Part One
“I pour Alcohol into the gaping hole in my chest. It does not heal, not today. Maybe Tomorrow”
He spends the next week wandering uselessly around, driving by Lucius Malfoy’s house almost obsessively. Hoping to catch a glimpse of his cousin, or even stray pieces of evidence that could lead him to where she was. Sirius calls him a few times, but he can’t be bothered to speak aside from a stray text telling him he’s fine and to leave him alone.
Eventually he has to return to the house. He can’t stay in his home, that small three bedroomed house he’d bought when he assumed he’d be able to avoid his elder brother forever. It is too dark, lonely…almost abandoned. The air feels suffocated with what could have been. Narcissa bringing Draco to that home, bringing life to it’s empty soul.
He is hit with warmth when he steps through Sirius’s front door, and the smell of cinnamon cookies fill the air. It’s all so familiar he can’t help but feel a pang of guilt and longing. He’s stayed away for nearly two weeks, forcing himself to sleep in his car parked in the driveway of his own home.
James Potter is the only person who comes to greet him, which means he’s home alone. He looks like he’s just rolled out of bed, his glasses slightly wonky on his face, his hair messier than usual, shirtless naturally because when isn’t James Potter trying to kill the less than straight men he meets?
“James.” Regulus says, his voice raw against his throat. When was the last time he spoke? Four days ago, he thinks, when Pandora called to cheer him up with Luna. She always seemed to just know when he was slipping, oddly enough, and she knew her daughter had a special power to bring him back from the darker parts of his mind when it mattered most.
“Hey-” James coughs. “Hey…You look…Your back..” He’s stammering, of course, because James is awkward like that around pretty people, according to Peter. Regulus knows he looks terrible, red in the face from the cold outside and his little crying fit earlier, his hair unbrushed and messy with unkempt curls, his clothes wrinkled from curling up in his car for the night.
“I am.” Regulus says, glancing around the home. The living room is decorated with Christmas themed figures and lights. A tree stands proudly by the fireplace, little white bells humming a tingling tune stuck to the branches. It’s festive, straight out of a catalog, which isn’t surprising because Sirius has always loved to decorate for holidays, and James took over the baking aspect as both Remus and Sirius were terrible with making anything bake-related.
Regulus is so caught up in the warmth of the home he almost forgets about the dull pain in his chest, the grief. Naturally, noticing this makes the grief come back full force and he flinches when James touches his shoulder, eyes earnest behind his frames. It breaks something in Regulus, to see the earnestness there. He looks sad for Regulus, without even knowing why.
“Hey..” He hesitates “Are you okay, Reg?”
And of course James would ask, because James is good and nothing like Lucius fucking Malfoy and Regulus doesn’t know why he’s doing it but suddenly he’s grabbing James by the face and he’s pressing their mouths together and needing James to hold him like he matters because he needs to forget for a little while and James has always been great at making him forget things that hurt.
James is stiff at first, startled, and his hands go to Regulus’s wrists, fingers twitching against the skin almost unintentionally. Regulus pulls back, just barely, and their lips brush when he speaks.
“Just…please-” He’s willing to beg, pathetically, for him to just give this one thing to him. To let him forget what he already knows but can’t prove. James doesn’t let him finish, surging forward to capture his mouth again, dropping his hesitant hands down to Regulus’s waist and pulling him closer. He doesn’t hold Regulus more than he hugs him close, the warmth of his skin seeping through the ice in his veins, and he pushes for more immediately.
It’s only when Regulus makes a sound in the back of his throat, a whine, that James pulls away and turns his face so Regulus can’t entice him with another kiss.
“Reg- Reg stop.”
Immediately Regulus feels the cold return and he pulls away, hugging himself. He knows rejection, though he’s never really experienced it before. He knows he’s pretty, soft from years of moisturizing obsessively. He knows that so why doesn’t James want him?
“Hold on, love, I can see where your brain is going with this.” Immediately James is grabbing him again, holding his arms as Regulus holds them crossed around his chest. “I’m not…I’m not rejecting you, okay? It’s just your…you seem kind of upset.”
“So?” Regulus snaps. It’s childish, he knows, but he doesn’t want to talk about what he’s doing anymore. He wants to be selfish and make out with James Potter.
“Can we talk? Please?” James asks “What’s going on?”
Regulus sighs. There’s no use in trying to avoid conversation when James asks, because James is nothing if not a stubborn git who lives to make Regulus’s life hell of course.
“Narcissa is missing.” He says through his teeth
“Narcissa…Your cousin?” James frowns “But I thought you just visited her?”
“I did. She…she told me her husband was cheating and that she planned on confronting him.” He presses his lips together for a moment, reigning his emotions in as fast as he can. He doesn’t want to freak out in front of James more than he already has. “I wanted to go with her but she said she wanted to do it alone so I…I let her leave and I went home. She was supposed to text me when she confronted him but the only text she sent was one from when she got home. She stopped messaging around Eight and after that…” He trails off and looks at James, whose face is creased with concentration. His eyes are dark now, and Regulus is sure he’s upset him.
“Have you gone to the police?” James askes immediately
“No I…well Lucius reported her missing a week ago.” Regulus frowns “I went by his house a few times…I just wanted to see her or find something to lead me to her I…” He swallows “I noticed that he got new tires on his car.”
James immediately stiffens and he pulls away, grabbing his keys from the bowl by the door. Regulus startles, jumping to follow him as he heads for the coat rack and begins pulling his coat on. He threw Regulus his other coat, the red one with the Gryffindor logo from his old hockey team.
“Come on.” James says determinedly, opening the door and letting the cold air rush in.
“What- Where?” Regulus demands, instinctively pulling the coat on and breathing in James's scent. Cedarwood, naturally, mixed with that weird old spice deodorant Sirius uses.
“The police station.” James says, like it’s obvious. “If we tell the police that Lucius had a motive to kill Narcissa they can start looking into it!” Regulus feels his heart jump and he grabs James’s arm, whirling him around and catching his face in his hands before snogging him fiercely.
When he pulls away James looks red and flushed, positively proud of himself with that stupid lopsided smile on his face. He’s still not wearing a shirt, of course, because he’s also still an idiot.
“Okay…Right.” Regulus coughs, zipping James’s coat up to hide his bare skin. James blushes and nods before they both head for the car, climbing in and peeling out of the driveway.
Almost immediately as they get onto the main road, the car blares with noise.
INCOMING CALL, PADFOOT <3…
“Shit.” James curses, pressing accept after shooting Regulus a glance that clearly meant Be quiet, please!
“Prongs!” Sirius calls. It sounds like he’s somewhere windy, muffling his voice slightly. “Remus and I are going to a hotel for the night. There’s no way we can drive in this weather.”
“That’s fine.” James says, voice slightly too high.
“Don’t forget to lock the doors this time, Please.” Sirius says, sounding like he’s moved closer to the phone speaker. “I really don’t need another random drunk breaking in and napping on our couch. It took forever to get that smell out.”
Regulus raises an eyebrow at James, frowning when James offers a sheepish smile. The idiot.
“Right…I will I will.”
“Seriously James, I cannot go through that again.” Remus cuts in and Sirius laughs
“Okay James, we’ll stop bullying you for a bit. Can you call Lily tonight? She’s been off for the past week, I think the case she’s on is getting to her and you know how she gets…Mary’s getting back soon so I know she’ll be okay but I think she’d appreciate a call-”
James shoots Regulus a worried look at the mention of his ex girlfriend and Regulus pretends not to notice. He likes Lily well enough. She’s smart and admittedly very pretty, and she works at the local police as a detective for special victims with her Fiancee Mary. Pandora had been the one to tell him, when she’d started her job as the lead medical examiner and forensics expert.
She’s always been very nice to Regulus, and he’d consider her one of the very few people he likes to spend time with in comfortable silence.
“Right. I will.” James says finally
“Good then!” Sirius says, a smile in his tone “If you see Reggie tell him I love him and to stop being a bitch and respond to my messages!”
With that he gives a gushy goodbye filled with “I love you”s and “I’ll miss you” that makes it sound like him and James are in some torrid love affair or something and Makes Remus laugh heartily. When James finally hangs up he looks a bit embarrassed, but Regulus doesn’t have the energy to make fun of him. They are nearing the police station and his anxiety is beginning to rise, his fingers twitching as he squeezes them together in his lap.
James shoots him another look and then reaches out and grabs one of his hands, like they’ve done this forever, and squeezes it gently.
“It’ll be okay.” He says quietly, like he wants to believe it.
They park close to the front and climb out, taking a moment to gather themselves before going in.
It’s not exactly bustling per se, but there are a few waiting criminals in cuffs sitting on hard benches with various expressions on their faces. Some leer at Regulus as he passes, cat calling him and even James, who blinks confusedly and frowns at them, stepping closer to Regulus almost out of instinct.
It’s Lily who spots them first, hurrying over. Her eyes were dull and tired, and when she spots Regulus he doesn't miss the way her expression darkens.
“Lily.” James smiles and she allows him a tight hug before she moves to put a hand on Regulus’s shoulder.
“How are you, Reg?” she asks sincerely
“I’m…” Regulus hesitates “Lily I think Lucius killed Narcissa.”
It comes out fast, pushed together, but Lily’s eyes widen anyway. She pales and looks around, stepping closer.
“How can you be sure?” She demands, her voice switching to her professional tone almost immediately. She understands Regulus does not want to become emotional in the middle of a police station, and he appreciates how quickly she adapts to his needs.
“We visited each other twice a week for years…on our last visit she confessed that she had proof Lucius was cheating and that she was going to confront him”
He relays the rest of his findings, her not showing up to their next visit, her phone being off and her responses dropping after 8pm when she got home. Lucius’s car with the brand new tires. His suspicions for why he’d get them changed, and why he’d waited three days to report her missing to cover his tracks.
Lily doesn’t dismiss him. Rather she looks like she’s genuinely considering this, her eyes locking onto the floor as she loses herself in thought.
“That could be possible…do you mind if I take you in for some questioning?” She meets his eyes “I’ve been running this case since the report was filed.”
“Yes. Sure.” Regulus says, glancing at James who puts a hand on the small of his back in a small show of comfort. Regulus wishes it didn’t calm him down. Lily nods eagerly and signals to one of her detectives, ordering them to open a room for her to question Regulus in. The Detective nods and heads off, sending Regulus a suspicious glance as she passes.
“Do you want a soda? Coffee?” Lily offers, in full detective mode now.
“I’m fine.” James offers when Regulus just stares at her. “He’ll have a tea, he doesn’t like coffee.”
Regulus wants to call him a stalker, but he’s too surprised that James Potter knows he prefers tea over anything else. It’s kind of weird to know that James knows little things about him, but He supposes it’s natural considering Regulus practically lives with him. Lily pauses for a moment, shooting James a raised eyebrow before nodding and heading off.
“Do you want to sit down?” James asks
“No.” Regulus says stiffly “James what if…what if she’s actually dead?”
James doesn’t say anything for a long time.
He reaches out and pulls Regulus into a hug, rubbing up his spine soothingly.
He never answers him, and Regulus doesn’t know if he hates it or appreciates it.