Chapter 1
In history there have been bonds so powerful that it has changed the course of history, but these bonds also have the power to destroy, to incapacitate even its strongest victim because love is power and with power you have evil. James Potter had many different bonds, Sirius the man like his own flesh and blood, Remus who he would alter his being for, Peter a man he would trust until the day he lays in his grave, Lily, Marlene, Effie and Monty, Minerva. But nobody compares to the binding force of his bond with Regulus.
But Regulus, if you cut into his body you could see James’ initials etched on his bone eternally, you could see that his blood runs because of James’ name beating alongside his heart. Everything he touches has residual love because that is the only way that he can describe the unthinkable pull he feels towards the man he would continue through the duplicity of life for. He would lie for his friends but he would tell the truth for him, he would die for the people he loved but he would live for James.
Their love wasn’t a fictitious story but a core belief, something that in years to come people would pray to becoming an entity of love and devotion. Sharing prayers with Patroclus and Achilles, Orpheus and Eurydice, Hades and Persephone. The waves of love pour through their souls intertwined and continued throughout lifetimes seeping into their predecessors.
They had been together for 2 months but their soul bind felt ancient, a peaceful devotion. They agreed that this was something important that needed to be cultivated before telling the others not in fear but in promise. Their world was constantly on the brink of extinction, two sides formed by darkness and light but constantly both sides were interchangeable. Their world was caught between a radical change and a fixed state of unrest. The only escape they found was in each others arms hiding from the darkness and finding their freedom together.
James is someone who loves, he falls deeply into love and cannot claw his way out even when it kills him. He always knew that true love existed even as a kid he saw his parents dancing in the kitchen or the way his dad looked at his mom while she was cooking her favourite meal. He knew that love was something living, a gift that needs nurturing. But what James didn't know was the difference between a deep platonic love and a romantic love.
With Sirius is was instinct, the love he felt was brotherly and nothing else.
With Lily he was blinded by what was expected of him, he reached for her as he reached for the person people wanted him to be. Until he sat down and talked to her realising that he loved her just not romantically.
His relationships were always affected by this blindness until he met him.
Him.
Regulus Black.
The one person in this life who taught James the difference.
Who showed him what true love really feels like.
Regulus was a smart person, some people in his house might say that he was the smartest of them and they couldn't believe he wasn't a Ravenclaw well until they heard him mad. He knew that what they had was fleeting but my god did he want it to be permanent. Regulus was smart. He knew the war was coming and that he would be forced to pick the losing side by his family but my god did he want to feel like he had the choice.
-~-
'Astronomy Tower 10pm - R.A.B'
James smiled down at the note, after months of telling Regulus that he didn't need to sign everything with his initials he still refused to change his way.
The clandestine meeting was founded before they had started dating. James' day had been horrible, a pounding headache had made his body ache in terrible ways. He had wanted refugee up in the tower of stars where he could forget about his problems for a night, instead he had found a shrine of beauty staring up at the nights sky mirroring the stars in human form. Regulus barely acknowledged his older brothers best friend more than a lowly glare, but this night his face was cracked open with pure emotion and James was enchanted by this moment so all he did was sit next to the vulnerable man in silence and Regulus let him. These nights became a regular occurrence, they started to talk, point out stars and soon enough James had shared things that he didn't even recognise about himself.
"Hey love" Regulus said as he shook James out of his thoughts, "how was your day?"
"It wasn't great. I don't know it just feels like the world is caving in on me and nobody notices. The war is coming Reg I can feel it in the air, I can hear it in my parents voice but nobody around me cares, they care who is fucking, or who hates each other now" James says while laying his head onto the raven-headed mans lap "I shouldn't even be telling you this, Reggie you know better than anyone and I know that maybe I am fooling myself with this, that I am actually just being paranoid-"
"Love." Regulus firmly stopped his incessant voice.
"Sorry, i'm doing it again aren't I?"
"You are right."
James sits up suddenly "What? You mean war is coming"
"Of course it is, thats why we need to talk, I need you to listen to me for a while Love, do you understand?"
James hesitantly nods.
"Last night I got a letter from Mother, she told me that since Sirius left I haven't stepped up as much as she trained me to, her regular things you know"
"...love"
"Jamie listen. She said that next break she has something that will force me to take my 'rightful position' in the 'black family legacy'" he uses over exaggerated hand gestures "she is going to make me take the mark."
"What?! Regulus you have to get out, you can't-"
"James I said let me talk. I have to do it, you won't understand right now but I have to take the mark, Barty, Evan and me we are their heirs of the war. We were born as pawns in all of it, born to revive the revenge in our parents hearts. That means that we can change it, that we can sway the war. Jamie I am doing this for you" Regulus has tears in his eyes at this point and still he mirrors the beauty of the stars even through his pain. James is begging at this point silently willing Regulus to change his mind.
"My love" he cradles James' face "You taught me what love was, how it feels, what it tastes like" he kisses James tears "you taught me that pain isn't life that love is, you taught me that love is worth fighting for and you might not understand me right now but I hope that you will my love'
"I can help you Reg, I can help, please let me help don't leave Reggie. Tell me what you need my love and I will become that for you anything-"
"I couldn't ask you to do that Jamie you would have to give up too much, you would have to give up your sense of self"
"I want to."
"...i'm sorry love but I want you to live even if it is without me, I want you to live without knowing what it's like to fight to only survive"
Regulus gets up and pays one last glance to the stars above them, James looks up at the halo-ed man seeing the determination in his eyes. Feeling his heart break in his chest. Splintering and shattering.
Bonds are fragile. A binding force can happen unwillingly. For better or worse they will have to learn to live without each other.