Seventh year - James' POV
Early 1978
James, Sirius and Remus were in the library, scanning through thick leather-bound books for Remus' next task with the werewolfs that Dumbledore had assigned him. He seemed restless these days, from his meeting with Livia and the usual dread of the full moons. Remus had gone to the restricted section and returned with an assortment of heavy books, which he laid on the table with a loud thud.
'There are some second years on the other side of the hall taking bets on whether we’re really behind studying for NEWTs or just planning the most amazing prank Hogwarts has ever seen.'
'I’m so proud of our legacy, aren’t you, Mr Prongs?' Sirius smirked over the book he was taking notes from.
'Quite so, Mr Padfoot, quite so' James replied, scanning a glossary. 'Ah ha!' He had noticed something in a book which seemed promising.
Sirius looked up.
'Found something good?'
'Maybe…' James murmured, reading fast.
Remus grabbed the large curse book he had, a frown appeared at his brow as he scanned the contents page.
'Ok,' James got their attention, 'Look at this.' He flipped the book he was holding around to show Remus and Sirius, who were both sitting across the table. 'I really think this sort of thing plays to your strengths, Moony. It’s all intuitive stuff with a lot of punch behind it, the way you do pranks.'
Remus and Sirius leaned forward to read what James had found. Remus shifted uncomfortably and reached a hand to press his fingertips into his shoulder, letting out a breath of pain as he did so. James had noticed that after the full moons, his friend tended to get achy and sore muscles, his transformations seemed to be becoming more of a hassle for his body to cope with as he grew older.
Sirius seemed to notice Remus' discomfort as well, he reached over and began to use his own fingertips to massage Remus' shoulder, James watched intently as he worked small circles into his shoulders, as Remus sighed in relief. There was something about this exchange that struck James, something... intimate. He continued to watch his two best friends, where Sirius' fingers were working at Remus' shoulder, his eyes widened as the realisation hit him.
When Remus had finished reading, he looked up at James, upon noticing the expression on James' face, he nudged Sirius, who looked up accordingly. Sirius' icy blue eyes connected with his own brown ones, and he held his gaze for a second, before wrapping his arms around Remus' neck and squeezing him gently, holding James' gaze as he did so.
There was nothing platonic about the exchange he had just witnessed, James was sure of it. He glanced from Remus to Sirius, as if seeing the two of them in a completely different light. He opened and closed his mouth, debating whether to say anything, before simply nodding and tearing his eyes away.
Remus straightened up, letting Sirius' arm slide from around his shoulders. He cleared his throat. 'Er. I’m sure there’s a book I’ve read which goes into more depth than this. I’m think I’ve got a copy upstairs, I’ll er… just go and get it… see you in an hour or so, maybe?' he said, and shuffled off out of the library, leaving James alone with Sirius.
It was an obvious lie, Remus clearly thought James and Sirius ought to talk alone about- whatever this was.
'Muffliato ,' Sirius said quickly, tucking his hair behind his ear and laughing nervously.
James said nothing, just stared at Sirius, waiting for him to speak.
'Er… so yeah… it’s exactly what you think it is.' Sirius said, a pink tint appearing on his cheeks as it did when he became flushed.
James was momentarily too stunned to speak. 'You...' was all he could muster to say, a crease appearing at his eyebrow. It just all felt so wrong. These were his two best friends they were talking about. This was Padfoot and Moony. Together.
Sirius shifted uncomfortably.
'I’ve been meaning to tell you,' he said carefully. 'It’s just… er. Finding the right time, you know?'
James felt a sharp stab of annoyance, hearing Sirius' words. 'We spend every waking moment together, Padfoot.'
'Yeah' said Sirius, fidgeting and tugging at his school tie. 'I know'
'Well. I s’pose not every moment, otherwise I’d have realised.' James said, a new wave of anger replacing the initial shock he had felt. Was he truly that foolish? Not to notice his two best friends were...
'We were hiding it' Sirius said quickly, as if sensing James' building anger.
'Pads…' he said, frowning at his friend with an expression of disbelief. 'I don’t want to be rude or anything, but… what the fuck do you think you’re doing?'
'What?' Sirius looked up at him, taken aback.
'That’s Moony . Our best friend, Moony!'
'I know!'
'Remus Lupin!'
'I know his name!' Sirius snapped, appearing irritated now, which only accelerated the rage building inside James.
This is Sirius' fault. He thought, bitterly. What was he doing messing Remus around like this?
'We’ve spent seven years trying to get him to trust us!' James continued, throwing his hands up in a wild gesture 'He’s literally only just started telling us anything about himself, and you’re going to bugger it all up because you can’t control yourself!'
'Oi!' Sirius growled, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. That isn’t what this is!'
Oh, what is It then? James thought, as he scoffed and rolled his eyes at Sirius.
'Come on , Sirius, I know what you’re like! You’re all in, until you get bored. Look, I never said anything when it was Mary - she can take care of herself. Or Emmeline, even though you were a proper bastard to her. Or Avni, or Florence, or anyone else you’ve gone after, but this is too far, even for you, Black.' he shouted, unleashing the rage that had been building up inside of him.
'If this is because we’re both--'
'I don’t give a shit about that,' James waved his hands dismissively, knowing Sirius was going to say If this is because we're both boys. It wasn't that that bothered him, it was so much bigger than that. 'You know I don’t care about that kind of thing. What I care about is you acting like you can have anyone, anytime, with no consequences!'
'It hasn’t been that easy, believe me.' Sirius replied, dryly.
'I don’t believe you! If you could just think with your brain instead of your dick for once .' The words tasted sickly-sweet with malice as they rolled off his tongue.
'Piss off, I don’t need this crap.' Sirius returned, 'You’re obviously not interested in listening.'
James glared at his friend incredulously. How did Sirius not understand! 'It's Moony' he repeated, holding the eye contact with Sirius.
'Well I thought he looked familiar.' Sirius said, exasperated. 'I can’t believe you’re being such a prick about this!'
James was loosing patience now.
'I’m trying to talk some sense into you! I know you’ve always been a bit… well, you know. You march to the beat of your own drum, or whatever, but Remus isn’t… he’s not just someone you can try on for a bit, and see if it fits. He needs us. Now more than ever.'
They just stared at each other for a moment, before Sirius broke the silence.
'Prongs, I know how it looks, I know what you must think… but I swear it’s not like that. It just happened… and I wanted to tell you, I did, I was going to tell you at Christmas--'
Christmas. James felt a plummeting feeling in his stomach. This- this thing with Remus and Sirius had been going on since Christmas! And he had no idea about it until now.
'Christmas?!' James’ eyebrows shot up, 'Bloody Christmas?! It’s been going on since--'
'Last summer' Sirius said quickly, 'I mean... some stuff before then, but pretty much.'
The plummeting feeling in James' stomach sunk lower and lower as he processed the information. Last summer. His two best friends. For nearly a year, had this thing going on. He felt betrayed as he stared in outrage at Sirius. He shook his head.
'I don’t understand you! After everything he’s been through--'
'Look, he did have some choice in the matter! You’re acting as if he can’t make decisions for himself, when you know bloody well that no one ever makes Moony do anything, the stubborn git.'
James couldn't argue with that last statement, it was true that Remus was stubborn, and could make decisions for himself, but-
Sirius seemed to take James' silence as an opportunity to forge ahead, 'This isn’t all my fault. Merlin, I thought you’d understand. Or at least been a bit less judgemental - I’ve had to listen to you banging on about Evans for the past five years, and I don’t complain.'
James almost laughed at the hypocrisy of this statement, he smirked, despite himself.
'Yeah you do'
Sirius grinned back at him, shrugging, a look of defeat festering in his eyes.
'Ok I do. But you’re not the only one allowed to fall in love.'
Love. James clung to the word, surely, Sirius was not in love with Remus.
'Wait' he said, a frown forming at his brow, 'In love? You're in love with Moony?!'
'That was just an example,' Sirius said hurriedly, becoming even more flushed 'I just meant… er… we’ve not exactly talked about it… anyway, that’s not my point.'
James stared at Sirius incredulously, he was once again speechless.
'Look,' Sirius said, leaning forward on the desk, 'I know you care about him. We all do. I do. It's not like it was with all those girls, it's… more. It's better. He makes me better, he understands me.'
James felt an involuntary pang of jealousy at those last words. He understands me. What happened to James being the one who Sirius could turn to, he thought back on the times Sirius would sneak through his bed at night, they'd talk, he thought he was the one who understood Sirius.
'Merlin' he just said, staring down at the book below him and shaking his head. His mouth was dry from shouting.
'Sorry.' Sirius said again. 'I don’t know what else to tell you. But I'm not asking your permission, I’m just letting you know. This is how it is.'
There was an undeniable sense of finality to his words. James ran his hands through his untamed hair and sighed deeply.
He had lost all strength to brooch the subject any further for the time being, so instead he change the subject. 'All this reading' he said, 'I need a break'
'Yeah' Sirius nodded, evidently keen for a subject change.
'Quidditch pitch?' James suggested. Sirius' face cracked into a relieved smile.
'Go on then'
They packed up their things quickly and left the castle. Outside, James began to relax slightly, the fresh air was soothing. They changed into their quidditch gear in comparable silence, James grabbed their brooms and waited outside the changing rooms to give Sirius his.
Once they were walking down to the pitch, brooms in hand, Sirius spoke again.
'Prongs?'
'Yeah, Padfoot?'
'All that stuff you said about Moony?' Sirius looked up at him from behind his hair. 'About how he's only just started trusting us, and how he needs us? That's still true. That's why I really need you need to get used to this, ok Potter? You need to show him everything’s the same.'
James looked at his best friend for a long time. Those blue eyes bored into his brown ones, searching, pleading.
'Yeah. I know. I will. I swear.'
With that, the two boys mounted their brooms and soared out across the quidditch pitch together.