pages of poetry

The school term had begun as it had been left off, although it brought back a rather grumpy Sirius Black, and a lot of questions that weren’t asked about the new scar that stretched from the corner of Remus’ eye to the centre of his other cheek.

James and Peter had recounted all their holiday encounters, over being allowed into muggle London to buy christmas presents for their friends, after a lot of persuasion, and being lucky enough to have their half-blood friend, who had only known ‘muggle’ life before Hogwarts. Although, living in a boys home was a bit of a different story. Their presents were presented with much pride, and Remus didn’t have it in him to actually tell the two friends that they had purchased a pencil sharpener and some sticky notes. Before Sirius could ask for their use, (a pencil sharpener was no use when they used quills and ink), Remus gleefully took the sticky notes, they would be of some use. He then had to explain the whole concept of muggle stationary, and try to explain what a pencil was.

Sirius was somewhat sullen about the Christmas break, and knowingly, the boys avoided the subject as a whole around the boy. Instead, to make it up to the boy, the troublesome four had launched into a spur of pranks. At first, the boys had tricked each other, enchanting bed sheets to stick to walls, or spelling chocolate frogs to chase Peter around the dorm, squealing “eat me! Eat me!”. The poor boy didn’t pick up another frog for a week. They quickly expanded their series of tricks to outside the dormroom, slipping dungbombs under tables at meal times, blaming each other for farting so loud each time the CRACK would blast off, a few metres down. Their tricks hadn’t been aimed at anyone in particular, just the snobby first years, and a group of Hufflepuff students after they had squealed so loudly when Sirius enchanted paper aeroplanes to fly around the corridors, swooping at passers by. One night at dinner, the caretaker Filch had obviously had enough, shouting for the ‘marauders to reveal emselves,’ so he could give them a real talking to. James lit up when he heard marauders, and turned to the three boys. “That’s it!” He exclaimed, “The four of us, we’re the marauders.” From then on, the boys kept the name as their trademark, sometimes leaving ‘Love, the Marauders’ written onto their paper monstrosities.

It wasn’t until one of their first potions lesions came back that the boys found their first actual target. Classes with Slughorn were very difficult to keep up with, the old man would tangent on stories you could barely make sense of, yet he still required the class to pay attention, and still focus on their potions. You would either get too distracted into trying to make sense of the terrible story, or have too much fun snickering about the fiction of it all, and forget to check on your potion until it bubbles over, or you would spend too much time following the instructions and making sure you didn’t make mistakes that you would miss the small instructions or tips that the old man sometimes added in between his tall tales. The boys had been split into pairs, yet the professor had been smart enough to know from their first term they were not to be put together. James had been placed with Lily, yet Remus had secretly wished they were put together. They had been paired the whole first term, and whilst Remus stirred the potion, and cut up all the ingredients, Lily would listen with such intent to Slughorn's lectures that she would take control of any small abbreviations needed doing. Sirius had been partnered with Lily’s friend Mary, and Peter was with some other Slytherin boy. Remus had been partnered with Severus Snape, who had been Lily’s childhood friend. From spending their first term as pairs, the equally snobby and slimy boy already didn’t like Remus, and had it out for him since the start of the year. Since their first lesson, he hadn’t shut up about the new streak that had stretched across his face, and without thinking, Remus had spun around and landed a punch right in the nose of the other boy. St. Edmunds had paid off for something, at least. Although, his upper hand didn’t last for long, as the pair were surrounded by angry slytherin first-years. A large, wide boy Mulciber yanked him by his shoulders and punched him right back. He had felt worse, and if there was one up-side to a school with posh kids, it is that they don’t know how to punch. The potions master had recovered from his tangent by then, and pulled away any of the other kids from defending Remus, or joining in the fight, and if Remus wasn’t angry enough, James and Sirius were furious about the whole situation.
It was somewhat comforting how the boys defended their friend. When they arrived back, it seemed no one had noticed about the new scar lining half his face, or just that James had threatened them if they brought it up. What did Remus do to deserve James Potter? But if anyone dared to comment on it, you would have to make it past James and Sirius; which combined were unstoppable.

After the potions incident, that evening James and Sirius began scheming a prank against the boys.

“So, what are we going to do? How are we getting them back” James posed whilst they were scribbling homework essays by the common room fire.

“Get who back?” Peter had asked, whilst he searched for notes that he had accidentally flung over the couch.

“The Slytherins” James hissed through his teeth “keep up, Pete”

Peter whispered back, sounding worried. “Surely not all the Slytherins, just Snape and Mulciber?!”

“All of them.” Sirius confirmed, looking over at Remus, who had been sitting up on the couch, not bothered to do his homework, still fuming from earlier. He hadn’t been angry at himself, instead his stupid temper. If he was going to punch people everytime they mentioned a scar of his, or his crap reading, or his bloody lycanthropy, he would be leaving this school much earlier than he thought, and he only expected to last a year. He wasn’t sure if Matron would let him go back, after all the fuss that Summer before.

“We need something harmless, but tricky. Something that they won’t be able to tell was us.” Remus thought out loud, knowing that the teachers would easily pick up on their antics if they were too obvious. Word had gotten around about the tension between the boys and a few of the Slytherins when rumours had quickly spread about Remus punching Snape.

“A sticking charm.” Remus didn’t know if anything of the sort existed, but remembered the cruel jokes kids at St. Edmunds would hatch on people, one staple being putting glue on unsuspecting boys’ clothes, and laughing as they were stuck to their chair for a while, until Matron sliced holes in their clothing and left it up to them to mend it. None of the boys knew how to fix clothing, and Matron would wind up fixing it anyways, and sewing together the gaping holes weeks after, when she would lecture the boys on maintaining ‘nice clothing’. “If we figure out who does their laundry, we could put a sticking charm on their clothes so they get stuck to everything they sit on or stand against. Like a massive bug trap.” Once he had finally looked up to the other boys, who had put down their quills and listened to Remus with fire in their eyes.

“I mean.. ‘Snot like we’ve learned anything of the sort and it’s a bit complicated…”

‘And fucking brilliant!’ Sirius interrupted. “Leave the spellwork to me, I'll figure out the charm, and you can find where they do all the laundry in this place. You’re always stalking around the school anyways.” Sirius shrugged, but immediately turned to James to brainstorm where they could get the idea of a clothes sticking charm on. Remus did realise he knew a lot of places in the school, his christmas break had proved to be useful, and he spent a fair amount of time walking around the castle during their first term too, sometimes barely making it back to curfew if he was trying to avoid the boys.

He made a mental note to talk to Lily once she had cooled down about the Snape-punching-incident, she had been his friend, and wasn’t very impressed with Remus, even if she liked him better than any of the other three Gryffindor boys. He had remembered her talking about inquiring where all the laundry was done, and who was in charge of that, in some rampage about House elves, and ‘Hogwarts, a History’.

Sirius and James had remained true to their promise, as the boys had to ‘strike whilst it was hot’, as Sirius said. But soon, Valentines day was approaching around the corner, and Remus began to notice the girls that had started sitting nearer the boys at the gryffindor table, especially one of the blonde girls who would giggle extra loud, and twirl her hair whenever Sirius glanced their way. The boy had an ego bigger than his hair, and Remus knew he didn’t mind the attention, but it had been distracting him from the mission they were on. Valentine's day had landed on the Weekend that year, and the same blonde girl had asked Sirius if he had wanted to spend the day with her. Sirius hadn’t shut up about it all evening back in the common room, and Remus had to fight to keep his attention on the task at hand

“What if we get them on Valentine's Day? Surely we can finish everything in time?” Remus had asked Lily about the laundry when Sirius was too busy talking to Marlene, or whatever that girl’s name was. He had also found the place, and saw how the clothes had been divided in the house groups, and all washed, cleaned and magically dried and iron to pristine by the house elves. Sirius and James had cracked the code of the sticking charm, finding one in a practical joke book of James’, and then experimenting with timing charms, and the strength, which resulted in being stuck to each other, or various pieces of furniture a few times.

“That’s perfect mate, it’ll stop them all from going on any dates, that’s for sure!” James piped up. Remus didn’t know when girls or dating had ever become a thing, but he wished for all the valentines nonsense to be over with. But the deadline had been pushed forward, as all the boys had completed their side quests. All that was left was sneaking down to cast the spells during the night in the slytherin dorms, and undetected. James had told the boys not to worry on that part, but Remus had no clue what he had in mind, until he had brought out a dusty old cloak that Fleamont had packed for mischief. An invisibility cloak. Of course James Potter had an invisibility cloak.

So the night before valentines, James, Sirius, and Remus had snuck down to the dungeons. Peter, the poor scared boy had insisted to stay at the table, as he didn’t mind the planning, but wanted to keep out of trouble. Instead, the boy had excused himself, thinking that it would be too obvious if the four of them all missed a meal, so he would stay, and be later joined by James after he had sorted Sirius and Remus out with the Invisibility cloak. Sirius knew the spell best, having the most knowledge on curses and jinxes, and Remus was the quickest to catch on, and knew where the laundry was stored in each of the rooms.

The two boys snuck through the Slytherin entrance as the last few stragglers were running out to make it to the dining hall. Once they had confirmed they were alone, Sirius pulled the weighted cloak off of their shoulders, and gazed around the room. Remus could feel the tension in the air, he knew Sirius had been the only Black not in this house. The silence that had filled the room, confirming the absence of Slytherins was filled once more with the boys’ voice, slightly more strained than before. “This place is rubbish. Glad i’m up in the tower.” Sirius noted. Remus took the boys word to continue on, they were on a time crunch. They shuffled down the staircase to the boys’ dormitory, and cast the sticking charm on pyjamas, and clothes for the next day layed out on shelves. Those organised Slytherins made the prank too easy. The boys covered all bases, casting the charm on the bottom of shoes too. They got through all the first year dorms, and Sirius was keen to continue. “Gotta get them all, not like the snobby first years will have any dates. Gotta get the older years too.” the boys had the time to complete the extra few rooms, especially with all the practice from the younger dorms. They were less thorough with the older rooms, just sticking shoes to the floor. The valentines dates thing had started Sirius back up on the topic of Marlene, which Remus had been hoping to avoid.

“Ya know, she’s cooler than most girls. Like, she likes the things I like.” Sirius started. Of course, he hadn’t realised the girl nod her head eccentrically every time he asked for her opinion. He wasn’t surprised the girl liked the things he did, all she did was agree with him. Remus stopped his train of thought, realising he had been too harsh on the girl.

He had realised, a little later than most of the other boys, since he had never interacted with one, living in an all boys home. Since befriending Lily, he noticed that girls were different to boys. They were more observant, more touchy-feely than just brushing something off. You had to be aware of what you said to girls, or you could hurt their feelings pretty easily. Maybe Marlene did like what the boy did, he hadn’t been able to talk to the girl since she was always infatuated with his friend. But Lily had been friends with marlene, and another girl that shared the same dormitory. Remus decided he couldn’t be so harsh. If he was really going to stay at this school, he had to be good. He couldn’t go around hurting girls’ feelings, or being rude to his mates. He was already a monster once a month, so maybe he should try to be better when the full moon wasn’t around.

Lost in his thoughts, Remus hadn’t heard Sirius continue talking about girls, and ask his friend what he was going to do on the day. If this day is all about spending time with girls, maybe he could spend some time with his friend Lily. ask about Marlene before he made any decisions. He thought.

Once the boys had snuck out of the Slytherin common room, and poked into the kitchens for supper leftovers, the boys returned to the Dormitory feeling like they were flying. The next morning had been a parade of their efforts, as all the Slytherin boys shuffled to the Great hall for breakfast, as their shoes would stick to the floor with each step. Some of the older boys only had their shoes spelled, and were walking around with shoes in hand, looking ridiculous walking on the stone floors in socks, teachers constantly telling them off, and then having to walk with shoes again, and looking all the more stupid. The first years had been the most thorough, and Sirius couldn’t breathe watching the fear in Snape’s eyes as he realised his trousers were stuck to the dining table bench. That breakfast took the longest time ever, and no Slytherin who had sat down and was stuck dared to leave the table, highly entertaining the marauders.

What ruined the morning was Sirius had been swept away after their morning show by Marlene, who he had promised to go flying with that day. Remus, bored to death of the romance, asked to spend the morning with Lily, since Mary had also gone off with a Ravenclaw boy in their year. Ignoring the many raised eyebrows and whistles from Sirius’ way, and the look on James’ face, the pair walked down to the courtyard.

“What’s Marlene like?” Remus asked, remembering his thoughts from the evening before. Lily turned, a puzzled look in her gaze as she looked over at Remus. There was something about Lily, it was as if those green eyes could look past his own and read his mind. Without questioning the boy, even though she was actively reading his mind either way, she began talking about the blonde girl. “Marlene is like a whirlwind. You always think she’s doing so much to impress other people, but she really just is that way. A bundle of energy. She agrees to everything anyone says because that’s what she believes in. And she does really like Sirius, if that’s what you were asking.” Remus shrugged at the last part, attempting to hide his agenda in questioning. “Why do you ask?” She poked.

“I dunno. She’s just been spending time with Sirius and thought I should know more about her before I talked to her.” he pushed the question off. “Don’t really talk to girls in an all boy’s home. Don’t know how.”

“Remus, you do realise I’M a girl. You talk to me just fine” Lily laughed. Remus sat up straighter, taken aback by the statement. “You’re a girl?! Blimey! Didn’t realise that.” The two laughed as they found a spot that hadn’t been taken up by another pair of lovebirds.

Lily was different, Remus thought. She had sought him out that one day, and even if he didn’t say anything back to her, she would ramble on, and take him around with her. Lily was easier to understand than any other girl.

“... Remus?” shit. He hadn’t realised Lily had been talking, too lost in his own thoughts. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Right..” Lily replied. She paused for a moment, looking around at the many couples walking around before turning to Remus, fidgeting with her fingers. “Remus, why did you ask me here?” She asked. And her eyes, normally able to see through Remus’ soul, were so confused, yet full of hope.

“I just wanted to talk.” Remus said, turning to face the many couples that were walking around. How could he forget, even momentarily, that it was valentines.

“Talk about what, Remus? All you’ve asked me about is marlene.” “Yeah. what do you want to talk about?”

“I figured that.. Remus, it’s Valentine's Day, and you come to me and ask if we could talk. And we’re here. I figured.. You had something else to say.” Lily said, becoming quieter and quieter as each word left her mouth.

And oh, Remus was cruel. He was a monster without the wolf.

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.” Remus didn’t know what to say, too busy mentally kicking himself.

“No, I guess you didn’t.”

“Lily.. I’m so sorry but I don’t see you like that. I think that’s the reason I can talk to you so easily. And I hate to get your hopes up, but I only really see you as a friend.” Remus was cruel. He couldn’t believe it.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated again, not sure if the two words could hold the meaning he meant in them.

“It’s fine.. I was just hoping it would be different.” Lily replied. “Normally when boys talk to you it means they like you. I was never talked to by boys much, really ever apart from Severus.”

Remus tried not to snarl when he heard the boys’ name, just remembering the look on his face that morning stuck to his chair let his anger settle.

“Well, they’re missing out, Lils. You may be just a friend, but you’re one of the most interesting girls I know.” When Lily didn’t look back from the ground, Remus felt worse and worse. He was a terrible friend. He was a terrible person.

“I’m sorry Lily.”

“It’s okay,” Lily said, finally turning to the very concerned boy. “Can I have a hug?” She asked, her now watery green eyes looking up to Remus once more, and he didn’t have the heart to say anything, wrapping his arms around the girl.

Remus had never hugged anyone before, and it embarrassed him that he didn’t really know how to, but Lily wrapped her arms around him, and He assumed to do the same. He felt the girl shaking, presumably crying a bit, and tried to soothe her, rubbing his hand up and down her back, and repeating “I’m sorry. I’m sorry” After a while, she let go, looking up again to Remus with slightly red-rimmed eyes, wiping away stray tears.

“I’m sorry about that,” She said, voice still a little bit shaky. “I’ve always been a bit of a crybaby.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Remus replied.

Once the girl sat up a bit more, and had composed herself, she turned once more to Remus.

“If it’s okay, can we go back up to the common rooms? I look a bit of a mess.” She chuckled, trying to hide the fact she had just been crying.

“Yeah it’s fine. You look fine, by the way. Don’t worry.” Remus said, standing up alongside the girl.

“No, my face gets all blotchy when I cry. I know that. Let’s go, yeah?” She offered.

The two walked back up to the Gryffindor common room, changing the subject to the prank the boys had pulled that morning, and Remus couldn’t help but laugh at her lecturing. She was like a mini teacher.

“I can’t believe you would do that! And Sneak into their laundry! I can’t believe you misused such pieces of information from me, and oh! I can’t believe I gave you that information! REMUSSSSS” The boy couldn’t help but laugh, and holding both hands up saying “Not my idea! It was mainly James and Sirius”, pretending to be innocent from the fact it had all been his idea, which seemed to work on Lily, who had started ranting about the pair

“Of course! Those boys are no good for you Remus. A real bad influence. Tsk tsk tsk.”

Once they reached the portrait, and stepped in, Lily turned once more to Remus. “I’m sorry. About all that.” she said, looking solemn once more.

“I’m sorry! Lily, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to you.” Remus replied in an instant, feeling terrible again.

“S’alright. Glad I'm your friend, huh?” the girl resolved, and Remus felt some of the tension leaving.

“Yeah. you’re the best Lils.”

The rest of the day Remus spent with James and Peter, and eventually Sirius, who walked around the school, seeing the results of their prank. Most of the students had changed their outfits, but most were still stuck walking around the school barefoot.

After dinner that night, the boys all retired to the common room, after a day full of laughing until their stomachs hurt, and pestering the Slytherins, and pranking many more awkward first dates. The boys watched their fellow Gryffindors fill up the common room, and make their ways up to the dorm rooms. Remus froze when Lily and the girls walked in, he hadn’t seen the girl for the rest of the day since that morning, apart from their mealtimes, where he was ignored by the girls.

“What’s up with Lily, Remus?” James asked, straining his neck to see the three girls walk up to the girls dorm room.

“Not a good date then, Remus?” Sirius poked, but when he got no response from the boy, they became more interested. “Thinking about it, Lily does seem sad.. Remus what did you do?” Sirius asked. James had also sat up by then, and Peter sat by the fire, writing to his Parents and sister, oblivious to the conversation.

“Nothing I swear, I just don’t like her like that. She thought I did, but I don’t see her as anything but a friend, James I swear.” Remus looked over at the boy in question in distress, he knew his friend liked the girl. Sirius didn’t get the memo, and continued,

“Remus Lupin, breaking hearts left and right!” he teased.

“I didn’t know I had her heart,” Remus mused. “I didn’t want it,” he couldn’t help but feel terrible as James stood up, murmuring “should get ready for bed”, leaving the three other marauders sitting by the fire.

Sirius began to talk about his day with Marlene, to which no one in particular was listening, but he continued nonetheless. Remus was stuck in his thoughts, struggling to get over the events of that day. He swore to himself he would never let girls or romance ever get in the way of anything ever again, and didn’t believe he would find that all too hard. Remus wasn’t lying in saying Lily was different to the other girls. She seemed to be the only one he could talk to, and he reckoned it would stay that way.

Soon after, he followed James up to the common room, resolving to talk to the boy before they went to sleep that night. Sirius and Peter were fine with staying downstairs, even as he asked them to wait 20 minutes before coming up.

James came out of the shared bathroom in their dorm as Remus reached the door, knocking before coming into the room. St. Edmunds never had that kind of privacy, so Remus would stop himself and knock each time he went into their room, grateful for the peace.

James murmured something like ‘come in’ as he eased the door open, whilst the other boy made his way to his bed before getting changed. “Don’t know why you knock Remus, it’s your dorm too.”

“Don’t want to walk into you butt-naked James,” He replied, earning a laugh from the other boy. He sat down on his bed after pulling his shirt on, and Remus walked over to where he was sitting.

“I meant what I said, james.” he started, but was interrupted by his friend. “I don’t mind if you like her, Remus, seriously. It’s fine.” He began to say, but Remus cut him off. “I don’t like her. Not in that way. She’s just a friend.”

“Okay..” James started, but Remus continued, looking into his eyes.

“James. I meant what I said.”

“Okay.” James replied, finally relaxing onto his bed, his cat climbing onto his face. Breaking the silence, Sirius burst into the dorm, closely followed by Peter.

“Successful day gentlemen!” He exclaimed into the room, before jumping right onto the bed opposite James’, which was none other than Remus’ bed.

-james pov-

James was kept up that Valentine’s Day night, tucked in bed with his kitten sleeping right by his face. He looked up into his bed, the long dark curtains surrounding his bed.

He couldn’t help but feel betrayed, not that his friend liked Lily, despite saying he didn’t. He didn’t care about that, most of the time he was surprised that everyone wasn’t in love with Lily Evans. Instead, he was mad Remus had her heart, and that James couldn’t.

James grew up with love surrounding him, and every ounce of his heart he gave out, he was returned with even more. His parents, their animals, their house elves, they all loved James. And when he began school, leaving his home of love, he once again gave his heart out to his new friends, and had become unapologetically in love with Lily Evans. He didn’t realise it at first, but he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the girl once he had noticed he was looking at her.

He just hoped he could receive that love back, someday.