Cinema
- 𝔹𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝔹𝕖𝕟𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕚 𝕗𝕥 𝔾𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝔾𝕠
"Amie!" Amie spun around to the sound of a familiar voice behind her, coming face to face with Marlene McKinnon in all of her spectacular glory.
Marlene was pretty much the it girl of the seventh year. All of the boys wanted her and all of the girls wanted to be her; whatever she said was pretty much written down in a bible, and whatever she wanted, she was almost guaranteed that somebody would get it for her.
She was a chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team as well, so she gained popularity for that. Amie couldn't imagine somebody who seemed to think that red lipstick was a part of her natural look being particularly into sports, but Marlene was actually extremely skilled on the Quidditch pitch, at least from the limited amount that Amie had seen her.
Amie's experience with Marlene had been limited, but she knew a fair bit about her life from Dorcas. Her four brothers and borderline neglectful parents, which boyfriend fit with which day of the week, how she smoked but only on the weekends, how she could play guitar.
"I've been trying to track you down all day!"
Amie only smiled slightly as she nodded her head, knowing that she had barely moved from the library except from to go to meals all day. She didn't particularly mind if Marlene hadn't bothered to find her until now, she was just amazed that she had tried to find her at all.
"Anyway, I wanted to catch you because I got the feeling-" She shook her hands emphatically. "-That you and Sirius were on your way to becoming a thing. And I just wanted to check that you weren't, because, well, I like Sirius. And I intend on getting with him. If you know what I mean." Marlene smirked slightly and twirled a piece of her hair around her index finger, and Amie tried to keep the corners of her smile up as she nodded her head, trying to forget the thoughts that she had had about Sirius just moments before.
She was so stupid to believe that he actually meant what he said - one of the biggest players in seventh year. Of course he didn't actually like her, he probably just wanted to make James and Remus more upset, because everyone knew how spiteful Sirius could be. And even if he did like her, how did she fare against Marlene McKinnon - the blonde beauty with curves in all the right places, perfect grades, and half of the school around her pinkie finger.
"So, uh, just to be clear: you aren't interested in Sirius, are you?" Marlene queried, and it took a moment for Amie to realise that she had said anything at all, and she raised her eyebrows slightly as she almost choked on nothing.
"Me? Oh, no. No, he's like... Ew, I wouldn't... I wouldn't..." She trailed off. She would. "No, I'm not interested in him."
"Okay, great!" Marlene drew Amie in and kissed her on both cheeks with accentuated mwahs, somehow not leaving bright red lipstick marks on her skin before she strutted away purposefully, probably already on her way to mark Sirius as her territory.
Of course she liked him, Amie had to be the most stupid person ever not to realise.
Amie's shoulders slumped as she turned around again, trudging up the stairs and mindlessly walking to the Hufflepuff common room, tapping on the barrels and making her way through the open passageway. She had harboured hope for a moment, and as soon as she had, it was ripped away from her, just like everything else had been.
The common room was full of people dressed in mostly yellow, chatting or playing or studying in little groups. Nobody was sat alone - that was the beauty of Hufflepuff - but all of Amie's friends were elsewhere. Will was MIA, and both Daphne and Olivia were still eating dessert. She smiled courteously to a few of the other sixth years before making her way up the stairs to her dorm.
She collapsed on her stomach onto her bed, rustling the neat covers. She didn't want to sound dramatic, especially since she had only just admitted to herself that she actually liked Sirius, but she felt like the floor had been wiped out from underneath her. She had thought that Sirius was being serious when he said he liked her, and now he was probably saying all kinds of things to Marlene. It made the horrible feeling in her stomach return, like a sickly churning sensation.
How could she be feeling all that she was feeling for her brother's best friend? There couldn't have been a worse person to fall for, could there?
Letting out a groan, Amie turned onto her back and stared up at the canopy above her bed, the yellow curtains that surrounded her and the pinky-orange glow of the sunset flowing in from the semi-circle windows by the ceiling. Her world was so pretty, filled with beautiful things, and someday sooner than everyone else, she would have to leave it.
She would have to say goodbye to her family. James, Sirius, Remus, Will, Olivia, Daphne, Dorcas - every single person and thing that she loved most in the world. What was the point in wasting the time that she had crying over some guy who wasn't even thinking of her? And Amie could guarantee that Sirius was not thinking about her if Marlene had gotten her way, which she always did.
Merlin, it made her feel sick just thinking about it.
Amie knew that there was no chance with her and Sirius now, but still she couldn't help but fantasise about what could have been. Trips to the astronomy tower at night to look at the stars, sitting at the Gryffindor table for breakfast and him sitting with the Hufflepuffs for dinner (they could eat apart for lunch), butterfly-inducing gazes and world-stopping kisses.
She was down hard, and she hadn't even realised that she had fallen until it was too late to catch herself. Sirius sure as hell wasn't there to break her fall, and so she was left to tumble alone, trying to catch her ever-failing breath.
[***]
The next day, Sirius and Marlene walked into the Great Hall hand-in-hand, and Amie felt as though she wanted to drown herself in the milk in her cereal as she watched them both go and sit down happily at the table where they both belonged. The Marauders still weren't talking to each other, or rather, James and Peter were together, Remus sat by himself a few people away from the pair and Sirius had settled for the other end of the table, distancing himself from the boys he once loudly announced as his brothers.
"Oh, Amie, they're probably just gonna date for a month or two and then they'll be over. You know how Marlene never sticks to a boyfriend for long." Olivia rested her head on Amie's shoulder, and Will shuffled across the bench to block her view of the boy. Dorcas, who had joined them for breakfast, stayed still where she was sat, fist pressed into her cheek. Even she looked slightly bummed about everything.
"Or they're going to get married and have the most beautiful children in the world." Amie sighed, running a hand through her hair as she shrugged her shoulders, hoping to seem nonchalant but knowing that she came across as anything but.
"The most beautiful children." Dorcas repeated, staring down at the wooden table in an uncharacteristic slump.
"Oh, guys," Olivia lifted her hands into the air before dropping them back down onto her lap dramatically. She sighed quickly before her eyebrow quirked and she stood up, walking towards the Gryffindor table and towards Remus, who was still sat by himself. Amie watched her carefully, trying to decipher what was being said through just the movements that Olivia was making and the way that Remus was reacting.
Olivia was a rather large personality when she wanted to be (either that or she didn't speak at all) and she seemed to be quite lively. Her hands were flipping over each other, her slick ponytail whipping back and forth with the intensity of her actions. At one point she sat down in the small space in between Remus and the poor girl next to him before jumping up but a moment later. The conversation didn't seem to be going anywhere, and Amie even picked up a piece of toast to begin chewing at, neglecting her cereal. She hadn't expected Remus to get up from his seat.
But he did, and he slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and he followed Olivia all the way over to the Hufflepuff table, slugging down next to her and opposite Amie into Daphne's usual seat, dropping his bag back down to his feet. His finger, jutting out from where his chin was rested on his fist, pointed to the toast that Amie had dropped onto her plate, only a single bite taken out of the tiniest piece of crust. His fingers went to pick the toast up before they stopped, rubbing together as though chastising themselves for reaching out.
"Sorry. Habits." He mumbled, pushing the plate away, "Sirius never finishes his food."
"You can have it if you want." Amie offered, but Remus shook his head, the awkwardness of the situation settling in as Amie stared at him and he dropped his head down, avoiding any kind of eye contact.
"Where's Daphne?"
"Still asleep."
"Listen, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday." Amie blurted, fingers fiddling in her lap, itching to reach toward her mouth, "I was just angry, because well..."
She trailed off, her eyes drifting to where Marlene was feeding Sirius a strawberry as they stared into each other's eyes. What an oddly sensual thing to do in public, Amie thought. Remus looked over his shoulder and followed her eyeline, his slightly raised, inquisitive, eyebrows drooping once he saw what she was looking at before he turned back to face her, his expression one that Amie couldn't quite place.
"Because you like Sirius as well, don't you?"
"What? I don't..." But what use was there to deny it now? Anybody who had been paying attention could know that Amie had feelings for Sirius, and Remus had certainly being paying attention. One of his eyebrows raised, although there was a certain exhaustion in the action, "Yeah. Yeah, okay, I do. But he's with Marlene, so it doesn't really matter."
"You think that Sirius just carries girls back to our dorm?" Remus asked, but when Amie raised her eyebrows at him, he sighed gently, "Okay, so he does. But do you think that he would sleep on the floor for just anyone? This is Sirius Black we're talking about - the same guy who refused to bow down to the Hippogriff in Care of Magical Creatures."
"But he did eventually though." Amie commented, "He bowed. And now he visits Buckbeak."
"Right. You just have to get him to bow; to give in, to... realise." Amie didn't see the small crack that appeared in Remus' heart, and subsequently his happy façade, when she smiled at his advice, eyes caught on the back of Sirius' head at the Gryffindor table.
He knew that he was always destined to be the friend on the outside, because nobody could ever love him, what with his condition and everything, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less.
Even James was getting some kind of luck with Lily Evans, and Sirius now had Marlene, Peter had admitted that he didn't feel anything towards anyone, and Remus was left, pining over a girl who barely even registered his existence apart from to label him as her brother's or her crush's best friend. He was always going to be the best friend, and that title would stick with him until he died. He was sure of it.
Because Remus had always looked at Amie with a type of adoration, always worshipped her intelligence, always admired her kindness, her patience, her goodness. She was divine, she was everything that God had intended when he made the earth; Amie Marie Walker could rip his heart out and stamp all over it and he wouldn't say a word, because he was sure he was in love.
It took him seeing her walk away from him to realise. The protectiveness that he felt wasn't because of James. He was in love with a girl he could never have. In love with a girl who was his best friend's sister. In love with a girl who had slept in his best friend's bed, who had a crush on his best friend. In love with a girl who would give him love that he didn't deserve.
And he was destined forever to be the best friend. Sitting in the shadows and wallowing in the pity until the day that it all ended, and he would never see her again.
"Just... act indifferent. Happy, even. He'll soon miss the attention and come crawling back."
Amie collected a spoonful of her cereal before pointing her spoon at Remus, "You, sir, are a good friend."
She was too preoccupied to notice when Remus' face fell, his smile steadily morphing into a sad frown.
She would never notice.
Remus didn't know whether that was a promise or a lament.
[***]