Evan Rosier
The next day my brother woke me up at some time when the sun was just rising. I was confused "Quoi? Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Qu'est-ce que tu fais? Pourquoi m'as-tu réveillé?" (What? What's going on? What are you doing? Why did you wake me up?) etc, etc, but he just got out some of my clothes.
I got dressed into the Bullycastle Bats replica kit my brother had bought me, they were his favourite team and therefore mine. Evan and Regulus were dressed in their school quidditch uniforms, once again I tried to ask about the whole thing but was ignored and dragged out our house and towards my grandparents.
We weren't allowed to floo to places so close, it was 'a waste to floo to a house right next door', even if the next door was actually really far due to the farming fields in-between and the amount of land my grandparents owned, and trust me they owned quite a lot. My grandparents had a quidditch pitch, the actual pitch, not quite the stands of a normal pitch, but the rings, a commentary box and a few seats up high off the ground etc.
Apparently I'd always loved watching Evan play, often with Regulus and Sirius, sometimes Narcissa, Bellatrix would join aswell but that normally would just end in her and Sirius yelling at eachother and bludgers being sent all over, and Andromeda left before I was born.
Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if I was closer in age to my relatives, if I'd been Evan's twin or something, or had my big brother and his friends there while I started Hogwarts, I probably would've always been the one no one messed with, I've heard of what kind of reputations they had. I wonder what it'd have been like if I'd had Evan around for a little more of my life, I wonder what I'd have been like. I wish I had had my brother for more of my life but if I had would I still have gotten even a half decent ending? Maybe I'd be dead, in some ways I'm glad my brother died first, I don't want him to have to grieve me, I'm glad he never had to and never will.
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
We made it to the pitch and Evan told me to wait for him by one of the posts. Regulus stood behind me "Il est temps que tu apprennes." (It's time you learned.) he had this trick of making everything sound incredibly threatening.
"Appris quoi?" (Learned what?) I asked turning to face him.
He gave me one of those 'I don't know' looks despite very clearly knowing and it drove me mad. "Tu sais! Dis-le-moi!" (You know! Tell me!) I yelled at him. He looked surprised at my reaction but he wasn't particularly expressive. He was looking at me in a way that felt like he was judging everything about me. "Arrête de me regarder comme ça!" (Stop looking at me like that!) I don't know why I was so mad.
My brother ran over, three brooms in hand. "Que s'est-il passé? Tout le monde va bien? Félix? Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?" (What happened? Is everyone okay? Felix? What's wrong?) Regulus looked at my brother like I was insane, then Evan looked at me like it, it was terrible, like he had lazer vision like those muggle heros and was melting everything inside of me and killing me, it was agonising.
"Arrêtez! Arrêtez! Arrêtez!" (Stop! Stop! Stop!) One of the larger brooms set alight and Evan quickly dropped the brooms yelping out in pain, I hurt Evan, my Evan. The other two brooms set alight while Regulus was putting out the first one with his wand.
I hurt my Evan, what kind of a monster could hurt someone like him? My breathing quickly sped up and tears started falling from my eyes. My teeth were chattering and my whole body was shaking. It felt like my whole world had collapsed inside of me. "Félix. Félix. Félix. Félix." I knew Evan was calling my name but I couldn't do anything about it. "Hé, regarde-moi, concentre-toi sur moi." (Hey look at me, focus on me.) I slowly moved my shaking hand towords him and he took me in his arms, he kissed the top of my head, rocked me back and forth and told me it would be okay.
I calmed down a bit and unwrapped his hands from me, he let me go easily. I took his left hand and examined the burn running down his palm. He took his hand out of mine and stood up. "Je vais bien, vraiment." (I'm fine, really.)
I grabbed Evan's leg and buried my face in it. "Je ne me mettrai plus en colère, je suis désolé, je suis désolé." (I won't get angry again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.) They both looked at me in a way that almost hurt as much as the original look.
"C'est bon, gamin, ne t'inquiète pas..." (It's okay, kid, don't worry...) My brother handed the brooms to Regulus, picked me up, placed my head on his shoulder and stroked my hair. He kissed the side of my head and spoke gently next to my ear "Voulez-vous savoir ce que nous allons faire?" (Do you want to know what we are going to do?) I nodded slightly.
Evan put me now and got on his knees to be at my eye level, he wiped away the tear that had managed to make it's way out my eye and looked me dead in my eyes in that questioning look with the raised eyebrows and wide eyes, his looked sad, sadder than usual, that really hurt, I thought of myself making him sad and more tears fell down my face. "Je suis désolé." (I'm sorry) I managed to choke out.
I don't know why I was so upset, maybe my version is a bit dramatic, but what I do remember is the guilt that moment brought younger me, the guilt I felt thinking Evan would/had run away because of me. All because I couldn't handle my anger, all because I wasn't good enough to stay for.
Both of Evan's hands were on my face, he was holding my head and trying to get my attention on him. "Hé! Hé gamin! Hé, regarde-moi." (Hey! Hey kid! Hey, look at me!) My eyes tried to focus on him through the blur. "Tout va bien, nous allons tous bien, n'est-ce pas?" (It's all good, we're all good, aren't we?) He looked at Regulus and my eyes followed.
"Je pense que oui." (I think so.) I grabbed Evan's forearm, he got up and I had to let go, I grabbed his leg again and he put a hand on my shoulder.
Regulus looked between me and Evan. "Eh bien, ce n'est pas un cracmol, je vais me procurer plus de balais et demander aux elfes de maison de nettoyer les anciens." (Well he's not a squib, I'll grab more brooms and get the house elves to clean up the old ones.)
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
Regulus returned with brooms identical to the old ones and Evan grabbed a broom with the hand not on my shoulder and turned to face me. The broom was smaller than the others, it looked tiny next to Evan.
"Quidditch?" I asked quite surprised.
"Non, non, tu vas juste voler pour l'instant." (No, no, you're just gonna fly for now.) Evan laughed lightly and messed up my hair. "Nous aurons tout le temps de vous apprendre à jouer au quidditch." (We'll have plenty of time to teach you how to play quidditch.)
Regulus smiled that small, smug, evil smile of his. "Nous devrons nous assurer que Barty ne nous rejoigne pas, pour notre sécurité à tous." (We'll have to make sure Barty doesn't join us, for all our safety.)
Evan laughed a bit harder this time, harder than he normally does, like the name itself made everything seem brighter. "Et nous ne voulons pas que Félix apprenne son style de quidditch." (And we don't want Felix to learn his style of quidditch.)
I wasn't sure what they ment and most likely looked just as confused as I felt. "Quoi?" (What?)
"Il est tout à fait un..." (He is quite a...) Evan started, then hesitated. "Beater brutal." (Brutal beater.)
Regulus looked down at me "Vous connaissez les postes, n'est-ce pas?" (You know the positions, don't you?)
I nodded, Pandora had recorded the Hogwarts games of last season on a muggle camera and Evan brought it back with him. The camera had my name on a piece of parchment stuck to it and a screen that flipped out of the side.
Evan told me he put together "certaines choses" (some things) for me and I didn't question it further. There was one video, the oldest, that had Evan saying hello and telling me to watch it when I missed him and how he missed me. But there were all kinds of videos, ranging from Regulus showing Evan and Baty up a tree ("Regardez qui sèche les cours." (Look who's skipping class.) "Ne pas donner un très bon exemple." (Not setting a very good example.) Him turning the camera onto himself and saying "Sois meilleur que ton frère." (Be better than your brother.) And "Apprendre des erreurs d’Evan." (Learn from Evan's mistakes.)) to Baty recording Evan while he slept, I'm not sure why he recorded that for me, but it was on there.
Whenever I missed Evan I could retreat up to my room and watch him, with sound if my parents weren't home. Some nights when I knew they wouldn't come back at all I would play some of the videos of Evan and fall asleep listening to them.
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
Evan laid the broom on the ground and told me to stand to the left of it. "Mettez votre main droite au-dessus du balai et dites « en haut »." (Place your right hand above the broom and say “up.")
I did what he told me to but nothing happened. I said "en haut." (Up.) once again and once again nothing occurred.
"Continuez à essayer, vous y arriverez." (Keep trying, you'll get it.)
I focused on the broom, I furrowed my brow and squinted my eyes. "En haut." (Up.) The broom wriggled around but didn't rise. I was embarrassed and looked up to see if Evan was aswell, this was infront of one of his friends after all, cousins but still friends, how embarrassing to come from a family with such a failure.
He was smiling down at me, looking... Proud? "Bien essayé, gamin." (Nice try, kid.) He turned to Regulus. "Certainement pas un cracmol." (Definitely not a squib.)
"Il a de la magie, mais il n'est peut-être pas très doué dans ce domaine." (He has magic, but he may not be very good at it.)
Evan gasped and turned to me. "Tu entends ça ? Il remet en question votre magie." (Do you hear that? He's questioning your magic.) I glared at Regulus, not because I was offended but because Evan seemed to think that I should be. "Tu vas être encore meilleur que Reg." (You're going to be even better than Reg.)
I nodded, anything to make him proud. "12." I said.
"Quoi?" (What?) Evan asked me.
"Comme Baty." (Like Baty.)
"Oh." Evan closed his eyes and lent his head back slightly, then realisation must've hit because he snapped his head down and opened his eyes wide. He put a hand on my shoulder. "Vous n'êtes pas obligé d'avoir 12 O.W.L." (You don't have to get 12 O.W.L.)
I furrowed my brow and pouted my lips. "Mais je le ferai, je le promets." (But I will, I promise.)
His expression grew to concern. "Ne vous mettez pas trop de pression." (Don't put too much pressure on yourself.) I gave him a look that ment 'but Baty'. "Il était la première personne de tous les temps. Tu me comprends Félix ? Première personne de tous les temps." (He was the first person ever. Do you understand me Felix? First person ever.)
I thought about it for a moment before saying "Et je serai le deuxième." (And I will be the second.) with a level of confidence I can scarcely think of times I have matched, let alone beat.
Regulus looked back over at Evan. "Ambitieux, compte tenu de son histoire familiale, nous enseignons presque certainement à un futur joueur de Serpentard." (Ambitious, given his family history we are almost certainly teaching a future Slytherin player.)
I grinned up at him. Slytherin, like Evan, my parents, their parents and on for generations, only my brother mattered though. I'd be like my brother.