pages of poetry

The busy term had seemed to distract Remus from the whole ‘werewolf’ thing for a while, until he felt the familiar ache lean on his shoulders as the moon waxed closer to the full moon. Remus couldn’t seem to forget about this full moon, as his mate had managed to throw himself off of a broomstick that same day. It meant sneaking out to madam Pomfrey became a lot harder, as there had only been the three boys in the dorm.

Remus murmured ‘meeting mum today’, before he spilt out of the room and made his way down to the entrance of the hospital ward. Out of curiosity, he poked his head through the archway, squinting to find the muddled laces that hung off the edge of the bed his friend was sitting on. Not long after, Madam Pomfrey rushed out, and insisted they make their way to the shack immediately. Once they had made their way down to the whomping willow, and he was seated inside the battered shack, Remus was left waiting for the full moon to rise, and for the gruelling process to repeat itself once more, as he became the monster again that resided in his bones, and in his very spirit.

He felt the knowing pull of his skin as his bones began to contort, and all he could think of as his vision was blinded by pain, his senses drowned by becoming what he would hate most, was the stars. He looked beyond the full moon as it loomed above him, and saw the fragile stars that filled the night sky, twinkling so far away.

~

Sirius had already been awake most of the night, sleeping on and off unsteadily in the cold room. He turned to gaze at the clock sitting up by the wall, only illuminated by the bright night sky peeking out from the curtains. The hands read just after four in the morning, and the boy slumped back down into the covers. He couldn’t bear lying awake, but knew he couldn’t leave. Trying to fall back asleep, he shut his eyes closed, and focused on all that he could hear, and feel. He felt the starchy hospital sheets against his skin, not all that similar to those in his dorm room, in which he could sink into each night.

He heard the faint cry of owls in the distance, but froze still when he could hear the all familiar click of the medi witch's shoes, surprisingly quickly to the hospital ward. Focused entirely and straining his ears to hear the witch speaking, he heard her silently soothing someone, as their strained gasps echoed louder into the hall.

Sirius felt his heart drop when Pomfrey whispered “shh, it’s okay Remus, you’ll be okay. I’m going to fix this right up.”

Sirius didn’t think he was breathing as he heard the witch sooth his friend as she healed whatever had happened to him. He could hear Remus mumbling, his voice gravelly and scratched, like it sounded if he was accidentally woken up when James went on his very early morning runs. The world could have stopped for Sirius when he heard him say ‘mhurts’, and groan in pain.

After what seemed like a lifetime, he heard his friend relax, or just plain pass out, and the scrape of a stool by his bed.

Sirius couldn’t even imagine falling asleep by then, but the stress and dread filling his body, and the fatigue of not sleeping knocked him out when he least wanted to.

As he woke up again, it all came back to him again in a wave, and he slowly lifted his head to peek at the clock again. Madam Pomfrey had been around the ward, so the crack of light had been shut off once more, but straining his eyes he could see the minute hand had made its way around most of the clock.
Sirius sat as still as he could, listening for the medi witch, but all he could hear was the soft, steady breaths of his friend. He had really hoped it had all been a dream, as he slipped as quietly as he could from his bed, and creeped closer to the back of the hospital ward, to face his very friend behind a shroud of curtains, sleeping quietly on the hospital bed.

He had been covered with dark scratches along his arm, yet these hadn’t been the silvery streaks he had seen before, but were raw and angry. They were louder than any words. They seemed to scream at Sirius, taunt him for not knowing a single thing about his friend.

Sirius had to drag himself back to his bed, aware that Madam Pomfrey could walk on him at any moment. When the mediwitch did arrive, Sirius was fighting against his utter need to leave the ward and his willingness to stay near his friend, but after his last checkup, Pomfrey sent him up to the dorms to be ready for breakfast, and classes that morning.

James had been overjoyed to see his ‘brother’ again, and Peter had given him a nod, but Sirius could do nothing but stare at the two empty beds on his side of the dorm, looking so empty next to the mess on the other side of the room.

Noticing his stony expression, James poked his shoulder and asked ‘what’s up? Missing the infirmary?’.

“Ppft, nah. Never going in there again.” he replied, standing up taller, and trying to brush the weight on his shoulders off. ‘With the way you roll, I don’t think that’s possible!’ Peter exclaimed, as he made his way through the door to get to breakfast early. James was busy packing Sirius’ shoulder bag with his remaining parchment, and enough quills to last the boy a day and a half. Once Peter had left, and James was almost ready to go, Sirius sat on his bed, like a stubborn dog, and sat James’ kitten - who had been nicknamed ‘the ninja of the night’, for how he would travel between the beds - upon his shoulder, where it sat stoically like a parrot to a very silly eleven year old.

“Where’s Remus?” Sirius posed, not knowing what else to say about the missing boy.

James shrugged, before replying, ‘Went to his parents i think. Visiting mum.’

Instantly, Sirius felt as if he had swallowed a litre of petroleum and dropped down a matchstick to pair it. He was fuming, more than fuming. He didn’t know. It was always Remus that Sirius never knew anything about. He was a mystery. He kept everything to himself. He felt the anger spike in his chest, why didn’t he tell me? Why does he think he has to do that alone? Why didn’t he tell me? I would understand. A hundred thoughts had spilled into his mind, ninety nine of them being about Remus, one being about the pain shooting up his arm as he had shot up, and another about James looking over at his friend with confusion, but dropping it to usher him off the bed and down to breakfast.

Usually, Sirius would protest and hide in James’ bed, the warmth always still lingering under the covers, but the boy felt on fire already, and took off to the Great Hall with James by his side, shuffling both their bags on his shoulders to even out the weight, and not look like a fool in case they ran into a particular redhead.

It wasn’t until lunch that Remus joined the three marauders, slipping into his spot next to Sirius, talking as usual to the rest. None of the boys asked about his visit, it had always been a grey area to mention his mum, but Sirius couldn’t believe what had happened. Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he say anything to me?. He had to stop himself from turning and asking the boy, and instead hung his head, engrossing himself into his sandwich that had begun to taste very bland.

It was unfortunate enough that their last class of the day was potions, as the boys were stuck with Snape breathing down their backs. Remus had even been partnered with the boy, but he was afraid enough of another punching incident that he didn’t try anything in class. It was a different situation outside.

Snape almost always picked the fight between the boys, but he was never leaving successfully. It was as they were leaving the classroom that the slimy boy commented on the second hand books Remus shoved into his bag, which immediately irritated James and Peter, but set Sirius fuming again.

“You really don’t have any filter do you, snivellus?” he barked at the boy.

“I wouldn’t think you would either, Black” Snape sneered, pointing his ugly nose up higher “isn’t it quite the shame that you come from such a good family, yet you chose to spend your time with those freaks. No wonder you’re the least favourite”

“As if you’re any better, Snape. I don’t see you having any friends, or coming from a good family.” Sirius pointed out. “Such a shame really, isn’t it?”

It had seemed that his comment had shut the boy up, and he stormed past the boys, slamming his shoulder against Remus, before trying to do the same to James as he walked by, but the latter was strong enough that he stood tall as Snape fell back. Whilst laughing at the pathetic boy, none of the marauders apart from Sirius had noticed Remus hiss and clutch his arm.

“I’ve got to go to the dorm quickly, left something behind. Remus, come with?” Sirius offered.

“Wha.. I don’t need to go to the dorms..” Remus started, until Sirius gestured to his arm discreetly, and he got a look at the blood that had stained his shirt, still covered by his hand. That had seemed to change his mind quite quickly. “Right, yeah I'll go.”

“Need us to come, Sirius?” James offered, looking at the two who seemed to be in a hurry for no apparent reason. Remus had already begun to walk ahead, and Sirius called behind to the two as he ran to catch up, “Nah, meet in the common room later!”

Since Remus had always been slightly taller than Sirius, and spent a lot of his time walking, it actually took some effort to catch up. The boy had begun to walk towards the infirmary, before Sirius asked “where are you going?”

“Seeing Pomfrey.” He quipped, finally slowing down, but not letting his hand down from his arm.

“Nah, we’ll go to the dorm. I’ve got stuff.” Sirius offered, and Remus obliged, since the Gryffindor tower had been much closer, and he didn’t want to see any more people.

Once they reached their room, Sirius sat Remus down on the bathtub edge, and told him to wait, and not move. Instead, the boy slipped off his school shirt, trying not to aggravate the already bleeding arm, or the sore one on the other side. The bandages from Pomfrey had kept his arms in an alright condition, and they would heal quickly as they always do. It didn’t help that Snape had pushed him into a corridor wall, splitting them open again.

He sat still on the edge of the bathtub as Sirius insisted to help him with his arm. “You’re going to do it wrong if I don’t help. Just give in.” It took a bit of persuasion for Remus to let Sirius help him, but he wouldn’t let him touch the bandages either way, so he let him do as he wished.

“Show me your arms,” Sirius asked, as Remus leaned back.

“I can do it myself.” He offered for the sixth time.

“Nah, I want to see if they’ve gotten better.”

Unwillingly, he offered his right arm to the other boy in hesitation, and he began to unwrap his messed up dressings. Sirius had taken his time with slowly unpeeling each piece, almost fully jumping back any time Remus showed a hint of pain or discomfort.

“Keep going you nonce, it’s gonna hurt either way.” said Remus, when the other boy had literally flinched when he took a sharp breath in. He reached for a cloth by the sink, lightly dampening it and cleaning up the areas around the scrapes. He picked up a small container that had been put in the sink, and slowly applied the balm to the worst of them.

He quickly left the room again and came back with the fresh bandages that had been tucked away in his trunk.

“Should I be concerned that you have an entire infirmary in your trunk?” Remus started, looking into the sink filled with his bits and pieces of first aid.

“Nah, I just hate the hospital ward so I do it myself.” The boy responded. He stopped his quips to Remus as he concentrated on wrapping his arm back up, ensuring that his arms were still circulated, and gave his fingers a quick squeeze before stepping back to admire his work.

He left the bathroom once more, and grabbed a shirt of his from the bed, before bringing it back to the boy. He slipped it on with ease, not wanting the other boy to help him again, but quickly buttoned It up, before motioning for the pair to leave again. “Don’t want to keep the ladies waiting, do we?”

‘What, James and Pete? Nah. It’s all good. Rather hang out with you either way.’

~

“I’ve got to go to the dorm quickly, left something behind. Remus, come with?” Sirius asked, looking over to Remus.

“What.. I don’t need to go to the dorms” Remus started, but he saw the boy point to his arm and saw the stain already peeking through his shirt sleeve. Fucking Snape.

“Right, yeah I'll go.”

The boys made their way to their dorms, and Sirius sat him down on the edge of the bathtub, saying “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a tick.” Instead, Remus peeled off the already sticky shirt off his arm, and sat with his bandaged arms.

He watched as the other boy cleaned up his arms, lightly dabbing a cloth on the bleeding side and running off to fetch healing balms and bandages. He felt exposed, like the monster he was, ashamed of the cuts that lined his arms, and his now bare torso.

Other arm? Sirius offered, lightly peeling off Pomfrey's excellent but scratchy bandages, before applying the balm and wrapping them up again with his cloth. He was standing so close to the boy that all he could focus on was the way he unconsciously stuck his tongue out when he was focusing, which he would sometimes notice when they were in class.

“Much better,” the boy offered, running out to grab a fresh shirt of Remus’ to change into. The other one was put into their laundry basket, as it would only take house elf magic to take those stains out.

He beckoned to leave, trying to find an excuse to put space between the two of them. Sirius could never know about the nature of his scars, he would be kicked out of school in an instant, but Remus couldn’t stand the lies and looks of pity offered by the other boy.

“Don’t want to keep the ladies waiting, do we?”

“What, James and Pete? Nah it’s all good. Rather hang out with you anyways.”

“We both know that’s a lie. C’mon, I'll bring ninja.”

Sirius took the offer and opened the door for Remus to walk out of, as the kitten jumped to his shoulder.

“Can’t help to be her favourite, I'm a ladies' man” Sirius pointed.

“I’m pretty sure Ninja isn’t a girl's name, poof.” the other boy laughed, and shrugged it off, walking down to join James and Pete, and by extension, the other Gryffindor girls that had begun to spend time with them. Marlene was still close with Sirius after Valentine's day and had always travelled as a package deal with Mary Macdonald and Lily Evans. Remus still grimaced at the mention of Valentine's Day, but it was funnier watching a flustered James with a girl who completely loved his cat.

He was lucky that James and Peter didn’t question their trip to the dorms, and Sirius didn’t poke any further. He was happy to be back with his friends. Nights in the shack had always been lonely.