Regulus was Barty’s first for everything.
His first kiss, first time, first love.
Regulus was Barty’s first love. But Barty’s starting to realise maybe he wasn’t Regulus’.
“I’ve never felt like this before, Barty.” Regulus whispered in the dark. This was the second time Regulus had snuck into Barty’s bed at night to cry about James fucking Potter. “I don’t know what to do.”
Barty was lying down on his bed drawing circles on Regulus’ side with his fingers. He didn’t look down to see what expression he had on his face.
“It’s okay, Reg. It’ll pass.” Barty said after a moment. He’s usually good with knowing what would comfort Regulus, but they’ve never spoken about this stuff before and Barty can’t get rid of that sick feeling squirming in his gut when Regulus mentions Potter.
Regulus was silent for a minute before he turned to look up at Barty.
“Yeah,” He said hesitantly. “You’re right. It’ll pass.” He still didn’t sound so sure, but Barty smiled at him anyway.
_____
”Why does everything have to be so complicated with him? We can barely even look at each other because James is convinced that anything we do will make Sirius find out.” Regulus had been ranting about Potter to Barty and Evan for the past twenty minutes.
Hearing them have problems made the squirming in Barty’s gut settle a bit. He tried to feel guilty about it, but he couldn’t.
“Want me to curse him for you?” Evan asked blandly from where he was lazily skimming through a book. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“No, Evan. I just wish things were easier.” He huffed frustratedly.
“You know,” Barty started and Regulus turned to look at him. “If it were me with you I’d show you off, asshole brother or not. Wouldn’t treat you like some fucking dirty secret.”
Regulus’ eyes studied Barty for a moment before he gave a little half-smile.
“Yeah?” He inquired.
“Yeah, Reg.” Barty confirmed and gave a small smile back. They kept looking at each other for a moment before Regulus turned away.
Barty looked away too after probably too long and he pretended to not notice the way Evan was looking at him like he had just figured something out.
_____
“Are you going to tell him?” Evan said as he flopped down next to Barty who was sat on his bed. Barty furrowed his eyebrows.
“What?” Barty asked and Evan looked up at him.
“Are you going to tell Regulus you like him?” He cleared up. Barty frowned.
“I don’t like Regulus.” That was an obvious lie. By the look on Evan’s face, he knew that too.
“Dude, seriously.” Evan raised an eyebrow at him. Barty glared,
“I’m not going to tell him anything. Clearly he’s head over heels for Potter.”
“They’re not even together. You could have a chance.”
“Yet. They’re not together yet. He loves him, Evan. It’s pretty fucking obvious.” Barty blurted out angrily. He felt nauseous. Evan didn’t say anything for a couple moments.
He sat up and looked at Barty.
“I’m sorry.” He replied, looking at Barty with what looks too much like pity. Barty stood up.
“Whatever, it’s not a big deal.” He murmured. “I’m going on a walk.” Barty said and left before Evan could reply.
_____
Barty and Regulus were sat up in the Astronomy tower. Apparently, this is where Regulus and James meet up almost every night so they don’t get caught together.
Barty tries not to feel sick about the fact that Regulus doesn’t refer to it as their spot anymore. Like everything that happened between them up here doesn’t matter anymore. Only whatever happens with James does.
“Wanna smoke?” Barty asked. Not abnormal for them.
“..I’ve actually been trying to quit. James doesn’t like that I smoke.” Regulus answered. Barty hummed.
“Potter isn’t here to tell you off.” He said. He saw Regulus shrug out the corner of his eye.
“Yeah I know. Just, no thanks.”
“Alright.”
Regulus shifted so he was facing Barty. Barty turned to look at him questioningly.
“James and I are together now. Like, officially.” Regulus told him quickly. Barty’s stomach churned. He tried to smile but it felt stiff.
“That’s great, Reg. I’m happy for you.” He lied. The words felt ashy on his tongue. “Are you happy?” He asked after a second. Regulus’ face softened.
“Yeah, I’m happy. I’ve never felt like this before.” He smiled. Barty’s heart clenched as he watched him. Regulus has never looked that content with Barty before. What does Potter have that he doesn’t?
_____
“What does James fucking Potter have that I don’t?” Barty asked angrily as he picked at the grass. Pandora looked up at him from the flower crown she was making.
“What do you mean?” She tilted her head with a puzzled expression.
“You know what I mean.” He quipped. Pandora studied him for a second.
“To him, what you two had wasn’t that serious but what he has with James is.” Barty furrowed his eyebrows.
“Why wasn’t what we had serious?” He said. It had always felt like a big thing for him and to think that it wasn’t for Regulus made him feel ill.
Pandora shrugged. Barty leaned back against the tree he was sitting in front of and Pandora softened her features. She stood up.
“You’ll be okay, Barty.” She promised and placed the finished flower crown on his head before strolling off towards the castle.
_____
“What the fuck?” Barty almost shouted as he saw what was happening in the dorm. Potter, shirtless, kissing Regulus, who was also shirtless. Anger and nausea churned in his gut.
Potter jumped away from Regulus like he had been burned and looked at Barty guiltily.
“I’m sorr-“ He started but Barty cut him off with a glare.
“Shut the fuck up, Potter. You don’t know how to lock a fucking door?” He hissed. Regulus sat up.
“Barty, it’s fine-“
“It’s not fine!” He snapped. “And put a shirt on, for fucks sake.” He shouted at Potter before storming out of the dorm room. He shoved past Evan who was going in that direction.
“Barty, what’s wrong?” He called but Barty ignored him. He needs to hit something. Or set something on fire. Preferably Potter’s face.
_____
“Alright, what’s up with you.” Dorcas said while her and Barty were in the kitchens since they both skipped dinner.
“Nothing’s up with me.”
“Don’t even try, Barty. I know I’ve been distracted lately but I can notice when you’re upset.” Dorcas looked at him and nudged his foot gently. “Is it Regulus?” Barty huffed and rolled his eyes.
“Why does everyone always assume everything I feel has to do with Regulus?”
“Because it usually does.” Dorcas stated. “Now stop being an ass. Is it James?” She inquired.
“When is anything with Regulus not about James anymore? It’s always James this and James that and ‘oh, Barty, I’ve never felt like this before’. He might as well just spit in my fucking face!” Barty blurted out angrily.
“So, are you mad at Regulus for always bringing up James?” She asked, trying to understand what Barty was feeling. He’s confusing sometimes.
“No, of course not. I just don’t see why someone like Regulus would want to be with someone like Potter.”
“You’re jealous.”
“Yeah I am, Cas. I lay with him most nights while he cries over the fact that their stupid relationship has to be secret because of Sirius. If he was with me we wouldn’t ever have to hide. I know I could be so much better than Potter for him, why can’t he see it himself?” Barty doesn’t usually ramble on like this but he can’t hold it anymore.
“Barty, you should at least feel pretty good about the fact that he trusts you enough to talk to you about it. Me, Panda and Evan have all known Regulus for the same amount of time as you and I’m pretty sure we’ve only seem him cry once or twice. Definitely not voluntarily either.” Dorcas says softly.
“We don’t hide shit from each other. That’s how it’s always been.” Barty shrugged.
“But you’re hiding how you feel about him.”
“Am I? I don’t say it to his face but it’s not like I’m actually trying to hide it.” Dorcas hummed in response. It was silent for a moment.
“You don’t have any issues with Marlene, right?” She asked suddenly.
“I couldn’t care less about Marlene, Cas.”
“Okay good. I thought it might be a ‘I hate all gryffindors thing’. But it’s just a ‘I’m in love with Regulus’ thing.” Barty rolled his eyes. “It was a valid thought!”
“Yeah, whatever.” He said and Dorcas chuckled.
_____
“James said that he’s seen you glaring at him all day again.” Regulus said suddenly. He was on his bed lying on his stomach with a textbook in his hands. He was looking over it at Barty who was sat on the floor leaning against his bed reading his own book. Barty looked up.
“Yeah, I probably was. You know I hate him.” Barty replied plainly. Regulus huffed.
“You’re fine with Lupin and Marlene, you don’t care about Pettigrew or Evans and you couldn’t care less when Evan checks Macdonald out. That’s basically their whole group. Why do you hate James so much?” He demanded.
“He’s not good for you.” Barty responded. Regulus narrowed his eyes and sat up.
“Yeah? And who would be good for me, Barty? You?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Better than he could ever be.” Barty said and snapped his book shut. Regulus didn’t seem surprised by his response, and his face relaxed the tiniest bit. Barty walked over to the door. He doesn’t want to think about James anymore.
“Are you upset with me?” Regulus said before Barty could leave. Barty’s face softened and he turned back to look at Regulus.
“No.”
“Okay.”
Barty walks out. He needs fresh air.
_____
That night, Regulus crawled into Barty’s bed again.
“More boy trouble?” Barty teased, both of them in a better mood than earlier. Regulus smiled and hit his arm gently.
“Shut up.” Regulus laid down next to him and Barty slid his arm around his waist like he usually did. “Pandora got asked on a date.” Regulus said once he was comfortable.
“Really? Was it Lovegood?” Barty asked. He’d seen the two of them talking recently.
“Yeah. She told me and Evan after dinner. She was excited.”
“That’s good. He’d be good for her.” Barty responded and Regulus nodded slightly.
It was silent for a couple minutes after that, the two of them thinking quietly.
“I have to talk to Sirius if I ever want me and James to be out. We spoke about it yesterday.” Regulus said. Barty looked down at him.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
”I do, Barty. I’m sick of sneaking around. It’s not like I want to make out in the halls or anything, but being a secret makes everything complicated all the time and I’m sick of it. It’s hard.”
“Yeah, that sucks.” Barty says. He still feels ill when he has to think about Regulus and Potter together. He pushes that feeling down.
It was silent for a bit after that, both of them content with just lying there together. Regulus sniffed,
“Why couldn’t I just be in love with you instead?” He whispered. Barty opened his eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling.
“I don’t know, Reg.” Regulus shifted so he could look up at Barty.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Barty asked with a frown.
“For not being in love with you.” Barty looked down at him and gave a half-smile.
“It’s okay.” Regulus put his head back on Barty’s shoulder.
“It’s like you said, right? It’ll pass.” Barty leaned his head on Regulus’.
“Yeah.” He wasn’t so sure about that.