Everything started with a silly question from a fifth-year Ravenclaw girl about sexual relations between two women that (obviously) she didn't intend for everyone to hear. But anyway, because of her, now everyone had to take a stupid one-class course on sexual education due to the alarming lack of knowledge on the subject.
If you asked Regulus Black, he certainly wouldn't say he has an alarming lack of knowledge on the subject, since he practically gets fucked on a daily basis. It's not like people know it, but it's a relevant fact.
That's why, when McGonagall announces that the course will be mandatory for the fifth, sixth, and seventh years, Regulus simply scoffs and nods. His friends, however, seem most excited about having a good laugh.
“You know, we could play a really good prank with this,” says Barty as they leave, throwing an arm over Evan's shoulders. “That poor girl will never sleep peacefully again.”
Pandora responds to him. “It's not like it's her fault, Barty.”
“Well, Dora, it is for choosing a friend who screams absolutely everything. Who needs enemies…” declares Evan, looking at his twin.
“Isn’t Barty the same?” Pandora replies with a giggle, and Regulus can't help but mock his best friend's indignant expression a little.
Together, they make their way to their common room amid more insults and giggles. There, the fucking bastard Severus is giving some sort of speech about protesting against the violation of privacy they are supposedly subjected to by the mandatory sex education course. It's all bullshit, but Severus likes to make these kinds of calls for attention, and the little rats that follow him usually play along. Regulus deliberately ignores him, aiming to get to his room and rest.
“Hey, baby Black! Don't you agree with what I said?!”
“No, but that's because I simply don't give a shit about you.”
“Bad mood, I see.” Severus laughs a little and Regulus wants to slam him into something like a rock. “Get yourself a couple of chicks to fuck to relieve that tension, buddy. Oh, maybe you don’t get any.”
"And you do?"
He can perfectly see the moment when Severus gets angry, his mocking expression breaks at the same moment that Evan lets out a laugh.
Severus' problem is that he is the rankiest guy ever. He is pretentious, useless and shameless. He was the first to be insufferable when Sirius was disowned, which caused Regulus utter displeasure. Even more so when he tried to befriend him, and Regulus hexed him without being able to sleep for a week. Later, when his fucking parents disinherited him for liking men, Severus found another form of amusement in his suffering. But this time, he earned the evil spells of Sirius and his friends. And yes, the marauders were very creative with them.
Anyway, Severus is a pain in the ass for half the population of Hogwarts. Regulus is looking forward to the next course, only to never see him again.
“You fucking traitor! Do you really think you're better than me? You're nobody, Regulus! Nobody knows why they disinherited you, but I'm sure it was because you're a fucking spoiled brat who causes more problems than joys and they were fed up with you. You are a fucking failure just like your brother.”
See, it's precisely for things like this that half the people hate Snape, because he's simply an idiot. He makes a mental note to tell Remus that he has an idea for an amazing prank.
“Are you finished?”
Severus looks at him with a completely red face, and if Regulus didn't know him well enough, he'd say Severus is going to dare to hex him, but he won't. “No! Because—” It's not like Regulus lets him finish, as he casts a spell to keep Severus from opening his mouth for at least the rest of the afternoon.
Then he continues on his way to the room he shares with his two best friends, followed by them. Once there, he takes a good nap because he really wants to, with Barty and Evan's amusing whispers in the background.
It's not until the evening that his little star-shaped necklace starts to glow. It's his signal to head to a room he knows very well, still feeling tired.
“Hi, love!”
James kisses him gently as soon as he arrives, with his hands clinging to his hips. It's almost as beautiful as the sunset itself, and Regulus feels the overwhelming need to melt into his arms. It's just James.
“Hello, soleil.”
The key to their relationship is the fact that no one knows they have one. Well, technically, no one should know. Regulus's closest friends found out due to a technicality caused by James himself, which everyone remembers with teasing and laughter, but that's it. No one else knows. More importantly, Sirius has no fucking idea. Because evidently, Regulus and James are too careful with what they do or say, and in Regulus's opinion, Sirius is too much of an idiot to notice.
The secret of the secret is this room. And that's thanks to James, for being a bloody academic genius and McGonagall's favorite, who conveniently made him Head Boy. This room could be James's residence if he wanted, but he refuses to live anywhere other than his lifelong room, and this is the perfect place for the two of them, just the two of them. Regulus has learned to love this place, despite its reddish decorations and the annoying light that comes in the mornings.
“Reggie?”
James pulls him out of his thoughts, and Regulus gives him a brief smile. "Sorry. I'm just a little tired." Then he lies down on the big bed in the middle of the room.
A few seconds later, he feels it sink beside him, but he doesn't open his eyes. James runs a gentle hand over his back and strokes it slowly. Regulus loves moments like these. Yes, he also loves it when James fucks him relentlessly and in every imaginable position, but he also loves the James who constantly takes care of him and doesn't interrupt the comfortable silence that forms between them.
"Did you not sleep well?" his boyfriend asks, concerned. Regulus can see his expression even without opening his eyes.
"Nope. Potions. Slughorn left a ridiculously difficult one, and I stayed up late last night. I took a nap earlier, but you know it's not the same."
"Eternal Elixirs?"
"Yeah. That one. I fucking hated it."
"You could have told me! Last year we managed to do it well, partly because Remus had some mental notes."
"I was going to ask you, but you were at Quidditch practice and I don't like lions."
"Well, you like me. So I think you're wrong, love." Regulus snorts against the pillow and buries his head in exasperation, under James's laughter. And since his boyfriend's laughter is contagious, he ends up laughing too.
James takes him by the waist and almost deposits him on top of his body, then starts speaking again. "You know, there's something l've been wanting to talk to you about for a while, love. It might be weird, but I think it would be best." Regulus gets scared. "I want to talk to Sirius...about us."
Regulus feels relieved. What can he say, he's an overthinker. He thought James was going to break up with him or say they should stop seeing each other or something like that. Then, he regains his composure and gets alarmed again at the news that Sirius has to find out.
It's not like Regulus doesn't want his brother to know, especially since their relationship has improved since they both ended up at the Potters' manor and Regulus clarified that he never shared their parents' ideology and was just fucking scared. In fact, telling him could be the best idea, since they no longer have secrets between them (except this one, probably), and Regulus really wants to tell everyone that James Potter is his and only his.
Then there's the other side of his brain, which tells him everything would end very badly if Sirius finds out because Sirius tends to dramatize everything. And the last thing Regulus wants is for everything to end so quickly. For everything to end when he hasn't had enough of James's love, although he thinks he'll never have enough.
So he asks, "Why?" which leaves James a bit puzzled.
"Because I love you, Regulus. And, honestly, I'm a bit tired of pretending that I don't."
Regulus wants to cry.
"I know we agreed that this would be the best, and I know you've felt comfortable with that, but l'm a bit louder with love and I'd love to be able to shout it to people. To be able to spend the rest of the school year doing the typical silly things couples do with you, and go to Hogsmeade without having to run away from Sirius and Remus during their dates."
Regulus thinks about it. It’s not like he wouldn’t do absolutely anything James asked him to, but he supposes the risk is worth it.
“Okay.” James leaves little kisses all over his face. “But not tomorrow! It would be like dropping a bombshell on him right after a sex ed talk that’s sure to leave little to the imagination. Besides, Sirius is a fucking dramatic bitch and would be even more horrified than he will be when he finds out.” James can only laugh heartily at his words.
•
His parents never gave him the talk, because it was a frowned upon topic or so. Bla bla bla. Regulus has no fucking interest in why they didn't actually give it to him. In the end, it was Sirius who gave it to him. With too many explicit details about everything in general, but he did. The only problem was that he focused too much on Regulus doing it with a girl. Yep, that was the main reason he questioned whether he really liked girls like Sirius had assumed. But anyway, it was his brother's best friend who clarified to him that (indeed) he was way more into cocks.
Later, Sirius found out that, in fact, Regulus was only into blokes and wasn’t too surprised. He teased him for a whole week about how much they were alike, much to their parents’ dismay. But as for the talk, which was slightly different, Sirius simply assumed that Regulus didn’t need it, and it was his two best friends who explained the doubts that arose along the way. Certainly, Barty and Evan don’t tease him as much about these things as they could.
So, when Regulus gets up that morning, the first thing he thinks is that he wishes everyone would die, especially himself, because there isn’t a single reason why he should waste his valuable time going to listen to the head of Gryffindor talk about how to conjure a protective spell or put on one of those Muggle inventions they call condoms or something like that.
“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!” He hears Barty’s annoying shout and refrains from yelling back. He hates the day Pandora taught them Muggle princess stories. “Today is pancake day, and if you don’t get out of bed, you’ll miss out on them!”
Well, that's certainly an incentive.
The dining hall is packed as it always is on pancake days at peak hour because everyone at Hogwarts seems to be huge fans of pancakes. Even so, Regulus can feel the tension among the older students as McGonagall makes her way through the center of the hall. His brother is the first to come bother him as soon as he arrives. “Reggie!”
“Don't talk to me, it's too early.”
Sirius ignores him completely. “You're coming to the class today, right?”
“It's mandatory.”
“Yeah, but I know a lot of people are going to skip it. So I was thinking—”
“No. Hard pass. I don't want one of your pranks.”
“But Reggie—”
“No. It's too fucking early, Sirius, and if you piss me off now, I'll hex you to shut you up.”
“Hey, Reg!” James's voice rises above Sirius's complaints, but it's too early for anything, Merlin.
“Not you now.”
Regulus makes a move to leave, and Sirius should know better than anyone to let him do so. However, he turns around and looks at both of them intently. “And please, do Severus a favor and break his face for me. You know I don't like breaking my knuckles.”
No one says anything else, and if they do, Regulus doesn't hear it because he's already seeing Evan and Barty demolishing the pancakes at the Slytherin table, despite Dorcas's complaints. He's fully prepared to complain as well.
When they finish, each one heads to their classes because it's a normal day, except for the fact that at twelve o'clock sharp, they have to be seated in one of the great halls of the school for the damn sex education course.
Regulus even feels a certain curiosity about how they're going to handle so many hormonal students, but especially how they're going to address the topic without anyone asking uncomfortable questions or making jokes about it, which is almost inevitable.
Therefore, it's no surprise to anyone that as soon as they enter, a fifth-year Hufflepuff boy naively asks what are they supposed to learn about, and Peter Pettigrew laughs, replying that without a doubt, it won't be how to fuck.
Regulus and his friends don't arrive late, but for some reason, there are hardly any seats left, except those near his brother and his friends. Since Barty, Evan, Dorcas, and Pandora seem to completely refuse to sit next to James, it's Regulus who does. If he notices the little smirk from Remus in his periphery, he says nothing about it.
James knows better than to call him by any of his cutesy nicknames, considering Sirius is less than three meters away from them. Even so, Regulus doesn't miss the slight closeness that causes their arms to brush against each other.
“Good morning, students.” Professor McGonagall's voice rises across the room as if she had a loudspeaker amplifying it. She enters the Great Hall followed by Professor Slughorn and the Muggle Studies professor, Wigworthy.
Regulus hasn't exchanged a single word with him. Initially, because his mother was in charge of choosing his elective subjects during his school years, and she certainly despised Muggles. Later, when he had the freedom to choose for himself, he was more interested in other classes like Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, making it impossible to pick Muggle Studies. Despite that, he has seen Lily's homework on occasions when they sit near each other in the library, and he sincerely appreciates not having chosen that class.
“As I mentioned yesterday, we have allocated this brief three-hour course to thoroughly discuss and explain the importance of taking precautions during sexual activities.” Regulus and absolutely everyone else want to die when they hear that it will last a whole three fucking long hours. “There will be time for questions once the topic has concluded and, above all, Professor Slughorn, Professor Wigworthy, and I ask for your most mature cooperation. After all, we believe that those present here are mature enough to avoid giggles and inappropriate comments. Thank you very much.”
Then, the three professors take turns speaking. The first hour is spent with long explanations about the human body and the male and female reproductive systems, along with countless explanations that everyone understood years ago. Totally useless.
Regulus rests his hand on his leg, so bored that he closes his eyes countless times. What distracts him is James’s curious hand next to him. Regulus had always thought that James was a very touchy person, constantly seeking to touch people as an act of love; and it wasn’t until they got closer that James himself confirmed his theory. So, it’s not unusual for him to feel James’s caresses at all times. Now, for example, his hand slowly moves towards his and when they finally touch, he squeezes it gently.
After knowing James for so long, he realizes it’s impossible not to love him. It’s as if James has something different from everyone else, something with a stronger gravitational pull that inevitably attracts anyone who can appreciate a certain part of the shine that James radiates. When Regulus was younger and saw James for the first time upon boarding the Hogwarts Express, he thought that James could easily be the sun. He understood why Sirius talked so excitedly about his friend. He understood why his parents wanted him away from James.
Then, he hated him because he was afraid of loving him too much. Because regardless of whether James could enjoy his brother more than he could, it was impossible to ignore the new vitality that characterized Sirius, thanks to James, all thanks to James. And maybe, Regulus, after being mostly surrounded by bad people, couldn’t help but go completely crazy for how good a person James was.
James, certainly, is one of the best things that have happened to him in life. Not just because after his family disowned him for liking boys, he was the one who encouraged him to reconcile with his brother; but also because James loves him so much that Regulus can’t even think about all the things that used to scare him. In fact, maybe James has touched him to the core of his soul and made an invisible tattoo on his skin that he can never remove. A mark that James loved him and that Regulus loved him back.
Regulus loves loving James. And the best part is that he knows it’s mutual.
“Mr. Black! Leave Mr. Lupin alone. The class is in front of you, not beside you.” McGonagall scolds his brother. Regulus wants to laugh because McGonagall seems tired, and he would be too if he had to constantly watch Remus and Sirius snogging and acting cringeworthy in front of everyone, but he doesn’t miss the brief little smile that appears on her face.
What he does notice is the lack of warmth in his hand. He looks at James discreetly, and he gives him a sad smile. Regulus knows this is both a problem and what has saved them for so long. That no one knows absolutely anything. But after so much time, he can understand why they long to tell people. To tell Sirius.
But he knows James is terrified. Not just because of how his best friend might react, but also because of how Regulus might act about it. Even though Sirius and Regulus tolerate each other and constantly tease each other, nothing is ever the same. Regulus likes this dynamic they have, where he can endlessly annoy his brother and have fun while doing it, but also be able to share certain worries he has or ask for help (on very few occasions and usually under obligation). But he can understand that James feels a certain fear about how the news could affect the relationship between the two brothers. Regulus will never admit it, but it scares him a lot too.
McGonagall continues talking, though few people actually listen to her. “At this point in life, you’re surely well aware of where babies come from. These talks on the complexities of healthy sexuality will teach you how not to have them and also to protect yourselves. I think we can now move on to the part where we talk about how to have safe sex.”
As he hands over to the Potions professor, Slughorn takes the floor. “Now, guys. You may not know this, but I hope those of you who have had sex before are aware. There is a contraceptive potion that can prevent insemination, or as others call it, pregnancy. Well, there are two types, though it is recommended to use the one that has been researched more recently. Both have the properties to prevent pregnancy, though they cause certain hormonal changes in women, but the second also prevents the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, either orally or through ordinary penetration.”
“There are also lubricating spells—” oh, Regulus knew those very well. “But, hehe, yeah, we won’t talk about that today.” He quickly corrects himself. Regulus wants to laugh, as does half of the people present.
“If you prefer to use conventional methods, the condom would be the most effective so far in muggle research.” Wigworthy states. “Since this method is more practical, we will be able to see it in a more,…visual way?”
“What the fuck,” McKinnon says, laughing along with Dorcas. “I didn’t plan on seeing cock, for the life of me.” Although she says it quietly so the teachers don’t hear, most of the students do and there is no shortage of giggles.
“I mean, let’s see; I’m going to show you the shape of a condom and how to use it. It has the same properties to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases; It's just easier to get and doesn't take as long as a potion.”
Wigworthy pulls out a condom and starts explaining a bunch of stuff that Regulus already knows. He gets considerably bored until a Hufflepuff boy opens his mouth to make the stupidest fucking witticism ever. “Is it a balloon?”
“Are you a fucking idiot, Macmillan?”
“Mr Black, what's going on back there!” the head of Gryffindor yells at him, but Regulus has already shut up and ignored the warning.
At some point in the talk, Wigworthy appears with a fucking banana and parades in front of everyone to see how a condom works, while explaining how it should be used for it to be effective in penetration. “When he…inserts himself…”
Sirius, as always, has to make a joke about this. “Inserts himself? Inserts himself where?”
“Nice one, Pads!” James is laughing out loud at his side, and Regulus can't help but laugh too, but a little more subtly. There's no way his brother can see him admit that he finds him funny sometimes.
“Mr Black! Mr. Potter!”
The talk continues, to the dismay and boredom of most, with explanations directed much more towards girls about contraceptive pills.
Now, the question time is really fucking fun. Laughter guaranteed.
To Regulus' surprise, the students find themselves asking much more about sex between two people of the same sex. They should all form a queer club and tell about the traumatic experiences they've surely had, he thinks, because he certainly has them.
At least he can thank McGonagall for being the only one who explains herself well and doesn't get uncomfortable with people's curious questions like the other two teachers.
“But professor, in the case of,…well, sex between two boys. Uhm,…how would we proceed?” asks a Ravenclaw who looks like he's in his fifth year. “Should we lubricate and then,…ah, insert ourselves?” The poor boy is about to die of embarrassment.
Barty, of course, opens his mouth at the most inopportune moment. “Just put your cock in, buddy. It is not that hard!”
“Mr Crouch! That’s enough, minus fifteen points for Slytherin!” Slughorn shouts loudly and everyone sighs a little as the points are taken away from his house. “Mr Rosier, stop laughing.”
“So shagging a bloke is that easy, Barty, I would have never thought. Good thing I fancy the lasses.” says Marlene, who doesn’t let anyone leave her behind with sarcastic comments.
Sirius bursts out laughing at Marlene’s comment and Lily, sitting near Mary, doesn’t hold back either. They even ignore Slughorn’s scolding at that. The poor Ravenclaw has his cheeks flushed to the extreme, and Regulus can’t help but laugh a little at his friends’ quips as well.
The girl who started it all also asks her question about female relationships, and a couple more follow suit. When the teachers ask more questions and it seems like there will be silence and everyone can get the hell out, the one least suited to comment opens his filthy mouth.
“Why don’t we ask baby Black instead? After all, isn’t he the dirtiest of us all?”
Snape has a death wish, apparently.
“What the fuck, Snivellus—“
“What the actual heck, Snape—“
“What the hell are you saying—“
But the answer that is heard above all others is Sirius’s. “What the fuck did you just say about my brother, you stupid fucker?”
Regulus may be a little shit, he may have a million people who hate him, but he has enough people who put up with him for anyone to dare mess with him. It's a fucking bad decision, insulting him, knowing that not only his group of friends are going to get involved, but also his brother's entire group. And there are quite a few of them. But then again, fucking Severus isn't known for his good decisions.
Out of exhaustion, he can't even find anything else to do but give him a death glare. Someone else will take care of him. What he can notice is his black eye, and then he also notices James's closed and slightly wounded fist. He discreetly strokes his arm to release the tension and stop him from jumping on Snape.
Regulus isn't even worried about what the teachers are yelling at the moron. No one messes with him, ever. Others are in charge of getting their knuckles dirty and giving him what he deserves, he just gives the order. His look at Sirius tells him to ignore him, seeing that James has already taken care of him.
His brother, however, doesn't shut up. “Before we talk about what others do with their lives, you could use your shower gel for something other than washing your fucking dick, because the stench of your fucking miserable life bothers us all, so do humanity a favor and kill yourself instead.”
The tension can be broken with a fucking knife. Regulus doesn't know why the fucking universe hates him so much that Sirius makes the following statement. “Also, my little brother doesn't commit such impure acts."
Silence reigns in the room. Regulus wants to die, and for a moment he thinks everyone present is aware of what he and James have going on. His friends' giggles have started to be heard. But it's Remus who sows chaos with a simple sentence.
"Well, darling. I don't think James would agree with that."
The entire room erupts in whispers and giggles, and Sirius swivels his head, staring at his boyfriend in disbelief. “What the bloody hell does that mean, Moony?”
With no response forthcoming, his head turns a bit more until he's staring squarely at James. “What’s Moony on about, James? Just fucking answer me."
The weighty silence is palpable, even the teachers have decided to shut their mouths for a moment, all expectant at Sirius' demanding question and James' stunned expression. Regulus's hands sweat. This is getting on his nerves. James could deny it and lift this weight off both of them for now, and they'll figure out how to tell Sirius later. Sirius' intense gaze on both of them doesn't help either.
Sometimes, Regulus thinks James lacks all neural connections, like now, when the only idea running through his boyfriend's head is just to run away.
"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER, WHEN I CATCH YOU!"
Regulus could swear Sirius' shout reverberates throughout the castle. The ensuing incoherent shouts are just as loud but more distant, as Sirius storms off to destroy James. Regulus doesn't have much time to think about his surroundings either, because he runs after James and Sirius. He definitely doesn't want his boyfriend to die today, especially not at the hands of his brother, who also happens to be his boyfriend's best mate.
Regulus just knows they're screwed.
Apparently, he's not the only one who's decided to escape from the boring mandatory talk, because after a few corridors run, he can hear Remus' quick steps and Peter's curses. When he turns a corner still following Sirius' trail, he realizes his friends are also in pursuit, along with the group of Gryffindors who always accompany the Marauders, albeit at a slower pace. That's something he can't afford.
When he arrives at the Gryffindor common room, only a few second years are milling about, all somewhat frightened by the shouting coming from the dorms. At least Regulus knows where to look.
“James!” Sirius sounds exasperated. “Take off the bloody cloak, look me in the face, and tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing with my little brother!”
“Sirius, Merlin, can you lower your voice? If you want, the whole fucking castle can hear your fucking whining.”
“What are you saying, Reggie?! You and James!! What the hell-”
James emerges from his hiding spot just in time, because Regulus swears that if he has to spend another second listening to Sirius’s dramatic shouting, he’ll die. James appears calm, but Regulus knows him too well to miss the way one of his hands touches the ring finger of the other—a sign of nervousness. The slight tilt of his head is also just a way not to seem intimidating to Sirius, because it wouldn’t help the situation at all.
“Pads, I’m sorry, we wanted to tell you, I swear. Right, Reg?” Regulus has no choice but to nod. “See. We planned to tell you as soon as possible—”
“For the record, I wouldn’t have told you, not because I didn’t want to, but because you get on my fucking nerves!” With Regulus pointing an accusatory finger directly at Sirius, James steps between them to calm his boyfriend down before he kills his own brother.
“Reg, I think that—”
“Don’t you get it, Reggie?! THIS IS PRACTICALLY INCEST!”
James turns sharply at that. “No, it’s not.”
Regulus can hear Peter’s giggles in the background, and he suddenly likes Peter a lot at that moment because those laughs are definitely driving Sirius crazy. “Seriously, Sirius? That’s the best you can come up with?” The joke makes Peter and Remus laugh even more.
Remus speaks then, leaning against the small window in the room. “Reg wasn’t hard on me during my talk, don’t be mean, baby.”
And yes, he remembers it.
“What talk?” Sirius asks, once again confused.
“The boyfriend one, Sirius. Because at least someone had the decency to tell me about your fucking relationship.”
Regulus remembers perfectly the moment he realized that Sirius and Remus had something going on. It’s not like he hadn’t seen them before, acting like two lovesick idiots, but usually, they were so oblivious to each other’s feelings that it was exasperating. Until one day, while trying to find his brother around the castle to tell him something about Quidditch, he found him in a sparsely populated section of the library, with his head in Remus’s lap. And it wasn’t like that was unusual, because it wasn’t, but what was unusual was the fact that they were looking at each other, smiling. He supposed then that they had found the courage to express themselves when Sirius and Remus finally kissed.
“He threatened me, which is different.”
“Lightly.”
“Sure.”
“You’re not helping, Remus.”
“Right. Sorry. But I had to get back at you.”
There’s something in Remus’s mischievous look that makes him think. That’s when he realizes that it’s all his doing. The chairs around James that repel everyone except Regulus, the small voice that made the comment at the least opportune moment, and the countless strange things that happened from when he and James were flirting occasionally to when they were already in their relationship. Everything makes sense. “You knew?”
Silence falls then. Even Sirius has stopped talking to look expectantly at his boyfriend. Peter seems to have gotten lost at the start of the conversation and James is the only one who seems to be putting the pieces together too.
“Of course I knew. I know everything, most of the time. At first, I doubted it, but over time? Oh, this has been so fucking fun to watch. In part, it’s almost all James’s fault, technicalities that cost you, I suppose.” Then he directs his gaze to James, who has a little smile, still stupefied, but amazed by what Remus is saying. “You should thank me, you don’t know how many times I had to hide the map from Sirius’s eager hands.“
Regulus looks slightly annoyed in James's direction, though his question is directed at Remus. “You did what?” James laughs a bit nervously.
Remus ignores him and instead he talks low into Sirius’s ear, but enough loud to make everyone listen. “Baby, you know it was your dear brother who ratted us all out?”
Sirius turns his gaze toward Regulus and yells right in his face. “You did what?!”
“In my defense, it was James's fault.”
“What—”
“Well, it was the bet's fault. Okay, sorry. Fuck, you have no idea how funny it was—” Regulus laughs quite a bit as he recalls it. “Two summers ago, James and I, long before we got together, made a bet about who would be the first to find out you two were dating.”
“But we weren’t dating yet.”
“We knew, but it was only a matter of time before you were. And it was so fucking obvious you were desperately into each other,” James explains.
Regulus chimes in, “Yeah, seriously. So I did you a favor by ‘accidentally’ opening that class, that day, in front of everyone. Again, in my defense, who in the goddamn hell goes all out making out in a broken-down classroom, in the most fucking crowded hallway of the castle?”
“Well, love, we—“
“Shut up, James.”
The silence would have hung in the air if it weren't for Peter, who bursts into loud laughter, drawing everyone's attention. He's sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. He has a bag of instant popcorn that Regulus is sure he conjured up, and the amused smile on his face is anything but subtle. “Merlin, this is even better than those Muggle telenovelas Mary and Lily showed us. What the hell. I've never felt so caught up in a drama in my fucking life. I feel like Sirius when anything happens in the life of the most random person in the castle.”
“Since I haven't been able to finish because absolutely everyone has interrupted me, everyone shut up now! It's my turn to speak!” Sirius shouts, cutting off Peter's giggles. Still, everyone falls silent.
“Okay. What was I saying—" Regulus lets out a loud huff, but Sirius silences him again, "ah, yes! The talk!”
James seems like he wants to back away from the conversation, but it's too late for that, as Sirius grabs him by the shoulders and stares at him intently. “What the hell, Prongs? Why? Why didn't you tell me?”
“Pads, I care for him so much. In fact, I really love him. Maybe this isn’t the way we planned for you to find out, but Merlin knows we both wanted to tell you. And regardless of how much I care about you, I couldn’t spend a single day of the rest of my life without him, so I plan to be part of his life for as long as he’ll have me.” Regulus makes a mental note to remind himself every day that he's won the fucking lottery with James. “Although, well, I would certainly appreciate having your blessing to do so.”
“What do you mean, his blessing? It’s not like Sirius is my father!” Regulus protests.
“Love, I wouldn’t talk to your father even if I were paid.” Sirius laughs at that and gives his best friend a pat on the shoulder.
Regulus then looks at his brother and says, “I don't need your permission or blessing or whatever to be with James.”
“Shh shh, Reg. Don't be a child and don't interrupt.”
James looks back at Sirius, a bit nervous under his intense gaze. “So, can I have your blessing?”
“No.”
“Sirius, for fuck’s sake, don’t mess with me. Don’t be an idiot. You’re bloody insufferable, can’t you see that James makes me happy?”
Sirius freezes. Because Regulus doesn't usually say things like that. At least not in front of people, no matter how close he is to them. And it’s surprising—not that Regulus is opposing something Sirius says because he does that constantly—but the fact that it involves other factors he’s never touched on with Sirius. Sirius can't remember if Regulus has ever talked to him about whether he’s happy or not. Certainly, Sirius has wanted to think that he was, even if Grimmauld Place sucked a bit of soul out of both of them.
Regulus also doesn’t remember ever talking about happiness. He assumed he was happy because that’s what he had to pretend to be, in front of his family, in front of anyone who might doubt it. Regulus doesn’t want to think he’s weak, but he probably is. Well, he was. He doesn’t feel that way anymore. Maybe James’s influence has given him some courage. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. Or maybe now that no one has to decide for him, he can finally unleash that courage that has been trapped in his heart for so long.
Neither of them speaks, though. They stare at each other, as if understanding everything through just their gazes. Both know that once they did. It’s Peter, of all people, who brings them to a reasonable conclusion.
“Pads, it’s maybe not my place, but James and Regulus aren’t such a crazy idea. In fact, I think they’re perfect for each other. James has so much love to give and Regulus has a big heart to receive it all. Maybe it seems a bit inexplicable, but I feel that the fact they’re almost opposites makes them completely compatible and complementary. Besides, James is your best friend, I don’t think there’s anyone better to be with Regulus and ensure he’s treated as well as he deserves.”
Sirius sighs a little. Everyone remains silent. Then, he walks up to Regulus. “Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Does he really make you happy?”
“Yes, Sirius. I couldn’t be happier.”
And Sirius feels like crying. He notices a small tear slide down his cheek and immediately wraps Regulus in a tight hug. He returns it. “Okay, okay. You can be with James. I don’t care, as long as you’re happy.” Regulus hugs him even tighter.
When they finally separate, Regulus runs without shame toward James, and he catches him mid-air, looking at him as if he had placed the very stars in the sky.
“Merlin, stop before I start crying more.” Sirius says as everyone laughs. Remus wraps his arms around him and holds him by the waist. “Just so you know, you’re both forbidden from hurting each other, because otherwise, I’ll have to kill you. Merlin, this is going to take a toll on me, Moony.”
“It’s okay, Sirius. You did the right thing.”
“Yeah, and now they’re going to be insufferably happy for the rest of our lives.”
Regulus can only laugh and ignore him. James takes his hand and they head to the stairs leading to the common room. There, to no one's surprise, a crowd of people from all houses awaits them.
James raises their joined hands, and Regulus wants to hide a little. His cheeks turn bright red as his boyfriend shamelessly shouts, “I love Regulus Black, just so y’all know!”
Yeah, this is exactly what James meant when he said he liked loving out loud.
Regulus laughs shyly, and James takes his face in his hands. His gaze completely melts him. “Merlin, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, you idiot.”
And if people are crazy enough to clap, neither of them notices because they’re too busy being crazy about each other.