Regulus
“James?” Mary’s voice cut into James’ mind like a scalpel, separating him from his thoughts like they were an infected piece of flesh and she a surgeon. “Your turn.” He snapped back into the moment. Oh, right - truth or dare. The seven of them were sitting around a campfire, it’d been a whole day since he ran into Regulus. Why was he still thinking about it?
“Where did you go, Prongsie?” Sirius asked.
“No-where.” James shrugged. He thought for a moment before adding: “Truth.”
“What’s bugging you?” Remus asked, taking another sip on the cheap muggle whiskey he had brought. James chuckled.
“I’m fine, really.” He shifted in his seat. “I’m not thinking about anything right now, Moons.”
“No, not right now,” Remus shook his head. “In general. You’ve been off for a while now. What’s going on?” James smiled awkwardly and thought about the question. What was it, really?
A black kitten walked out from the shadows and approached him tentatively. James outstretched his hand to let the cat sniff it. James sighed and sat back, thinking about the question. What could he even say? What was going on? The cat jumped onto James’ lap and seemingly fell asleep.
“I guess…” James started. “I don’t really know how to explain it properly. I’m just… feeling a lot of new things I’m not used to.”
“What kind of stuff?” Mary tilted her head.
“I don’t know! How would I know, I’ve never felt it before!” The group laughed.
“Ok, describe it then.” Sirius leaned forwards. “Maybe we can help?”
“I don’t even know how to start describing it.” James furrowed his brow, thinking. “It’s like… a tension in my chest. But a good one? And well. Before that I was feeling sad… but I’m not anymore? It’s just… when I see this… one person, I guess… I’m instantly happy. And I don’t even have to see them, really. When I think about them, I’m happy. It’s weird.”
“Oh my god, Prongs,” Remus’ face split into a wide grin. “You’ve got a crush!”
“I do?”
“Yes!” He looked over at the others. They nodded, agreeing with Moony. “But… how come you couldn’t tell? Are you saying the Cassanova of Gryffindor Tower never had a crush on anyone before?”
James rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling awkwardly. “I asked you guys not to call me that.”
“Well? Is it true?”
“... yes.”
“Oh.”
Silence fell amongst the marauders for a moment, before Peter spoke up. “So do we know her?” James swallowed. Right - he’s straight. Well, not really, but he was supposed to be that, right? All the girls and parties and one-night stands. Wasn’t that him? How to change everyone’s minds about him? Would they still look at him the same? Would it be like it was with Remus and Sirius? Would he still be the same?
“Him.” James held his breath anticipating the change in perspective - it had to come now.
Peter blinked at him, expression unchanged. “Him then,” he continued, unfazed. “Do we know him?”
“Well… maybe. You might.” James answered, silently relieved. “He went to Hogwarts, obviously. A year below us.”
“Oh, a younger man?” Remus smirked. “Prongs, you are nasty.” The group burst out laughing, and James couldn’t help but join in. They still loved him. It was ok. The cat in his lap purred, and James felt himself relaxing back into himself.
“Well then, Prongsie,” Sirius grinned. “Tell us who it is, won’t you?”
James shook his head, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Can’t do that, Padsie. Would spoil the fun.” Padfood frowned, sticking his tongue out at James as the game moved on to the next person.
—
Regulus stood over the dwindling fireplace at the front of the Griffindors’ cottage; they had all at this point retired to their rooms for the night, the faint tinkle of laughter still trailing out from the house’s windows. Regulus frowned slightly and turned back to the flames, his mind mulling over what he heard that evening. He had no doubt the ‘younger man’ James had spoken of was him; he wasn’t dumb after all, and it would take an idiot to see how James had looked at him the previous day, to hear him speak the way he did by the fireplace, and to still not add two and two together. What he didn’t understand however was how that was possible.
He would be a liar if he were to say that he hadn’t felt that way for Potter himself. Bah, he had felt that way for years, really; since he first stepped foot into Hogwarts. Him with his beauty and honour and kindness to Regulus, him with his jabs towards the Slytherins and what they stand for, him with his humour and disastrously overinflated ego. He who had stolen the one family member that Regulus had really cared about. He whom Regulus had secretly wished that he would’ve stolen him instead.
Regulus had, in turn, decided that loathing would be a much easier emotion to succumb to than loving, and had done everything in his power to stifle any affectionate movements of the heart. He had succeeded for many years, only taking a breather once his brother and James had left, allowing all of his grief to flow out of him, a tidal wave of emotion he had held in since he was still a girl. But now? Now, he was just confused. He had already grieved the infatuation, he had buried it and given it a funeral. He had promised to move on. And now, he learned that it was still alive, and the scariest realisation was that he wanted it to be. He wanted it so much.
“Late night thinking session?” Regulus jumped at the sudden voice, to see Sirius walking towards him with palms outstretched. “Relax, I come in peace,” the elder Black joked. “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t recognise my own little brother, animagus form or not, sitting in my best friend’s lap?”
Regulus relaxed slightly, shoulders still tense. “Did… did anyone else recognise me?” he asked.
Sirius shook his head. “Remus might’ve, but honestly I don’t think so.” He walked over to sit by the fire, patting the seat next to him in an inviting gesture. Regulus complied, and sat next to his brother. Sirius sighed. “Now, would you care to explain why, if you’re so starstruck for Jamesie, and he’s so starstruck for you, have the two of you never been on a date?” Regulus looked over at Sirius, alarmed. The dog animagus laughed. “Oh please, Reggie, don’t tell me you thought I didn’t know.”
“I thought I was hiding it well.” he muttered, provoking yet another raucous laugh from his elder.
“Honestly. I thought you were past thinking you could hide anything from me.” Sirius’ eyes twinkled. “Well? When are you two getting together? Can’t leave it to Prongsie dearest, he’ll mess it up.” He nudged Regulus’ shoulder playfully. “It’s up to you to get the two of you together, mister mastermind.”
Regulus sighed. “It is, isn’t it?” Sirius nodded, and his brother let out a groan.
“So… how are we pulling it off, you think?”
“... I might just have an idea.”