III
The train tracks were a tangle of limbs. Children shouting with exitement and their respective parents welcoming them loudly.
Cold air scraped his nose and cheeks, it knotted on his lungs along with the panic. Walburga wasn't there to welcome his, now, only child, in her place Kreature awaited for him, on a corner against a column, his tiny frame enveloped in his one piece of clouth made him look fragil and ficcle. However the empty radius at his sides ment people knew who he was, who he worked for. Slowly, ofering a small smile and a curt nod to his friends, Regulus aproached the elf. Crowds parted as he walked, parents wairy of his dead eyes and last name, students all aware of his reputation and history. Murmuring at his back as people close behind him, whiseprs of death and anger and threat, clusterd above his head as a warning sign, "dangerous animal" it read, the noose on his neck only tightend, a lable given to him before his name. A horrendos cage, if you happend to be Sirius Black, but for Regulus, eventhought it carried all the pain and the looks of disgust some people offerd him, and the distrust, being something to be afraid of was the best if you intentd to survive.
And that was the difference between the brothers that got on the way before school did, Sirus crave freeedom, and Regulus only wanted to get passed what was exected of him, he wanted to live. Not to live, he wasn't even asking for that much, he wanted to breath, to think, to move. His incapability to ignore his most primitve urge to survive, created an absolute need of perfection, any mistake would grant his parents an excuse to kill him.
For that, to become that black mirror, nothing behind, you see only what you wished to; he had to make sacrifices, and in a house like his, with Walburga Black and Orion Black as parents, his humanity had to be the lamb.
The sound of his steps echoed at the pace of his raceing heart, thoughts running wild.
-Be most welcomed, young Master.
-Always a pleasure to be back, Kreature. -greeting his teeth, clasping his hands in a tight fist, Regulus needed to feel now, just a few more minutes of being a person, of being Regulus, Reg. He had two weeks where he would be gone, a shadow of himslef, a permanent mask, a persona he had invented a year ago. A machine to whom he adjusted the wieres with every "comng back home", nails puncuturing his skin, not enough to draw blood, but enough for it to hurt. A goodbye to himself.
-Your parents are awaiting for you, master Regulus. -The elf said. Hand in hand, Kreature teleported them to the entrance hall of Grimauld place. A light current carryed of the sent of dust, eventhough it was as pristin as always, the dark surrunding were alive. Creeping and crawling at the walls, contriscting the already narrow space, a sophocating anguish toke hold of the boy, a white thin hand that opressed his chest, obstructign his air way. Tears prickled at the orner of hi eyes, and he swallow them. Regulus closed is eyes, a slow, heavy moment on his eyelids, and threw all he was in that box he kept burried behing a million menal barriers againts Walburga. Every laugh and smile with his firends, that unkown and unwanted something that revolved in his chest everytime James potter smiled at him, to him.
It was the heir of the house of Black who opened is eyes. All the constant pain, the rage, the hapiness he somehow managed to feel at hogawarts, erased as if never exsited fro his eyes, missing, trapped in his mind.
As he aproched the drawing room, his fingers began to tremble. A tap that increased with each step, his heart a beating mess. Only twenty steps from the entrance to the dreaded door, he knew it by heart, every door and secret entry to each room from the house, the distance between them; it didn´t matter he knew it, he counted his steps every time when called to this room. The wood from the door had a badly repared scratch mark. Regulus traced it carefully, he wonder if it was Sirius' or one of his own. He wondered if this was the only kind of mark he would leave in the world, one made in pain, that no one would see if not watching the detailes. A ghost of a thing.
It was a surpirse to Regulus that it took only two breathings for him to knock on the door. However, Walburga didn't respond, his silence was met by theirs. Because they were inside the room, he could feel it, the vibrations of thier magic. His fathers magic was turbulent, a shapeshifting mass of energy he canalized with anger, it almost sounded like war drums to Regulus, the presence of it dripping in the floor, repting under the door, entering the foundetions of the house, of his blood, for he was Lord Black, the master of his house. Walburgas magic was a tricky thing, it was sharp and cold, but quiet. It leaped inside you, and hid in the corner where you could not see it. It was a painful, mistirous poison covered knife. And Regulus hated that he could distinguish both within him.
-You can enter the room, Regulus.-A voice called, strong and stricking, at the end of every word it got a bit higher, almost as if trying not to scream.
The door screeched as it opened, his mothers cruel eyes welcomed him, Orion didn't rise his eyes from the paper he was reading, siting at his desk with Waburga at his side in an ornamental chair they looked just like the portrait above thir heads.
Regulus didn't dare walk in more that a few steps, waiting for an order, like a good little soldier, Sirius' voice echoed in his head. He stood, his back streight and rigid, his shoulders set in a striking pose, intimidaiting, but his head held low. A bow, a restriction.
-Your cousins are coming at dinner, they will arrive at six, you will be at the entrance to welcome them, your father and I will be waiting at the living room. At seven diner will be served, after, you will play the violin. I expect at least three songs, it's possible that Narcissa will acomany you with the piano. -Regulus nodded in undertanding.- At four you will show us what you will be playing. Now, Orion and I, have manner to attend to at the Manor, we'll return for your demostration.
-I understand.-it had taken Regulus various attempts to find a response that pleased his mother enough in this situations. Okay was to lasy, perfect? How could he even think to say that, for he hadn't earnt that title yet. He wasn't sure what hunted him more, Walburgas nails cuting his cheeks as she spat on his face, or that "yet", a goal they had set for him to achive. If they expected him to actually manage perfect, Regulus didn't know.
-You are allow to go clean up now. -Once again Regulus nodded and left the drawing room. He didn't reath until the door to his bedroom was shut and fiffty-five steps separated him from his parents. Still, he didn't dare breath to loudly, or inhale to much air as to not ingest the staleness of it.
Moving stiffly Regulus entered his adjacent bathhroom, and washed his face, let the water clean the smell of fear and the erase the paranoic sweat that had heaped behind his ears. Neither the panic nor the warning pitch he heard constanly disapear. But the fisical signs he felt of them did kuel a little.
All his things had been magically returned to their respective places by Kreature, he imidiatly reached for his unfinished book, Frankenstein, though it had been transfigured by Pandora to look like a potions guide, in fact all his muggle written books had been modified by his friends, by all of them to make it more dificult for his parents to identiy a trait of the magic, to look like pureblooded acceptable reading choices.
As he read, trying with all his might to concentarte on the words written and nt the memories that tried to resuerface, to escape their imprisonment. The first day was always dificult for his subconscientce to grasp the idea of his mind being repressed, it was clear he was in danger of being spyed and it understood this, but in the privacy of his room, his mind still tried to relax, to decompress. By tomorrow, after Bella's visit for sure, his inner self would once again remember. No were is safe, to be, or to properly think. No where within this walls he wasn't being heard or watched. Sometimes, when he wolud wake up in the middle of the night, after a fightful sleep, Regulus thanked Merlin and every wizard that his parents didn't enjoy wakeing up from his screaming and allowed his room to be coverd in a silencing spell like the rest.
His fingers caress the paper gracefully, his mind betrayng him with a memory.
James eyes scrunched in concentration, gripping his quill with to much force, remaking the ecuations a measurements Regulus had just given him, and practicing for a bit. In the mean time, Regulus had taken his book out and had leaned back against the wall of the astronomy tower, distracted by the noise James looked up, and if Regulus hadn't been reading he would have seen James eyes stuck at his fingeres as they pinched his lips, seen his mess of a hair and his glasses slighly askew.
-What are you reading? -James had asked, but Regulus ignored him, pointing to the notebook on James lap without even lifting his gaze from the page. Not one from giving up James scrambled forward to read the title. -Wait, isn't Frankenstein a muggle book? I think Lily and Remus mentioned it the other day... well is it? -At last, Regulus had lookd up, not closing the book, and arching a sole eyebrow, at wich James just smiled and haffed a laugh.
-Yes, it is, in fact, a muggle book.
-But... you... aren't you, like, forbidden to read that stuff?
-I am also forbidden to hung out with mugglebornes, but do you see me avoiding half the school? -He had almost slipped and said: he could talk to people like him, especially him.
-Oh, well. It's not the same. You can choose to read only wizard written books, who comes to Hogwarts doesn't depend on you. With this you are actively defying your parents. -Regulus felt the commun brush of anger, the fear clasping his throat, a fear he would not endulge in. So pushed it aside to reach for the anger, for it to harden his eyes and to turn his voice into venom, his features quickly sculting into snarl.
-And what if it is? What I do in my free time doesn't concern your, nor my relation with my parents for that matter. Why don't you get out of my face and start studying the potion notes I gave you. You are not my friend, Potter, in fact, neither am i yours. I'm just here becuase you'll owe me, better if you take advantege of the time I'm manageing to endure. -With that Regulus took his stuff and left the tower in a haste. He ignre James surprise and the deflated look, Regulus just had time to see.
It was the last time the saw each other before the holydays.
Now laying in his bed at Grimmuald place, Regulus preffered to think of that last time, instead of all the good once that came before.