Be our Guest
Barty slams the door open, running frantically into the kitchen, catching everyone's attention.
“He's coming! Lily got him to come! Places everyone.” He shouts, running all over the place.
Remus runs in after Barty. Or more waddles. It really is the best he can do considering he is a clock.
“No you don’t! If the master finds out you violated his orders and fed her, he will blame me.” Remus’ heavy accent nearly shouts.
Barty abruptly turns around, “Yes I will make sure of it.” He smirks and turns, continuing to walk and talk. “But did you see the boy stand up to him? I am telling you, this boy is the one. They must fall in love for us to be human again, and they can’t fall in love from her room.” Barty turns his head, shooting an accusing look at Remus who scoffs and walks in front of him.
Remus climbs onto a tea trolly and Barty follows him.
“You know James will never love him.” Remus shakes his head.
Barty rolls his eyes. “A broken clock is right two times a day.” Barty smiles a fake smile. “This is not one of those times, my friend.” With that, Barty jumps up from the tea trolly onto the table it passes. He walks down the table and leaps onto the human turned oven - Fabian - and scoops out some of the soup bubbling on the stove. “Oh Fabian. I have no taste buds but I can tell this is exquisite.”
“Off, Barty, off.” Fabian shouts. “ Get off me while I work.” Barty jumps off, intimidated. Fabian is an amazing chef but is very strict when it comes to cooking. “Pepper, get cracking. Salt, shake a leg.”
Remus groans from the floor. “Not so loud, keep it down.”
“Of course, of course.” Barty smiles a mischievous smile. “But what's dinner without a little…Music?”
“Music?!” Remus shouts in disbelief.
Barty ignores Remus’ outburst and glides towards a piano. But like everything in the castle, she’s not just a normal piano, it is Pandora.
“Pandora,” Barty greets. “Are you ready?”
Pandora shakes her head in nervousness. “I’m not sure, Barty. I haven’t performed in a long time.”
Barty scoffs. “Nonsense, Dora.” He steps closer and touches one of the legs of the piano “You will sound wonderful.” And at that, Pandora smiles at him.
Remus follows them and begins to talk to Pandora in what he thinks is a quiet voice, except it’s not, so Barty can hear them. “But please, Pandora, play quietly.”
“Remus,” Pandora laughs. “There's no such thing as quiet music.”
***
James follows Mrs Evans down the hallway as she rides on her tea trolly. The hallway is something of beauty with lots of artworks. Obviously, this hallway has had time and effort put into it.
They enter through big doors into what seems to be a dining room. With a long table that could fit tons of people. It's decorated with precision and effort. It makes James feel excited for the meal that's to come.
“There you are dear.” Mrs Evans gestures with her spout to the chair at the head of the table. James smiles at her, and sits on the chair.
Barty leaps onto the table and positions himself into a model-like position. The room turns dark, the lights switching off, but leaving a spotlight on Barty. James looks around the room, confused, spotting Evan up near a high window, reflecting the moonlight on a silver platter, down to Barty. Smart.
A piano begins to play a pretty tune, as Barty begins to speak in a dramatic manner. “Bienvenue monsieur. It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now, we invite you to relax, let us pull up your chair, as the dining room proudly presents…” The piano continues to play, but accidentally hits the wrong note. Barty throws a disappointed look to whoever is playing, causing them to correct themselves. Barty looks back to James and smiles widely. “Your dinner.” And then Barty begins to sing.
“Be our guest, be our guest.” Napkins rise from their place settings beginning to twirl. “Put our service to the test.” Barty smirks and begins to dance. “Tie your napkin round your neck, cherie, and we’ll provide the rest.”
As Barty sings, dishes are offered to James. “Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres, why we only live to serve. Try the grey stuff, it’s delicious.” James looks funny at the odd looking dish. “Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes.” Barty gestures to the dishes who begin to mimic something that only could be seen as nodding. James nervously dips his finger in the grey stuff and tastes it, getting an overwhelming sensation of different flavours, causing James to fall in love with the dish, and break out into a smile.
Plates begin to rise up and spin around. “They can sing, they can dance. After all this is France.” Barty says in a mischievous way, winking at James, causing him into sudden laughter.
Menus begin to fly over everyones head, James reaches up to grab one. “And dinner here is never second best.” Barty grabs a menu too. “Go on, unfold your menu.” Barty unfolds his menu. “Take a glance and then you’ll be our guest. Be our guest!”
Remus jumps up onto the table and begins to shush Barty who just smirks back and continues his performance, jabbing Remus in the side.
The big doors to the kitchen open and present dishes. “Beef ragout, cheese souffle, pie and pudding en flambè.” A fish pie explodes and a piece of cod hits Remus in the face, knocking him over. Barty begins to laugh as he sings. “We’ll prepare to serve with flair. A culinary cabaret.”
Flute glasses fill with champagne, James reaches out to grab one but Barty snatches it away. “You're alone, and you're scared. But the banquets all prepared.” Barty dances along with all the dishes as James admires them. “No ones gloomy or complaining while the flatware’s entertaining.” The flatware holds out a napkin and Barty jumps onto it like a trampoline. He is launched into the air and swings along the chandeliers.
“We tell jokes, I do tricks. With my fellow candlesticks.” Barty sings as he swings. Other candle sticks jump up onto the table.
“And it’s all in perfect taste that you can bet!” The candle sticks sing.
Barty falls from the ceiling onto the table, landing in the middle of champagne flutes, who rise around him. “Come on and lift your glass.” James lifts his glass and does a cheers motion towards Barty, supporting a wide smile on his face. “You've won your own free pass, to be our guest!” Barty turns to Remus, and sings in a mocking voice. “If you’re stressed, it’s fine dining we suggest.”
“Be our guest?” James asks, causing Barty’s attention to turn to him.
“Oui! Our guest!” He cheers in song. “Be our guest! Be our guest!” Barty smiles.
Barty walks to the middle of the table, the spotlight shining on him again. “Life is so unnerving, for a servant who’s not serving.” He puts on a bit of a show as he sings. James goes to reach for some food, but is stopped by Barty’s dramatics. “He’s not whole, without a soul without to wait upon.”
Barty does what James would call a ‘tragic walk’ down the table. Reaching the end of the table, he slides down the floor on the table cloth, then gathers it around his neck and carries on. “Oh those good old days when we were useful.” Barty mimics crying. “Suddenly those good old days are gone.”
“Too long we’ve been rusting. Needing so much more than dusting, needing exercise, a chance to use our skill.” Remus lands on Barty’s lap as he falls from the table. They are scooped up by a coat rack and puts them on a table.
“Most days we lay around the castle.” Barty dips back and causes Remus to treat it like they are dancing. “Flabby, fat and lazy!” Barty cheers, poking Remus in what would be his stomach. “You walked in, and oops-a-daisy!”
Mrs Evans rolls in on her tea trolly followed by deserts and tea cups as she sings in an angelic voice. “It’s a guest, it’s a guest! Sakes alive and I’ll be blessed. Wine’s been poured, thank the Lord, I’ve had more napkins freshly pressed.” She slides back to other trolleys filling up different cups with fresh tea.
“With dessert, he’ll want tea. And my dear, that's fine with me!” She smiles as she sings. “While the cups do their soft shoeing, I’ll be bubbling, I’ll be brewing.” She notices a smudge of icing on Harry. “I’ll get warm, piping hot. Heaven sakes, is this a spot?” She hurries to steam it off. “Clean it up, we want the company to be impressed.” She then pours tea into Harry.
They reach the table and she offers Harry and his tea to James. “We’ve got a lot to do, is it one lump or two? For you our guest!”
“He’s our guest!” Barty sings.
“He’s our guest!” Mrs Evans chimes in.
Unable to resist, Remus joins in. “He's our guest!” Remus, Barty and Mrs Evans sing.
Every single servant, or thing, in the room begins to dance. James is blown away by the execution. “Be our guest, be our guest!” Everyone sings. “Our command is your request. It's been years since we had anybody here, and we’re obsessed.”
Everyone dances and puts on a show. It’s a performance that looks as if it’s been practised millions of times. But judging by Barty, it’s probably brand new. “With your meal, with your ease. Yes indeed! We aim to please.”
People have their arms linked together and kick their legs out. Others are preforming extraordinary tricks all while singing.
“While the candle lights still glowing, let us help you, we’ll keep going!”
Everyone joins in to sing the finale. “Course by COURSE! One by one! Til you shout ‘Enough I’m done!’ Then we’ll sing you off to sleep as you digest. Tonight you’ll prop up your feet, but for now, let's eat! Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest. Please! Be our guest!” They hold that last note for a long time until the music stops.
As the table clears itself, objects going back to the kitchen, Barty whirls himself towards James, finally presenting her with… “Pudding?” He asks.
Overwhelmed, all James can do is laugh.
****
Mrs Evans, on her trolley, escorts James from the dining room. James is still wowed by the performance and the meal. But as much as he’s wowed, he’s been wondering…
“Surely you’re as trapped here as I am. Don’t you ever want to escape?” James asked, in an interested manner.
Mrs Evans smiles at him. “The master is not as terrible as he appears.” She states. “Somewhere deep in his soul, there is a prince of a fellow, just waiting to be set free.” She says. This makes James a bit sad. How are they in this situation then?
This is also a valuable piece to the puzzle James has been searching for. He looks up at the massive staircase, remembering about the place said to be off limits. “Barty said something about the West Wing…” He trails off.
“Never mind about that, love. Now off to bed.” She waves him off.
“Goodnight,” James says, aiming to do anything other than sleeping.
“Nighty-night, now straight to bed!” Mrs Evans hurrys off as James climbs the stairs, instead of turning the direction of his room, he heads the way of the West Wing.