They all knew it was coming.
The flash of green, the laughter that followed. The death, the destruction, followed by more death. Of course the group had a plan in place, lots of plans, but none of their schemes or operatives could have been prepared for the Dark Lords heartlessness.
Sirius was the first one the scene, bursting through the door and ready to carry out bodies. Instead, he carefully wrapped his arms around her. Letting Lily sob into his chest as he rubbed her back, face buried against her long red hair. Muttering meaningless words of assurance, mouthing 'its ok, everythings gonna be ok.'
They both knew it wouldn't be.
~~
The baby remained asleep, under moonys watchful gaze as Lily was settled on the raggedy couch, blanket draped around her shoulders and only thinly clutched between her fingers as her gaze stared into the fire without seeing it. Only looking up when Sirius settled next to her, offering her a cup of something warm and reaching. Hands gentle as he rubbed her back, not saying a word. He knew better then to say anything.
It wouldn't do either of them any good, anyway.
Letting the silence of the room gather, he kept strangely still beside her. Only moving to rub her back, or brush his wayward strands of his own long, wild, hair out of his face. His own gaze flickering between the fire and Lily and back again.
Whenever Lily would steal a glance at him, however, his own gaze was entirely unreadable. Only reflecting the flames of the warm fire back at her.
~~
It was a week before she realized the rest of the order had been carrying on missions without either of them. Sure, it was hardly a surprise. She had a baby to look after, and was grieving. Sirius, however, was always lingering nearby. Always at her side in an instant when she'd break down into inconsolable tears. His face buried in her hair, hands firm and steady against her shaky ones. Or gently rubbing her back to keep her calm.
She didn't once question how he could be so strong without James.
~~
"I can't do this." Her words had Sirius, half asleep at the small end of the couch, springing to life and rubbing his eyes. "You alright, Lilypad?" He questioned, stretching his legs as he stood and striding over to peer at the sleeping baby, before his attention went to her. Lily sat, arms around her middle and staring at him.
"I can't just stay here. I have to-I don't even know if were losing, or if were winning. If Harry will be..be-" Falling into lose sobs, she shifted to press her face against his chest. "Its ok, its ok. Were all going to be ok, alright? James would want-"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT JAMES WOULD WANT?" Her voice rose, hysterical as she clutched at his shirt. Clearly torn between throttling him and crying herself to death against him. Falling silent, Sirius merely stared at her, clearly understanding the sudden flush of embarrassment at how ridiclious her outburst was. Of course he'd know James better then anyone. Biting her lip, she glanced away, Sirius continuing to keep his hands firmly around her wrist.
"Were winning, by the way." He offered after what felt like hours. His hands letting go of her wrists to gently guide her against him, hands in her hair, her back. Trying his hardest to comfort her. The small silence between them was only interrupted by Remus, hat in his hand and twisting it as he cleared his throat. "Sirius." He offered in a soft tone, glancing at the small crib half shoved in the corner before his gaze shifted back to the pair.
"I'll be right back, Lils. Ok? I'm not leaving, I'm just going to talk with Rem. You need anything?" He questioned, in his tone soft, pressing a soft kiss against the top of head after she shook it negatively.
~~
The pair leaving the door crack left her able to catch snippets of the conversation. Something something Harry. Something something the dark lord.
"-shouldn't be the only one looking after her, Sirius!" The harsh whisper had her perking up, trying to pretend she wasn't listening. Whatever the other wizard said in answer, was lower in tone and angry, as he stormed back in and towards the sprawling kitchen. Clearly angry, but trying not to be loud about it lest he wake the baby.
"Is everything alright?" She questioned, but Sirius merely bristled visibly, shrugged a little and downed a whole glass of firewhiskey. "Rem? Is Sirius-"
"He'll be ok, Lily. Might I borrow Harry for a moment? Dumbledore wants to see him. Check for things. You can, obviously, come as well if you don't trust-" Remus offered, and Sirius watched her shake her head and gather the small baby in her arms. "No. No, I'll come with you. I-I could use some fresh air." She offered, Rem gently guiding her toward and out the door.
It left Sirius to huff and wreck the small place in absolute fury.
~~
When the pair got back, all easy banter and soft giggles, Sirius had settled across the couch. Bottle of firewhiskey in his hands and startling awake at the intrusion. Yawning, he sat up, letting the empty bottle roll away. "Didja tell her we won, moony." He slurred happily. Earning a tut from the other as he watched Lily settle Harry back in his crib with a bottle and a few toys to occupy him.
"Yes. I showed her the letter <i>you</i> neglected to share." Remus offered sharpy, it had him scowling a little as he sat up a little. "Took care of her, didn't I?" He huffed, poking Remus in the chest. Whatever fight the pair were clearly about to get into was stopped by Lilys hand on his arm, leading him away and toward the couch. Letting in hand and sadness in her eyes.
"Read it to me, Sirius?" She questioned. That, at least, had him calming as he took it and carefully reading it out loud. Not noticing Lily and Remus's eyes meeting behind his back before the red haired witch shifted closer, resting her head against his shoulder. Absently, he reached, winding an arm around her to let her settle against him further.
~~
"Sirius?"
As usual, her voice had him peering out of the small kitchen. It had been a few months, give or take, and while the ministry was still fighting scattered death eaters all over? The war was more or less near its end. Voldermorts followers that didn't flee were all clamoring for, citing they'd been under the unforgivable spells, coerced. Blackmailed, even.
"I thought we could take Harry to a park today. Dumbledore said it should be safe enough to go out a block or so." Clearly thats what she'd been doing, fussing over the almost toddler, who screeched happily at the sight of him. Leaning against the wall, he frowned, worried. "Are you sure? We could play-"
"Sirius we can't stay cooped up in here forever!" Turning, hands on her hips, she frowned at him. His shoulders sank as he shook his head. "Not forever. Just until its safe." He pointed out, crossing his arms right back, mimicking her pose. "And then what will it be? We can't go out because rogue death eaters will target Harry? We cant go out because the dark lord could show up on our doorstep-"
"Lily-" He started, stepping towards her.
"Its what would James would want. For us to live our lives." She countered sharply, and he snickered. "What would you know about what James would want?" Her own words, thrown back at her. The red haired witches gaze narrowed and she reached, throwing a vase at him. Missing, of course, but it shattering had them both pausing, staring at each other. "I don't want to lose you." He stated calmly. "I miss James too, Siri, but staying locked up-"
"I'm in love with you."
The words had her pausing, confused as she stared at him. "Sirius-" She tried, but he was moving. Drifting closer, herding her against the wall. "I'm in love with you, Lily. And if I lost you I'd just-I'd lose my mind" He stammered, swallowing.
Before kissing her.
For one wild second he was sure he was dreaming, Lilys mouth moving back against his own. Her soft fingers sliding along his chest, his neck. Before she drew back and smacked him. Harshly. It had him drawing back, rubbing his face as Lily gaped at him for a long moment before shoving past and gathering Harry up in her arms, glancing at him once more before rushing out the door.
It took him an extra few moments to grab his jacket and trail after her.
~~
The weeks that followed were full of silence. Uncomfortable, stiff, silences only broken by the order slowly trickling in and out with news. Knowing better then to say anything, he'd keep himself at the edge of the couch, or across the room. Occasionally playing with Harry while Remus or one of the others filled lily in on news and what the ministry was doing.
And then one particularly rough night, Remus burst into the room, looking out of breathe and nervous.
"Peters been arrested." He blurted out, hands on his knees. It had him getting to his feet, Lily gasping and pressing herself against him, shocked.