Walburga Black sat quietly in her armchair. Her eyes were focused on the dark night sky outside her window, desperately praying to the stars.
Each dot of light on the clear, cloudless sky was a member of her family. Each watched over her in both her highs and lows, and every night they covered the sky in their magnificent glow. Most only saw stars as beautiful decorations in the skies above, but Walburga knew. A star was powerful, its light and warmth essential for the air in her lungs, for the tears which sprung from her eyes that particular night.
“Please.” She whispered, her voice coming out as a mere whisper.
Walburga’s own voice couldn’t handle the power of her want, her need, for her request to be heard. The sky remained silent, eternally complicit in her suffering. If only she could reach up and grasp onto the sharp edges of the stars and bring them closer, close enough to light her precious boy’s face in warm hues. If only the stars could cure both their pain and finally relieve them from suffering.
Sirius, her boy, was laying silently in the bed which stood beside her. His eyes were closed shut by the peace of sleep, but his face was contorted in the agony of illness. His forehead glistened with sweat as it was illuminated by the moon’s reflected light. Walburga’s hand rested beside his head, allowing her to touch his soft, messy curls with her fingertips. She slid her hand down his hair, remembering the tantrum he had thrown a week prior when she had attempted to cut it. Sirius was a stubborn boy, a direct reflection of his mother and her fiery temper.
She didn’t always know how to deal with the boy alone at home. He was only a child yet they already argued like wolves. Poor Regulus had hidden in his room on many occasions to avoid seeing them fight. Walburga could only hope their fights wouldn’t continue as Sirius grew, knowing she would be too weak to control him. Now, she could always stop the boy with kisses and praises, letting the boy soak up her attention like a sponge.
Despite their sometimes strenuous relationship, she was still his mother. No matter how many arguments they had, she would always come back to her boy. Neither of them ever apologized, but she took on his hurt. She sometimes felt it, in moments such as this. Like an open wound in her chest that grew in size every time she pressed her hands on her son’s faces and wiped the tears from them. Despite the pain, she knew in her heart she would rip the wound open as many times as she had to for her boys. She would take any curse as long as Sirius and Regulus were safely behind her. As long as she could kiss her little boys goodnight.
She knew that regardless of her wishes, Sirius wouldn’t be a little boy for long. Eventually he would go to Hogwarts and she couldn’t see him every day. She could only write her boy letters and express her love with mere words on a paper. Walburga hurt even at the idea of being away from Sirius, knowing the distance could kill her. She knew she would live with eternal guilt and regret for letting her children go. What if one day he didn’t know she loved him, or worse. What if he didn’t believe it? She had nightmares of Sirius ripping apart letters she had written to him, forcing her to resort to anger towards her little boy.
Walburga looked out the room door and stared at the painting of her own mother, which hung in the doorway. She remembered roaming these very halls as a child, with her mother chasing her and her brothers around. She had family, the only people she could trust. She wouldn’t let anyone else close, she couldn’t do that to her boys. She knew no one else could ever truly have their best interest at heart. No one else could be as willing to sacrifice themselves for her children as she was. Walburga didn’t believe in soulmates, she believed in blood and its power on people. She had seen it in her mother’s angry eyes as she blasted off family members on their family tree. She could see it in her aunt’s and uncle’s eyes when they cried over the graves of late relatives. She knew that amount of love could never be beaten by another kind of love.
Walburga also knew all of her fears could come true. She knew herself well enough to see Sirius was just like her. She knew the discipline it had taken for her to stay in line might not be effective on Sirius. She feared most of all the day in which the rose coloured curtain would fall from his innocent face, exposing him to all that the world has to offer. All that won’t include her.
Sirius slowly opened his eyes, gaining Walburga’s immediate attention.
“How do you feel darling?” Walburga leaned over her boy and started caressing his forehead lightly.
“Bad.” Sirius croaked in response, his voice echoing his pain.
Walburga took Sirius’ hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. Sirius turned to look out the window.
“Stars.” He said quietly with a smile on his face.
“That’s your family, Sirius. They're all looking out for you. No matter how sick you feel, remember that they're taking care of you. You will never be alone, as long as you can see the sky above.”
Walburga had to stop talking and swallow the lump in her throat, as it threatened to spread its reach into her mouth. She kept caressing Sirius’ forehead and hair. His black curls were spread on the pillow, and she occupied her hands by arranging the hairs into a beautiful pattern. Sirius giggled every once in a while at the touch.
Walburga wished she could stay in this moment forever. She wished she could play with her son’s overgrown head of hair and hear his giggles over and over again. She wanted to feel this close to her son every day for the rest of her life. She felt selfish in wanting to remain in a moment that caused her son so much pain, but she needed the love to heal the wound inside her, because she knew it would eventually be ripped open by the very same boy that now stitched her up with his laughter and smile.
Eventually Sirius fell back asleep, breaking the perfect moment of present connection between them, but to Walburga, it was enough. She could keep this memory, fold it neatly, and treasure it in her heart. Every time she felt the need, she could take the memory and repeat it, over and over.
Walburga knew she couldn’t fill the void her boy growing up would leave within her, but she thought that moments such as these could keep her heart pieced together, until it was her time to join her family in the stars. Then she would let the pieces fall and break into the stardust which she will become. The shreds which remain of her human body are only a reminder of her love, but she knew no matter what happened between her and Sirius, her true love would be stored in the small dots of lights in the sky above him.
“I love you, my boy.”