Hermione is done with everybody.
The house was too goddamn loud and there were too many people, and everything just seemed a bit too much, and she’d seen enough of Ron for a lifetime.
She didn’t even know why she hadn’t backed out on staying at the Weasleys for Christmas by now, the plans were made ages ago, and every bone in her body wanted to be away from Ron right now.
She practically stormed down the stairs and threw on her boots, quickly putting on her coat and gloves, also wrapping a scarf around her neck. She’d opened the door when she heard a call from behind her.
“Hermione? Is that you?” Mrs. Weasley called from a room she couldn’t see.
“Yeah, I’m just going for a walk!” She yelled back, trying to make her voice as sweet as possible despite the anger she felt.
“Alright! Dinners in a few hours! Don’t go far!” Mrs. Wesley shouted as Hermione exited the house and closed the door behind her.
Once she was outside, she felt much freer. Snow was lightly falling, some flakes already spotting the grass. She turned her head upward briefly, letting the flakes tangle themselves in her hair. After a minute or so, she continued to walk onward. She made sure that she remembered her path, knowing she couldn’t use magic to find her way back if she got lost (technically she could, because there were magic users of age near her, so nobody would ever know, but she wasn’t going to break a rule that really didn’t need breaking)
She walked until the house grew small enough that she couldn’t even make out the chickens. She sighed and kept moving.
Suddenly, she heard a rustling in the distance. She quickly pulled out her wand. Even though the burrow was surrounded by magical enchantments, she didn’t know how far those stretched.
She cautiously moved towards the hillside.
On top of the hill, she spotted a gravestone. Infront of the gravestone, on his knees, was a man with a shabby coat and greying hair with a bottle clutched in his hand.
She was about to turn back, not wanting to disturb someone’s grief, before she suddenly recognized the man. She tentatively moved forward, so that she could move back if needed.
She only walked a bit faster towards him when she was positive it was Remus Lupin.
When she was only a few strides away from him, she spoke softly into the air.
“Professor Lupin?” Remus whipped his head around and stared at her with bloodshot eyes.
“Oh ‘lo herm’nie” Remus slurred, as he turned back to the grave. Hermione took another step forward and looked down at the grave, which read “Padfoot; 1959-1996; beloved friend, godfather, and fiancé”. Hermione noted the neat carving of each of the words, except the crossed out “and” before godfather, and the added “and fiancé” which looked done by a less practiced wizard.
Both of them stayed silent for another heartbeat.
“I didn’t even know he had a grave” Hermione whispered.
“You weren’t supposed to. Dumbledore-“ Remus spat out the word “-didn’t want Harry to know. Said it was ‘too soon’ or some bullshit like that.” Remus took another swig from his bottle. “His body isn’t even here.” Remus slurred once more. “We just buried a couple of his things-“ At that, Remus broke off and collapsed to the ground.
“Professor Lupin!” Hermione shouted, quickly bending down beside him. Remus was in a sort of child’s pose but with his hands beside him and his head pressed against the snowy ground.
“I’m so sorry Hermione.” He choked between sobs, his body shaking violently. Hermione sat down on the ground beside him, listening to Remus’s sobs. Eventually, when they’d quieted down slightly, Remus lifted his head off of the ground and moved his bottle of firewhisky to his lips, but Hermione yanked the bottle away from his hands.
“We both know that will only make it worse.” She said crossly.
“Sorry.” Remus mumbled, whipping his eyes with his shaking hands.
“It’s alright Professor.” Hermione answered back. She staired past the hill at the rolling fields and houses that dotted the landscape.
“You know I’m not your professor anymore. You can call me Remus.” Remus said after some time.
“I know prof-Remus. It just feels odd.” Hermione shrugged.
“I mean you didn’t continue to call S-Sirius “Black” after you found out he wasn’t- “Remus broke off again, pursing his lips as the tears continued to streak his cheeks.
“Do you want me to get Mrs. Weasley? I’m sure she can do a much better job of comforting you than I can.” Hermione offered, turning to Remus.
“No. She’ll fuss. Also, if I show up half drunk crying again, she might have to take action. She said she might if it happened too many times.” Remus avoided Hermione’s eyes.
“This has happened before?” Hermione said in surprise.
“Yeah. Hermione, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m sure the others are wondering where you are.”
“I’m not leaving you in this state.” she said fiercely. “Unless you want to be alone…?” Hermione asked.
“No.” Remus shook his head. “No, I don’t”
“Alright then, I’m staying.” Hermione said firmly. Another moment of awkward silence passed.
“Do you know who did that?” Hermione pointed a gloved hand to the jagged letters on his grave.
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
“Me.” he said simply. Hermione looked at him in shock, but then it suddenly clicked. Remus knew Sirius best. Of course he would know if he was secretly engaged. Or maybe his fiancée had died in the first war.
“Who was she?” Hermione whispered. Remus let out a choaked laugh that quickly turned into a sob as he placed his head back down on the ground. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” Hermione said hastily, alarmed. Remus’s body was still shaking with silent sobs when he raised his head back to the gravestone.
“It wasn’t a she.” He murmured.
“Oh- erm- I’m sorry.” Hermione’s eyes widened. Stupid, stupid! Of course he was into blokes. Pull it together Hermione. Hermione thought.
“Its okay.” Remus responded.
“Is there anything I can get you?” Hermione asked tentatively, not really knowing what to do.
“It was me.” Remus blurted out before he could stop himself.
“What?” Hermione asked.
“I was his fiancé.” Remus finally said.
“Oh. Oh.” Hermione’s face lit up with understanding. “How did I not see that before? How- “Hermione muttered, putting her head in her hands, mentally running over all the times she had seen Remus and Sirius together. The way he always spoke about Sirius. Their embrace. Them living together. All the times she’d seen one of them casually put an arm around the other’s shoulder or grab the other’s hand. It was so painstakingly obvious that Hermione wondered how it had slipped her grasp. “Professor I’m so sorry.” Hermione said. Remus had not just lost his last friend, but the love of his life.
Remus hummed in response, his lip trembling.
“We were going to get married today.” Remus’s voice hitched as he said it. “We’d planned to do it this winter. Me and- him- got engaged practically right out of school. Merlin, we were all over each other.” He gave a reminiscent chuckle. “Obviously, we didn’t get married. Then- we couldn’t. After we properly met again, when Dumbledore told him to lie low at my place, we just started off as friends again. Eventually we started dating, and then at around Christmas last year, Sirius asked if we could get married. Obviously, we’d planned to enchant the paperwork so it said one of us was a girl so we could get married, along with something that wouldn’t make it show up in records, seeing as he was a criminal, but we were just so happy. We’d planned it to be over your break. So Harry could be there.” Remus took a shaky breath in and closed his eyes.
“We were going to tell Harry about us when he next saw us in the summer. But now…” Remus bowed his head so tears cascaded off the end of his nose and hit the ground.
“Professor…” Hermione said, as a tear fell down her cheek.
“I loved him. I bloody loved him.” Remus slurred, his face in an expression of excruciating pain. “This was supposed to be our day. We were supposed to get married. He was supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to die.” Remus yelled the last sentence as he collapsed back on the ground, sobbing loudly. Hermione sat beside him, crying silently.
“I couldn’t stand his gravestone as it was when I first found it. His body wasn’t here, just o-old records and clothes- “ Remus gasped “-and they couldn’t even put his name. It only said friend and godfather. Harry, and everyone who was ever friends with him loved him greatly, but so did I. More than anything. He was my world.” Remus swiped furiously at his eyes, and Hermione found herself doing the same thing.
“He hated being a Black. That’s why he was going to be- Sirius Lupin- “ Remus didn’t seem to be able to say anything more. He reached for his bottle, and Hermione didn’t have the heart to stop him as he tipped the rest of it into his mouth and swallowed.
“I loved him. I love him.” Remus slurred sleepily. “I love you, Sirius. Even if you can be a little stupid. You’re always my Sirius. Forever. Alright Pads? Mine forever.” Remus said to no one in particular. Hermione could see one of his fingers gently rolling the ring on his hand.
“Professor, I really think Molly should help. She’ll know what to do. Does she know about you and Sirius?” Hermione asked shakily, slowly standing to her feet.
“Might’ve guessed. Never told.” Remus murmured. Hermione reached out her hand, and eventually, Remus took it. Remus let go of her hand the second he regained his balance, quickly telling her “Wait a moment” before turning around and kissing the top of the gravestone. Hermione could’ve sworn she heard him mutter. “I love you husband. I’ll see you soon, I promise.” Before turning back to Hermione. Hermione quickly took his arm and slung it over her shoulder, not trusting his balance on his own.
“When I die,” Remus said, “Can you make sure I get buried next to him?” Hermione paused for a moment, caught off guard by the question, before quickly nodding.
“I promise.”
“Thanks. Usually I’m pretty collected, but I guess not today. Sorry.” He hummed.
“Professor Lupin, you’re half drunk and have been through a terrible ordeal. I’d expect nothing less of anyone than to act like you did. I know I would.” She reassured him.
“Hug all those you love.” Remus said absentmindedly. “You never know when it could be the last time you do.”
Hermione fought back tears as he continued to lead them back to the burrow.
-----
“Mrs. Weasley!” Hermione called as he stepped in the house, still supporting most of Remus’s weight. Mrs. Weasley came running but stopped when she saw Remus.
“Oh Remus…” She sighed and walked forward, both Hermione and Mrs. Weasley leading him to a chair.
“Our wedding was today, Molly.” Remus blabbered, his sentences barely stringing together.
“What wedding, Remus?” Mrs. Weasley asked, coming back with a glass of water.
“Me and Sirius. Moony and Padfoot. Me and my love.” He muttered. Instead of the surprised look that Hermione knew filled her face when she found out, Mrs. Weasley just looked sad.
“I’m sorry dear. Please drink the water. It will help.” Mrs. Weasley placed the water in front of him, and then walked over to Hermione.
“Did you find him at Sirius’s grave?” She asked in a whisper. Hermione nodded.
“Will he be okay, Mrs. Weasley?” Hermione asked as she pulled off her gloves, coat and scarf.
“I don’t think he ever will be. But we can try.” Mrs. Weasley gave Hermione a sad smile as she hung up her winter clothes. “Harry came down and asked me where you were. You might want to go talk to them.”
“I will. Are you okay with Remus?” Hermione asked, looking at Remus who was drinking his water and crying.
“I’ve done this before.” She nodded.
“Thank you.” Hermione left Mrs. Weasley and Remus as she ran up the stairs.
Once she’d reached Ron’s room, she burst inside to find the two of them looking at one of Ron’s posters. Hermione ran up to both of them and wrapped her arms around them, crushing them in a hug.
“Hermione!” Harry exclaimed, but he wrapped one of his arms around Hermione and the other around Ron. Ron looked shocked, but gratefully excepted the hug.
“I love you two dumbasses” Hermione muttered holding them tighter.
“Love you too” Harry mumbled back. Ron didn’t say anything, but Hermione could hear him sigh with relief and grab them both tighter.
-----
The battle of Hogwarts was about to begin. Backup had just arrived. Everything was a lot for Hermione, but now wasn’t the time. She’d spent so long almost dying that one night really wouldn’t be any different.
“Hermione.” Remus tapped her shoulder quickly. “Can we speak for a minute?” Hermione quickly nodded as they both slightly separated from the group.
“Remember when I asked you to bury me next to Sirius? The Christmas before last?” He said it quickly, not meeting her eyes, as if embarrassed.
“Yes.”
“Well, if I don’t make it out of here tonight, please still do. Tonks wants to be buried next to where they’ve made her father’s grave. I want to be buried with Sirius. We talked about it.”
“Oh yeah of course. I assumed for a bit that you’d want to be buried with your wife.” Remus furrowed his brow.
“Erm- no. Just- please make sure I’m next to him.” Remus’s voice broke.
“Of course.” Hermione said earnestly.
“Thanks. Best student I ever had” Remus said with a smile. Hermione put a hand on Remus’s shoulder as he made to walk away.
“But we’re going to make it.” Remus gave her a sad smile.
“Thank you, Hermione.”
-----
It had been around a week after the battle of Hogwarts, and people were burying the dead. Tonks had said in their will that they wanted to be buried next to their dad, just as Remus had said.
“So, we’ll do the same for Remus too then” Harry said tiredly. He’d been talking about where to bury those who didn’t have family that wanted them buried a certain place all day, and Hermione knew he’d been avoiding Remus and Tonks.
“No.” Hermione said quickly.
“What?” Ron asked.
“No. He- he told me where he wanted be to be buried a year and a half ago.” Hermione sat up a bit straighter.
“Why you? Also, people’s opinions change, that was before he married Tonks, he probably wants to be buried with her- “
“No.” Hermione snapped “He confirmed what he wanted right before the battle.” Hermione sighed and rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry. Please trust me on this. I wouldn’t wish any harm to Remus. You know that, Harry.” She looked pleadingly at Harry before he nodded.
“I trust you. Where?”
“It’s near the burrow. Next to Sirius.” At the word Sirius, Harry sat up quickly, wide awake.
“What?” he asked quietly.
“Sirius had a sort of grave. You weren’t supposed to know. I think Dumbledore was planning to tell you eventually- “Ron snorted ‘yeah with a bunch of other things too’ “But I found him there a bit ago, mourning.” Hermione was careful not to say too much, feeling as though Remus’s grief was rather private. Harry swallowed once before responding.
“Yes. That’s where he’ll go then.” Ron nodded tiredly.
“They were engaged. In love. Everything. Remus and Sirius, I mean.” Hermione added. Harry’s eyes widened in shock, but Ron just smiled.
“I caught them snogging in an empty room. I don’t think they knew I saw them, but it wasn’t my secret to tell.” Ron said, shrugging. Harry was still sputtering, looking completely bewildered. Hermione grinned at Ron, both enjoying the look of absolute confusion on their friend’s face. After a moment of Harry collecting himself and mentally going through every moment they were together he spoke.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to see their graves yet it might be a while.” Harry finally said, cheeks slightly flushed.
“Of course.”
“We’ll wait until whenever you’re ready, mate.” Ron thumped him on the back. Harry smiled gingerly. All was well.
-----
It was the third anniversary of when they were supposed to get married that they finally went. They were already at the burrow for Christmas, so they trekked up the hill, Hermione trying her best to recall the exact path she’d taken. Once they could finally see the graves, Harry halted for a moment. Hermione, who was in between Ron and Harry, threw an arm around both of their shoulders, and they walked closer. Finally, they saw the gravestones. To the right of the one reading “Padfoot; 1959-1996; beloved friend, godfather, and fiancé” was a gravestone that read “Moony; 1960-1998; beloved friend, father, and fiancé”. Hermione heard Harry quickly draw in a breath.
“He didn’t put husband. Remus. He just put friend, father, and fiancé.” Ron said after a moment.
“Tonks’s doesn’t say wife.” Harry said quietly after a moment. “I visited hers a bit ago. It just says friend, daughter, cousin, and mother. I think they both wanted it that way” None of them knew what to say, so they all just stayed silent after a while, Harry suggested that they go back, and the others nodded. As Harry and Ron turned back, Hermione called that she’d catch up in a second. She turned to Remus’s grave and patted the top of the tombstone.
“You’re with him now. Thank you for everything, Remus.” She said softly before stepping away.
The first flakes of snow began to fall.