Chapter 3
Standing in front of a floor length mirror, Ellie examined herself one last time, before raising her wand, leading it once around herself, muttering “Inmotatio vultus”. As she watched, her hair began to turn from black to blonde, her skin grew lighter, her body shrank a couple of inches, turning from lanky to curvy, and her eyes went from brown to blue. Soon, instead of Ellie Potter a certain Holly McIntosh was looking back at her from the mirror. After having spend the last two months in her own body, this one felt strange at first. But she knew she would get used to it soon enough. For the past two years, ever since Harry had started Hogwarts, she’d spent more time as Holly than she had as Ellie. Because Holly was a professor at Hogwarts, where she taught Ancient Runes.
As Holly got dressed, she wondered once again if she was taking things too far. Sure, she wanted to keep Harry safe, but taking on a whole other life? It still seemed crazy to her. Not that she didn’t enjoy her job as teacher, but still. Most other witches and wizards in her situation would probably have been content with knowing that Albus Dumbledore was watching over Harry. But it had been a long time since she had trusted that man. Too painful had it been to learn that he only really cared about the greater good, not about the people working for it, working for him. If he deemed it necessary, he wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice one of his loyal followers, and worse, once a follower had reached his usefulness and needed his help, he was no where to be found. But at the same time as he dropped good people, he let bad people roam freely if it suited him. One of those people was Severus Snape. A death eater Dumbledore had bailed out because of some use or another he had for him, now allowing the man to bully children as he pleased.
Taking a deep breath, Holly tried to shake these dark thoughts, knowing very well that they were going to spiral if she didn’t stop them. And she really couldn’t afford to do that right now. She had to be in London before eleven to board the train. The last two years she has just apparated to Hogwarts, but this year, with Sirius allegedly looking for Harry and all of the ministry and the Azkaban guards looking for Sirius, she felt better sticking with Harry.
A good decision, as it turned out. About half an hour out from Hogsmead Station, the train came to a halt. A bad feeling had settled in Holly’s gut a while ago, when the rain and wind outside had been joined by fog, but there had been a sliver of hope that there wouldn’t be an incident. That hope had disappeared even before the train had come to a full stop. The seventh years that had chosen to share their compartment with her, all turned and looked at her in confusion. Confusion that quickly turned to apprehension when they saw her grim face. Squaring her shoulders, Holly took a deep breath. This was going to be deeply unpleasant. But at least she knew what was expecting her, these kids didn’t.
“I need you to stay calm. No matter what happens, what you see, or hear, you need to stay calm and stay in your seats. You will feel cold and scared, but it’ll go away. They will go away.”
“Who, Professor?”
“Dementors. They won’t hurt you. You’re safe. But they will affect you.”
As the students nodded, they’re faces between fear and determination, the door slid open without a sound, cold seeping in, followed closely by a hooded creature. For a moment, the Dementor just hovered there, before drawing a deep breath. Holly could feel the cold taking her over, settling in her bones. Images flickered across her mind, filled with blood and dirty walls, a heavy iron chain, a rough wooden bench, scratch marks on an iron door, a house with half its side blown away, two graves, a newspaper clipping with a mad Sirius on it. Gripping her wand tightly, Holly forced these images down, locked them back into the trunk she kept them in.
“He isn’t here! Now leave before I make you leave!”
She barely recognised her voice, it was neither Holly’s nor Ellie’s. It was harsh and shaky, at the edge of breaking. The dementor not taking any notice of her, kept sucking in air and happiness alike. Her hand trembling, Holly closed her eyes. Immediately the images returned, more vivid than before. She could almost feel the hard iron shackles on her wrist, the rough stone floor beneath her naked feet. ‘No.’ she scolded herself, ‘Happy memories. Think of happy memories.’ Drawing a shaky breath, she thought back to the last day she had truly been happy: her brother’s wedding. Back when everyone she loved was still alive and with her and things weren’t as messed up and hopeless as now. She could see James dancing and laughing with Lily, both of them looking absolutely radiant, as he was twirling her around. She could see her parents, dancing not far off, too, bright smiles on their faces, pride shining in their eyes. And she could see Sirius, young and wild and full of life, his wavy hair almost as black as hers, tugged behind his ears, his tux, that he had protested about, but looked incredible in, and most importantly, his soft smile and warm eyes, transfixed on her, as he held her, danced with her. Warmth spread through her like a fire, burning away the cold despair. A melancholic smile on her lips, Holly had no trouble looking at the dementor again, before saying in a clear, strong voice, “Expecto Patronum”.
Silver whisk poured forth from her wand, forming into a large, wild-looking dog, that leapt towards the dementor with energetic steps, chasing it out before returning to her feet. Once most of the cold had left, assuring her that the Dementor was gone, Holly turned her back to the door.
“Are you okay?”
All around her, the students nodded, visibly terrified, but else unharmed.
“Are… are you, Professor? You look like you’re about to cry.”
A small smile forced its way onto her face, the compassion of this young Hufflepuff touching her,
“Dementors tend to bring up a person’s worst memory. Unfortunately, I have quite some of them. I’ll be all right, thank you Milly. If you still have some chocolate, eat some. I’ll go check on the others.”
“But won’t that mean running into that thing again?”
“That one is gone, I think, but I want to make sure he was alone. And if he wasn’t, I’ll have my trusty friend here to protect me.”
Smiling softly down at the patronus that reminded her, almost painfully, of Padfoot. But then again, it was Padfoot, because once upon a time, when she had first learnt to produce a patronus, Sirius had been the person she had felt safest with.
Heading up the train, Holly popped her head into the compartments, having a quick look, just to make sure everyone was alright, when a little ahead of her the door of the last compartment slid open and a man stepped out. He looked shabby and worn, but he always did.
“Remus.”
Happy to see her old friend it had slipped out before she could stop herself. Stupid of her, but too late to change anything, Holly decided to forgo the self-chastisement.
“Excuse me?”
As she expected, Remus turned to her astonished. He didn’t recognise her, how could he in this body? But having had a second, Holly smiled at him warmly, closing the distance to offer him her hand.
“You must be the new Professor for Defence against the Dark Arts, Remus Lupin, right? Pleasure to meet you. I’m Holly McIntosh, I teach Ancient Runes.”
Against the warm smile and the open attitude, she knew his suspicion stood no chance, his posture eased, a mild smile appearing on his face, as he shook her hand.
“Nice to meet... you."
His smile froze, tension returning to his shoulders, as his gaze drifted behind her, fixing on something there. A little astonished Holly turned, finding her patronus heading their way.
“Ah, yes, I thought it prudent to have it remain until we reach Hogsmead. I didn’t want any more incidents.”
“This is yours?”, the shock and disbelieve on Remus’ face was almost comical, as he looked back and forth between the patronus and her, “It looks so familiar…”
Of course it did. After all, this patronus had the same form one of his oldest friends took when turning into an Animagus. How could he not recognise him. But unfortunately, that also meant he might recognise her, as he knew her patronus to be Padfoot. For a moment, she considered making up a lie, telling him the patronus looked like her childhood dog, but then decided the least suspicious thing was to pretend to be curious. She knew Remus had no reason to assume she wasn't who she pretended to be, and even less reason to think she was Ellie. All she had to do was keep her head about her.
“Really?”, she turned a little, as if to take a closer look at her patronus, feeling a little guilty about lying to her friend.
“Yeah. It’s strange.”, Remus smiled, obviously trying to shake the weird feeling he had, “I have a friend, whose patronus looks eerily similar.”
“How peculiar. I didn’t even know two people could have the same patronus. I always thought that was something really personal!”
Remus nodded, “It’s rare, but not unheard of. Its more common for lovers to have complementary ones. My best friend and his wife… Well, no matter. It’s very nice to meet you, Holly.”
“You too.”
Had Remus not been so busy forcing himself to look cheerful, he might have noticed the flicker of sadness in Holly’s eyes as he had mentioned James and Lily, but he hadn’t. Now he hurried of to the front of the train, glad to get a moment to sort through his emotions that the Dementor had left rather raw.
Holly, too, was glad to have a second to collect herself. This year was going to be much harder than she had anticipated. Having Remus around put her on edge, made her feel like she was about to be discovered. And really, if anyone could, it was Remus. Remus, who had known her since she was eleven years old, who had sat by her hospital bed for weeks until she was strong enough to go home, who had held her while she grieved her brother. Remus had been her closest, her only friend after those days and she hated not being honest with him, but no one could know. She couldn't risk it. Harry's safety had to come first. Harry had to come first. At least that was what she told herself to supress the guilt settling in her stomach.
Once she had managed that, she stuck her head into the compartment Remus had left, finding, as she had almost expected Harry and his friends.
“You lot all right?”
They all nodded, but seemed shaken, especially Harry. With a small smile, Holly noticed the chocolate they all were holding, even though they seemed to have forgotten about it.
“I see our new DADA professor actually knows what he’s doing for once. Go ahead, eat the chocolate, it’ll do you good. And if you want to talk, my door’s always open and you are welcome to stop by, even if you chose not to take Ancient Runes.”
The light tone, the sly grin and the way too obvious wink made the group laugh, even if only a little, which was enough for Holly.
“Thank you, Professor.”
“Thanks.”
Satisfied that Harry and the others were all right, Holly left them alone to check on the students in the front of the train. Somehow, in an attempt to be there for Harry, she had unwittingly become the counsellor for the entire school last year. It hadn’t even been hard with everything that had happened. All the fear and uncertainty had left the students desperate for an opportunity to share their concerns with someone other than their head of house. Especially since the heads of houses had a lot more classes to teach than she and thus had less time for the emotional needs of their students. Holly only taught a handful of classes each week, the remainder of her time she had decided to devote to an open teatime, where all students, regardless of house, year or classes, had the opportunity to just stop by for a cuppa. No pressure to explain why they had come or talk at all if they didn’t feel like it. Within the first week, she’d had a least three students per day, sometimes small groups coming together just to have a chat. Harry, too, had used it, after the rumours about him being Slytherin’s heir had starter and he had needed somewhere to get away, and when he had found Holly to be kind and supportive and understanding, he had happily returned, sometimes to hide, sometimes to vent, and sometimes simply to chat.