Evan groaned mentally walking into the Gryffindor comman room. Regulus and Dorcas had dragged Barty and him along since both there partners were Gryffindors. The party was for someone’s birthday (Remus Lupin he thinks), and chances are Evan will be on his own most of the night. His cousin Pandora will probably be with Lily, and Barty always ends up wondering off and hooking up with someone.
That’s always Evan’s least favourite part. Barty stumbling into their dorm afterwards, still flushed from whoever he’d been seeing that night. It hurts to even think about Barty being with anyone else.
But he knows Barty would never be interested in him. Evan knows that it’s hopeless to even think that Barty would notice him. Sure Barty fake flirts all the time, but Evan knows it’s not real, that it’s all for show. Even if he wishes it wasn’t.
This evening Barty stayed with Evan a little longer than usual, in a corner of the room away from the others. But it didn’t last twenty minutes before Barty had left to get a drink and was yet to return. Evan just sighed to himself, familiar with his friend’s behaviour. Luckily he’d brought a book to distract himself from everything going on around him.
Evan isn’t sure how much time has passed when he looks up from the pages. It must have been long enough for a game of some kind to start. He looks around the comman room for Barty and doesn’t see him immediately. Great. He must have already fucked off with a girl for the night.
Closing his book Evan left the party unnoticed by anyone. The castle was quiet at this time as it was getting close to curfew. Sighing he quickly made his way to the dungeons, eager to be on his own.
The comman room was already starting to empty when he made it back. Only a few people and Snape’s group of friends at the back. They sneered at he walked by them. Ignoring them he made his way up the stairs and to their dorm.
He opened the door expecting the dorm to be empty and quiet. What Evan had not been expecting was Barty and a girl. He stood there for a moment taking in what he was seeing. Then Barty opened his mouth to speak.
“Ev—”
Evan doesn’t hear more than that before he slammed the door shut. Sprinting down the stairs and out the comman room, he doesn’t stop to think where he’s going. It isn’t until he stops to catch his breath he realizes that hes in the astronomy tower.
Evan sits with his back to the stone wall, face buried in his hands. Tears come and he doesn’t even try to stop them. There’s no one here but him. So he lets them out in great, ugly sobs that shake his entire body. It isn’t fair that he feels this way about Barty. But he can’t help it. He wishes he could though. He wished that he could just un-fancy Barty. But that’s not how it works and he knows it.
Evan can’t remember the last time he’d cried this hard. He cry’s so much these days it’s hard to keep track of.
At least thirty minutes have gone by when he lifts his head. His tears are mostly dried but he feels like anything could set him off again. Fuck. Crushing on your best friend really is the worst. He hasn’t cried over Barty in a while, but that probably was the worst he’s been yet.
Evan is so lost in thought that it takes a while to notice that he’s not alone.
Regulus is standing at the railing, looking out towards the Forbidden Forest.
“Feel better, Ev?”
Evan stays quiet, but that’s enough for Regulus to know that he’s definitely not okay.
Sitting in down in front of him, Regulus asks, “Evan, what happened?”
“Nothing,” Evan mutters.
Regulus clicks his tongue, “I understand you don’t to tell me what’s wrong, but if someone hurt you I need to know.”
“Why?”
“So I can kill them.”
Evan sniffles, hiding his face, “You’d never hurt Barty.”
“That’s not true and you know it,” Reg sighs, “So what did Barty do?”
“He brought a girl to the dorm.”
“Okay, but what does that have to do with you sobbing your heart out?”
Evan glances up at Regulus, who is trying to look innocent, “I think you know.”
Reg sighs again, “You like him?”
Evan sighs in response.
“Fuck, Ev…Is it that bad?” Regulus asks, moving closer so he can put his arm around Evan.
“I don’t know,” Evan leans into Regs side, “Just seeing him with someone else makes my heart break.”
“I know.”
Evan buries his face in his knees again, “I wish this were easier.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t like you back?”
“Yes, he just flirts for attention.”
Reg elbows him, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, Reg.”
They sit in silence for a while, neither comfortable or uncomfortable. Just silence. Then Reg suddenly stands, holding out a hand to Evan.
“Where are we going?” Evan asks, staring at his hand suspiciously.
“Back to the dorm.”
“No, Reg.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, “Come on, Ev. You can’t sleep here, and if you try you’ll get detention.”
And Evan knows that. He just doesn’t want to see Barty, to have to see him and face the shame of running away like he did. And ignoring Barty is just straight up rude. But that might be what he ends up doing. There is no way Evan will be able to look Barty in the eyes after tonight.
Sighing, Evan allows Regulus to pull him to his feet, “Fine. But I’m not talking to him.”
Regulus shrugs, “That’s up to you.”
They don’t say anything else to each other as they make their way down the stairs to the astronomy tower. It isn’t until their halfway to the dungeons that Regulus speaks again.
“Barty was worried about you.”
“I don’t care.”
That earned Evan an elbow to the ribs, “Ev, you should have seen him. He was panicking.”
Evan didn’t have anything to say to that. So instead he just chose to stay silent. It wasn’t until they were in the comman room that he realized he probably looked a proper mess. Puffy eyes, tear streaked face, hand trembles. Fuck. Barty was definitely going to know.
When they walked into the dorm Barty was sitting cross legged on his bed, head in his hands. He looked up when they entered.
“Ev, are you okay? You ran off and I didn’t know where you went and I panicked, but you’re okay. Or I hope you’re okay. Are you okay?” Bartys eyes flicked across his face, “You don’t look okay.”
Evan sighed, “I’m fine.” And then grabbed his pajamas and went into the loo to change. He slammed the door, letting himself slide down to the floor. Deep Breaths, Evan mentally counted, in two three, out two three. In two three, out two three.
He isn’t sure how long he’s been sitting there on the floor, but definitely too long. If he doesn’t hurry up his friends will worry again. And Evan is not in the mood for that.
Sighing, he quickly changed into his pajamas. Then grabs a quick glance in the mirror, only to see his face red and splotchy still. Fuck. Barty definitely knows Evan’s been crying his eyes out. If only they’d stopped in a bathroom so he could see this earlier on. He didn’t need Barty knowing how much he fucking liked him.
Trying his best to maintain a neutral face, Evan exited the bathroom.
The curtains around Regs bed were already drawn, indicating that he’d already gone to sleep. Barty was sitting on his bed again, leaning against the headboard. He looked up when Evan walked over to his own bed.
“Ev?”
Evan ignored him, focusing on finding another book to read until he eventually fell asleep. He’d be lucky to sleep at all tonight.
“Evan, please speak to me.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
He heard Barty sigh loudly, then the bed creaking as he stood and came to stand behind Evan.
“I’m sorry, Ev. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable by bringing someone back.”
Evan remained silent, not trusting himself to say the right thing. Yes it bothered him that Barty brought someone back, but more because it was someone who wasn’t Evan. Even though the sex itself did make him quite uncomfortable, it wasn’t what had set him off.
Finally finding a book he wanted, Evan climbed into bed, drawing the curtains behind him. He heard Barty whisper another sorry, before climbing back into bed himself.
Open his book, Evan began to try and forgot everything.
❁✵◈☾◈✵❁
Four hours later, and Evan still couldn’t forget. He also couldn’t sleep, the book was useless, usually good for distraction. But not tonight. So instead Evan has resorted to lying on his side crying out whatever he has left in him. Somehow he cried longer than the first time.
It’s at least two when he hears someone hop out of bed and walk carefully over to Evan’s bed. Then the curtains are parted slightly to reveal Barty. Hair ruffled slightly, eyes drowsy. He looks like he hasn’t slept either. Evan almost swears out loud. He forgot to put up a silencing spell before crying again. Crying loudly.
“Can I come in?” Barty whispers into the darkness.
“Fine.” Evan hears himself reply, unable to stop himself.
Barty climbs in and sits down cross legged at the end of the bed. Evan pulls his own legs up to his chest.
Pulling out is wand, Barty mutters, “Muffliato.”
Evan winces at his own forgetfulness.
“Evan, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine Barty,” Evan said, burying his face in his knees.
Barty clicks his tongue, “You didn’t sound fine when you cried for almost a full hour. If there’s something bothering you I want to help.”
Evan sighs in annoyance, “You can’t help Barty. Not unless…Not unless…” he trails off, unwilling to let himself finish.
“Not unless what, Evan?” Barty tries again.
No, Evan can’t tell him. It will ruin their friendship, and he doesn’t think he can cope with that right now. Because there’s no way Barty Crouch Jr fancy’s him. No way. But maybe he could at least tell Barty he liked someone. He just doesn’t need to be specific.
Looking Barty in the eye, he says, “I fancy someone.”
Barty’s face drains loosing color, like he realized why Evan was so upset. Fuck, he shouldn’t have mentioned anything at all.
“Evan, I’m so sorry. If I knew I would never… Fuck,” Barty’s eyes are wide as he runs a hand through is hair, “If I knew you fancied Amanda I wouldn’t have hooked up with her. I’m sorry—”
Evan holds up a hand to stop his rambling, “Barty, I don’t fancy Amanda. I didn’t even know her name until just now. Relax.”
“Well, if you don’t fancy her then who—?” Barty breaks himself off this time, eyes going wide again as he thinks. No. He can’t know. There’s no way. No.
“Evan?”
“Yes?” Evan says weakly, his face buried in his knees again.
“Evan? Is it…” He takes a deep breath, “Evan, is it me? Do you fancy me?”
No. He knows. Evan could always lie to Barty, but he hates the thought of that. So he answers.
“Yeah. It’s you Barty. I like you.” Evan took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry again.
Barty didn’t say anything, and his face was hard to read. Evan couldn’t just sit there and watch him, not knowing what is going on.
“I understand that you don’t feel the same,” Evan said hurriedly, “And that’s okay. I mean not for me, but I completely understand. You could do so much better than me anyways, so don’t worry—”
“Shhhh,” Barty shushed him, “Evan, can you take a deep breath before I continue? You look quite panicked.”
And he was, without realising it, Evan had a bit of an anxiety spiral. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm. It helped a bit, but definitely not enough.
“Okay,” Barty started, “Fuck, I actually don’t know how to say this properly.”
Evan closed his eyes, preparing for what he knew Barty would say. I don’t feel that way about you.
“I like you too, Ev.”
Of all the things Evan expected Barty to say, it wasn’t that.
“Really?” Evan wanted to make sure Barty wasn’t teasing him.
“Really.” Barty blushed, “Since last year.”
They lapsed into an awkward silence. Neither knowing what to say, or what to do. Evan can hardly believe that Barty likes him. It seems impossible.
“So, um,” Barty stutters out, “Would you like to go to Hogsmeade? Just the two of us? On a date?
Evan reaches for Barty’s hand and slowly intertwines their fingers, “I woul love to Barty.”
Barty smiles at him, then moves to sit next to Evan, leaning back against the headboard. He pulls Evan back with him, so now Evan is tucked under his arm.
“Do you want to try and sleep?” Evan whispers from his spot on Barry’s chest.
“Yeah, I can leave if you want—”
“You’re not going anywhere.”
Evan pulls the blankets over them as they settle down onto the pillows. Barty’s arms encircle him, leaving no space between them.
“Goodnight, Barty.”
“Goodnight, Ev.”