Chapter 4
When Regulus heard the doorbell ring, especially in the middle of the night, he was surprised and at the some time anxious. Nobody came to him at that time for something good. Well, except Barty and Evan.
So he quickly put the coffee he was finishing making, (yes, coffee. He had to finish the book that night.) wand in his pocket close to his hand, and went to open it, only to be surprised to find see who was in front of him.
“James?” He asked confusedly as he saw the boy in the doorway. He was wearing the same tuxedo that Regulus had seen in the photos that had appeared around and that he himself had advised him to wear, after James had shown him the other outfit which was definitely a no. His hair was messier than usual and was currently blowing uncontrollably in the wind.
“Hi.” James said in a strange tone and Regulus knew something was strange. Ignoring the fact that he showed up at that time in that way.
“Hi.” Regulus said laughing a little, confused, “How are you?”
“I’m good.” Replied the boy swallowing, “You?”
“I’m good I think? Weren’t you at the event?”
“I was, yeah.”
“By the way you didn’t respond at my last message.” Said Regulus making room for him to enter and adding playful, “Rude.”
But James shook his head and Regulus furrowed his eyebrows,
“Everything okay? I mean, I—why are you here? And why you don’t want to come inside when it’s freezing?” Said the boy running a hand through his hair, “Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you but, it is almost one in the morning?” Regulus asked in a now worried and uncertain tone and James looked at him in silence, not knowing exactly what to say.
Because he hadn't prepared something. He had just taken it and gone to him. And seeing him there, in front of him, smelling of coffee… “James? Something happened? Are your parents okay? Is Sirius okay?” Asked the boy but James shook his head, still not speaking,
“Are you sick?” Regulus asked again looking behind James and scanning with his eyes to make sure there was no one on the road and James laughed. Because it was perfect, right? Absolutely— “Um…You want to come inside? Before the whole neighborhood go out or something like that. I was making some coffee. Yeah, before you say it, I know it's late but I wanted to finish the book. I can make you a tea?”
“No.” James said shaking his head and Regulus looked even more confused,
“No? You don't want to come inside? Then why—”
“No. Because if I enter you will kiss me and —and I will never say what I want to say.” James said with a breath and Regulus immediately felt wrong.
“What?” He asked in a lower tone now and James had to look at his curl, and not at his eyes.
“I'm sick of this.”
A pause. “Sick of what?”
“Of this. Of—everything.”
Another pause. “What are you talking about? What’s everything?” Regulus asked in as flat a tone as possible, though the nervous twitch in his fingers quickly appeared.
“Of pretending.”
“Of—pretending what. Can you be a little more specific?”
“Of pretending that I'm alone, single if you prefer, when I'm not.”
“Of pretending.” Regulus repeated in a flat tone for the fourth time that night as James finally looked up from the curl to his eyes, to move it back again.
“I'm sorry. But I can't go on like this.” James continued shaking his head, his heart now beating too irregularly, taking a slightly shaky breath. “I just—” the boy swallowed, “—can't.”
“Are you drunk? I—can you please come inside, before everyone hears us so we can talk properly?”
“Right. Now you're worried about everyone.” James and Merlin said, he knew he was playing cruelly, but his words came out instinctively before he could stop them.
“Pardon moi? Stop looking at my damn hair, James and look at me.” Said Regulus and James shifted his gaze to that of Regulus, “What are you talking about?”
“I was at the event.”
Pause. Another pause. “I know?”
“And Rita came in. And she showed us basically your entire day with Fenwick.”
“Benjy? I— You— Are you for real?” said the boy with a sigh, “We were just hanging out like friends. It’s not my fault if she is a person that love to invent things that don’t exist, James. And you know it.” He explained slowly.
“I saw the photos.” James said in a tone that made Regulus feel guilty, for no reason really because he hadn't done anything else except go out with a friend of his. “The photos of you and him. The one where you were whispering in his ear, or the one where you two were holding hands.”
“So it's about him? All of this? Were you jealous?” Asked the guy and James scoffed, “Because there's nothing to be jealous of. Like you don’t know it, c’mon. I don’t—like him anymore. You know it.”
“No, it's not. It's not about him. It's about us.” He answered adjusting his glasses on his nose.
“Us? What about us, James? Because until a few hours ago everything was fine, we were texting and, and joking and—everything was fine until you saw those stupid, meaningless, photos and now what? You're—you're breaking up with me?”
“I'm sick to keep us a secret, Regulus. I'm so sick of it.” James said instead
“You're so sick of it.” The boy said taking a deep breath, because this wasn't happening. James wasn't— “You're—You said you were okay with it. At the beginning of everything. At the beginning of us.” Regulus added with a sarcastic laugh,
James looked away for a few seconds, “That's not what I was made for, okay? It's not. I tried. And I can't. I'm made for going out, kissing you in front of everyone if I feel to and simply do not care.” James said raising his arms in the air as Regulus looked at him silently, “I want to walk with you hand in hand all over the city. I want you to come to my Friday dinners with my parents at their house. I want you to come and have breakfast with me and Ma every morning, and agree with me about how much Willem is spreading himself out with her.” The boy continued laughing,
“Who is Willem?”
“That’s not the point.” James laughed and why was he laughing right now? “I want to present you to everyone, even the rocks if I have to, if I want to, as my boyfriend. My lover. Call it what you want.” He said shrugging his shoulders.
“James…”
James looked nervously at the ground for a second, before looking up at him again, “Dorcas came to the event, you know? Remus too. I know it's stupid, but seeing Marlene and Dorcas. Remus and Sirius. Together? Made me think of us.”
Regulus looked at him, his heart skipping a beat, “What?” He breathed and James looked at him with a sad look. Sad. Sad. Why he was so sad?
“They danced. Even Remus danced and I was—I was the only one who was sitting on a chair.” James told him, “It’s not about the dancing or the chair. It’s just—the only thing that I kept thinking was you. Us. If everything would have—would you have danced with me?”
“James..”
“You wouldn’t. That’s the answer. Because we couldn’t, am I right?”
Regulus shrugged lightly, “I’ll dance with you, James. It’s really this about dancing? You want to dance? Let’s dance. Right now, if you want. In a storm, on the beach, on—or—wherever you want.”
James looked at him even more sadder, “You know it’s not about the dancing, right?” He asked with a trembling sigh,
The boy closed his eyes, before opening them again, “Yes, I know.”
“Then you can see my point?” Asked tiredly the boy and Regulus sighed form his chest.
“We talked about this. I—you agreed. I told you and you agreed.” He said again, his voice breaking at the end, a lump rising in his throat.
“I am sorry.”
“No. You're not.” He concluded with a voice more firmer now, “I—really? I told you. I told that—after everything that had happened with the family, with Benjy, with her, I wanted something private. I don't want another scandal and I don't want—You—you agreed.” Regulus said flatly,
“I know, but—”
“No, you don't know. You just—” Regulus began but stopped for a few seconds, trying to regain control because Merlin and Morgana, it wasn't happening. Not again. And always at night. “What do you think Sirius will say? Mhm? Do you think he would agree if he knew? Am I wrong or you and I were on his off list?” Asked the boy and when James didn’t respond he continued, “What do you think the press will say? Hmm?” Regulus asked and before James could answer he said, “It'll be the story of the year. Of the century. James Potter is dating his best friend's brother. Another Black who fell into James' wonderful fist and—”
“Well, I’m sorry if I don't care, Regulus! I don't care what other people say!” James said interrupting him in a slightly louder voice than necessary and Regulus stiffened almost instantly. Great. “I'm sorry, I don't want to yell. I just—” James began, running a hand nervously through his hair. He should have stayed at the party. He should have—he was ruining everything, wasn't he? “I just wanna stay with you in the light and not only in the fucking dark of a room or a corridor. To kiss you in front of everyone after I win a game. To dedicate you all my stupid victories. I want to hold the hand of the man that I love in front of everyone for all day and night and never have to leave every time as soon as the sun appears in the sky. I want to tell the whole world that I have found the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to fucking dance with you.” James said now breathlessly as Regulus looked at him with wide eyes without moving. “What?”
“You…you love me?” Regulus asked in a low, shaky voice feeling the familiar tightness in his throat that he really, really didn’t want to feel again and James's eyes widened at that. Of course he had said so. As he couldn't anyway. The perfect way to get Regulus to shut up and move away. So he did the only thing his body allows him to do. He laughed at himself, running a hand through his hair.
“Yeah. I love you Reg. I do. I love when you're grumpy. I love— I love when you're flying and I love when I can't actually take my eyes off of you. I love watching you baking or cooking and—and I love when you're just woken up with sleepy eyes. I love you.” James said looking at the boy who now stood before him motionless, without saying anything. Was this a good sign? Maybe not. But it was done now. He was definitely stoned and he honestly couldn't stand there and watch in silence any longer. Because the only noise he heard so far was silence. “I can't keep us a secret and I don't want you to be a secret. To be my secret. Even if you're my secret.”
Regulus opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out of it. I love you. I love you. I love, Reg. I love you. Fuck. How could he—he just—because yeah, but—
“You're not going to say anything?” I love you. I love you. I love you, Reg. “I don't want you to say it just because I did. Just because you feel pity on me. It's fine. I said what I wanted to say. It's all on you, honestly. You know my position. You know how I feel. You know—me.”
“I—” Regulus just whispered but too softly and the way and how the situation was at the time, James didn't hear him.
“I'm not asking you to make an official announcement for everyone. I'm not asking that. I just want to say it to my friends, to my family, to—who I care about. To who you care about.” The boy said and Regulus couldn't open his mouth. Why on earth couldn't he open his mouth? Why? “You're not gonna say anything, right?” He asked then when the silence had actually lasted over a minute, putting his hands in his pockets. “Fine. I get it. You…” James said nodding, as a terrible feeling made its way into his chest. He definitely didn't want it to end like this. He didn’t think it would go like this. He didn't want to, and he didn't want to… but what was he to do now? Pretend he didn't say what he felt? Pretend he wasn't getting a lump in his throat that was preventing him from speaking? Or the fact that his eyes were starting to burn? “You don't want that. Okay.” The boy said taking a full breath, or at least trying to, “It's fine like this.”
“James—” Regulus said, his voice slightly louder than before,
“It's okay.”
“It's—It’s not. Stop—” The boy stopped a second breathing in, but of course his breath wasn’t on his side, “Stop saying it’s fine. All—All of this isn’t fine. It really isn't. First you tell—tell me that you love me—and then—and you break up with me? Are you—” the boy began to say, now unable to actually say anything else, because the words seemed to stick, and stick again, and again, and—
“What am I supposed to do Reg? I told you that I loved you. That I love you. I told that—I told you that I'm here. I want to do this with you. And if we—if the whole world was against us, I simply wouldn't care.”
"What—What do you want have me to do?” Asked Regulus with a broken voice,
“To be with me, Regulus!”
“I am! I already fucking am!” Answered the boy and James shook his head,
“You’re not! That’s the thing!” Said James and Regulus gripped the door tightly in his hand, so much so that his knuckles turned white. That was not happening. That. Was. Not. Happening. “I really have to go now.” The boy said, because he honestly couldn't resist any longer.
“James, p-p-lease, I—” whispered the boy but James was not listening to him anymore,
“Nothing happened. Maybe we took—maybe I took this too far, I'm sorry. I really think that I should go. I need to go, Regulus.” James said and before Regulus could actually say anything, although honestly he wouldn't have said anything complex, he turned away and the next moment was gone, leaving Regulus standing in the doorway in silence, staring at the place where he had disappeared.
The boy remained standing there for too long, so much so that the fingers that were on the door and holding it had become cold. He just—couldn’t move? All of that was wrong. Wrong. Happened too fast and—wrong. Everything was wrong. Maybe he was wrong. And maybe—
“Does Master Regulus need help?” asked cautiously Kreacher, who had known how to deal with the boy when he entered that kind of state, ever since he had first seen him many years ago, due to Walpurga. Don't push too hard. Speak slowly and clearly. Do not touch him. The only one who touched him in those moments was Barty. Not even Pandora. Kreacher had seen it. He had seen how Barty somehow managed to bring Regulus back.
The boy closed the door behind him, before meeting Kreacher's gaze, who was looking at him uncertainly.
“Is Master Regulus okay?” asked the elf kindly and Regulus looked at him not knowing what to say, so he simply nodded and the elf looked at him unconvinced. “Kreacher made some hot tea. Does Master Regulus want some hot tea?”
“Thank you Kreacher, but I just—just want to s-sleep right now.”
“Should Kreacher call Master Barty?” asked the elf, because Barty made him promised to call him first when something, especially like that, would happen, but Regulus shook his head swallowing hard.
“There’s no need, Kreacher. I’m fine. Nothing wrong has ha-happened.”
“Kreacher can convince the elves to poison the food. Not fatally, but severely painful, Kreacher can assure it.”
Regulus looked at the elf and smiled kindly, “I know. Thank you.”
“Master Regulus wants some water? Kreacher won’t leave alone—”
The boy doesn’t look at him now, “I just want to s-sleep. You don’t need to po-poison him.”
“Kreacher can and will if only Master Regulus nods.”
But instead the boy shook his head, thinking at the words that he wanted to say before actually saying them, “You really have a good soul, you know that?” Asked Regulus with a little smile and Kreacher only looked at him confused,
“Kreacher is only being realistic.”
Regulus nodded at him. “And I’m g-grateful for that. But I’ll just go to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Yes, Master Regulus.” The elf said, bowing as Regulus passed him, climbing the stairs and quickly reaching his room, then closing the door behind him, James' words still spinning in his head. I love you Reg. I'm sick of it. I can't. For a moment he considered sitting down on the floor and staying there in silence.
But in reality the boy reached the bed and after taking off his shoes he lay down on it, looking at the ceiling in silence, the light off, the only source of brightness coming from outside the window. The bed was empty. Emptier than he had ever been and it was strange that Regulus was only realizing it now. I love you, Reg.
The boy turned sideways and took the only thing present in his arms. A white plush toy in the shape of a lion. The same stuffed animal that James had given him a few months ago for his birthday.
“What is it?” Regulus asked in confusion as he looked at the box that looked a lot like the ordinary shoe boxes that James had given him moments ago,
“Just open it, mi amor. C'mon.” The boy said impatiently.
“I don't trust you, Jamie. But I will open it just because I want to eat the cake.” He lied Regulus while James quickly kissed his temple,
“Of course.” James said nodding and Regulus looked down, then slowly opened the box and found something inside that perhaps would have been the last thing he expected.
Inside the box there was a stuffed animal. A soft toy in the shape of a white lion. Regulus placed the cover on the sofa and picked up the stuffed animal gently, looking at it. He was white and the irises of his eyes, which were made with great precision, were golden, the same color as the light of James's eyes on hot days and he seemed to have a delicate look. It was similar in size to acat and was incredibly soft and fluffy.
“It's a lion.” James said carefully studying Regulus' reaction, who slowly placed the stuffed animal in his lap, which fit perfectly with it, as if his place was there, in Regulus' arms.
“I thought it was a dragon for a second.” Regulus said playfully and James smiled widely,
“I choose the lion because I think it's connected to both of us. Me, because I'm a Gryffindor. You, because your name is the same as the heart of theconstellation Leo in the sky. And of course it's white because it had to be elegant and sophisticated like you.” James said as he placed his hand gently on the lion's hair, before smiling, “Also, I had our initials written on the palms of his paws, look. On his left paw there is an R written by me and printed because you are left-handed. On the right a J written by you, which I took from your letter and printed with magic there. So that it has something of both. It can only be you and me who can see them.” James explained as he lifted the stuffed animal's paws to actually show the black stitched letters. “So that when you have another nightmare, and I'm not there to hold you, you're not alone.” James added and Regulus looked at him, a sweet smile on his lips, and then held the lion in his arms, delicately. “Do you like it? I can always—”
“I love it. And I think it's the best gift that I've ever received, Jamie.” Regulus interrupted him and then leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips,silencing him.
“Really? My favorite part are the ears. Look how tiny and perfect they are.” James said laughing running a thumb over them. And perhaps because he had had a drink with Barty before the boy arrived or perhaps for other reasons, the boy first moved his head closer to the stuffed animal and finally approached James, who was looking at him curiously, before placing his nose against the boy's. who barely held his breath, his pupils slowly enlarging, whispered to him,
“It smells like you.”
Regulus held him in his arms, while he fit perfectly like the first time or after his nightmares when James wasn't there and he closed his eyes in the night, the memories still living in his head, and a tear falling from the eyelashes, barely visible. Regulus held him even tighter and buried his head between the stuffed animal's head and the pillow, his curls completely covering his face, a sob dying in his throat. I love you, Reg.
I think I’ll love you too. I think I love you already. But I couldn't say it. And I can't say it. I can’t speak again. Maman always said if I couldn't talk like a normal person I shouldn't talk. I wouldn't talk like a normal person. I'm sorry, Jamie. I'm so sorry. I’m sorry I’m not the person you want. And I’m sorry if I couldn’t tell you that maybe…maybe I love you too.
The lion still smelled like James in his arms.
⋆⁺₊⋆ ✩ ☀︎︎☽ ✩ ⋆⁺₊⋆
James knew he couldn't go home. Also because Sirius had sent him a photo of him, Remus and Peter who were drinking his favorite tea (at Remus' request) waiting for him.
But he couldn't go home. If he had returned home, he would have burst into tears in front of his best friends. And how would he explain to Sirius that he was crying because he had just broken up with the person he had loved for years and who was, by pure chance, also his little brother?
He couldn't even go to his parents. He couldn't knock on their door in tears to be consoled as if he were a child even if his mother always told him it would be his child. He couldn't, also because the two were definitely still at the restaurant. Another place he couldn't go. It had already happened that he went there, when he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Lately he had stopped going there, for a year now (funny huh?), but when he was younger it was his place. No one went there until early in the morning, when the first chefs arrived to already start taking food.
So he would go there, staying those night hours when the place was empty, then leaving when he heard someone turn the key to unlock the door and unlock the place that had been his childhood.
So he was left with only one place that came to mind. He hoped with all his heart that it was the right place and that fate was on his side.
So, after materializing in front of the now too familiar door, hoping that no one would hear him because his house was too close, he raised his hand and knocked three times, then twisted his hand and tried to wipe away the tears that were now definitely falling. Great.
The door opened after a few seconds and Marlene appeared on her doorstep, the girl who was still wearing her blue dress, but who was nevertheless wearing the slippers that had actually been given to her by James, her face free of make-up and her hair loose in messy way. “Jams?”
“Can I come in?” asked James, squinting slightly between the now fogged lenses of his glasses. “Please.”
“Of course you can come in.” said the woman, stepping aside to let him in, which the man did, taking a look at the deserted avenue in front of the house, and then closing the door behind him. “What happened?”
But before James could respond or do anything else, Regulus' words, emotions, eyes fell upon him and the man let out a sob before actually starting to cry, the tears he had been trying to fight back for what seemed like days, which fell on his cheeks.
The reaction was obviously immediate, the woman pushed forward and taking him in her arm, she gently held him while he held her in return, hiding his head in the hollow of her neck. “Oh, Jams…I'm here, it's okay.”
“I ruined everything.”
“I'm sure you didn't.” promptly replied Marlene by making comforting circles with her hand on the man’s back,
“I didn't expect him to say no. I didn't—I thought he would say yes. I thought—”
“I'm sure there was a mistake.”
“I thought that it was us against the world.” And if only Marlene knew the name of who had made her best friend, her first friend, her—
“I'm sure it's going to be okay. Trust me. You trust me, right?”
James pulled away from her, looking into her eyes while the woman was fighting with herself not to look away from him. Seeing James in that state, seeing his eyes in that state… “I broke up with him.”
“You did?” She asked, definitely surprised. She definitely wasn't expecting that answer,
“I told him that I loved him and then I broke up with him.”
“And that's totally—”
“What's wrong with me, Lee? What's wrong in my head?” asked the man wearily and the woman took his face in her hands as if he were one of the most delicate things in the world,
“Jams, nothing is wrong inside your head, do you understand me?”
“I broke up with him because I loved him? Tell me if this isn't fucked up.”
“Who cares if someone thinks it's fucked up? You did because you had a reason and I'm sure—”
“I don't know. I—we were happy. I was finally happy. Staying with him it is beautiful and it's—I just—I told him that I loved him and then I broke up with him and then I run away the second later?” James said, now starting to breathe significantly faster,
“You're panicking, breathe.”
But the man wasn't listening. How could he? He hadn't listened to Regulus, he might as well not even listen— “How is it going to be okay? I—I broke his heart. I probably broke his heart right now, that's why—I—Lee, maybe I'm the problem—the problem is me and I—fuck, I—” James shook his head unable to explain what he wanted, had to, explain.
“Breathe with me, c'mon. One, two, three…like me. We are a team, remember? Just like in a match, so breathe at the same time as me.”
And even as James tried to listen to Marlene and try to breathe in time with her, he couldn't help but see Regulus's expression. Regulus' words but above all the wrong words he had said. Which he felt were wrong. Which they were wrong. “Am I a violent person, Lee?” He asked when the pictures came to mind again and especially Fenwick and—
“What? Of course not.”
“But I wanted to hit him until he 'll bleed and—and—I lost him because—” and then he couldn't breathe anymore. His gaze no longer looked at Marlene's anymore but he moved across the room while his chest moved with difficulty. He wanted to walk away, he had to walk away, take a breath and—and it would all be over right? It wasn't the first time he had found himself in that situation, he would resolve it as he always had. Clench your fists, close your eyes, try to think of positive things. Trying to think—nothing mattered. It mattered nothing because everything that mattered to him now had been destroyed. So nothing mattered. Not—
“Okay, stop it, please. Just breathe and we will think about this later, okay? With me, Potter. One two three in…three two one out. One two three in….three two one out.” The woman interrupted him by squeezing his face and causing his eyes to snap open, his gaze now back on her. “We are okay. We are here, you and me, breathing.” She took a long breath to show him but James couldn't follow her, his breathing hitching, panic now taking over.
“I—” It didn't matter what he felt. Nothing should matter. How could anything matter? Only he and Regulus mattered, so nothing mattered anymore. He and Regulus had mattered for something, but now they didn't matter anymore, so nothing mattered anymore.
“You will talk later, I promise you, but now it's not the time. Breathe with me, keep going.”
Marlene saw something change in James' eyes. Fear, pain, sadness? She couldn't understand what it was. It was the first time she couldn't figure out what it was. Just then she couldn't recognize— “Nothing matters if we don't matter anymore, right? We no longer matter because I wanted us to no longer matter. It's my fault, Why—”
“Don't make me hit you right now, James Potter, because I will. Stop speaking and fucking breathe with me.” Marlene said sharply and this suddenly silenced the man who focused his vision, until their breathing synchronized perfectly and even when they did she did not move from the position in which the two were. “Better?” She then asked and the man nodded, but only after a few more seconds she drop her hands from his face, then grab his hand.
“I'm so sorry, I didn't—”
“You don't have to say anything Jams, remember? In bad times and in bad times. We're married, you idiot.” And this made him smile and he ran the back of his free hand over his cheeks, wiping away the tears still present there,
“We were four.”
“So what? We are still married forever and ever.”
“What will your wife say if she finds out?”
“Oh, she knows, don't worry.”
“And she doesn't want to kill me? Well, that's a really good wife.”
“She is the best.” confirmed Marlene, making James sit on the chair at the kitchen table, while she turned to get something to drink, which in this case was a simple glass of water.
The man looked at the glass not wanting to drink, but seeing her look he thought better of it and took a quick sip. “Thank you.”
“Would you like to tell me what happened there?”
James took a light breath, “You know I left the event earlier.”
“Leaving me dancing alone, yes, I know.”
“I went to his house.”
“The house of the mystery man?”
“That one. And I—” he paused for a few seconds to take another breath, “I started to talk. And—and I told him that I wanted to—actually that I was sick of pretending—yeah, pretending—I told him that I was sick of pretending like six times or more and—and then I think I told him that I didn't—don't want to do that anymore.”
“To be with him?” She asked softly,
“In secret.” He clarified quickly, “I didn't—I don't want to be with him in secret anymore. And then I told him that—when he didn't, you know,” he laughed nervously, “He didn't tell me yes right away so I told him that I love him and that I don't care about the others because it's true and yeah. He didn't talk after that and I needed to get out of there, get away from in front of him and this is what I did. That's why I came here because Sirius doesn't know that I'm seeing someone and—and he was in my house, you know.”
Marlene leaned forward and took his hand again, “And that is totally okay. You just told him what you feel. It's not bad to tell people who you care about your feelings, James."
“I didn't let him time to speak. I just ran away.”
“We can fix that. You are with him for almost a year, right?”
James looked down at their hands and then focused on the glass in front of him, “Yes.”
“Then I'm sure he was just surprised by the things that you told him. They are important things, don't you think?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“You truly love him?” then asked Marlene and the only thing James heard when she asked him this question was the echo of Regulus' laughter.
“So much.”
“Then I'm sure he is going to listen to you. Or maybe you could try to listen to him this time.”
“Maybe I ruined everything.” James said sadly looking up this time as he felt Marlene squeeze his hand,
“You didn't. And believe me when I say that there is nothing wrong inside your head. Please Jams, start to believe in the things I tell you instead of the things you think are right for yourself because they aren’t always right, alright? You don't want to be a secret, is that so wrong to think? To say?”
“He—at the beginning of anything, he told me that he didn't want things to be big? I mean, he didn't want everyone to know about us.” A pause as James searched for the words, “So as not to cause a scoop and have all the attention on us again.”
“Okay, that's understandable, but you did not wrong though.”
“I already miss him, Lee.” He confessed and she nodded but he only felt that he was a totally mess and—
“Again, and that's totally understandable. But we can fix this.”
“We do?”
“Of course we do. We are going to fix it. What do you think about that?”
He sighed, “That I'm feeling like a kid, and that you are trying to find a way for me to stop crying like Ma did when I was a kid?”
“Again, that's—”
“Oh, stop it.” The boy said finally smiling while his friend simply tilted her head, a slight smile appearing on her face.
“Let’s just drink, or better, eat something and then we can discuss the plan.”
“Lee…”
“It will take a week, you'll see. My strategies never fail.”