a babysitter

Unknown number: hello, is it possible to book you for today’s night?

Unknown number: i really need it, i’ll pay extra

Regulus: excuse me??

Unknown number: i’m so sorry for texting this early in the morning, but i’m a bit desperate

Unknown number: i was told, that you should be free tonight

Regulus: wtf

Unknown number: i’m sorry to bother you and i don’t want to be rude, but is everything alright?

Regulus: no

Unknown number: okay, i’m sorry

Unknown number: i’ll try to find another babysitter for tonight

Unknown number: and again, i’m so sorry for bothering you

Unknown number: have a nice day

Regulus: wait

Regulus: babysitter?

Regulus: really??

Unknown number: well yeah

Unknown number: my son’s nanny is sick and i have to take a night shift, because my colleague’s got injured

Unknown number: so i really need your service

Regulus: as a babysitter

Unknown number: yes

Regulus: thanks god

Regulus: i was afraid that someone tried to order me as a hooker

Unknown number: i beg your pardon?

Unknown number: oh no, wait

Unknown number: you are not a babysitter?

Regulus: definitely not

Unknown number: shit, i’m so sorry

Unknown number: now i understand why you are so cranky

Unknown number: well, this is awkward

Regulus: a bit, yes

Unknown number: once more, i’m so sorry

Regulus: for texting me this early in the morning or for making me feel like a hooker?

Unknown number: both

Regulus: or for calling me cranky??!

Unknown number: i’m terribly sorry

Unknown number: but hey, it’s totally alright to be this cranky after some random stranger texts you some shit this early

Unknown number: i doubt you even had time to drink your coffee

Regulus: i already had two

Unknown number: oh

Unknown number: well then

Unknown number: you are a bit cranky, yep

Regulus: i. am. not. cranky!!!

Unknown number: sorry love, you are

Regulus: i’m not your love, neither am i cranky

Regulus: you don’t know me

Regulus: what if i am someone important and you just insulted me, huh?

Unknown number: important such as?

Unknown number: also there is nothing wrong with being a little cranky

Unknown number: one of my best friends is cranky all the time

Regulus: i could be the queen of england

Unknown number: well then sorry your majesty for my humble opinion, but it seems to me that you are a tiny bit crankyyy

Regulus: stop it. i’m leaving this conversation.

Unknown number: waaait

Unknown number: you’re definitely not cranky. i could say that you are the most not-cranky person i’ve ever texted. the most not-cranky person that ever existed. in the whole word. no no, in the whole history of the world!

Unknown number: is that alright your majesty? or should i prepare you a tea?

Regulus: perfectly alright

Regulus: mind if i screenshot this and send it to my friends?

Unknown number: be my guest

Unknown number: one question though

Unknown number: why??

Regulus: well

Regulus: let’s just say that some people still think i’m a bit mean and cranky and wicked and moody

Regulus: which is not true, of course

Unknown number: of course :)

Regulus: but now i have a proof that at least one person doesn’t think so

Regulus: hey, could you write it again but in a less sarcastic way?

Unknown number: sorry love, but no

Regulus: please?

Unknown number: i just got off the subway and my shift starts in 10 minutes

Unknown number: i need to hurry

Regulus: oh, okay

Regulus: wait, don’t you have a night shift today?

Regulus: and that’s why you need a hooker?

Regulus: or babysitter, or whatever

Unknown number: yeah, i do

Regulus: but you also have shift right now?

Unknown number: yeah, i do

Regulus: so what, you are working for like 24 hours today?

Unknown number: 36 actually

Regulus: how is that even possible?

Unknown number: i work in a healthcare

Regulus: oh, that explains a lot

Unknown number: yep

Unknown number: gotta go now

Unknown number: byeee :)

Regulus: bye

Regulus: :)

THE WORST FLATMATES EVERgroup chat:

Regulus: the best thing happened today

Evan: finally saw last iron man movie?

Barty: found your lost virginity?

Pandora: bought two strawberry muffins with sprinkles for free?

Dorcas: saw your boss stumble?

Dorcas: also, what the fuck Barty?

Barty: fuck indeed

Evan: just ignore him

Evan: he is acting weird today

Evan: well, he is acting weird every day

Evan: so actually, he is just his normal self right now

Barty: thanks babe :(

Evan: you’re welcome sweetheart :)

Evan: so Reg

Evan: what happened?

Regulus: someone called me NOT CRANKY

Dorcas: woow

Evan: that’s hardly believable

Pandora: do you have witnesses?

Regulus: nope, it happened online

Regulus: but i have an evidence

Regulus: behold, the mighty screenshot!!

*one picture attached*

Dorcas: no kiddin’

Dorcas: and it looks only mildly sarcastic

Dorcas: good job Reg

Pandora: who is this ‘Unknow number’ person?

Barty: DO YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS???????!

Evan: babe, it’s Reg

Barty: yeah, that’s right

Barty: i take that ofended capslock tone back

Barty: you didn’t deserve that Reg

Barty: we know that it’s not easy for you to be friends with people

Barty: and we appreciate that you are friends with us

Barty: <3

Regulus: that was nicely said, thanks Barty

Regulus: which means Evan is right though, you are acting weird today

Barty: hey :(

Pandora: nevermind, we still love you Barty

Pandora: being percepted as weird by those around you is not something you should be ashamed of

Pandora: anyways

Pandora: Reg

Pandora: i wanna know who this unknown person is

Regulus: well

Regulus: it’s a person

Regulus: that is unknow to me

Regulus: i guess

Dorcas: so what, you were just chatting with some random dude?

Regulus: if that person identifies themself as ‘dude’ then yeah, sure

Evan: so you are texting with someone

Regulus: i WAS texting with someone this morning

Regulus: that’s all

Dorcas: you see

Dorcas: the thing is

Dorcas: the Regulus Black we know wouldn’t randomly text some unknown person just for chatting

Barty: obviously

Regulus: well, he texted me first

Barty: obviously

Pandora: did you gave him your number at bar last night?

Regulus: no!!!

Regulus: i don’t give my number to people

Regulus: i only have my work number

Regulus: which is super secret and i can’t give it away

Regulus: you know that

Dorcas: yes, Mr Detective

Pandora: so

Pandora: he’s got your number from your supervisor?

Pandora: and texted you with something work related?

Regulus: not exactly

Regulus: he wanted to book me as a hooker for tonight

Dorcas: WHAT

Barty: that’s great, you are not in your office tonight

Barty: you can go!

Regulus: -_-

Barty: whaat??

Barty: you will have sex and get paid!

Regulus: you know i work with police, right? and that this type of service you mention is very very illegal, right?

Barty: yes, sir

Regulus: and that i could easily screenshot this

Barty: yes, but you can photoshop the screen, can’t you?

Barty: so it’s not usable evidence

Regulus: damn it

Regulus: i trained you well

Barty: :)

Dorcas: let’s get back to the hooker part

Dorcas: Reg, explain please???

Regulus: i thought he wanted a hooker but he just wanted a babysitter

Barty: what a shame

Regulus: ...Evan?

Evan: Barty, honey, shut up for a moment

Regulus: thank you

Pandora: so this unknown ‘dude’ who might not be a ‘dude’ is something between 20 and 45 years old

Pandora: interesting…

Dorcas: but we don’t even know if that babysitting was for his child, right?

Regulus: it was

Regulus: he said that his usual nanny is sick and he needs to be at work for all night and he doesn’t have anyone to watch his kid

Evan: sounds like a single parent problem to me

Evan: and single parent sounds yummi, what do you think Reg?

Regulus: Evan stop

Dorcas: Reg is right

Dorcas: we don’t even know if this ‘dude’ is single dad or mum

Dorcas: or where he lives

Dorcas: or if he is a nice person

Pandora: can Luna be a flower girl at your wedding?

Dorcas: Pandora, sweetheart, you already asked me

Dorcas: i told you that Marlene’s little sister is going to be a flower girl

Dorcas: but maybe they can be flower girls duo

Pandora: oh

Pandora: i meant Reg’s and Unknown dude’s wedding

Pandora: but sure, Luna will love to be a flower girls duo with Rosie at yours wedding Dorcas <3

Regulus: okay, okay, stop now

Regulus: i just wanted to show you that someone thinks i’m not a complete morose

Regulus: that’s it

Regulus: i will not text him again nor see him nor marry him

Regulus: all clear?

Barty: yes, sir

*Pandora and 2 others liked this message*

2 days later:

Unknown number: hey, it’s me

Unknown number: (shocking right)

Unknown number: i just wanted to let you know that i was lucky to find another babysitter (a real babysitter this time) at last minute and that my son handled the situation well

Unknown number: and i wanted to apologise one last time for bothering you

Unknown number: i would sent you some chocolate or something but shipping from central europe is kinda pricey

Regulus: hi

Regulus: it’s fine

Regulus: actually the whole ‘not hooker but babysitter’ story made me laught several times in retrospect

Unknown number: i’m glad

Unknown number: bye <3

Regulus: bye

5 days later:

Regulus: i was just wondering… where exactly do you live?

*user had deleted the message*

Unknown number: hi, what’s going on?

Regulus: i’m sorry, it’s awkward

Unknown number: more than me asking you to babysit my child while you thought i was asking you to perform some… service?

Regulus: you’re right

Regulus: nothing beats that

Regulus: so… i live in central Europe too

Regulus: and since you mentioned that i wanted to ask you which city you are from

Regulus: i wrote the message but never got courage to actually send it

Regulus: until now

Regulus: but then i realized we lastly talked five days ago and it made me feel terribly awkward so i deleted it

Regulus: see? awkward

Unknown number: not at all

Unknown number: i live in prague

Unknown number: and my name is james btw

Regulus: oh, okay

James: is that all you wanted to know, love?

Regulus: yes, thank you for responding

James: you are welcome :)

THE WORST FLATMATES EVERgroup chat:

Regulus: okay, so he lives in Prague

Barty: ???

Pandora: i knew it!

Barty: what what what whaaaat

Pandora: the single parent dude Regulus was texting few days ago is from the same city we are currently living at

Dorcas: no wayyy

Dorcas: so is he hot?

Regulus: his name is James

Regulus: and we haven’t met, Dorcas

Pandora: yet

Regulus: but chatting with him felt

Regulus: nice

Evan: WHAT

Evan: I NEED TO MEET THAT MAN RIGHT NOW

Evan: REGULUS BLACK FELT NICE WHILE TEXTING HIM

Evan: he must be a god in bed

Regulus: nevermind

Regulus: screw my therapist, sharing my feelings with you guys sucks

Regulus: actually no

Regulus: my therapist is a nice person, i’m not gona blame her

Regulus: it’s not her fault my friends are trying to get me together with every living being

Barty: *every living GAY being

Pandora: we are sorry Reg

Dorcas: we will stop

Evan: and you know, James can also be a woman’s name

Evan: so

Evan: yeah

Evan: by the way, i have new sexy co-worker which i can introduce you to

Evan: do you want me to?

Regulus: no

Regulus: it’s just

Regulus: chatting with James felt nice

Regulus: that’s all

Regulus: nothing more

Regulus: just nice

Regulus: and maybe i felt a little alone that morning

Regulus: and then James texted me

Regulus: and i was angry because i took it as some stupid prank

Regulus: but it was just desperate person trying to get a babysitter

Regulus: for a kid

Regulus: because that’s what normal parents do

Regulus: they care

Regulus: it must be nice

Regulus: okay, i will shut up now

Pandora: we love you, you know?

Regulus: yeah, i know

Regulus: love you too guys <3

Pandora: <3

one week later:

Pandora: hi, my name is Pandora and i heard you were looking for a babysitter some time ago

Pandora: i work as a kindergarden teacher and have a sweet five year old daughter

Pandora: so in case of emergency or if you nanny gets sick again don’t hesitate to call, i’ll be happy to help

James: oh, hi Pandora

James: my name is James

James: and you are very kind, thank you

James: actually

James: i don’t want to bother you, but

Pandora: but? :)

James: i’m sorry, i’m on duty at hospital all saturday and our nanny is still sick

James: i’ve already asked my two best friends and they agreed to look after my boy, but it’s their anniversary weekend and they will have to cancel their flight to Greece

James: and i feel as a shit friend

James: and terrible father

James: i’m so sorry

James: i’ll stop bothering you with my personal crap

Pandora: oh no, that’s alright James

Pandora: but you seem a little sad

Pandora: you should buy an anti-wrackspurts tea

Pandora: you know what? my husband sells them in his shop, so i can bring you one for free on saturday morning

Pandora: and then i can take my daughter and your kid to park

Pandora: your boy can stay with us for meals and even a bedtime

Pandora: is that alright?

James: you’re an angel

James: thank you so much, i’ll pay you in advance

Pandora: no need!

Pandora: Luna, my daughter, could use some friend, she is a bit shy

James: well my son, Harry, is really talkative so i hope he won’t scare her off

James: and he’s five too, but his birthday is coming up soon :)

James: is this really okay for you? can you look after him from six a.m. on saturday to six a.m. on sunday?

Pandora: i can and i will. it’s a deal.

James: thank you <3

James: you're my savior

Pandora: btw. are you single? asking for a friend

*user has deleted the message*

Pandora: oh, sorry! wrong chat!

James: that’s alright

James: you wouldn’t believe what kind of fail happened to me last time i accidentally texted a wrong number

James: but it was funny though

James: the other person was angry and cranky at first but then texted me again and was kinda sweet

Pandora: that’s actually all i wanted to hear <3