Even in his younger years peter Pettigrew loved his friends, he would do anything for them, die for them, kill for them. No matter what happened, he promised himself that he would always love them.
As he grew older, peter felt he had partly been replaced by his friends. He was still in their lives, they still loved him, they still cared for him.it was just that there were other people, others they loved for now, others they cared for now, James had found Sirius and Remus, Marlene had found Mary and lily. He knew, deep down he knew they still cared for him they just also cared for others.
In 5th year peter knew, he knew that the marauders, didn't need him, he knew James didn't need him. Sirius’ prank caused them to fall apart, that's when he realised that James brought them all together, James was the sun in their solar system. He’s the reason they were all together, but peter soon realised James was the sun, Sirius the stars, still brightly shining bringing beaty to the solar system, Remus was the moon, still beautiful, connecting in so many minds with the stars.
But peter, peter didn't need to be in their solar system, yet he was there, he was invited in, and he was loved, no matter what part, peter was part of their solar system. Even if they didn't need him, they loved him.
Peter was 20, Peter was 20 and, in the war, Peter was 20, in the war and scared. He had betrayed them, he betrayed them all. He had joined the death eaters, he now followed Voldemort, he had killed them, he was the cause of this.
First it was the McKinnon's’, Marlene and her family. Dead, all because of him. One of the most powerful wizarding families, dead. All because he was scared. Then it was Lily and James. He shouldn't have been their secret keeper, if he wasn’t, they wouldn't have died. He told Voldemort, which had killed them. Then it was Sirius. Peter had blamed him, Peter’s the reason that Sirius went to Azkaban for 12 years, why he couldn't see Harry grow up, why Harry lived at the Dursleys. Remus was left alone again, no Peter, No James, no Sirius, no Lily, no Marlene. Mary was still there, she didn't know anyone, or anything anymore, she obliviated herself, all because Peter was scared.
In 1993, Peter felt it again, once again he was scared. Sirius escaped; Remus wouldn't be alone. They knew what happened now, they knew Sirius was innocent, they knew Peter was guilty. They knew what he did.
In 1998 Peter felt something new, he felt guilt. He had killed so many, he had killed his father, he had killed his mother, he couldn't now kill Harry. He hesitated, for the first time in a while he didn't regret what he had done in that moment. He hesitated and he died, the hesitation he had, caused his death. The last thing he had felt was guilt. Deep down, he always felt guilty. He knew what he did was wrong, and he was always guilty of that, he had cursed his friends, all because he was scared.
Even as he grew old Peter Pettigrew loved his friends, just not enough to let them know he was scared.