Chapter 11
Over the course of the Christmas break, Harry came by regularly, at first to discuss the matter with her, then just to spend time with her, and to complain about Hermione, who had lost him a brand new firebolt that he had anonymously been send for Christmas. Holly admired Hermione’s gut and smarts for telling Minerva that she suspected the broom to be from Sirius, and Holly had to agree, although she didn’t agree on his motives. The next term started, and Harry began telling her about his patronus lessons with Remus.
It was early in February, when a knock on her door distracted Holly from the book she was reading.
“Hello Remus, come on in.”
Closing the door behind himself, Remus sat down on her coach, his expression somewhere between grave and uncertain. Holly had an idea what he had come to talk about.
“I have to ask you something, and, it might sound very strange to you, but I have been thinking about it a lot and…”
“I’m going to interrupt you here, Remus, because you are right. I knew you’d figure it out eventually.”
Disbelieve shone on his face and there was hurting in his eyes, which Holly could understand. But then he cleared his throat, his expression turning calm,
“How did you do it?”
“Care for a cup of tea?”
“I’d care more for an explanation.”
Huffing a little amused, Holly rose to fill two cups, setting one down in front of Remus.
“So, how did you do it, then? Polyjuice potion?”
Straight to the point, no accusation in his voice, Holly appreciated it. Remus had always preferred to get the facts before forming an opinion. And no matter how hurt he was about her not telling him, he would hear her out.
“Not Polyjuice potion, no. A spell I’ve been tinkering with for a while. Its pretty much the spell equivalent of a Metamorphmagus, well, very limited.”
“I see. But why go to that length. I am sure Dumbledore would have hired you either way.”
“Yeah, right. He didn’t want me anywhere near Harry, you know that. Wouldn’t let me take him.”
“So you’ve been telling me, but you’ve also told me it was for Harry’s protection.”
“Still, me and Sirius were supposed to raise him, if anything ever happened to Lily and Jams…”
“Yeah well, Sirius doesn’t seem particularly interested in raising Harry. Or do you still not believe he betrayed your brother, practically killing him.”
That had been a point of conflict between them for a long time. That and that Remus still trusted Dumbledore. She understood that, at least to some extent, because Dumbledore had given Remus something he had never thought possible otherwise, a chance at a normal school experience.
“I don’t. I still don’t know what happened, but I know that nothing could have convinced Sirius to endanger the lives of the people he loved most.”
A shadow fell over Remus’ face and she could see compassion in his eyes, but his mind was unchanged.
“You didn’t see him after he lost you.”
“You seriously think that me being killed by death eaters would make him susceptible to death eaters? I know grief makes people do strange things, but selling James out to the people that had taken me from him? That makes absolutely no sense, Remus, and you know it.”
“He wasn’t himself anymore. He isolated himself, was irritable, wouldn’t even go to see James and Harry anymore.”
“Perhaps because James was my brother? You know we looked a lot alike. It probably hurt him to be reminded of me. But that doesn’t prove anything.”
“Then what do you think happened? How do you explain Voldemort finding James and Lily so soon after Sirius being made Secret Keeper?”
“I don’t know, okay?”, tempers on both sides where flaring, as always when they somehow ended up on this topic, Remus unable to believe in Sirius’ innocence, Holly unable to believe in his guilt. “I wish I did, I really, really wish I knew for sure. But I don’t. All I know is that there’s barely any evidence and that I cannot believe Sirius would do that. It just… It…”
“It feels wrong?”, his voice suddenly soft, Remus let his shoulders drop. He didn’t like believing his former best friend capable of something so horrible. But he couldn’t help it, Holly knew that.
“I’d sooner have believed it if they’d told me Peter had betrayed them. To be honest, I actually considered it a possibility.”
“Peter died a hero?!”, Remus wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be surprised or shocked at this new turn of events. Never before had she suggested that Peter might have been involved in what had happened.
“You and I both know that nothing, no amount of grief, could have made Peter brave enough to face Sirius, especially not thinking he was a death eater.”
“Then what happened to Peter?”
“I think Sirius killed him, believing Peter had sold James and Lily out. But I don’t know. If I had the answers, had any proof, don’t you think I’d be fighting to free Sirius? Or if I had proof of his guilt, hunting him to personally drag his ass back to Azkaban…. But all I have is my gut, and unfortunately, that’s not good enough for anyone. Not even you. So, I did the only thing I could think of, which is to protect our godson. No matter the cost.”
“Did you tell Harry?”
“We just unpacked quiet a lot, what exactly do you mean?”
“All of it, I suppose, but mostly that you’re his aunt masquerading for a professor? Or, well, that he has an aunt to begin with.”
“I told him that after he faced Voldemort in his first year. About this masquerade I told him before Christmas, when he overheard Fudge and a couple of the professors discuss Sirius being the Secret Keeper. Surprisingly enough, he understood why I had kept those things secret from him as long as I did. Understood that I was trying to keep him safe, trying to him sheltered as good as I could.”
“He’s a smart kid.”
“Definitely got that from his mom.”
Finally, Remus hard expression softened, then cracked into a smile, “Definitely.”
“So, do I want to ask how you figured it out?”
With a small, but satisfied grin, Remus pulled a map out of his rope, handing it to her. Taking it from him, Holly immediately recognized it for her brother’s favourite pet project. While she had been tinkering with spells, James and his friends and spent their free time creating a magical map of Hogwarts.
“The map… you found it again.”
It felt strange holding the parchment between her fingers again. When the guys had finished it in their fifth year, they had proudly presented it to her and to this day she still admired their handywork.
“Harry did, actually.”
“That’s how he made it to Hogsmead. It all makes sense now. Well, James would have loved him to have it.”
“He would have, yeah. But for the moment, I think I’ll keep it. I don’t want Harry to sneak out again, risking his life. I know you don’t think Sirius wants to hurt him-”
“But I’m not going to risk Harry’s life on my gut feeling! If it comes down to it, Harry will always come first, Remus. Especially if Sirius really has it out for him! Don’t ever doubt that!”
A little guilty, Remus took the map back, putting it back into his pocket.
“I didn’t mean to question your devotion to Harry, I’m sorry.”
“Its okay. I get it. You’re worried about him, I get that. Lets drop that, okay? Talk about something else.”
Remus gladly did so. They spent most of the evening chatting, and at some point found themselves laying on the bed, leaning against each other, talking more openly than they had in a long time, until they fell asleep, Remus’ head resting on her shoulder, snoring lightly.