going wild (in my mind)

“McKinnon?” Barty asks Marlene. She’s leaving the great hall after lunch on Saturday. 

“Yeah?” Marlene asks. She’s confused. She and Barty are not friends. The only thing it could be about is Regina.

“Regina is in our dorm, and Evan and I think you should go see her,” Barty explains fast and panicked. 

“Okay, of course, lead the way,” Marlene rushes out worry lining her face. 

The winter holidays started the next day, and Marlene was excited to go home and see her parents. 

Barty and Marlene walk fastly through the halls until they end up in the Slytherin common room. Barty leads Marlene up to his dorm. The bathroom door is opened and Evans's voice can be heard. 

Marlene walks into the bathroom. Regina is sitting on the tile with her hands in her hands. Evan is trying to calm her down. Marlene’s heart breaks in two at the sight. 

“Reg?” She asks softly. Regina looks up, and her eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Her nose is red and tears stream down her cheeks in a steady flow. Marlene wants to cry, but she has to keep it together for her girl. “Oh Reg,” she breathes out moving to kneel in front of Regina. Regina’s put her head in her hands again. Marlene gently pries the girl's hands away from her face. “C’mere,” Marlene wraps the smaller girl in a tight hug. Regina sobs hard into Marlene’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Regina says over and over again. Marlene cuts her off. 

“Stop, you have nothing to be sorry for Reg,” Marlene whispers passionately into her girlfriend’s ear. This just makes the girl cry harder. 

Eventually, Regina’s sobs simmer down into sniffles. Marlene releases the hug but still holds the Slytherin’s hands.

“What happened Reg,” Marlene asks with a frown. 

Regina seems reluctant to answer. “Nothing,” she says. 

“Don’t do that, I know something wrong,” Marlene tuts. “I won’t judge you, telling someone will make you feel better. It doesn’t have to be me, I can ask Barty or Evan to get Sirius, but please tell someone,” she pleads desperately. 

After a long few moments of just Regina’s sniffles, she says something. “I have to go home tomorrow,” she says quietly. Marlene furrows her brows in confusion. “I have to cut my hair today,” she adds. Understanding dawns on Marlene.

“I am so very sorry Regina,” that’s the only thing she can think to say.

“It’s my first Christmas at home since Sirius left, I stayed here last year,” Regina closes her eyes and took a deep breath. “Last year Maman let me stay home because it was OWLS and I said I wanted to study. She told me that something important is being announced this year and I under no circumstances can skip,” she finally says. 

“That is horrible Reg,” Marlene says with pain evident in her voice.

“I don’t want to go back Mars,” Regina chokes out before sobbing again. Marlene holds Regina tightly. Marlene says nothing and has nothing to say. Eventually, she hears someone else walking into the bathroom.

“Reggie?” Sirius asks. Regina looks up over Marlene’s shoulder at her brother. Marlene releases the hug and moves over so Sirius can kneel in front of his sister. “Oh Reggie, what’s going on?” he asks softly. 

Regina tells her older brother what she told Marlene. Marlene moved to the back of the bathroom. 

“Reggie, you can come with me to the Potters,” Sirius says quietly. 

“I- I can’t Sirius,” Regina chokes out her eyes welling with tears again. 

“Why not, they’d love you,” Sirius reasons. 

“They’d come after you,” Regina whispers. “It’s fine, I’m fine, I’ve done it every year, I did it my whole life before Hogwarts. I should be happy I even get the chance to dress and look like this for most of the year,” Regina says her voice wavering. 

“That’s not fine Reggie, most of the year isn’t enough,” Sirius says with a deep frown. “You’re on edge all the time, you always think someone’s out to get you, and you can’t even fucking be yourself around the people who should love you no matter what!” Sirius yells without meaning to.

“I have to do it, Sirius, it doesn’t matter, when I come back I’ll just regrow my hair with a spell,” Regina answers closing her eyes tightly.

“What about what you actually want?” Sirius asks. 

Regina lets out a bitter laugh. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” she says bitterly. 

“It does Reggie, you’ve just been so happy doing what you want. Before Hogwarts, I just assumed you were naturally a little on the sad side, when I saw how happy you got when Dumbledore said you could stay with girls, I knew that you couldn’t live that life anymore,” Sirius says.

“You were right I can’t, I just have to,” Regina answers. “Please Sirius, just drop it, I feel better now,” Regina pleads. 

“Fine, but I swear to Merlin you say the word and I’ll help you get the fuck out of that shit hole,” Sirius grits out. 

“Okay,” Regina sighs. Sirius stands up. Regina follows after him. The two siblings embrace. “I love you, Sirius,” Regina whispers. 

“I love you too Regina, so much,” Sirius responds. They let go. “Bye Reggie,” Sirius exits the bathroom. 

Regina looks up and sees that Marlene is still standing in the bathroom. 

“I need some alone time Mars,” Regina says quietly. She walks up to Marlene to give her a tight hug. “I’ll miss you over the holidays, I can’t promise I’ll write to you, please don’t write to me just wait for me to send you a letter,” Regina tells her girlfriend. 

“I’ll miss you when I leave the room, and every second of every minute of the holidays,” Marlene whispers. Regina lets go of the hug and gives Marlene a quick peck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m sorry that you have to do this Reg,” Barty tells Regina before she exits the train. People didn’t even recognize her when she got onto the train.

“It’s fine Barty, I’ll see you at the party, yeah?” Regina asks. Barty nods. Regina waves and exits the train car. 

Kreacher is waiting for her outside the train when she exits. He aparates them to Grimmauld Place. 

Regina goes into her mother’s study where she knows she's expected.

“Regulus,” Walburga greets her daughter with fake warmth as she walks into the room. Regina has to stop herself from wincing.

“Hello Maman,” Regina answers coldly.

“Your cousins and their husbands are coming over for dinner tonight, I set out new dress robes on your bed,” Walburga answers. Regina nods and waits. “You may leave,” she waves her hand. 

Regina goes to her room where sure enough a set of new dress robes are set out in her bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Regulus, how nice to see you,” Narcissa greets. She was always Regina’s favorite cousin. Sirius had always favored Andromeda.

“As it is to see you,” Regina answers cordially. It feels like a stab every time someone uses the wrong name. 

“It seems like you get shorter every time I see you Regulus,” Bellatrix cackles. Regina blushes and looks down at her shoes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before dessert is served, Walburga says she has to make an announcement.

“I am so very glad you could make it Bellatrix and Narcissa,” Walburga says with fake gratitude. “Wulfric Mulciber has informed us something very interesting about our dear Regulus,”. Regina’s heart stops and her face pales. “He said, that our dear Regulus here has been pretending to be a girl, and going by ‘Regina’ at Hogwarts since first year,” Walburga explains saying ‘Regina’ with disgust. 

Fuck fuck fuck. 

“Now I don’t know who let you believe in such delusions,” Walburga looks into Regina’s eyes. “Because you Regulus, are a man, a son, and the heir to house Black,” she sneers. God Regina knows what’s going to happen. “You will never be a real girl, putting a wig on a horse doesn’t change that it’s a horse. I feel like maybe a little lesson could teach Regulus that he is a man and can’t change that,” Walburga takes her wand out and lazily points it at her daughter. 

“Crucio,”

Regina’s body convulses. The pain is so sudden, and it doesn’t stop. She feels it in her very bones. It could’ve been seconds or years and Regina could not tell you. Slowly agonizingly so Regina loses consciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every limb, and bone in Regina’s body aches. Slowly she opens her eyes and sees the ceiling of her room. Regina tilts her head towards the window in her room. It’s dark. Slowly with a wince, Regina sits up.

“Fuck,” she mutters. Regina urgently gets up ignoring the pain, she grabs the small bag she hid in her closet, and goes up to the window.

It’s unlocked.

Regina lifts the window with great struggle. She sticks her head out and looks down. She’s on the second floor, and with the pain her body’s in from being crucio-d the drop will hurt. 

It doesn’t matter though. Regina needs to do this. Every bone in her body tells her not to, but she doesn’t care. 

Regina sits down on the edge of the window and slides herself down until she's falling.

The fall is hard, and she struggles to stand, but eventually, she manages.

Regina runs as fast as she can. Which is not fast with the pain she's in. 

Regina all but collapses onto the curb in front of a random house. She doesn’t even know where she is in the haste she is moving. Regina wants to cry, but she can’t right now. 

Suddenly a purple double-decker bus comes into Regina’s view. The doors open. 

“Get on lass,” a man says gruffly. Regina gets up with a groan and hurries onto the bus. “Where to?” He asks. Regina startles. 

“Oh um, the Hog’s Head,” Regina answers. 

“Sure take a seat,” he answers nodding to the back of the bus.

Regina walks to the back, there’s a few other people but not many. She sits down on a bed and buries her head in her hands. 

The bus ride is aggressive and makes Regina sick.  But she’s thankful for it.

When she arrives at the Hog’s Head she quickly pays the bus driver and gets off. Every movement makes her wince in pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Regina?” Regina here’s Sirius say her name.

She’s been staying in the Hog’s Head for five days now, she told Barty that she was at the Potters so he wouldn’t question her absence at the party. 

Regina was in the town trying to replace the stuff she couldn’t take with her, she had been saving money for months and had enough.

“Regina? What the fuck?” Sirius grabs Regina’s shoulder and forces her to turn around. “Are you here with Walburga?” Sirius asks. Regina shakes her head no. She thinks it’s obvious with her outfit and everything. “Who are you here with then?” He asks. 

“No one,” Regina answers. 

“What do you mean ‘no one’?” Sirius asks. Regina shrugs. “Fuck it let's go to the Hog’s Head for a drink and you can explain what the shit is going on,” Sirius says pulling his sister through the crowd to the Hog’s Head where Regina was staying. 

They sat down and Sirius ordered them drinks. 

“What the fuck is going on Reggie, tell me straight up,” Sirius asks. Regina sighs. 

“I left,” she says simply. 

“Huh? What happened?” Sirius asks with clear confusion. 

“Maman found out about… me and uh… I left,” Regina internally winces at her own vagueness.

“What did she do Regina, I swear to Godric tell me so I can fucking do it to her,” Sirius seethes.

“Oh… um… er it was really nothing,” Regina stutters out nervousness oozing from her. Sirius raises his eyebrows at her pointedly. Regina sighs. “She er cruio-d me. But it’s totally fine!” Regina whispered the first part and overcompensated for her quietness on the second. 

“What the fuck Reggie, that’s not fine!” Sirius yells indignantly. 

“I’m fine aren’t I?” Regina asks impatiently.

“Well, I wouldn’t know since you didn’t bother telling anyone if you were okay,” Sirius rages.

“I told Barty I was at the Potters,” Regina points out. 

“Well that’s just great, you lied,” Sirius says worry seeping into his voice. “Marlene has sent me a letter every damn day asking about you,”. Merlin that just breaks Regina. 

“I’m sorry Sirius, I didn’t know what to do,” Regina answers softly. 

“Come to the Potters with me, please Reggie, I’m not leaving without you, so you either come with me or I stay with you,” Sirius answers.

“Okay, let me get my stuff,” Regina answers. Sirius nods. 

Regina had an undetectable extension charm on her bag so she didn’t have to carry much. 

“Let’s go now,” Sirius says. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regina stayed with the Potters for the rest of the break. She mostly stayed in her room and wrote letters to Marlene. Some she sent and others she kept and hid.

Today was New Year’s Eve and Marlene was coming with her family for the Potters's annual party. 

Mr. Potter, Fleumont he insists, regrew Regina’s hair for her when she first got there. Regina was dressed in a long tight green dress and matching green elbow-length gloves. Regina has her makeup done simply, green eyeshadow, eyeliner, and red lipstick. 

She was nervous and excited to see Marlene. 

“So Regina, excited to see Marlene?” James asks. They’ve been stuck waiting for guests together for ten minutes and James has been relentless in his attempts at small talk.

“Yes, of course, I am, she’s my girlfriend dumbass,” Regina answers. Regina’s attention is taken to the doors at the front of the house. She looks every time they open.

Marlene walks in, and Merlin fuck Regina missed her. Regina all but runs up to her smashing into the other girl. Marlene looks shocked.

Regina leans up and starts kissing all over her girlfriend’s face. “Fuck I missed you, Mars,” she says. 

“Me too baby,” Marlene breathes. “You want to go somewhere… less open?” Marlene asks. Regina nods eagerly. Marlene leads them to a table in a corner of the ballroom. “My parents want to meet you tonight,” Marlene says. 

“Mmhm,” Regina hums. She takes in Marlene’s outfit. 

She’s in a black suit, with the top buttons over her shirt undone and she has no tie.

“You look so fucking hot Mars, kiss me, Merlin fuck kiss me,” Regina groans. Marlene puts her hands on Regina’s hips and pulls her roughly into a kiss. One of Regina’s hands is on Marlene’s arm and the other is wrapped around her neck.

Marlene moves her lips against Regina’s with aggression. Regina bites down hard on Marlene’s bottom lip. Marlene opens her mouth with a gasp and Regina slips her tongue into the older girl's mouth. Regina moans at the taste of her girlfriend. Eventually, they come up for air panting heavily. 

“Fuck I missed you, and it’s only been a little over a week Reg,” Marlene huffs out. 

“Merlin fuck me too,” Regina answers.