Peter Burke shook his head as he finished another letter from his cousin Tony DiNozzo.
Ah, to be NCIS with a side job/hobby with the MNP office down the street. Tony barely had time to nurture his Magical side in addition to his Muggle duties.
But, the Magical World was busy, too, with the escape from Azkaban and the Quidditch Tournament scheduled for next summer. Everyone was stressed and busy and even Peter and Tony were both feeling the pressure as Agency Magicals assigned to the Tournament in the UK pushed assignments onto already overworked Agents in other states and departments. Already, three Liaisons from Tony’s department collapsed from exhaustion due to the increase in workload. And Peter had volunteered to take two more cases as two other White Collar Wizards departed to the Tournament Taskforce made up of several more Agency departments scattered from all over the country.
It was a bid to improve relations with the Ministry, but Peter and Tony were both of the opinion that relations had so far deteriorated that a wrong look at the famous Mr. Harry Potter by an American Agent could very well be seen as an act of war or something. Neither would put it past the Ministry to try.
Tony had been too busy for visiting, so both had to make due with phone calls and letters delivered through Post.
The latest letter told him of a different letter that Tony had received and Peter wouldn’t be able to call him until maybe tomorrow evening at best. Something about a meeting at Diagon Alley, as he’d understood. Tony didn’t say who he was meeting with or why, but there was a tone in the written words that reminded Peter of something Tony once joked about involving Headmaster Dumbledore and some kind of secret … taskforce working behind the scenes somewhere.
‘Would you join this secret taskforce?’ he remembered asking.
‘Pfft, no. Not even if they paid me more than I’m already making.’
‘Not for anything?’
‘Peter,’ his younger cousin leaned forward to level a steady green gaze on his brown. ‘I wouldn’t even if Eames, Mac, Palmer or you asked me to. And Curly Top for that matter.’
‘Not even the Detectives?’
‘See, you asking that means you don’t know them like I do.’
‘Maybe,’ Peter smiled slightly. ‘But what about Shep?’
Tony’s Third Year had been Peter’s First and Peter knew well that his cousin looked up to his ‘mentor’ with incredible devotion. Sometimes Peter still wondered if Tony would jump off a bridge if Shep told him to.
Tony had taken a long time to answer, but his determined green eyes lit with an inner light. ‘He’d actually have to talk to me first.’
‘But would you?’
Peter didn’t even remember the last time he actually spoke to Shep after Tony’s graduation, though he’d sent a handful of letters since.
He leaned back in his chair as he glanced outside the window at the light drizzle that coated the city. Another eight hours of it couldn’t pass quick enough in his opinion.
His desk phone rang and brought him out of his thoughts, hand absently tugging the phone from its cradle as he answered with a weary, “This is Agent Burke.”
He blinked and frowned for a long moment when he heard nothing on the other end.
“Hello?” he checked to make sure it was still connected before putting it back against his ear and trying again. “Hello?”
There was some sort of noise he heard before a familiar voice answered shakily, “Hey. Hey, Peter.”
“Shep?” he blanked, not knowing what to say or how to respond. “I – It – Er –”
“Yeah,” his old friend gave a slightly unsteady laugh. “Yeah, it’s me. Listen… I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch and I know I missed out on a lot of things since… since his graduation and all… but.” He didn’t finish that sentence as Peter stared blankly at the wall in front of him, something cold slithering through him.
“John. Not that it’s not great to finally hear from you after thinking you’d finally blown yourself up somewhere, but I have to ask you very seriously: Is everything okay?”
There was a long pause that Peter most certainly didn’t like before Shep blew out a breath. “Physically, yeah. I… I’m good. I just… Listen. I … was offered a position somewhere I can’t divulge and… I was originally planning to get you to talk me out of it, but… I think I understand why Tony and his friends had so many adventures. Just… just the idea of stepping into the unknown, completely blind, and knowing that no one has ever come before you… I’ll admit. It’s a hell of a rush.”
“It most certainly is,” he numbly agreed, his thoughts struggling to process this. “Well. Since… since you’re not getting me to talk you out of it… when do you leave?”
“They’re shipping us out tomorrow.”
“And when do you think you’ll be coming back?”
The silence made him nod, even now well used to the younger man’s body language to picture a ducked head with at least one hand in a pocket.
“There… there’s, ah, no guarantee I’ll be coming back. Military, you know?” he tried to joke.
“I see. So. This is it, then? The last call and the final goodbye?”
“It sure feels like it. Depressing, I know. But… I think I would regret not calling if something were to happen. And… I couldn’t talk to you again.”
“Okay,” he said simply. “Did you want me to let Tony know about your new assignment or –”
“No!” Shep almost shouted. “Please. Peter, please don’t tell Tony about it, okay? You know him as well as I do and I don’t want his curiosity peaked enough to go digging. This is a classified mission and I don’t want Tony anywhere near it.”
“So, you just want me to keep silent?” he frowned. “Give him no indication of your call or that I heard from you? He’s not going to be happy when he sees you again. If.”
“I… If I find myself back in the country next time, I’ll try to contact him then. Is he still in law enforcement?”
“Of a sort,” he sighed. “He relatively recently made the move to NCIS based in DC.”
“Would that be a promotion for him or an insult?” Shep couldn’t help asking.
“I don’t know.”
“Is it bad that he’s NCIS now?” Shep was frowning, he could tell.
“No, not at all. I’m a Fed, too, as you recall.”
“Yeah… but… You sound kind of unsettled.”
“Tony didn’t tell me he was thinking of leaving Baltimore,” Peter finally admitted. “Of leaving the force. He usually tells me these things so I can keep an eye on him, but this was kind of out of the blue.” He wasn’t sure if he should tell him about the odd feeling he got at his cousin’s uncharacteristic behavior around the same time.
Tony had suddenly disappeared for little more than two weeks before the case that crossed his path with that of Agent L. Jethro Gibbs, his current boss and Team Lead. Peter had never been able to pin down why, exactly, he felt a little alarmed and concerned, but Tony had given him no indication of ever wanting to talk about it. Peter couldn’t force him and had had to be content with the story he’d gotten.
He still held out hope that one day he would find out what made Tony change his profession so drastically, but he was also equally certain that he would never know.
It was something he was still swallowing down, having been the listening ear for so long that he hadn’t been able to do just that when Tony had already decided before Peter knew about it.
“Still bothers you, I’m guessing,” Shep noted. “Listen, I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe it was simply a natural end and a logical next step. Maybe he was even being threatened by dirty cops.”
“You think Tony would keep silent about dirty cops? No, I didn’t think so. But, you know, you could be right and it’s nothing. Just me trying to see things that aren’t there.”
“You wouldn’t be the first or last that it’s happened to,” Shep assured.
“Guess not.”
They were silent for long moments, the mood changing as Peter returned to the reason Shep called.
“So this is it,” he felt something like tears start to gather in his eyes as a fear for his friend dropped into his stomach like a stone. “The last time I’ll talk to you.”
“Maybe,” he solemnly agreed. “But it’s looking that way.”
“And you’re absolutely certain that you won’t be able to write?”
“Nah. Too risky and possibly undoable. Sorry to leave you in the dark like this, but I honestly…”
“No, no, I understand,” he swallowed. “But… hey, it’s not like you’re going to another galaxy, right?”
Almost hysterical laughter followed, which set Peter off not too long after.
They let the laughter dry itself out before settling into a more comfortable silence.
“I really needed that,” Shep told him. “I’m glad I called, anyway.”
“I’m glad you called, too. Thank you,” Peter sensed the end of the call coming and sighed. “Well, I bet you’re still packing up and things, so…”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again,” Shep pulled no punches this time. “Or Tony. Or… or anyone. I just … wanted to let you all know that… whatever happens. I think about you guys a lot.”
“This isn’t goodbye, yet, Sheppard,” Peter reprimanded. “You’re going to have to tell me that face-to-face. I know you. It’s not over until the broom crashes, right? You’ll find a way to make it back. I believe it.”
“I sincerely wish I had your optimism,” his voice gentled. “But… I just thought… Thank you. For everything, Peter. I’m glad I found such an awesome Third Year in you back at the Institute.”
“I should be thanking you for taking such good care of Tony when he came in.”
“It was a pleasure. And an honor. Those were some good days, weren’t they? Sometimes, I wonder what I would give just to have it all back.”
“No one lives forever. And time doesn’t usually stand still.”
“It most certainly doesn’t. I just really wish it did, sometimes.”
He knew the feeling, especially when it came to the good moments.
When he was younger and the kids were still kids.
When Shep was still the younger kid beaming up at him with such excitement about his project.
When Tony and his friends were still on the verge of being adults, all four of them piled in front of a fire as their latest mystery kept them up late into the night.
“Moments can’t last forever,” he murmured. “And it’s great that you’re taking this opportunity. I’m … really excited for you. No matter what happens. Just remember to keep a cool head and think before you do anything you’ll eventually regret.”
“No promises,” Peter heard the smile on his face. “But thanks. And you know, the more I think about it, the more excited I am to be a part of it.”
“Then that’s all that matters,” he smiled back. “If you think you’ll regret it more if you don’t make the leap, then decide to take that step into the unknown.”
“Into the event horizon,” he heard, spoken almost distantly.
“Yes. Take that step and don’t look back. Do great things even if no one will ever know about what you did.”
‘Be proud of yourself and everything you’re going to accomplish,’ he left unspoken.
That’s what he’d said at Shep’s Graduation.
A good bye to childhood.
But…
Nothing will ever be the same once that step is taken.
“I hope you do well,” he swallowed, eyes prickling. “I know you will.”
And if Peter could give the younger man a giant hug, he absolutely would.
Shep didn’t respond for a long time, Peter getting the odd impression that the other called to receive a blessing for his future assignment instead of reasons why he shouldn’t even think about going.
A knock on the door had him looking up to see someone waving a file at him and he cleared his throat.
“Well, duty calls, as they say,” he scrubbed his eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah, right,” Shep sniffed in his ear. “Uh, take care, huh? Only good things ahead for you, too. Probably not as much of a challenge, though, now that Caffrey’s off the scene.”
“How does everyone know all my activity?” he groused. “You aren’t even on the same continent.”
“Hey, I read! And I have all kinds of connections.”
“I just bet. Well, it’s been good to hear from you, Shep. Try to send a letter if you can to let me know how you’re doing.”
How was he supposed to end a call like this?
He felt like there was supposed to be a way to end a call like this.
How was he supposed to put into words all the things he could say to this man in less than five minutes if this was truly to be their last call?
What did he want Shep to remember as the last words from him?
“We’ll be okay,” he continued. “Me, Tony, everyone. And you know why? Because you’re out there keeping an eye out for us, making our little corner of the universe safer.”
“Your lives are in my hands. Great pep talk,” he drawled.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it, jerk. Be safe out there.”
“And you. Things are getting a little crazy across the pond, so take care of each other. I’ll write if I can.”
“We’ll miss you.”
“… me, too.”
Then there was nothing left to say and Peter listened to the dial tone for long moments before slowly returning the phone to its cradle.
Later, he would walk himself down to Alphabet Soup and try to stop the regret from overwhelming him that he didn’t do more to keep in contact with John Sheppard.
He never thought to ask about his life up to now, but Shep was Air Force so he didn’t know what he would have been allowed to know. He probably didn’t have permission to even know what little he did, but it meant something that Shep called him for probably the last time.
He understood why Tony hadn’t been the last call, but …
Well.
That hadn’t been his decision to make.
But later that night, he would get home, sit on the back porch and look up at the stars.
Wondering if Shep was looking up at them, too, the way they used to back at school.
When they’d sit side by side and watch the universe above them in silence.
Hopefully, Shep would find time to watch the night sky on whatever base he ended up on, taking comfort in the familiar constellations Peter showed him so long ago.
And hopefully, if Peter wished hard enough, he’d be able to get all the things neither had been able to speak.
That would have to be enough.
Until they met again.
* **