Hang On To Yourself

“If this school doesn’t work out, I’m not sure there's any options left, Remus,” came softly from the driver’s seat. “Your mother can’t homeschool you, and I can’t give up my job. Please try to make this one work.”

Remus huffs. “I understand.” And he did. He had to lay low. He couldn’t get caught again.

“It’s not that we don’t accept you, honey,” says his mum, turning to look at him.

“I know. I know.”

It doesn’t take long for their car to pull up to his new school, catching sight of the sign displaying in big, bold letters Colter Academy. This was his first boarding school.

As he opens his door, his mother offers, “Would you like us to help you carry your stuff?”

As much as he loves his parents, he couldn’t think of a worse impression he could make on his new roommates. “I’ll be okay, mum.” He gets out of the car, wincing at the ache in his joints. “It’s only the chest and a bag. Plus you’re shipping that last box, so I can handle just this much.”

“Alright, Rem. You just know I worry,” she sighs.

He slides the chest out of the car, throwing the duffle over his shoulder, “I know, but I’ll be alright, I promise.” He walks to her car door, reaching down to hug her. He offers a wave to his dad, which he reciprocates. “I’ll try to call you guys soon.”

“Do good, son,” his father chimes.

“I promise I’ll do my best.”

His mother reaches for his hand, squeezing it. “We love you, Rem.”

“I love you all too,” he squeezes back before dropping her hand. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

He closes her car door gently, waving them off as they begin their journey back home. He was supposed to take the bus that left that morning, but his mother was too worried and wanted to see him off properly. He was secretly grateful for it. He loves his mum, even though she worries too much for him. He’ll miss how she would print his tea every morning or buy him books on a whim when she was out shopping. His dad, that one was a little complicated. He supposed it wasn’t either or their faults, though. His dad works a lot and they don’t have many shared interests. They still try, though.

He makes his way into the biggest building in the center of the grounds, which stands about four stories tall and an ungodly width wide. He stops at the front desk, greeting the woman sitting there and asking for the tour he was promised to receive when his father called the day before.

The receptionist doesn’t even get a word out about the tour before an arm is thrown over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Anderson. I’ll take over from here!” the body calls over his shoulder as he is led down the hall, much quicker than he’d prefer to walk right now. The boy turns to him, not noticing Remus’ stiffened state, “Hi! I’m James Potter. I’m giving you a tour and showing you to our room. Oh, right. We’re roommates!”

He discretely shakes the arm off of his shoulders. “Oh, hi. I’m Remus Lupin.”

James smiles and steps away just enough to where their bodies aren’t touching, “I know. We were all wondering who our new mysterious roommate was. When you didn’t show up with everyone else, I volunteered to wait for you.”

“Oh, You didn’t have to wait-”

“It’s alright! I was only there like twenty minutes before you walked in.” He turns away from Remus and looks down the hall, equally focused and ecstatic.

James starts naming off the rooms on the floor as they walk down the hall, all of which he’ll probably need to be reminded of when he begins classes the next day. He stops at the largest room,“this is the Great Hall, one of the best places on school grounds! This is where we eat all our meals,” James leans in closer, dropping his volume, “and where we’ve been known to pull a prank or two.”

“It’s massive.”

He leans back, “It’ll stop being so daunting soon, I swear,” he claims as he continues walking, leading them up the stairs to show him the rooms on all the other floors. “When I first got here, I was eleven, I thought everything was just so huge and grand. It was intimidating at first, but you get used to it really quick.”

Remus nods in acknowledgment, silently hating the reminders that he’s starting here to long after everyone else. He wonders if this school, with it being a boarding school, will be harder to integrate himself into since everyone else has known one another and lived with them for years. His thought wonder further throughout the rest of the tour. After an hour of nonstop walking, Remus’ bones were aching more than he cared to admit.

Finally, they exited the main building to begin the trek to their dorm building. “Our dorms are in ‘Braylon Hall’, the closest to the main building. The building to the right is called ‘Raveena Hall ’- they’re all called ‘hall’ by the way - the left of our building is called ‘Brock Hall’, and to the left of that building is ‘Drake Hall’, arguably the worst one. Anyway,” James pushes open the doors to Braylon Hall, “here we are! Our down is the first one on the second floor.” He walks to the end of the common room hastily, taking every step with ease, leaving Remus behind in his excitement.

James waits for him though. “Sorry, I forgot you were still carrying your stuff,” he apologizes.

It’s not just my stuff that’s bothering me after all this. “No worries, I swear,” he huffs, struggling to properly catch his breath. He has to fight the urge to straighten out every pained bone in his body, not wanting to freak out James, seeing as he’ll be living with him. His body can make him sound more like an eighty year-old grandpa than a sixteen year old boy. His physical therapist hasn’t determined yet if he’ll always be that way.

James uses his key to open the door. “Here’s our room!” he proudly presents. Remus looks in and finds four four-post beds, several chests and bags lying around, most general mess that somehow accumulated in the few hours his roommates had been here, a desk, and a bathroom.

“You’re finally back! Took you long enough, you wanker!” exclaims a voice from the bathroom as Remus takes a slow step in.

James nearly hops through the door after him. “Tour took longer than anticipated, but we’re still here before dinner,” he shrugs, sitting down on what Remus assumes is his bed.

Another boy with shaggy dirty-blond hair points to an unoccupied bed, situated in the middle. “We left that bed for you.”

“Thank you,” Remus says softly before placing his chest down at the foot of it, slipping his bag off his shoulder, and putting it down next to it.”

The boy speaks again. “I’m Peter Pettigrew.”

“Remus. Remus Lupin.”

The bathroom door opens, and fuck.

“Hi. I’m Sirius Black,” the boy offers.

Remus has to take a moment before he is capable of responding to this boy and his beautiful black hair, stark pale skin, and warm, grey eyes. “I’m Remus Lupin,” he finally manages.

Sirius nods, taking a spot on the only other empty bed, which of course, because the universe hates him, is right next to his own. He lays back, placing his hands behind his head, looks back at Remus, and, honest to God, winks at him.

I’m fucked.