Big time sensuality
Jackie’s pulse stutters in her throat, a tightness she can’t swallow down. The air between them is thick, cloying, like it’s stuck in the back of her chest, and she can’t breathe it out. Shauna’s fingers on the steering wheel—so careful, so contained—make Jackie’s teeth ache, like she’s trying to hold herself in a box. And Jackie wants to tear it open. She wants to say something that makes the silence snap, something that makes Shauna feel this. Whatever this is.
But she doesn't.
Shauna’s eyes are ahead, her jaw tight, lips pressed like she’s holding something back—like if she lets it go, it’ll burn the car down. Jackie knows the feeling. That rage that curls in your stomach until it sinks into your bones, until it feels like *nothing* can stop it.
Jackie wants to make her say it. Whatever it is. She wants to hear Shauna’s voice break, to hear something real.
But the silence is a monster, and the more Jackie stares at it, the bigger it gets. The space between them stretches out like it’s made of some kind of elastic, pulled too tight. It’s the kind of tension that makes your skin crawl, that makes the world seem smaller than it is, like you’re both inside a pressure cooker, and you’re just waiting for the lid to blow off.
She’s not sure which one of them is going to break first, but she knows it’ll be someone.
“So, you’re not gonna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” Jackie’s voice is sharp, but it shakes, just a little. She hates that. She hates that Shauna makes her feel like this—like she’s hanging off a cliff and there’s nothing below her but the fall.
Shauna doesn’t answer. Just keeps driving, the car humming, the road winding like it’s trying to lead them somewhere, but Jackie doesn’t know where. She doesn’t even care anymore. She just wants to know what’s in Shauna’s head. She wants to know what’s inside that cage she keeps locked behind her eyes.
“I’m serious,” Jackie says, louder now, and she can feel her hands tremble, even though she’s trying to make them still. “You don’t just get to sit there and *not* say anything.”
Shauna’s grip tightens on the wheel, knuckles going white, but she doesn’t look at her. The space between them feels endless now, like the whole world could fit in it, but neither of them knows how to fill it.
Jackie’s not sure when the line between the two of them got so blurry. One minute, Shauna was the girl in flannel, sitting in the corner, too quiet to be noticed. The next, she was the only thing Jackie could think about, and that wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to *feel* like this. But it does. Every time Jackie’s near her, there’s this hum under her skin, this electricity that makes her heart race and her palms sweat. And god, it’s so fucking loud in her head. The way Shauna looks at her sometimes. The way their fingers brush. The way she says Jackie’s name in that low, quiet voice that makes everything inside her feel like it’s breaking apart.
And the worst part is, Shauna doesn’t even know it. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing to her.
“What do you want me to say?” Shauna finally speaks, and it’s like the sound of her voice rips through the air between them, sharp and raw, but still too quiet, like she’s afraid of breaking something she doesn’t know how to put back together.
Jackie’s breath catches. She’s been waiting for this, but now that it’s here, she doesn’t know how to answer. She wants to say something mean. She wants to push Shauna, to make her feel something, anything, but all that comes out is—
“Say something real.”
She hates herself for it. She hates how desperate it sounds. How stupid. But it’s out there now, hanging between them like a confession. And Jackie wishes she could swallow the words back down, but she can’t.
Shauna’s gaze flickers to her, just for a second. Long enough for Jackie to feel the heat of it, long enough for her chest to tighten and her pulse to spike. There’s something in her eyes—something wild, something Jackie doesn’t know how to name—but it’s there. It’s real. And for a moment, Jackie feels like she’s floating.
Then Shauna’s eyes drop back to the road, and the space between them feels like it’s getting wider again, like it’s pulling them apart, but Jackie doesn’t move. She can’t. She’s too tangled in this mess of wanting to scream and wanting to crawl into Shauna’s lap and make everything stop.
“I’m not a thing you can fix,” Shauna says, and the words are heavy, like she’s been holding them in for a long time. It’s not an answer, but it feels like one. It feels like she’s telling Jackie something that’s been buried for way too long. " You can't just throw Randy at me and expect me to be grateful for Queen Taylor showing us her subjects grace."
Jackie’s mouth goes dry. She can’t find the words. She wants to say something smart, something that’ll make Shauna look at her again, but all she can do is sit there, staring, because Shauna just said the one thing Jackie’s been afraid to hear. She doesn't like him.
But there’s something else in Shauna’s voice, something Jackie can’t ignore. It’s fear. Maybe more than fear—maybe it’s the kind of terror that lives inside people when they’ve been pretending for too long.
Jackie lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She wants to touch her, wants to make her feel *something*—make this real—but she doesn’t know how. She doesn’t know if Shauna will let her.
Instead, she says, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She wishes she could take the words back. She wishes she could say anything else, anything to make Shauna look at her again. To make Shauna see that Jackie’s not going anywhere, even if she’s afraid of what they’re becoming.
But Shauna just nods, her gaze still fixed ahead, the car moving too slowly, like it’s trying to stretch the moment out, like it’s trying to delay the inevitable. The silence between them thickens, fills with all the things neither of them is brave enough to say.
Jackie’s hands are shaking now, so she folds them in her lap, presses them together until it hurts, until it makes the ache go away.
Shauna doesn’t break the silence. Neither of them do.
And for the first time in a long time, Jackie wonders if maybe silence is the only thing that’ll save them.