Cut and Captured

‘Place your bets now!—’

‘How will Harry—’

‘—get himself—’

‘—out of this one?—’

‘Well, thanks for that, Neville,’ Ron said, and Neville’s cheeks went red.

The brown-haired Gryffindor opened his mouth, seconds away from apologising for ever bringing the special edition issue into the Great Hall to begin with, but Hermione beat him to it.

‘You’ve done nothing wrong, Neville,’ she said to him in earnest, but not before looking quite poignantly at Ron. ‘You were only trying to warn us.’

‘I-I-I just thought that... I mean, if anyone else had said... you might’ve... uh...’

‘Hexed them six ways from Sunday?’ Ron supplied, and it seemed that Neville had expected that to be the reply, because the timid Gryffindor was already shaking his head in nervous agreement before Ron could even finish the thought.

‘Not that either of us—or, any of us—should be drawing attention to ourselves at the moment,’ Hermione said quietly to their little trio.

‘And why’s that?’ Ron asked.

‘Because it’s obvious, isn’t it?’ Hermione said, leaning in close to the centre of the table. ‘It’s all a distraction. If no one’s looking for Harry because they think he’s run off, then that means—’

But the Gryffindor was cut off mid-sentence by perhaps the most unlikely person imaginable.

‘Mind if I sit here?’ said the voice of Pansy Parkinson; the Slytherin 4th year had evidently crossed the Great Hall and crept up beside Hermione at some point in the conversation, much to the Gryffindor’s chagrin.

‘Whatever this is about, Parkinson, you can take it elsewhere,’ Ron said, scowling so fiercely it made Neville gulp beside him.

The Slytherin rolled her eyes. ‘Like I’m here to talk to the likes of you, Weasley. But fine, no need for us to get chummy about it,’ she said condescendingly, before dropping the rude expression. It seemed then as though she were trying to put on a sweet, sad-look on her face, but instead it looked like she was smelling something foul. ‘I’m only here to offer my condolences to Granger, you know, before the word gets out.’

‘What word?’ Hermione said, folding her arms across her chest, her expression most unamused as she looked up at the other girl.

‘Oh, you know, Potter’s disappearance. We all know Dumbledore’s hiding the truth behind it,’ Pansy said, pretending to pick at her nails as though they were the most interesting specimen in the world as she waited for the three Gryffindors to take the bait.

‘Listen, Parkinson, whatever you’re getting at just spit it out,’ said Ron.

Pansy grinned. ‘You think it’s a coincidence that Potter and Diggory just disappeared from Hogwarts? Hah! Anyone with half a brain knows that coincidences don’t exist. At any rate, by lunchtime tomorrow I expect most of the school will already know.’

With that she dramatically reached into the inside pocket of her robe and pulled out a rolled up, pink magazine which was opened to a page which featured a picture of Harry looking up at Cedric and Cedric smiling back at him, probably from when the portraits of the champions were taken.

Ron snatched the paper up and began to read quietly for them all to hear, saying:

A boy with his heart on his sleeve – and good taste to boot, writes Rita Skeeter. What started out as friendly has blossomed into love. Little did Triwizard Tournament winner Harry Potter know that each task would bring him closer to fellow Hogwarts champion Cedric Diggory.

Affections between the two champions—witchly readers will be keen to know—have not gone unnoticed.

‘Cedric invited Harry into the prefects’ bath, you know,’ said Moaning Myrtle, resident ghost who then proceeded to describe how eagerly the Gryffindor champion disrobed and slipped into the bath. ‘The Hufflepuff wasn’t there with Harry when I was making my usual rounds, but who’s to say he didn’t join him once I’d returned to my own toilet?’

Witch Weekly 17+ readers and love-bug alert members can turn to page 13, column 2 for Myrtle’s full account of the event.

And while a secret rendezvous of two spells passion with a capital P, yours truly wonders if there’s more to the story than meets the eye...

‘Cedric had his ‘arms ‘around ‘Arry, and they have taken the Cup together,’ says Beauxbatons champion Fleur Delacour, the only witness on the pitch when young Harry whisked fair Cedric away. A charming and agreeable young witch, Miss Delacour is also part Veela and was able to see through the sudden, dense fog which masked the scene, as confirmed in a pensive review of the girl’s memory of the event.

Readers have a lot of questions to get to the bottom of. Did a boyish rivalry brought on by both contenders’ competition in the Triwizard Tournament blossom into a new and exciting challenge to accept love when in the face of it? Did dear Harry enter the competition in order to impress Diggory with his magical prowess with the hopes of winning the tournament for Hogwarts in a bid for the handsome Hufflepuff’s heart? And was Harry’s heartbreak over the devious affairs of the scheming Hermione Granger only a show meant to keep his real affections under lock and key?

Join us at this week’s roundtable floo to tell us what you think.

And should this humble writing find its way to young Harry or any young wizard who has found his first love, remember: the safest sex the soul can savour, is (cont. Page 4, column 1)

By the time Ron finished reading the article, his voice was nearly hoarse, his face beet red, and his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

‘Well, that was... unexpected...’ Hermione started diplomatically, only to trail off. Meanwhile, Neville only sat there with his mouth agape, unable to say or do anything else.

‘Someone else already spilled the beans to Cho Chang. Poor girl was still crying her eyes out in the toilet last I heard,’ Pansy said with a sigh. ‘Diggory and Potter? Who would have thought it?’

‘Uh, yeah, who?’ said Ron, who seemed to be in the midst of determining whether or not another night’s detention with Snape would be worth it.

‘If only you paid as much attention to your syllabus as you do Rita Skeeter’s writings,’ said Hermione after a moment. ‘Then you wouldn’t be failing Astronomy and Transfiguration.’

Ron chortled at that. ‘I think she’s calling you thick, Parkinson.’

‘Well, nobody asked you for your opinion anyways,’ Pansy said with a huff, snatching the magazine out of Ron’s hand, ‘as if you know anything about anything at all.’

And with that, the Slytherin stomped off back to her table.

Ron and Hermione both let out a groaning sigh the second Pansy was out of earshot.

‘Great,’ said Ron, although from the sound of his voice it was decidedly not great, ‘so not only is Harry missing, but now there’s another crazy rumour about him out on the loose. Mental that. But I guess, that’s part and parcel with being the Boy Who Lived, isn’t it?’

‘Hmmm, and no mention of where Harry might be, and it’s been two days now,’ Hermione said, looking pensive.

‘Are you alright, Hermione?’ asked Neville, having finally found his voice.

‘Yeah, you look a bit peaky,’ Ron chimed in.

‘I’m fine, but I was just thinking...’ Hermione said, taking a steadying breath. She glanced at Neville, frowned, and then continued, ‘Actually, I think I am a bit light-headed. Neville, would you mind getting me some pumpkin juice? I think there’s still some down there.’

With that Hermione pointed towards the far end of the table, and Neville quickly scrambled out of his seat, muttering for her to stay there and not try to stand up too fast or anything, and he’d be right back.

Ron raised an eyebrow. ‘You want to tell me what all that was about?’

‘What if Harry’s... not back before double potions on Thursday?’

‘Well, I think Snape’ll be relieved—’

‘No, Ron, not the class itself,’ Hermione said, shaking her head. ‘You know, how he always goes there an hour before for...’

‘Oh no, his special dosage,’ Ron said, mouthing the final two words as Hermione nodded, her expression serious.

‘The Artemesium shot. I hadn’t thought of that at first but, I mean, he can’t just go without it, can he? With level 5 severity, he just... can’t!’ Hermione said, her voice full of concern.

Ron shook his head slowly, and a sinking feeling settled over the two Gryffindors that pumpkin juice would do little to alleviate.