You're Joking Right?

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
G
You're Joking Right?
Summary
In another world, Tom didn't become evil, he was hired as the DADA professor. The Mauraders still bullied Severus. There's still house separation, Severus and Lily were broken apart, and Slytherins are still seen as evil and prejudice. A world where there was no Prophecy, no upcoming war. It's Harry Potter's Era, but there's a new face, the daughter of Severus and another witch has come to attend Hogwarts. Seems she's caught the eye of a certain Gryfindor.
All Chapters

The Alley

Diagon Alley. She didn't understand why they had to travel all this way when there was a perfectly good market at New York in America to do the same shopping for school supplies. The distance makes no sense, like why? So tedious. However, despite the obscurity of traveling so far, she must admit, the shops in Diagon alley do seem more visually traditional in its architecture than the market in America. Somehow more crowded than America as well.

 

Elouise watched as her mother paid for more materials Elouise would need for the new year. Clothes were already tailored, and books were in her bag. Looking out at the business of the alley, Elouise noticed a blond girl, strange she seemed. a dress full of light purple riffles and necklaces with a cork attached. She held a book called the quibbler upside down, and looked up with soft eyes as a man called her name, holding her hand as they walked into a potions shop, likely for school supplies.

 

"Elouise." her name was called, looking up to see her mother holding a bag and a copy of the daily profit. "That's everything, right?"

 

Elouise looked down at the list provided from Hogwarts about the new items needed for second years. all things noted, purchased matched the items in her possession. "Almost. All that's left is a new set of potion supplies." Elouise glanced at the daily profit; the front cover covered with the release of Gilderoy Lockhart's latest book. Add him to her mental list of Europe celebrities to ask Neville and Draco about.

 

Elouise and Emily walked into the Potions shop, and Elouise recognized it as the same one she saw that other girl walk into with who she assumed to be her father. walking around, she was proven right when she saw the girl flipping through a beginner's book for potions, revised by Severus Snape. She could only imagine what the previous version was like, considering her father was Severus himself, she only knew his teachings.

 

Elouise took a book titled Advanced Potions Making, second years would start this now that they've passed first year. Again, another rewritten version her father made as per the credits on the spine of the book.

 

"Second year?" Elouise turned, the dreamy voice that called out came from the blond girl placing a newly purchased beginner's potions book in her bag as she looks up at Elouise and the book in her hands for second years.

 

"I am. You're a first year I presume? Elouise Rosewaters." Elouise introduced and held her hand out, the younger girl shaking it.

"Luna, Lovegood." Luna nodded slightly before her father called for her. "I must go, a pleasure to meet you."

Elouise nodded, "Of course. I hope to see you at Hogwarts." Luna nodded and went her own way.

 

Elouise and her mother stayed longer to purchase the book and ingredients, the smaller admiring a poster of the Potion's master before leaving when all was purchased and done.

 

Elouise was prepared to go home, but her mother wanted to browse that muggle life shop they had visited last time. "I think I'll stay outside for this one," Elouise insisted. Her mother didn't seem entirely sure, but Elouise had been fine last time, and it would only take a moment to see if she could find what she was looking for. "Alright. But don't wander off, I'll only be a minute."

 

Elouise nodded with confirmation, a closed smile on her face as her mother walked into the shop. Diagon alley was a crowded and populated place to sell and buy, but this specific area of the Alley didn't have as many people in attendance. Not many wizards were very interested in the uses of Muggle products after all. While it was more peaceful and less likely to bump into someone, it also meant everyone's attention were elsewhere, and thus, less to witness this area as out from between the buildings where Elouise trotted back and forth, a hand darted out fast. Pale and bony, it struck to grab her by the back of her collar, dragging her into the dark.

 

Elouise tried to scream from the sudden grab, but long and cold hands held her mouth and nose closed shut, she couldn't scream or shout. A second would pass before she started to kick her legs and arms, but the other arm of the rather tall figure she gathered, held her up so she could only flail about uselessly. 

 

Elouise couldn't see much, the dark walls of an Alley within the Alley, the only light being the main Alley where she had just been started to go away as the figure turned a corner deeper in. There was breathing, deep and cold along her neck as the figure stopped to hover their head over hers.

 

The lack of air made her mind scream as she tried desperately to pry the hand off her mouth for even a single breath, however, the more she tried and struggles, the weaker she found herself as teeth grazed her neck. Elouise was so high on her adrenaline, so scared out of her mind, she couldn't process the sounds of feet running towards her until the fuzzy sound of a man yelling a spell made the figure drop her to her knees coughing in air to fight the recent lack of it.

 

Elouise didn't have time to rest, against all restrictions, she only moved by instinct of danger and got up to run like her life depended on it, because in this case, it probably did. She didn't know where she was going, the inner alleys of Diagon Alley she didn't know existed. Her heart pounded as she tried to navigate the strange between of buildings. It should have been a straight shot, any direction was supposed to get her somewhere, anywhere but here. But every direction she made was either the wrong one, or something was wrong.

 

On her right, she could see the man fighting the figure, and she'd run the other way in hopes it was the way out, but the more she ran, the more she found, nothing was straight, more curved to never look far for the exit. Her wand, she remembered it stored in its holder on her arm as she yanked it out for her last resort as she kept moving.

 

Even if she ran straight, she found herself running back to find the man firing another spell against that same very tall figure that had her moments ago. Elouise processed that she couldn't leave, not yet. All she could do was stand behind a corner as the 2 backed into some kind of wider area. It wasn't until the tall figure removed his coat to reveal hair somehow more platinum than Malfoy, baring his fangs at the man did Elouise understand.

 

"Vampire" Elouise clasped a hand over her neck, remembering the feeling of teeth grazing the skin only a minute ago. She felt a chill down her spine and looked up to find yellow eyes meet her own. Vulnerable, inexperienced, a perfect target. The vampire lunged past the wizard and attempted to grab her and run, but another person stepped from the right and sent a spell throwing the Vampire off course into the wall.

 

"Get behind me! Now!" The man yelled, and Elouise didn't waste a second more, running behind the man while the previous Wizard continued to overwhelm the Vampire.

 

"You're safe now." Elouise' head snapped up to see her father's face. He held her behind him, wand prepared to defend as the other man sent offensive spells to the Vampire. "Father..." Elouise could only watch as he muttered chants, his wand seeping glowing lines that connected to the walls of the buildings.

 

The other man sent a final offensive spell, rendering the Vampire unconscious for the time being. The wizard looked over as Severus completed his chant, the darkness like a fog lifted and the exit shone through from the main Alley. The wider area she could have sworn was just there a moment ago, shrunk back into a normal Alleyway as well.

 

"My my! What excellent work!" they all turned to see a blonde man with rather extravagant clothes. Wand in hand as he looked over at the Vampire slumped on the ground. "It's a good thing you rid of it, who knows-"

"He's not dead." The other man revealed, his eyes narrowed at the wavy blonde. "Just unconscious. I'll be taking him in." His face frowned as he lifted the vampire over his shoulder. It was light, mostly skin and bones.

 

"That thing was about to kill a child-" The blonde tried.

"I saw you also witnessed her being taken, if you wanted to take responsibility for this event, you could have done something sooner than me, why didn't you?" The other man glared as the expensive looking man fumbled over his words. "He will be dealt with by accordance to the Ministry of magic."

 

"If it were me, he wouldn't be a threat anymore." Severus scoffed at the blonde man's words and kneeled before Elouise, still shaken from the recent event. "Go to your mother." He whispered and nudged her away, and Elouise left the way she came. The man that came later, she recognized his face from the profit, Gilderoy. However, the other one... the man who had fought the Vampire, his face looked similar as well, though the darkness from the alleyway didn't allow her to look properly.

 

"Elouise!" She hurried when she heard her mother's voice, reentering the light to find her mom clutching a pack of muggle batteries. "Mom..." Elouise made her presence, known, allowing her mother to snap to her and be enveloped in a mom's embrace. She needed it this time.

 

...

 

"Elouise!" Draco ran over the moment his eyes found her standing beside her mother at the train station. He had gotten the news of a vampire caught in Diagon Alley by an Auror, it's almost-victim the very girl he considered a sister. Elouise glanced in his direction, surprised when the small blonde boy threw his arms around her, checking her neck for injury. While the paper said she was saved, he just had to be sure she was really as fine as the Daily Profit said.

 

"Draco?" Elouise grew nervous as Draco's fingers grazed her neck, feeling for any indentions or bandages, none. He shook a little, about to let her go to collect himself, but Elouise wrapped her arms around him back in time. "Thanks." Elouise didn't say nothing more and let go.

 

Emily had already cried for days after knowing what her daughter had to experience and was forgiven. Draco and his mother who had caught up to them spoke with Elouise' mother a bit, relieving her a bit of her burden of guilt before saying farewell to Draco and Elouise.

 

Boarding the train was a strange thing, those who read the Daily Prophet and recognized her, stared at her, most with pity. Draco found a cabin for them to wait for their friends in. Elouise looked out the window to see the Potter family arrive. Harry ran to her mom, speaking only for a moment before yelling bye before getting on the train in a hurry.

 

"Father was incredibly worried, what if no one was able to find you? What if no one saw? He's taking up making more precautions against Vampires with the Ministry, preventing another-" Draco screeched as the door slammed open, a winded Harry in the doorway staring wide eyed at Elouise.

 

"Potter! How rude must you be to slam the door so suddenly! You can't be more sophisticated?" Draco grimaced, before realizing Harry hadn't moved an inch. Harry just stood there, eyes never wavering upon seeing Elouise. "Potter." Draco tried to get his attention, "Potter!" Harry still didn't respond. "Potter?"

 

"Potter?" Elouise tried, and he snapped out of it, playing off his recent stillness with a wide smile as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hey. Glad to see you're looking good! I mean you don't look bad-injured-Vampires don't maul-You know!... You look... safe?" Harry stuttered. Draco sighed as Elouise nodded slowly, he was not very amused. Obviously.

 

Unlike his usual bravado, Harry seemed meeker as he set his stuff inside, despite Draco's complaints all the meanwhiles. Elouise didn't know what to say, he wasn't himself, almost careful as he sat across from her in the cabin.

 

Draco was too busy still arguing that Potter leave, when Neville came through the door. "Hey, mind if I sit?" Draco felt more deflated, but ateast Neville was a friend. Draco decided to feel like the bigger person and ignore Potter, instead choosing to talk politics with Neville who was a lot better at speaking than last year. Perhaps all those talks he had with Draco in first year made him more aware in his position as heir Longbottom.

 

The train started to move on its way to Hogwarts. Potter, meanwhile, hadn't said a peep. Simply staring ahead at Elouise as she contemplated saying something of it meant he'd stop the uncomfortable silence he held.

 

"Should I get rid of them." He spoke. "I can get stronger-strong enough to rid us of Nasty Blood-sucker-"

"I'll stop you there." Neville interrupted as he pointed up one finger. "One, we are all upset about what happened too, but doing what you're suggesting is illegal, very much so." Neville held up a second finger, "Two, do you even know why they attacked in the first place?" Neville was about to explain,

"They wanted an easy meal! That's why!" Harry yelled, never once having thought of any other reason.

"They were starving! You'd hunt a bunny if you hadn't eaten in days!" Neville argued. Draco listened as Neville mentioned more about the Vampire incident. "Don't you think if he just wanted to take someone's blood because he was a little hungry, he would have gone down that easily! He was taken down in minutes! It takes multiple Aurors hours to take one at full health down! He was weak, starving, skin and bones! How long do you think he fought the urge of his hunger for until he gave in! Isn't that worth mentioning!?"

 

"Even if that were true, why go after Elouise! He could have chosen an adult!" Harry and Neville got into a screaming match, the latter revealing more specified facts than were written in the papers Draco had noticed.

 

"How do you know so much about this?" Draco couldn't help but ask, Neville knew quite a bit considering how much the news didn't mention to emphasize on the attack than the reason.

 

"My father had quite the discussion with the Auror who apprehended the Vampire, and I was in the next room. We had thin walls." Neville was glaring at Potter who glared back. "Elouise wasn't the only child in Diagon Alley that day after all, I was too, It was just unfortunate that she was in a place more overlooked, and he took her when no one was looking, well, besides the Auror. I do believe the papers mentioned that Gilderoy Lockhart was there as well though, I'm sure she would have been taken care of."

 

"Still." Harry had calmed down a bit, glancing up to Elouise. "You're really fine?"

 

Elouise nodded, "I've had the time to process and get over it. Besides, Neville was accurate in his argument. I was explained to why the incident happened, and I've asked my father to help aide in Vampire rehab." That had Potter's head tilt. "Vampire Rehab?"

"As Neville said, he was all skin and bones. Vampires, more modernly, have been coming out into the world by the encouragement of some wizards who support them. One of which was someone by the name of erm, Volardes? Vondomor? I can't remember, but he's created an organization for feeding and housing Vampires, slowly getting them used to modern uses of magic and tradition. A good cause might I say. They've even allowed me to visit over the summer if they can rehabilitate the one from Diagon alley before then."

Harry did not like that, seemed too coincidental.

 

Either way, they all moved the topic to Neville's plans of stealing the devil's snare he found in Hogwarts, Harry knew what he was talking about.

 

...

 

Apparently, only first years went on the boats to Hogwarts, because Elouise found herself being led to carriages with the others. The horses pulling the carriages though, looked familiar. Skin and bones, black things with large bat like wings, the same kind of creatures she would help her aunt take care of in the department of Magical Creatures. "A Thestral." Elouise murmured, glancing to the others who didn't seem to notice. Made sense, Thestrals could only be seen by those who witnessed death

 

"Elouise, come up." Draco spoke up to hurry her on before someone else did. Elouise joined him on the carriage, deciding not to mention the skeletal horses as Neville almost. Neville sat across from the blonde, meanwhile said blonde was about to throw hands with the glasses kid who dared to join them, like the train wasn't enough of his presence.

 

"Neville, you mentioned him on the train, the man who was also present during the incident. Gilderoy Lockhart? Who is he?" Neville looked up, a scandalized expression as he stuttered over his words.

 

"Who is he? Who is he? You've never heard about Gilderoy Lockhart?" Neville's shock and tone of voice made her seem unreasonable.

"He's a great Wizard! He even writes books about his exploits, ghouls, werewolves, trolls, a yeti, even vampires-" Harry spoke passionately before being cut off by a scoff from Draco. "What? It's the truth!"

 

"Yeah. I bet the reason you barely read the school's books is because you're busy reading his latest novels." Draco started.

"They are very informative! If I want to be an Auror, knowledge like that is crucial!" Harry insisted.

 

"An Auror, like your parents?" Neville added. Harry proceeded to go on a rant on why he wanted to be an Auror till they reached Hogwarts.

 

...

 

Elouise sat in the Great Hall, many had took their seats, though it was evident even now, the way people of her year avoided her like the plague. Was an obvious gap between her and them really necessary? the only ones sat beside her were Draco and Aldora. Crabbe and Goyal sat nearby, but they were only present for Draco.

 

"How was your summer?" Aldora spoke up, not minding the distance between them and the other Slytherins.

 

"My brother is avoiding me because I didn't go to Ilvermorny." Elouise dropped.

Aldora paused, "Brother?"

 

Draco snapped his head to Elouise, "You never mentioned?..."

"Never came up." Elouise couldn't meet their stares.

 

The doors to the Great Hall opened, Elouise watched as the newly first years walked down. To think, that was her just last year, in black robes not yet claimed to a house. Among the younger ones, Elouise recognized a certain blond girl, she wore strange, pointed shoes and colorful hair clips. "I know her. Luna Lovegood, we met at Diagon Alley." Draco and Aldora looked behind them. "The blond girl, at the front." she specified.

 

"Lovegood, you said?" Draco turned back as McGonagall started calling names.

 

"You know her?"

Draco hummed, slightly nodding his head. "Her father, Xenophilius, an excentric man who runs the Quibbler." Elouise tilted her head, the Quibbler was not something she was familiar with. "Right. The Quibbler is a tabloid full of nonsense and oddities, lIke bumbling barts and wackerspurts, whatever those things are." Draco shrugged it off.

 

"Luna Lovegood!" McGonagall called out, Elouise watched as the girl sat on the chair, about to be judged in front of all of Hogwarts as the hat sat on her head. It murmered a bit, Luna stared with a gentle patience before the hat hollered, "Ravenclaw!"

 

...

 

By the end of the night, they were all headed back to their common rooms. Elouise never noticed it before, but the first years came last to the common room. By the time they reached the common room, the older years were already perched at the top of the stairs, observing the new snakes as the Head of house made some new announcements.

 

"I am your Head of House, your acting guardian, and your superior. However, do not expect me to coddle, comfort, or give you any emotional response. I am simply your watcher, and the one to take responsibility over you. Slytherin house, is not a house of weakness. Whatever you do here in the common room or the dorm, is near none of my business so long as it doesn't affect the house. But outside, where anyone can see you, I expect you to hold yourself high and mannerly."

"That being said. First years, you have a few rules to follow as the newest, and latest of this house. Never walk the halls alone. Hogwarts may seem like a magical place, fair and incredible, but should you break this rule, I will not take responsibility for what could happen. Under no circumstances should a first year Slytherin walk alone, always have a witness." It was the same speech as last year, now directed to the new blood. The never walk alone rule didn't apply to her now, she could walk alone if she wished. But even so, what was so important about that. She never reached any problems last year, what was so bad?

Riddle again warned 4th years and below about the forbidden forest, the black lake, brooms indoors and about people from other houses. For some odd reason, it looked like he was looking at her when he mentioned that last one. And once again, a rather chilling statement of, what happens in Slytherin house, stays in Slytherin house.

 

The first years were sent to their new rooms, but Elouise found everyone else wasn't going in just yet. Two 7th years, prefects led the first years away, a boy and girl, but otherwise, everyone else stayed in the common room, it seemed like the Head of House wanted to say something else.

 

"2nd years, your never-be-alone rule is hereby lifted. Also, you will be allowed access into the lower dungeons. 6th Years, you are allowed your young picking, and 7th years, Owls. 5th years, you were not very competent last year, I suggest you pick up the slack considering it was a 1st year who gained as many points as your head girl." Riddle turned away, his cloak flowing behind him as he walked into the direction of his quarters.

 

"Did he just do that?" Aldora looked at Draco bewildered, "Call out a whole year and compare them to a first year? Was that necessary?" Draco hummed, watching as the 5th years grumbled on their way back to their rooms, how the 6th and 7th years all but shunned them for their lack of results in the last year. Were house points so important that they ostracized any weak link?

 

"I know that Gryffindor is known for their competitiveness and pride, but so is Slytherin. We're rivals for a reason, perhaps Professor Riddle didn't like how close Gryffindor was to taking the house cup last year. Imagine what would have happened if they weren't so full of pranks that lose them their house points?" Draco acknowledged, the girls gone silent.

 

...

 

"Do I have to go?" Elouise had long given up on Slytherin winning the interhouse cup for Quidditch, considering mister Potter over there making his grand entrance has been ending games within minutes all last year since he was put on the team in first year. Draco however, felt otherwise.

 

"Well, I suppose you don't. Me, however? Yes. Professor Riddle insisted I be there, so I shall." Draco looked up at the other Professors at their seats above, their head of house conversing with the other only Slytherin professor in Hogwarts, Professor Slughorn.

 

Elouise looked out as the game was about to start, players getting into positions on their brooms. "But why do I have to be here? I already know the outcome with Potter and his ridiculous talent on the broom. Do I really have to watch the obvious loss?" Draco shrugged.

 

"Emotional support?" Draco guessed as the game began. Bludgers were thrown, and the first goal went to Gryffindor. Elouise had accepted that Slytherin would lose, but watched the game go on. Some 5th year Slytherin was chasing Harry, meanwhile Elouise noticed as the Slytherins go together in a strange formation getting the Quaffle closer and closer to the hoop. Bludgers were thrown, but Slytherin dodged and defended, as if they were determined to make a comeback.

Gryffindor, despite their keeper being vigilant, Slytherin got him distracted at the front before throwing the quaffle at the hoop. Elouise watched intently as the quaffle passed the keeper, about to pass through the hoop. However, the cheer wouldn't come as right before it could make it through the hoop, the game was called a victory for Gryffindor. The quaffle went through the hoop, but what was the point? zooming past the crowd, in the corner of her eye, she could see Harry boasting off the snitch in his hands as he was cheered on by the crowd.

Slytherin quidditch players left the grounds, sour of losing to the same kid from last year considering they ended the game so fast. At this point, it was a one-shot of a game whenever someone went against Gryffindor, and they were not staying to hear the disappointed words from their own house.

 

"Harry got the snitch." Draco glared as Harry Potter flew to the ground with his team all surrounding him.

"It's just the first game this year." Elouise tried.

"You know his father has his name on the trophy shelf, right? Seeker?" Draco stood, ready to leave.

"So?"

"So! With his already great skill in this sport, teamed with mentoring from his own father, he-" "Hey!" Draco screeched back as Harry popped up out of nowhere.

 

"Were you talking about how great I am?" Harry posed on his broom, hand on his chest as he tilted his head with a smirk. "Also, what was that scream-"

"Leave us!" Draco poked at Potter's face harshly. "Go! Shoo!"

 

"That's not very proper of you," Potter joked, inching back a bit as the poking was starting to hurt a bit, just a bit.

 

"Congratulations." Elouise nodded, ready to leave, was not expected to have Harry kiss her cheek before she could. Draco rushed to push Potter off his broom, but the young lad was already away from the bleachers where Draco couldn't reach.

 

"I know you're not saying yes, but this should suffice, No?" Elouise stared in shock as he rode off, before rubbing her cheek with her sleeve.

 

"How dare he! That shameless, audacious, arrogant, prick!" Draco walked Elouise back, constantly looking over his shoulder for a lingering Potter. Perhaps he felt the need to be some kind of protection, or he just really hated Potter, but he was glaring at every Gryffindor as well, regardless of whether or not they were Harry Potter.

Sign in to leave a review.