“Get on the bed and strip” Remus growls angrily “don't even try to be a brat, I'm gonna make it so much worse for you, bitch”
“Yes Sir” they mutter climbing on to the bed very slowly
“Did I allow you to talk?” He growls once again, slapping Sirius’ face, hard.
They shake their head quickly and start walking quicker.
“That's what I thought, slut”
Sirius’ thighs are still shaking and Remus can see the wet patch on the front of their trousers. The vibrating cock ring makes the fabric vibrate as well and tears prickle in Sirius' eyes. This was not supposed to be a punishment but the way they acted over dinner made Remus snap. The idea was wearing said cock ring and a plug, both vibrating Remus in control of the remote.
Sirius knows his safewords, he knows they can tap out when it's too much but he also knows that he is not allowed to come without permission and lie about it afterwards. Of course, they will have to talk as to why they did what they did later. After the punishment.
“What are your safe words?” Remus asks, taking off his tie and unbuttoning upper buttons of his shirt.
“Red, green and yellow” Sirius gulps pushing his socks off and throwing them to join the shirt and tie in a pile on the floor
“What else, slut?”
“Two taps is yellow, three green and one red”
“You're forgetting something aren't you”
"I don't- o-orange is for hurts, but works kind of like yellow” They stutter struggling with the buckle of his belt. Their fingers are shaking and eyes are filled with something like panic.
"You realise that if you're not in the right headspace for this we’ll do it another time, Sirius” Remus reminds him, his voice stern, but gentle. Soft even. He brushes Sirius’ damp hair out of his eyes. Their head feels unnaturally warm.
“I'm fine” They stutter, finally taking the belt off and weakly tossing it to join the rest of their clothes “Sir” he adds after a good second.
“Good. Faster, you're taking too long” Remus spits still mildly concerned for Sirius state.
He knows that Sirius has an overall issue with safewords and using them when he needs to. So far, he has tapped out once and could barely move for the next three days because he's pulled some muscles. How did they manage to achieve that to this day Remus has no idea. The point is many times they should’ve safeworded but didn't and it was really bad for both his brain and body.
“I think I told you to be faster, slut” Sirius kind of jumps and starts scrambling as fast as he can with limbs shaking and stimulation to both his prostate and dick working it into full hardness once again. So far, they’ve come three times already with no rest in between, the stimulation not stopping, only changing intensity. After the second orgasm Remus had to nearly drag them out of the restaurant because they were shaking so badly and falling asleep on his shoulder.
Remus feels like Lily had a pretty good idea what was going on, but both James, and Pete hadn’t noticed so that's good, probably.
"Now he listens” Remus mocks, grabbing Sirius’ thin thigh and digging nails in. Sirius’ face shows a flick of discomfort, but it goes as fast as it comes “You know that if your pronouns changed, you're still allowed to tell me that” he reminds them.
“I- no never mind, sir, I didn't say anything” they shake their head shifting on the bed completely naked, sweating and shaking. They look like an utter mess.
“Sirius” Remus warns “If your pronouns changed you tell me, understood?”
“I- It's just they now” they murmur quietly, as if they wanted Remus to not hear, looking to the side and biting their lip ina panicky manner “sorry”
“The fuck you're sorry for, slut?”
"I'm just sorry”
"Well, you better fucking be, because whatever that stunt in the restaurant was, it will not go unpunished you're aware of that?” He growls digging his nails into Sirius’ skin.
“I am sir”
"Amazing” Remus snarls, positioning himself between Sirius’ barely spread legs “Now, you know what we are about to do, right slut?” Sirius nods stiffly. “If you say something it's either a safeword or what I ask you to, if you move you move if I tell you to, you don't get to come unless I tell you to, and if you do, I will make it very painful for you, got it? Use words”
"I get it” they say eyes fixed on Remus, chest heaving, cock throbbing and leaking precum onto the sheets
“Turn over, slut” Remus instructs and leans back, not caring, to help them. Changing positions with body shaking like that must be hard to achieve, not like Remus cares very much. “Hands behind your back legs spread like a whore you are” Sirius flinches slightly but still moves as they're instructed and lays flat on the bed head turned away from Remus. They grab their elbows behind their back and Remus doesn't miss the way their nails dig into already mildly scarred skin. “Stop doing that or I will tape your fingers to your palms. And spread your legs more, whore” Sirius flinches yet again turning their head more so they can speak not being muffled by the duvet.
“Ngh. Yellow, hold on” They mutter, sounding scared.
“What is it?” Remus places a reassuring hand on the small of their back in a comforting manner and turns both vibrators down two settings.
“Don't call me that right now please” they say even more quietly. “Slut is fine, just not whore”
"Okay. That it?” Sirius nods and moves their head back, face tucked into the duvet. “Great, now spread your legs or I will do it for you” Remus warns, they move their knees as far apart as they can, presenting all their goods to Remus. Thank God for Sirius being so flexible, he internally sighs.
Remus grabs both their thighs and spreads their legs even further until Sirius lets out a pained quiet gasp. He smiles, running a finger along their rim stretched beautifully around a big red plug. It is definitely a big one, too big perhaps for regular people, but Sirius is not ‘regular people’ whatsoever. Remus tugs on the plug and pushes it back aggressively. Sirius gasps a bit louder and clenches around it.
“I think I told you to stay fucking quiet. Do I need to gag you or will you manage to follow a simple instruction?” Sirius very obediently doesn't say anything “That's what I thought” he slaps their thigh not even using half of the force he can use. “I want you to count every hit and ask for another, get it, slut?”
“Got it” Their hips move slightly downward as Remus adjusts the vibrators so they both are on the higher setting. It’s so loud the soft whirring sound of the plug could be heard in the next room if someone really tried.
Remus starts off slow and almost gentle, laying the first swat across Sirius’ right ass cheek. Objectively the least painful place. Sirius stifles a jerk and mutters
“One. May I please have another, sir?” their body goes stiff, seconds before another swat sounds in the room, this time on Sirius’ left cheek. And this time Remus keeps his hand there letting the pain swim under flushed skin. They swallow audibly “Two. May I please have another, sir”
Remus continues to lay swats in an irregular rhythm so Sirius has no idea where and when to expect the next one painting their backside cherry red. After he’s done abusing their ass, he ups the plug one setting and continues to swat, this time, the back of their thighs ignoring the hitch in Sirius’ voice and quiet whimpers that leave their mouth. They dig their nails into their skin again, still obediently keeping them wrapped around each other behind their back.
Remus slaps them across the small of their back right above their ass and Sirius starts coughing violently out of nowhere. Faint shudder of panic washes through him.
“Are you okay?” He asks, stopping his hands, kneading at the plump flesh. “Sirius?”
They hiccup hearing Remus’ voice and clean their throat “T-twenty s-six. May I-I please have a-another, s-sir?” their voice is wet and shaky as they struggle to get the words out. Either they’re fine to go or too far gone to register the question.
“Sirius, I need a safeword, what’s your colour?” Sirius doesn’t answer right away although Remus can see the spasms of their thighs as they breathe quick shallow gulps of air “Sirius, love, I need a colour or I’m tapping out”
“G-green, I’m green” they mumble into the duvet, turning their tear stained face to the side. There is a wet spot on the sheets where their mouth is, a line of spit connecting it to their mouth.
“Drooling like a fucking slut over a few swats, what a filthy being” Remus spits, tainting his voice with venom and laying another swat. This time Sirius quietly gasps and tries to jerk away “No, no, don’t run away from me, slut, I’m not done with you yet”
“Twenty-” they are cut off by another coughing fit, nails digging deeper into their skin “twenty-seven. M-may I please h-have another, sir?” they stifle another cough and a sob follows shortly after
This is just a bit concerning because as much as Sirius cries during sex, as if that was the only time they allowed themselves to be vulnerable like that, probably because it is. They never cough though. But if they haven’t safeworded, even given Remus a green, he doesn’t think much of it, keeping it in the back of his mind.
“Sure, you can, slut. So greedy” Remus tuts and slaps them again this time grazing his nail over the burning flesh and Sirius stifles something close to a moan. “I think you were supposed to be quiet?” He’s still surprised they managed to hold the sounds in for that long, the constant pressure on their prostate and around their dick definitely not helping with it. He has to restrain himself from whispering a praise for how good they are doing. But this is punishment after all, and they had discussed it briefly in the car on the way to the flat.
This doesn’t change the fact that they will have a talk about this later.
“I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean t-to, sir” Sirius stutters shifting minimally and letting out a small sigh “twenty-eight, may I please have another, sir” their voice sounds a bit empty as they try to hide their face from view.
“You better be sorry, don’t do that, or you’ll suffocate” Remus grabs a fistful of their hair and tugs on it pulling Sirius’ head up which makes their back arch beautifully off the bed.
“I’m sorry” they mutter again, wincing from the pain in their scalp.
“If you stay shut for the next two, I might let you suck me off” he says tugging once again and keeping his hand there, as the other one lays another swat across their lower back with a loud slap. Sirius lets out a soft whimper that is barely audible, so Remus decides to let it slip, this time.
“Twenty-nine. May I-I please h-have a-another, s-sir?” they choke out, stuttering at nearly every single word. Without letting them brace themselves Remus lets go of their hair, instead reaching for the remote and turning it to the highest setting at the same time as he slaps them again this time with the most force so far. His own hand burns with the impact. But Sirius doesn’t make a sound except a little gasp.
“Thirty. Thank you, sir, may I please have another?” they either forgot what Remus said a minute ago or they didn’t register it at all, but Remus lets out a laugh.
“You’re that greedy? I mean I can go another round if you want it that badly?”
“No-no please, sir. No, I’m sorry I’ll be good, I’ll… I’ll be good, I promise, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t-to I’m so sorry” they start babbling as Remus hauls them up grabbing them under their arms. The plug must press against their prostate with double the force as they sit because their back seems to snap as they arch it, throwing their head back “Fuck”
“Get on your knees next to the bed, slut, mouth open” He orders and Sirius immediately scrambles from the bed kind of falling off of it from how much they are shaking. Remus watches as their dick leaks more precum onto the floor. The sight alone hurts, the way it's angry red and swollen, veins threatening to burst out of the skin.
Remus palms himself through his boxer briefs, because he has self-control, but holy fuck he’s just human and Sirius shaking, drooling and making those beautiful sounds is a stunning sight.
He slips off the bed and without any warning shoves his cock deep inside Sirius’ throat, groaning in pleasure as they gag around him trying to adjust to the intrusion
“Take it, slut” Remus grunts, pulling back a little and pushing back inside roughly.
New tears spill from Sirius’ widely open eyes. Their pupils are blown, only a thin ring of grey around the black void. Remus’ foot finds its way to Sirius’ throbbing cock and presses down on it just enough to relieve some of the pressure, but not nearly enough to get them off. Which they are not allowed to do anyway. Sirius does moan around Remus though, sending a shiver along his spine. He swears he can fucking feel the vibrations of the plug on his dick.
“Mm… I think I told you to be quiet, didn’t I, slut?” he grinds out, voice strained trying to keep himself from audibly moaning.
Sirius slides off him a little and looks him in the eyes with panic in theirs, as if they were apologising. Remus only tangles his fingers in their hair and roughly pulls them nearly all the way off before slamming back inside and thrusting his hips at a punishing pace.
“Remember you signals?” he yanks Sirius off and waits for the nod. It’s a weak one and their eyes are darting from place to place looking terrified. But Sirius has safe words and signals for when their mouth is occupied.
Remus can feel the orgasm tugging at his insides as he slams his cock deep into the warmth of Sirius’ throat. He’s waited long enough and they did get to come three times already so it’s only fair. He wraps his hand around their throat and his knees nearly buckle when he feels himself from the outside. Biting down the praise he grunts:
“You can come after I do. Swallow every last drop like a slut you are or we’re gonna have a problem” He warns and not waiting for any sign of acknowledgment starts thrusting his hips even faster and rougher. More tears spill from Sirius’ reddened face and the look they’re sending him through their long lashes pushes him over the edge with so much force his vision goes white for a few seconds.
He can feel Sirius’ throat moving around him as they try to swallow everything.
When Remus regains his sense of sight, he’s faced with a tear-streaked face, slumped shoulders and a still hard, red cock.
“Why didn’t you come?” He asks slightly confused; brain still fuzzy with the intensity of his orgasm. Sirius looks up at him frowning a little.
“I-I didn’t k-know I c-could” they whisper, voice ruined and trembling like their entire body. “I’m sorry, sir”
“I told you, you could after I did” he did say that, didn’t he?
Sirius blinks slowly “I must’ve not heard it, I’m sorry, sir” they wipe their face on their shoulder, hands still tangled behind their back.
“Well, c’mon, hop on the bed, I’ll make you feel good” Remus says grabbing them under their arms and hauling their boneless body up, laying them on their back “Punishment is over, you did very good, sweetheart” He adds and kisses lightly above their navel.
“H-ngh… orange, sir, wait” They choke out breathily, it nearly sounding like a wheeze
“What is it? What’s wrong” he pulls them up into his lap, concern painted all over his face and seeping into his voice.
“M-my… I can’t b-breathe… I can’t breathe v-very well” Sirius barely pushes past their lips, chest heaving.
“My god… Jesus, fuck” Remus reaches for the remote turning everything off and turning them so they’re facing each other and puts his hand on their chest and their hand on his chest. “Is it hurting, that’s why you can’t breathe or something else?”
“I-I don’t know” tears spill again, although Remus is not sure if they ever stopped “I’m sorry”
“Stop being sorry, you’re okay, I’m not mad at you for this, you’re okay” He tries to reassure them, but it doesn’t really seem to be working “Hey, Sirius… Sirius, can you hear me?”
“Huh?” They look around with lost eyes
“I asked if you can hear me?” Sirius nods slowly “Okay, good. Can you focus on my breathing? Can you do that, baby?” another nod and they close their eyes taking a shaky inhale through their nose “Good job, you’re doing great, love. Can you tell me your full name?”
“S-Sirius Orion B-black”
“Good. And how old are you? Full sentence”
“I’m t-twenty-three years old”
“Very good! Can you tell me who I am? My full name?” Remus asks, rubbing Sirius’ exposed arm. They’re freezing. How did he not notice that before?
“You’re… Remus… John Lupin. You’re my boyfriend. You’re safe” his heart just about melts at that and he swears he can feel his own eyes well up with tears.
“Good job, love. Can you breathe better now?”
“Yes… I’m fine. I’m green you can do whatever” They mumble pulling their hands back behind themselves.
“Wha- No Sirius, I… This wasn’t an orange, was it?” Remus asks, bringing their hands back between them. They look away and let their head hang down.
In the whole crisis their cock managed to have gone soft on its own, which was probably less painful than letting them come at this point. Remus slowly, but swiftly slips the ring off. And did the same with the plug. Sirius whimpers with oversensitivity and hides their face in their hands.
“Sirius answer me please, was that really an orange or not?” He says, voice more stern, but still gentle, prying Sirius’ hands away from their face.
“No,” they whisper.
“What was it then?” Sirius doesn’t answer “was it a red?”
“Not necessarily…”
“I’m gonna need you to explain that, because I do not understand. And also, just so you know, I will not do anything today anymore except for giving you a bath and we’re gonna have to talk, so no matter what you say we won’t do anything else anyway.”
“I- I couldn’t breathe and I… I just got in my head… It wasn’t red” they add quietly “I’m fine, really”
“No, you’re not, you had a panic attack. And you know that it could have been red, right?” Remus wraps a blanket around Sirius’ trembling arms and back pressing them close to himself
“I- I’m sorry…”
“Sirius, what do you mean by that? Sirius?” Cold dread feels like hands wrapping around Remus’ throat. Did they really feel like they couldn’t tap out?
“I- I’m sorry, you were mad a-and I didn’t want to make it worse, I’ve already disappointed you because I couldn’t handle a little pain… it’s pathetic… I’m really sorry, I didn’t… I tired to…” they gulp audibly voice wavering “I’m sorry, I really tried to hold back I-I though I could. I’m only disappointing you… I’m sorry, I’m very sorry, p-please forgive me”
Remus doesn’t say anything. He physically cannot get his vocal cords to produce words. What they… what he just did. That was essentially assault.
“Oh god”
He just assaulted his- what the fuck did he do.
“I’m so sorry” he chokes out hugging Sirius closer to his chest as if they were about to run away at any opportunity. They should honestly, after what he’s done. “I’m so, so sorry. I- I didn’t notice. I- why didn’t you tell me you were in pain, love? I could’ve seriously hurt you. I- fuck I’ve literally assaulted my partner… what kind… what kind of person am I…”
“You didn’t assault me, though.” They murmur quietly.
“I did… I- you didn’t want it… you were in pain… you felt like you couldn’t tell me to stop because I would be mad, Sirius, that was assault” he cries, barely registering the tears on his cheeks and cold hands that wipe them away.
“But it wasn’t. It was my own fault anyway. I didn’t tell you how I felt, because I was scared. Not of you… I don’t know what I was scared of… My childhood messed me up and I- I don’t do well with stuff like that. I don’t know why I agreed to the whole thing in the first place-”
“Because I brought it up and you were scared that you would disappoint me”
“Maybe… you’re probably right, but” they cut themselves off with a sniffle “I-I know you would’ve stopped if I asked you to… I know you wouldn’t have been mad… I just… I was in a…. I’ve not been feeling okay for the past few days and maybe I wanted you to be mad. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t want to worry you”
Remus only looks at them, eyes wide opened, not knowing what to do or say or how to move.
“I think- I think I knew the whole thing was gonna hurt me, but I agreed to do it anyway for that exact reason. I… thought I’d let you hurt me instead of doing this” they flick their eyes to their scarred forearms and then back to Remus “I’m sorry I put you in that position, it’s not fair, but I- I’m just… it hurts” their expression crumbles as they fall into Remus’ embrace. He keeps Sirius close to his chest, rubbing circles on their shaking back and running his fingers through their hair.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t notice that you were feeling that way” he mumbles into their hair.
“I was trying t-to hide it from you” they stutter.
“Can you tell me what made you feel like this?” Remus asks quietly after a second.
“I- it was the seventeenth… few days ago” Sirius vaguely explains motioning in the general direction of the calendar.
Right, it was the seventeenth of June three days ago. What about-.
Oh shit.
Its June.
“Oh god, how could I forget. I’m so sorry, love” He brings them even closer as they lay down snuggled into his chest, legs tangled together.
“I just miss him”
“I know”
“I thought it would get easier, it’s been four years, I thought I was over it” they chuckle, but it sounds strained and breathy
“You don’t have to be over it, take as much time as you need”
“I miss him” Sirius sobs “I miss my brother, Remus. I miss Regulus. Why did… why…” they’re cut off by a loud choked cry.
“I know, Siri, I know… let it out, I’m here.” Remus pulls the duvet over them because despite the banket Sirius is still fucking freezing.
“Why… wasn’t I faster… if I got there an hour earlier, he- he would be alive now… It’s my fault he’s dead. I’ve killed my little brother, Remus. I killed him I- I killed my little brother!” Sirius wails. An agonising scream full of pain and guilt piercing the air like a dagger.
“No, Sirius… his suicide wasn’t your fault. He told you that, didn't he?. He left the letter, right. He asked you to not blame yourself. Remember. He said it wasn’t your fault, do you remember what the letter said?” he tries to disparately calm Sirius down. It hurts to see them like this, it hurts so see them blame themselves for something only two people were responsible for, it hurts to see them in pain.
“O-of course I r-remember”.
‘Sirius, I need you to know that it is in no way your fault. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for leaving. I know you had to do it or they would’ve killed you. Or you would’ve killed yourself. You were always stronger than me, that’s why I’m asking you to do one thing for me. After I’m gone, which hopefully will be by tomorrow morning, do not blame yourself for what I’ve done. I’m happy that you got out. In a way I got out too. I love you, Regulus’
“I don’t-” Their voice breaks again with a sob.
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault, he said it’s not your fault. He said he was happy, let’s focus on that, please. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
“The only thing I can focus on right now is that he is not there! He can’t be happy because he’s dead! He’s dead. My little brother is dead! And it wasn’t even mother! It wasn’t her. Or father! It was him. He… h-he took that kitchen knife and- and, and the rope and h-he he slashed his arms open and hung himself! I found him like that! I f-found my little… my baby brother! HANGING LIFELESS FROM THE CEILING OF HIS CHILDHOOD BEDROOM ON THE DAY OF HIS BIRTHDAY!” Sirius breaks with a gut wrenching sob
Remus did not know that. Of course, he knew what happened to Regulus. He knew that his death was a suicide. What he didn’t know was that Sirius was the first one to find him.
They mumble something into Remus’ chest
“I didn’t hear you?” he says softly
“H-he was sixteen”
“What…? I thought he was seventeen?” Remus asks confused
“He would’ve been. He was born right before the sunrise. The paramedics said- they said that when I came there, he'd been dead for a-about an hour. I was there at six thirty in the morning. I could've- I could’ve saved him. He could’ve been seventeen. He could’ve been twenty-two right now.” They mumble, their voice dripping with bitterness and hurt.
“You couldn’t Sirius… he said that too. There was nothing we could do” Remus says, remembering his own letter. He remembers Regulus asking him to take care of Sirius after he’s gone.
“Did you know he and James were together at the time?” They ask as if they didn’t hear Remus “I guess you did, he told you a lot. Did you know what he said in his letter to James?
“I don’t”
“He said that, I quote ‘I was born right before the sunrise, because my whole life I’ve been destined to miss the sun by just a little bit. I hope I’m gone before the sun rises, so you don’t have to see Jamie’ that poetic bastard. He wanted to be a writer. I remember when we were little he would write a lot and show it to me. Then mother found it. She burned it and beat him so hard he couldn’t walk, calling it stupid. I’ve never saw him writing again-”
“He did. He did write. A lot. I saw him in the library a lot, always scribbling in a black notebook with constellations on it. He was writing.” Remus says, stroking Sirius’ back.
“Do you think he’ll be one of those artists whose art gets appreciated only after their death?” Sirius asks, clearing their throat with a sniffle.
“Do you want him to?”
“Maybe?”
“We can go look for his poetry if you want to, Grimmauld is empty and untouched, right?” Remus suggests
“If mother didn’t burn it, then yes”
“I think it’s worth the shot, don’t you?”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Honestly Remus is surprised it worked.
“Okay. Can I sleep now, please?” They say pleadingly
“Of course you can sleep, love. It’s going to get better I promise”
Remus falls asleep to the soft snores coming from the bundle of nerves, trauma and guilt tucked underneath his chin, arms wrapped around Sirius protectively.