Hawks
When they were little, they would play a game.
Harry would bend his fingers around, twisting them together then pushing his palms out, to make a butterfly appear on the wall. Siri couldn’t make a butterfly, but she did make a bunny rabbit. They would name their characters, give them silly stories.
“Benny the Butterfly,” Harry whispered, never wanting to wake Vernon or Petunia up. Harry wiggled his hands, making Benny fly on the wall of the bedroom they shared. “Benny wants to be a famous singer when he’s all grown up. He told his friends he was gonna be, but they said he’s a bad singer. Benny doesn’t care, he’s gonna be really famous and everyone will love him.”
“Benny can go to the West End with Razza.” Siri hopped her hand along in the light that creeped in through the boards on their window. “Razza is the prettiest bunny in the whole world. She’s going to be in movies and she’s going to be rich and buy pretty necklaces and dresses. Every day she’ll buy a new dress and go out to fancy restaurants to eat.”
“Can - Can Benny come?” Harry made Benny fly over to Razza so they could eat together. “Benny wants to buy pretty things too.”
“But Benny is a butterfly!” Siri giggled and it made Harry giggle. “Benny’s already pretty!”
It changed, later.
Harry’s fingers would be bloodied and swollen, abused from the lock on his door, the rough metal of the bars he couldn’t open. They looked broken, his fingers. Did Harry break them? Or did They?
Did it matter anymore?
Harry’s fingers would be difficult to move, not as graceful as they once were. He would still do it though, when They wouldn’t let Harry and Siri in the same cage.
It was a punishment, Harry couldn’t get anything right - couldn’t get them the answers They wanted. He didn’t know what they were, he would tell them if he could.
“Benny,” Harry would whisper, his eyes dry but his body screaming inside as he made a butterfly that would reflect where Siri could see. Harry couldn’t be Harry anymore, he didn’t want Siri to see Harry. She could see Benny though, he was safe.
Sometimes Siri would be the first one to bring Razza out to invite Benny to ‘frolic in the field’. Sometimes Harry would have to whisper his way through a story while his head pounded and his body screamed for relief.
It was better, when they were Harry and Siri and they were together. When they couldn’t be, Benny and Razza lived a million lives together through countless adventures and they always ended up safe and happy.
“Har?” Siri shook Harry and he blinked, his eyelids didn’t want to open back up. When they did, when Harry remembered they had to, the shadow puppets he had been watching while the bus quietly drove along were gone.
The puppets were gone and the bus was nearly empty. There had been more people before… when they left, there were more people.
“You’re okay. Come on.” Siri snuck her arm under Harry’s and pulled on him, it was time to stand up. Harry wouldn’t budge until he reached in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of him and took out their leftover food.
Siri hadn’t eaten much, she would get hungry. She couldn’t think when she was hungry, she had to think because Harry thought he might die soon and Siri would need to think about what to do when that happened.
Harry stayed behind Siri and it was thoughtless, it was too easy, to cast his magic out, making sure nobody paid too much attention to them - to her. They had to see them, they had to, or else they would trample them and Siri would be crushed under boots, broken and bleeding and —
“It’s not as bad as it looks.”
It was probably worse.
Harry wanted to ask Siri where they were, but he waited until they were off the bus. If he couldn’t figure it out, he’d ask. If there weren’t any signs to tell him where he was - he would ask then.
Oh, Indianapolis. Harry saw a sign when they unloaded from the bus. There were people that got close enough to brush him, close enough to make him sweat, and Harry didn’t want Siri to get upset.
“In 1974, Indiana had a super outbreak of tornadoes,” Harry told his sister in a rush as he clung to her back in an attempt to escape the feeling of strangers brushing him and touching him. “We were five.”
When they were five, there was a super outbreak of tornadoes in Indiana.
Siri was focused on something, a destination she had in her mind that Harry couldn’t see.
“How many tornadoes did they have, Har?” she murmured.
“A super outbreak?!” Harry couldn’t believe it. “I wonder how many that is!”
“It said they had more than one hundred!” Theo told him, pushing the book to Harry so he could read about it. Theo’s eyes were really round, Harry liked that he was excited about it too. Tornadoes were awful and they could smash all of Privet Drive if they were big enough.
“It killed 335 people!!” Harry said, pointing at the line where the book told him that.
When Harry was five, 335 people died in Indiana from a super outbreak of tornadoes.
“More than one hundred,” Harry told Siri. “Three hundred and thirty-five people died.”
“That’s a lot.”
There had been a blizzard too, in Indiana. In 1978. When Harry was nine, there was a blizzard in Indiana and it reshaped how weather emergencies were responded to across the country. They called it the Cleveland Superbomb… when Harry was nine.
Harry didn’t tell Siri about that, she was busy. Harry just thought about it to himself, how something that looked so pretty and innocent could turn into a horrible historical event that destroyed homes and lives. There were roads that had to be rebuilt, people froze to death.
Snowflakes were so pretty, each one was meant to be perfectly unique. Rain drops would be unique too, each one a different size and weight as it fell - statistically there would have to be two that were the exact same size and the exact same weight and nobody knew it because they couldn’t see them when they landed.
Anyone could see a snowflake for a second, one quick blink, when it landed on their finger. The raindrop splattered, it couldn’t survive the impact with a body even if it was a tiny little fingertip.
Raindrops would touch Harry and fall apart. Snowflakes would melt. Flesh could melt off the muscles in a body if it was heated enough - flesh could bubble and boil like a pot of water when it was ready to add the pasta.
Harry looked down at his leg, checking that the flesh was still there, and he couldn’t see it because there were gray sweatpants covering his legs. Harry could feel the fibers rubbing on his skin, no longer an itch. It meant he had skin, it wasn’t going to bubble off.
It wouldn’t, not again.
Harry wouldn’t put his legs in a fire, he didn’t want to see his flesh bubble away and then regrow all wrong.
“We shouldn’t stay here, it’s too… you won’t like it, Har.”
No, Harry wouldn’t like Indianapolis. It wasn’t safe anyway, there were too many people - too much magic. Harry could feel it under his skin, a warm prickle to remind him that they weren’t alone, they shouldn’t stay there.
“Okay.” Harry lifted his head and it was so hard to do, he just wanted to rest it on something soft so he could sleep, for a little while.
“264 was the record set by a muggle. See what he can do.”
In 1964, a muggle stayed awake for 264 hours and set a record. Harry didn’t know what year it was, but he knew that he stayed awake for 308.5 hours before he was allowed to rest for a couple of hours.
“You’re tired.” Harry could tell his sister was exhausted, she didn’t feel great to him, in the place where she rested in his chest. If Harry focused only on that spot, if he ignored everything his body screamed out, then he could feel exhaustion that wasn’t his and a headache behind his eyes.
“I’m fine,” Siri lied. That was her favorite lie - ‘I’m fine’. She always said it when she was the least fine.
If Harry was lying then he was fine too.
Siri wanted Harry to help her pick a place on the giant map of Indiana for them to travel to. Indiana was Nowhere, the whole state. They could go anywhere and still be Nowhere.
Harry looked at the map, starting at the dot where they were. Indianapolis was too big, they couldn’t hide in the chaos there because the chaos would find them. Harry’s eyes traveled away from the dot of Where They Are and circled as he took in the other cities and towns.
Not Fort Wayne - too big. Greenwood didn’t sound great, green was the color of almost everything bad in the world. Terre Haute could be called Terrible Haute and Harry didn’t want to be somewhere terrible again.
One name stood out to him, reminded him of —
“Wow!” Harry knew his jaw dropped and he didn’t mean to, it was just that Theo’s bird was amazing! “Is that an owl?!”
“No.” Theo grinned, not a mean grin, maybe embarrassed and a little pleased. He stroked the wings of the bird that brought him the newspaper and even kissed its sharp looking beak. “This is Nyx, she’s a hawk. She can fly up to two hundred miles an hour!”
“Wicked!” Harry cried, delighted. He slowly let his fingers get closer to Nyx, hoping she would let him pet her. She was pretty - not as pretty as Hedwig, but Harry liked her feathers that were as dark as his hair.
“Hawks are better for delivering mail because they’ll kill anyone who tries to steal it,” Theo gushed. “Owls are predators too, but a hawk could kill a muggle, maybe even a wizard.”
Harry didn’t think the Daily Prophet was worth killing anyone over, but he did begin to wish he had a hawk as well.
“Hawkins,” Harry said, pointing at the small print on the map. He traced the bus route and nodded when he saw that it didn’t even stop there. That meant it was Nowhere.
Siri wanted to be Nowhere and Harry wondered what Theo was doing.
“Do you - do you have a good feeling or something?” Siri asked. Harry could feel her looking at him sideways, wondering what made him pick it. There were lots of small print on the map, no shortage of places they could go.
They would find them, They said They could. Harry believed them; every time he escaped in his mind They brought him back.
“Yeah,” Harry said. “I have a good feeling.”
“Brilliant then!” Siri was pretending to be happy, Harry pretended with her as she pulled him along by the hand. She started talking about cabs and buses and clothes and was Harry hungry?
Harry was not hungry, Harry was dying and he knew that when someone was dying that their body stopped asking for food and began asking for their sister.
“Siri…?”
“Subject Zero-Seven has experienced complete organ death. Record that.”
“Later,” Harry said. They were outside and it was noisy, even if it was late. People didn’t sleep in Indianapolis it seemed. Harry’s eyes swept around the lot at the cars and music and people laughing.
It felt like they were all looking at him - laughing.
Freak.
“Harry, can you…?” Siri wiggled her fingers at a taxi car and Harry nodded.
He could. He could do anything probably.
Siri led them across the lot and Harry pushed his magic out, keeping them from getting smashed by a car. The cars honked and people screamed and Harry hated it.
“You kids need a ride?” The driver of the taxi watched them approach and Harry stared in his eyes… let himself drift toward the man…
“We need you to give us a ride to Hawkins, Indiana,” Harry said, infusing every word with magic. “You’ll drop us off and forget you ever saw us. You’ll forget you ever traveled there. You were at the bus station then you went straight home.”
It worked - it almost always did.
“Do it. Do it NOW!”
Harry was shaking, shivering in his chair and refusing to look at Siri. She was strapped down across from him and her eyes were watering, tears spilled down on her cheeks and she said it was okay - do it - do it, Har. It’s okay.
There was a wand at Siri's temple and They told him what would happen. He did it or Siri would pay the price.
“Say - say hello,” Harry told her, keeping his magic coiled up tightly inside of him. Just say it, Siri. Say hello, go back to the room they could share if they performed right.
“Hello,” Siri said at once.
“No.” They flicked their wand and Siri was screaming - she was screaming and it was loud and Harry’s chest was on fire and he couldn’t cover his ears because his hands were trapped and Siri was screaming.
“Something else.” They smiled, not because They were happy. “Order her to hit you.”
Siri whimpered and slumped down in her chair when the curse ended and her straps were removed. Siri wouldn’t hit Harry, she wouldn’t. She never hit him, not even when they were little.
“Don’t,” Siri said then. Before she said to do it, just do it. Then she said don’t but if Harry didn’t make her hurt him then they were going to hurt her and that wasn’t much of a choice.
Harry looked his sister in the eyes and let his magic reach out to her, to comfort her even as it commanded her.
“Hit me,” Harry said.
It worked - it almost always did.
The taxi pulled over at a sign in the middle of nowhere.
Entering Hawkins
They were entering Hawkins.
“Thank you,” Siri told the driver who had no choice. She left one of the notes on the front seat and then pulled Harry from the car. He stumbled, his legs were shutting down and refusing to move anymore.
“Alright, Har, we… we should find somewhere to rest, okay?” Siri sounded like her words were slurred, her tongue was too large for her mouth. She was past tired, her energy was entirely sapped which meant that Harry needed to step up - to do something - DO SOMETHING.
“Do we still have money?” Harry asked. He kept them cloaked in the shadows, unnoticed by anyone that might travel down the dirt road they walked together. If they had money they could find a motel or somewhere that Siri could curl up on her side and sleep. If they found a place with a bed then she could stretch her legs out and Harry would make sure nobody would bother them.
“Yeah, we do.”
Harry nodded and thought about what all money could buy while they walked and he searched for a place for Siri to rest. Money could buy big houses with large beds. Money could buy food and clothes. Money could buy hawks.
Money could not buy a smile for Siri, but money could buy a bed and that bed might make her smile.
It was important, to have money.
They walked longer than Harry thought they would have to before he found a little house, not a big one, with a light flickering in the window. Siri was dragging her feet which meant Harry had to - he had to knock on the door.
Siri asked if it was safe and it wasn’t, there was a person inside. The person wasn’t a wizard though, of that Harry was sure.
Which meant they were unsafe but not as unsafe as Harry.
Harry had to knock three times - knock, knock. knock, knock. knock, knock. - before heavy footsteps began approaching the door. Harry was going to ask them to let them pay for a bed, then make them if they said no.
Siri needed to sleep.
“What?” The door was thrown open and Harry pushed Siri back when a man, a large man, glared at them.
Harry felt the shivering in his stomach, felt his brain going quiet. He had to speak though, had to see if money could buy a bed.
“We have money,” Harry told him, watching his hands and not his eyes yet. Not yet. “Can we - can we buy a bed?”
Harry could stay awake, Siri needed sleep.
“Do I look like a fuckin — hey, kid? You good?”
Harry looked at Siri, was she good? But Siri was watching Harry and she shook her head, reaching out for the cursed cut that wouldn’t heal. It might heal, later, but it would take longer than normal.
“He’s hurt and we just need a place to sleep for a couple of hours,” Siri told the man, her thumb soothing an ache on Harry’s cheek while his chest throbbed internally at her own pains. “Please? We’ll pay you.”
“I… son of a bitch. You two runaways or something?”
They were runaways and something.
“Sir, please?” Siri asked him.
The man sighed and Harry could see his chest heaving from the sigh. If he said no, Harry would have to make him. It almost always worked and Harry could stay awake for 308.5 hours.
The further they were, the less sure Harry was that anything was entirely real. Was the man real? Was it a trick? Would Harry open his eyes and hear his sister screaming because Harry escaped in his head again?
“Come in.” The man sounded gruff and unhappy, but he backed up so that they could enter his little house. It smelled bad, like something stale and something greasy.
The ache in Harry’s chest flared up and then it was easier to breathe when they were inside the house and the man closed the door and asked their names. Harry wouldn’t tell him his name, he didn’t think he would have remembered it if Siri didn’t whisper it to him at night.
“It’s okay, Harry. It’s okay. We’ll - we’ll get out, one day, okay? It’s okay.”
“I’m Lily, my brother is James,” Siri lied. “Can we sleep for a couple of hours?”
“Your brother needs a hospital, kid.” The man tried to kneel down by Harry and Harry stepped backward, pulling Siri with him.
Harry’s eyes roamed around the room while Siri bargained with the man - they didn’t need a hospital, no doctor. No, nobody was after them (a lie). If they could sleep then they would pay him or Siri could clean up because, no offense, sir, but this place could use it. The little house was messy, there were cans scattered on a table and a pile of clothes in front of a telly.
There was white and Harry didn’t let go of Siri while she continued talking, he pulled her with him to check because They wore white and the man wasn’t a wizard but some of Them weren’t either.
“Are you a chef?” Siri asked when Harry snatched the white and held it up. It was a stained apron, chefs wore them to keep their clothes neat. Some of them could even be flame protectant, in case of a kitchen fire.
“I got a restaurant,” the man said. “In fact, I should go there soon. I’ll make you two a deal, huh? You sleep while I go get the kitchen set up and after the breakfast rush, we can talk more about a hospital.”
Siri could sleep.
“Deal,” Harry said, dropping the apron down in the pile of clothes. Harry didn’t want to talk about hospitals, he wouldn’t go to one and neither would Siri, but the man leaving and Siri sleeping was a deal.
The man said something about his bed, a shower, and a couch. Harry wasn’t listening, he just heard Siri telling him thank you - thank you, thank you, thank you.
“Har? Do you want to sleep on the couch or the bed?”
Harry looked at the sofa and didn’t think it was very big, not big enough for Siri to stretch her legs out. It was also in the middle of the room and anyone could walk in from anywhere.
“The bed,” Harry decided. He turned in the direction the man had pointed and gently pulled Siri along. The bed would probably smell bad, like the house, but Siri wouldn’t care and Harry could already feel the wound in his chest beginning to float away.
The bed was big, big enough to take up almost the entire bedroom. Siri closed the door and immediately flopped down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Harry stayed by the door and waited until he heard heavy footsteps leaving the house - shutting the door gently - then Harry blinked at the heavy metal safe in the corner of the room.
Siri made a hum from where she was curled up on the bed when the safe silently slid across the floor to block the door. There was still a window, but Harry could poke his sister until she scooted away from the window, leaving Harry a good view of it from where he curled behind Siri.
“We did it, Har,” Siri whispered. Her breathing was slowing down and she was going to be asleep soon. “We did it.”
They did do it… they escaped.
Harry only wondered why They let them.