1979
The library’s colder than usual. One of the fluorescent lights flickers above them like it’s auditioning for a horror movie.
Shauna’s already at the table when Jackie arrives. Her hair is half-tucked into a claw clip, and her sweatshirt sleeves are pulled over her hands. There’s a pen cap between her teeth and a stack of typed notes on The Great Gatsby in front of her, printed in that stupid Courier font she always insists looks “serious.”
She doesn’t look up when Jackie sits down.
Jackie drops her copy of Gatsby on the table. “I highlighted,” she says.
Shauna raises an eyebrow. “Wow. Progress.”
Jackie flips to a page. “Nick’s basically Gatsby’s groupie.”
Shauna smiles a little. “You’ve been reading ahead.”
Jackie shrugs. “I like the drama.”
They settle into work. For once, it’s… easy. Not like before—before-before—but easier than it’s been in months. They trade lines, toss out phrases, scribble questions in the margins. Shauna’s careful; Jackie’s fast. They don’t argue about font size. They don’t mention Lottie. Or the bathroom stall. Or the crying in Jeff’s car.
Just Fitzgerald.
And for 45 minutes, that’s enough.
Then Shauna leans over her backpack and pulls out a paperback. Not Gatsby. Something else. Thin, blue-and-white cover. She slips it under her notes like she’s not even thinking about it.
But Jackie catches it.
A flash of the title: Eros the Bittersweet.
She doesn’t ask.
She just makes a note of it. The way Shauna’s thumb rests on the cover like she’s carried it around all week. Like it matters.
⸻
That night, Jackie takes the bus downtown.
She tells her mom she needs glue sticks for a poster. She ends up in the poetry section at the indie bookstore near the record store where Van bought her that Liz Phair tape. Sounds awful.
It’s there. Eros the Bittersweet by Anne Carson. Thin spine. Sparse cover. Smells like paper and pencil lead.
She buys it with crumpled bills and doesn’t ask for a bag.
She reads it in bed under the covers. Flashlight balanced against her chin. The writing is strange. Dense. Sometimes she has to reread the same line three times.
But then she hits this one:
“ Jealousy is a dance in which everyone moves, for it is the instability of the emotional situation that preys upon a jealous lover's mind..”
And her stomach drops.
She rereads it. Underlines it. Stares at the page so hard her eyes start to ache.
⸻
At school the next day, Jackie doesn’t say anything.
She watches Shauna walk across the quad in one of Lottie’s sweaters. The sleeves are too long and she doesn’t seem to care.
Jackie wonders if Shauna knows she’s reading the same book.
If she ever will.
She doubts it.
But still—she keeps reading.
⸻