, squeezing-
A curly head of hair popped up on Sirius' side, furthest from the door, a little hand rubbing at tired eyes, a matching bandage to Sirius' taped to the center of his forehead. "Papa? Daddy?"
He heard James let out a harsh exhale at his shoulder, Regulus nearly folding in half at the sound of his son's voice. They crossed the room quickly, Harry crawling over Sirius' legs to greet them eagerly. Regulus doesn't think he had breathed at all since entering the room, not until Harry was in his arms and he was suddenly gasping for breath, realizing he'd been drowning on dry land before. He pressed Harry into his chest, resting his cheek on his head, rubbing a hand down Harry's back. James wrapped himself around the pair and Regulus could feel silent tears hitting the back of his neck, his furiously pounding heartbeat at his back.
James cupped his son's head, bending down to press a kiss to the crown and brushing through the tangled curls, "You okay, Haz? Hurt your head?"
Harry nodded, "My head hurt before, but not now. It was really scary, and Pads and Moony got really hurt and our car lit on fire!"
Regulus looked up sharply, and both Sirius and Remus winced, Sirius shrinking in the bed like he wanted it to swallow him up. "Qu’est-ce que tu as fait, Sirius?!" Sirius' mouth opened and closed as he tried to find the words, staring at his hands and finding it hard to breathe under the guilt that buried him. When he couldn't find the words, Regulus continued furiously, incredulously, venom in every word, "Harry aurait pu mourir, qu’est-ce que tu faisais?!"
When Sirius flinched, Remus cut in firmly, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder, "Hey, in English, or not at all. Whatever you're berating him about, you say the same to me, I was responsible for Harry too."
"He was driving, so I asked him what the hell he was doing," Regulus said flatly, still cradling Harry against him, the cold dread he'd felt swiftly replaced by fury. Now that he could see Sirius and Remus were fine, albeit injured and worse for wear, he wanted to kill them, to scream at them, to scream at himself for leaving Harry.
"Reg, you know Sirius wouldn't ever do anything to put Harry in danger. It was just a bad accident," James reasoned, frowning down at him.
"Just a bad accident?" Regulus repeated incredulously, shaking for an entirely different reason than he had been before, "You almost cost us everything, Sirius. Harry is everything to me,"
"And Sirius is your brother, but you don't seem to be too concerned about him, given he nearly died today," Remus responded coolly, matching his gaze defiantly from the other side of the bed, a muscle jumping in his jaw.
Regulus' throat closed, the furious words disappearing before they could form on his tongue, the vitriol he'd been ready to spit dissolving, leaving him nothing to hide behind. Nothing but the cold fear of nearly having everything taken from him spreading through his body. He tore his gaze away from Remus, a sick churning sensation in his stomach. He stepped back, swallowing harshly, and quickly handed Harry over to James, needing to get away from the suffocating atmosphere in the room; the rapid beeping of the monitors that betrayed Sirius' anxiety, the way they all looked at him in various states of disappointment or anger, or in Sirius' case, not at all.
It was always Regulus who made himself small and hid away from people, it was always Sirius who was larger than life, who never shrunk himself even when he was afraid, but Regulus had made him small in this moment. Regulus knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt Harry intentionally, knew that if anything ever happened to him or James, Sirius was the only person in the world he'd entrust to raise Harry because Sirius raised Regulus. He knows, and yet, he's still so angry with him.
James took Harry from him with a line between his brows, shifting the toddler to sit on his hip he reached out to try to stop Regulus from retreating further, "Love, let's just calm down, we don't even know the full story yet. Harry's fine, Sirius and Remus are fine, we had a scare but everyone's safe now,"
Regulus' throat burned with all the words he couldn't force out, feeling like the walls of the room were closing in on him.
Harry almost died, his brother almost died, the car was on fire, a gash on Harry's head where the smooth skin had been unmarred before, his brother shrunken in on himself in a hospital bed.
He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, unable to breathe around it all. Regulus wished that he could simply wrap his family in his arms and be relieved and that's all; be filled with immense gratitude that things didn't turn out worse, to feel lucky he still had his family, that they had brushed death and survived. But Regulus has never been good when faced with loss and he'd lost so much, he'd grieved so often that the weight of it was a more familiar touch than love. He knows from experience that the more you love, the more you have to lose, and for a time, those soul-crushing hours where he didn't know if they were okay, he'd felt that weight begin to settle in his bones, like a savage homecoming, inviting him into the darkness he knew so well.
He was relieved at first, and for a few moments, his world was set to rights. But then he remembered that Sirius had been driving, he felt his son's tiny body in his arms, he thought about how he'd only had him for two and a half years, and he'd almost been taken from Regulus, and Sirius had been driving the car. He slid down the wall in the hallway, tucking his head between his knees as he tried to remember how to breathe. Regulus didn't think the weight knew he hadn't lost Harry today, because he felt it crushing him anyway, the enormity of this love he had for his son.
"You're an arsehole, Regulus," Remus grunted, lowering himself on the ground next to him carefully. Regulus lifted his head to look at him, a little surprised to be addressed, out of everyone, he'd expected James to be the one to follow him. "We went through hell today, and you barged in without a clue as to what happened, perfectly fine with pointing the finger at your brother like he wouldn't die for Harry given the chance,"
"I-" Regulus started, cheeks turning red.
"I'm not done," Remus interrupted sharply, "You didn't even ask him if he was okay as if Harry was the only one that mattered to you, and then you doubled down by stating that he was everything to you in front of your brother, who crawled through glass with a broken arm to get to your son. You had to have known he felt guilty about it already, and you didn't even let him explain himself or show an ounce of concern for what he went through. You're a bloody arsehole, Regulus, and I'd beat your bony arse if every bone in my body didn't already hurt."
To his surprise, Regulus simply nodded, running a hand through his hair with a weary sigh.
"I'm sorry," He stated inadequately, though he sincerely meant it. He exhaled shakily, the words echoing in his mind, Sirius had crawled through brokenglass?
"Apologize to your brother. I'll take James and Harry out so you two can talk, but I swear, if you make him cry, I'll still beat your bony arse even if it hurts me,"
"Are you okay, Remus?" Regulus asked quietly, shame twisting in his gut and burning his cheeks, "I can imagine it must've been awful, with your past and your pain. I didn't even think,"
Remus cracked a sad smile, his voice softening a little, "No, you didn't, but I forgive you. I've been a whole lot better, but I've also been a whole lot worse. The airbag messed up my face, obviously, and I've got cuts and bruises everywhere, burns on my legs from the fire, and an utterly distraught husband, but other than that, I'm fantastic." The harshness in his tone was gone, replaced with his usual sarcasm and bone-deep exhaustion. Regulus apologized again, unable to think of anything else to say, but Remus only shook his head, clapping him on the shoulder. "Talk to Sirius,"
Regulus entered the room hesitantly, willing to endure Sirius' wrath if he needed to, knowing he deserved it. Sirius' eyes were red-rimmed and tired, but he had a gentle smile on his face as Harry sat on his legs, gesturing animatedly while he babbled, looking very much like James as he did so. The smile fell from his face when he noticed Regulus, and it made him feel a little nauseous, knowing that it was his fault.
James looked up too when he saw his expression change, and met Regulus' gaze, tilting his head in question, hazel eyes as gentle and understanding as ever. Regulus nodded in response, I'm okay, and James smiled before turning back to Harry, grabbing the toddler and throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, just to hear him giggle.
"What do you say to getting some ice cream? I saw a vending machine in the hall and I bet we could even pick something good for Uncle Pads and Papa to cheer them up,"
He pulled Harry down to rest on his hip again and the toddler clapped in excitement, a huge grin on his face without a trace of the fear or pain that had marred his features earlier. When the pair passed Regulus, James reached out to tug him into a one-armed hug, dropping a kiss on his forehead. Regulus leaned into it, letting the warmth wash over him and bringing some calm with it.
Before James could pull away to leave the room, Harry spoke up, "Wait, me too!"
James and Regulus shared a confused look before Harry leaned all the way forward, nearly falling out of James' arms to smack a messy toddler kiss on Regulus' forehead. Regulus laughed, endlessly warmed by his son, who, like his father, always seemed to know how to chase the cold from Regulus' bones.
"Thanks, mon chéri, that makes everything better," Regulus said sincerely, kissing the little boy's hand before releasing him, waving as they walked out of the room.
He turned to find Sirius watching them with soft eyes, Remus or James had braided his hair back for him, a simple messy braid resting at his collarbone, the hand not in a cast picking at a loose thread in the blankets. For a few breaths, they just looked at each other, trying to figure out where to start. He'd expected Sirius to be angry with him, he'd certainly earned the right to yell at Regulus, but Sirius didn't yell or even appear angry, just worn down. They stared at each other for a long time, gauging each other's emotions to find out how to proceed.
"I'm sorry-" They said at the same time, Regulus stepping forward and Sirius reaching out, second nature to them.
Regulus huffed a laugh, wiping a hand down his face and coming around to sit on the bed. He opened his mouth to start, but Sirius cut him off, shaking his head, "Wait, before you apologize, you have to know what I did first,"
So, Sirius told him everything, the truck driving at least twenty over the limit, smashing into them and tipping them off the road, the car rolling down the hill until it landed, upside down, and Sirius hitting his head on the window. At some point in the story, Regulus grabbed his hand, needing the reassurance that he was okay. He told Regulus about waking up suspended, not knowing where Harry was, Remus' face covered in blood, crawling through the glass as smoke filled the car. He recounted all of this in a quiet voice, wavering at some parts like he was reliving it by speaking the words. The truck driver only had the decency to call an ambulance before he fled the scene, not even helping them out of the car as it went up in flames. Regulus cried as Sirius recounted the horrors of the day, cried at what they'd endured, but also cried because he'd acted as if Sirius wasn't a victim too, as if he didn't care that his brother was hurt. There was thick silence between them when the story was finished, Regulus silently drowned in his guilt and shame, the way Sirius spoke tentatively, shoulders slumped like the words personally weighed on him as if any of this was actually his fault.
"I'm so sorry, Sirius. I was being cruel and horrible, I just-" He shifted on the bed, swallowing harshly, "You're important to me, you matter, and I acted as if you didn't, and I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry it happened," Sirius responded, "I don't know what I could have done differently. I keep turning it over in my head, trying to work it out, if there was a way to spare us this pain. I keep thinking about Remus and Harry, how I failed to keep them safe,"
Regulus squeezed his hand, "You can't figure it out because it's not your fault. There wasn't anything to do, I wouldn't have done anything differently if I were driving, and the outcome would've probably been the same because it was the truck driver's fault, not yours."
"You thought it was my fault before," Sirius whispered, "I know I can be reckless, but I promise drove as safe as I could,"
"No, it's- I was afraid. I didn't know Harry was something I could have, you know? This beautiful, perfect baby, that looks at me like I'm his hero, that has never known an ounce of the pain we have. He's so wonderful, and I was so afraid I'd ruin him, but then we had him, and my life has never been so joyful and full of light. I've never been so terrified to lose in my life, I've never had so much to lose, and the thought of it was driving me mad. It doesn't justify what I said to you, or blaming you for being behind the wheel when you couldn't have done anything. You're reckless, yes, but never in a way that would hurt him. I know that, the fear just got a hold of me,"
Sirius nodded, tears overflowing and running down his cheeks, "Can you- do you forgive me? I just- I keep seeing it and I need-"
"Yes, Sirius, of course, I forgive you. Harry's safe and I know that he always will be with you," Regulus said emphatically, flicking away Sirius' tears, still gripping his hand fiercely, "Pardonne-tu?"
"Je te pardonnerai toujours petite étoile," He replied, pulling Regulus to lay down next to him on the bed, shuffling to make room.
It wasn't long before they were joined by two men and a toddler, arms full of vending machine snacks, puddings, and ice cream. They dumped the treats on the bed, Remus and James pulling up chairs to the side of the bed and Harry sitting between Sirius and Regulus. It wasn't the way any of them expected to spend their weekend, but it wasn't the worst way to either, couldn't be when Harry had chocolate smeared all over his face and a brilliant grin, when Regulus laughed so hard he got a cramp and Sirius nearly pushed him off the bed, and James threw m&m's into Remus' mouth from the other side of the bed. They were safe in their little pocket of the world, okay because they could be together, and nothing had to be faced alone.