Sirius has been dreading this night.
The war has been over for almost one year, but things are still to be put in place, in order to acquire the tranquility that was disturbed. Although so much had changed that Sirius was positive his old life could never come back fully: too many scars, both physical and emotional, too many losses… The night of the 31st of October was something still so vivid in his mind. And in James’ and Lily’s too. He went to their house just in time to protect them, having just figured out that Peter was a Death Eater and that he could have caused the death of what had essentially has become his only family (after Regulus’ disappearance, another still open wound for Sirius). After that it was trial after trial to prove exactly what happened and that he was not the traitor, and after a few months he was cleared of all the charges. Unfortunately, public opinion requires far more than a legal document saying he is a good apple in a bad bunch, since his family name still carried a heavy baggage. Also, most of the journalist attention was directed to the hunt for Voldemort’s Horcruxes and his disciples, to prevent his comeback and kill him once and for all. So not many people paid much attention to his proof of innocence, meaning that Sirius had many unpleasant interactions with people he hardly knew.
Also, the war has reawakened his phobia for werewolves, after a particular bad encounter on the battlefield that resulted in a month-long imprisonment with a group of dark creatures on Voldemort’s side. Those day were brutal, not only for the obvious psychological impact, but also because of the repercussions on his reputation: Sirius Black went missing and was found a month later, basically unscathed and near the enemies’ territory… Yeah, not a great look. And since then, the rumors of his betrayal only intensified, so much so that even James became skeptical. That hurt like a bitch (get it because he’s dog), but back then he had no strength to do anything to prove them wrong. So, James and Lily chose Peter as the secret keeper, unknowingly putting themselves and Harry at risk. Obviously, that put a strain on Sirius’ relationship with James. Still now that their bond has almost fully recovered (because duh, of course it has) James will occasionally apologies to him, even though Sirius was never angry at him, and he told him so many times. So. Many. Times. But James -still being the James he knows and loves- will always blame himself and feels as if he was the biggest traitor of them all. Well, this is the ironic tales of The Marauders … three traitors in their own actions: Wormtail is the most evident, a rat so small he goes unnoticed but capable of great damage, killed the hands he betrayed his friends for; James the gentlest soul of a stag, a prey that almost got caught while trying to escape, not seeing clearly who was the hunter; and Sirius, that even though he has the unrelentless loyalty of a stray dog, will always be a Black.
Back to the main event of tonight: the Order is going to officially meet with the groups of werewolves that infiltrated Grayback’s legions, so of course Sirius is not thrilled for it. He has seen maybe the worst example of lycanthropy, but it’s not that he hates them all… He just has a very bad opinion of them, based on the fact that some of their kind spent a month in one of their cells, being fed some of their preys that were horribly mutilated in front of him. So, yeah, not great and very traumatic. Consequentially, he did not care for their presence in the Order’s headquarters, aka his parent’s old house. Admittedly, Sirius had very few good memories there and it was most definitely his comfort place, but still it was something familiar… His territory, if you will (yes, he peed in his parents’ bedroom once after their death, in his Animagus form, so in an animal sense the house was his …). Even though he did not want to meet these people, his participation was strongly requested by the Order, not only as the host, but also as one of the most involved members, still alive and capable of participating.
Yes, the war took out a lot of their friends and left many with very serious aftershocks. Showing up to events like this is a way of saying “we’re still here, stronger and closer than before”. At least that was what Dumbledore says, when he’s encouraging participation and collaboration. Still Sirius always finds himself thinking “are we really?”.
“Pads, Molly and Arthur have arrived, so quit pretending not to smoke and come say hello!” James’ voice comes from downstairs, teasing him with his comforting charm. That is all the encouragement Sirius need to make his way to the “party”: knowing that his friends will be there to support his inevitable breakdown, after he will meet werewolves for the first time after his imprisonment.