"Je t'amais, je t'aime et je t'aimarais"
He whispered quietly, guiltily, not wanting to disturb them dance. He had dreaded this day. But it always had been sure to come. Even in soft kisses had always been the certainty of the end. what had he ever been compared to her? Her hair as red as fields of corn poppies. Her skin ivory and freckle kissed, a whole universe unfolding on her body. tongue fierce yet wise. Green eyes as warm as august mornings.
And what was he. A drowning star. Cold, Tainted.
He was not what lovers were made of.
He had promised himself not to cry.
But he had also promised not to love James anymore.
James who looked like a king of kings. His movements completing hers so effortlessly. He was right to pick a Lilly in spring, not a dying weed when the frosty winter already had started creeping in.
He felt the ugly taste of jealousy in his mouth.
the pitying looks of Evan and pandora pierced his back. How gruesome of them.
His gaze was fixed steadily on the pure essence of love in front of him.
James and Lilly weren't just dancing anymore.
They were gods from another world, ascending to the heavens above as they wavered over the dancefloor in sheer otherworldly beauty.
He felt something in his chest crumble and was afraid he would disintegrate right here in front of them and be captured in the whirlwind of their undying love.
And even that would be too much to ask for from beauty and righteousness so superior to all else.
He stood stoic and quiet until the wedding was over, the music had faided out, people had started to leave, like a lonely soldier keeping watch for a threat that had gone away years ago. Without purpose.
He thought Sirius must have tried to make him go home. Maybe he hadn't. Maybe he wanted to avoid further tainting the white blanket of joy and luck with black ugliness.
He saw James walking up to him too late to desert.
"Regulus"
His name had never sounded so harsh spoken from the lips of someone who loved him.
"You haven't said a word today. Please, are you alright?"
For a moment he thought he might never be able to speak again and every attempt would get stuck in his throat to suffocate him. But just then another bit of cool air swept his sorrow away and his mind and heart were clear.
"It's cruel of you to ask me such thing. And false as well, you know very well what I have said and that there is nothing else to say. Today you are a king of kings, a god of gods, you make the sun look like a mere candle flame. Still you want more, all of it. But I suppose you have always been that way"
"Are you angry with me?"
He whispered, facing the ground wich regulus felt he shouldn't.
"How could I ever be? I knew it would be this way. Always. Your burning with love and she is as well. I'm so glad you have this. I hope, I'll pray for it. Never regret anything you did or said today. But please, promise me one thing, don't look back at us in agony. Don't think of us as wasted time. I want you to look back with a smile and never forget me."
James seemed baffled, surprised.
How far they had grown apart for him not to read his face like an open book. Then again, he had never seemed to be able to fully recognize quite how complex his feelings were.
"I thought you would be mad", James admitted quietly, still not bearing to look him in the eyes.
Regulus just shrugged.
"I wanted to. But I can't find it in me.
Go now, don't let her wait. Don't ever do.
But go with the knowledge that there will always be someone to love you. I'm begging god it never may happen, but should your world ever crumble and fall apart, I'll be here to rebuild it. Should you ever lose your crown. I'll be right here to put it back on your head. And now away with you"
James seemed to waver, halfhearted hurrying away, looking back ever few meters at regulus who just stood there, a soft smile gracing his face.
He watched the sky until the sun had gone down and soft darkness and silver starlight clothed him in a fine coat as he walked away .