Blame it on the Black Star

And you go home, and you cry, and you want to die

Dear Poppy,

I know it's been a few years, but I am happy to report that despite your fears I have continued to preserve and make things safer for the people of London, I want you to know that I am helping people. And I know you think that it's not worth it but I have a gift as you say and I want to use it for the better that's all I ever wanted to do was make you proud- * scribbles off* help people- * scribbles off again* I just ask that you try to understand. I miss you I wish I could see you, I know you'd be proud, at least I hope so, you should come down for Christmas, it's nice, not as nice as the country though. I miss it you know, the country, your pies, remember when you mixed up the cough syrup for jam, I think I can still taste it. I'm sorry I haven't visited, or wrote, or even tried to talk I know I've probably broken your heart but I just couldn't stand to see you after I applied in London, I couldn't bear to hurt you, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I'm not asking for, you know I never ask for sympathy, I just want to see you again, Mum * scribbles out Mum*.

Sincerely, 

Remus J. Lupin

Jesus Chirst that was awful, why did he keep writing these stupid letters, I mean it had been what, six fucking years, one STUPID letter wouldn't fix shit, and yet he wrote one every fucking year and every year the letter ended up crumpled up, lying in the garbage. 

Remus's bones ached as he began to rise out of his chair, oh how he loathed December. 

9:30

OH FUCK, was it really, Remus scrambled across his kitchen, knocking over at least five pieces of evidence probably crucial to proving someone innocent, but Remus really couldn't be bothered after-all he was already three hours late to work the last thing he needed was to be four.

He quickly flung on his badge, which he found to be completely unnecessary seeing as he was only a detective, and his navy coat, and flew out the door as fast as someone with Osteoporosis could, stupid bones !!!

It was snowing hard, the snow felt like nine-inch nails piercing his skin, his feet began to sink in the snow, and the wind howled and moaned in his ear like a dying animal, and yet he persisted. Because for as much as the snow tortured him, James would do worse if he was anymore late than now.

But before long Remus's vision went blurry and he began to slow down, finally unable to go any further Remus slipped into a nice and cozy looking cafe, maybe, to be completely honest Remus hadn't the slightest idea as to where he was? But where ever it was, it was warm, and that was really all Remus cared about. As he entered unable to see where he was going he stumbled into what felt like a chair, causing him to fall over on to the floor. And by the time he was on the floor, he was far too exhausted to even attempt to get up. The floor was clean, and polished and the air, though his face was pressed on the floor, smelled like lavender and freshly made pastries. Warmth filled Remus's body and eventually he came to the decision that this was just going to be his life now. Fuck James, fuck Lily, Dumbledore, Dorcas, Frank and Alice, Barty and HIS STUPID VOICE, and the entire fucking department. All Remus knew now was the floor, the lavender rich air, and feeling of sleep slowly overtaking him.

"Uh, did the chair offend you, or are you just testing gravity's loyalty?" 

Remus didn't bother opening his eyes, and instead simply let a soft and slow mumble " what"

"Sorry let me rephrase that, do you want a seat or is the floor enough?" 

Suddenly Remus scrambled to his feet.

SHIT why was he on the floor,god this was SOOOO embarrassing. 

"I am so sorry" Remus said attempting to clean himself "I just..." 

And that was when it happened, the moment Remus found himself completely and utterly speechless unable to even fathom the words to say to such a person that stood before him. Remus's face turned bright red, if he hadn't lost all his dignity before, then he was sure to have now because there, in front of him was by far the most beautiful person Remus's eyes had ever grazed upon. His hair was black like a crow's gently pushed out his face expect for one strand which fell in front of his eyes, and his eyes were gray and cloudy like a storm but there was a certain sweetness in them, a gentleness that seemed to overtake Remus from the moment he looked in to them. And his facial features were high and dignified, they seemed to reflect royalty and yet his face wore a kind and genuine expression. And his lips were a lush pink and were ever so slightly parted.  

He was just beautiful. 

"Here let me help you" The man gently nudged "It's freezing out there, I'll get you something to eat...on the house" he added. 

It took Remus a moment to understand what was going on before the man had set off towards what seemed to be a kitchen.

"Wait... I don't need anything... I just.."

But before he could finish the man came back in with some croissants and a cup of tea, "Sorry" he said smirking, which made Remus blush yet again, GOD HE WAS SO PATHETIC, "I didn't know what you wanted so I just pulled out some Earl Grey." 

Remus tried to convince the man that he really didn't need any of this food but the black haired man seemed to be having none of it. 

"I'm serious, I DON'T NEED this, I was just passing by and..."

"First off you're not Sirius I am, second I don't care what you were doing out there it's freezing, and nobody should be out there let alone... someone like you" 

Remus's face flushed "What's that supposed to mean"

"NOTHING, nothing" this time it was the man's turn to look flushed "Just that... I don't know... you're too... YOU JUST LOOK NICE, that's it" 

Oh now he had done it, it was all over for Remus he was gone, he was speechless. "Tha... Thank you" At that the man smiled back a nice, warm, a gentle smile but then Remus watched his eyes move down to his jacket and his smile faded and pressed into a thin line. Remus frowned, what was up with the sudden change, "You good" 

The man's face turned pale "What's that" he said pointing at Remus's badge. 

"Oh this... its my badge" Remus said with an amused smirk, did this man really not know what a police badge looked like "I mean I don't want to wear it , I kinda have.." 

"You're a cop" the man tone was cold and his features had suddenly hardened. 

"Uh... kinda" 

The man turned to him, he looked less cold now just sad, but he looked at Remus in the eyes and smiled, a sad one at that but still a smile none the less "Kinda?" he laughed. 

Remus blushed "Well I'm actually a detective so you won't have to worry about me, I'm just the nerdy one sitting in the back, truth is I can't fight for my life" 

"Really!" The man let out a laugh. 

Yes, Remus thought, laugh, please look at me and laugh show me your perfect smile .

They began to chat, and truth was they never really stopped, the pace was impeccable, Remus felt like he knew him his entire life, almost like he could never imagined ever existing without Padfoot, that was the nickname Remus came up with because he was too embarrassed to ask Padfoot his actual name, it was because when they initially started to talk the painting behind Padfoot fell on top of him almost knocking him out, Padfoot regrettably admitted that the painting fell down more than it stayed up and so after awhile Mcgonagall, the sweet lady who owned the shop, began to just call the painting Padfoot so eventually they just stuck with it, so Remus just began calling him that, in his head of course, he didn't need to actually learn Padfoots name, in fact they didn't even use names, they didn't need to. 

After the course of about nine hours Remus stayed in the exact corner, as Padfoot talked to him, sometimes he would have to yell halfway across the room because of a customer which surprisingly didn't seem to bother Mcgonagall all that much, who later when Pads had left the room admitted she liked how loud he was and that it was a welcome change but of course she never told Padfoot this. Remus learned that Padfoot had been working at the Tea Shop for the past four years, when Remus had asked where Padfoot worked before he vividly remembered his friends body going stiff, he had that same look as when he found out Remus was a cop, cold and callous, but after a long and tense silence Padfoot finally spoke up.

"I ran away from home or got kicked out, still not sure to this day to be completely honest" he scoffed "I was 16, Mcgonagall here found me out in the snow" he laughed but it wasn't his laugh, it was sad, weak, and soft not like Padfoot at all "I was probably gonna die if she hadn't of found me..."

He stared down at the ground then looked up and smiled "I love her more than anything else, she gave me a room, a life, a home... a family" he smiled sweetly tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he turned away from Remus to wipe his eyes. 

After a soft silence Remus broke the silence "I get that my mom left me at an orphanage when I was little, and all the other boys used to pick on me, cause well... I'm not necessarily the strongest, I had at least five different chronic illness growin up" he laughed sadly he had forgotten most of his childhood, he tried to leave most of that behind, but looking back Remus had actually grown quite sentimental about his childhood even if it was a shitty one "so I was in the hospital wing a lot and of course we were really underfunded so we only had one nurse... her name was... Madam, sorry... Pomfrey... Poppy Pomfrey" Remus voice went hoarse "I think when I was about 11, an accident happened and the matron she uh..." Remus cleared his throat "Got really mad and well it had happened before but not like that"

Padfoot's eyes widened with realization, he looked at Remus and then looked away, which Remus took as his cue to keep going. "Anyhoo Pomfrey found out and got so mad, you should've seen it, she quit then she... adopted me, it was... the best day of my life" Remus smiled to himself he could still remember it all too well "oh sorry I totally interrupted you that's my bad”

Padfoot’s eyes softened at Remus’s story, his initial wariness melting away into something gentler. He leaned forward on the counter, resting his elbows there as though settling in for a story he wanted to hear more of.

“No, don’t apologize,” Padfoot said, shaking his head. “That’s... amazing. Sounds like she really cared about you. A lot of people would’ve just turned the other way, you know?”

Remus chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair, now damp from melted snow. “She didn’t just care. She made me feel like I wasn’t some lost cause, like I mattered.” He paused, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. “Still do, even if I haven’t been the best at showing her that.”

Padfoot tilted his head, his brows furrowing. “You don’t see her much anymore?”

“No,” Remus admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Not since I moved to London. I send letters sometimes—or, well, I write them. But I never send them. Guess I’m scared of what she might say... or worse, what she won’t say.”

The silence between them grew heavy but not awkward. Padfoot looked like he wanted to say something, but instead, he slid the plate of croissants closer to Remus.

“Eat,” he said with a soft smile. “I’ve been told it helps with existential dread.”

Remus snorted, picking up one of the croissants and taking a bite. “You’re a terrible therapist, Padfoot.”

The name slipped out before he could stop it. Padfoot blinked, then burst into laughter.

“Padfoot? Really?”

Remus flushed, waving his hands in protest. “It just... stuck, okay? That painting behind you—you said it’s called Padfoot—”

“Oh, Merlin’s beard,” Padfoot groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You’re telling me you’ve been calling me after a crooked painting this whole time?”

“Well, it’s not like you’ve told me your real name,” Remus shot back, smirking despite himself.

Padfoot raised an eyebrow, his expression softening again. “Fair enough.” He extended a hand across the counter. “Sirius. Sirius Black.”

Remus stared at the hand for a moment before taking it, feeling warmth radiate from Sirius’s touch despite the cold lingering in his bones. “Remus Lupin.”

Their handshake lingered, a silent understanding passing between them, until Sirius pulled away, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

“You know, Remus,” Sirius said, leaning on the counter again, “you’ve got a way of making this café way more interesting.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, feigning indignation. “What, it wasn’t lively before?”

“Oh, it’s lively,” Sirius said with mock seriousness. “But usually it’s just me yelling at McGonagall’s stubborn regulars or chasing down that stupid painting when it falls over again.”

Remus smiled, warmth blooming in his chest. He could picture it—this strange, cozy café, Sirius’s vibrant energy filling every corner, a makeshift family keeping the cold outside at bay.

“I guess I’ll have to stick around then,” Remus said lightly, taking another bite of his croissant.

Sirius grinned. “Guess you will.”

And in that moment, with the snow still falling outside and the faint scent of lavender in the air, Remus decided that maybe—just maybe—he could afford to linger a little longer.