“You’re late, Sirius!”
Sirius rolled their eyes, nudging past their little brother and hanging their jacket on its hook.
”We opened like, a few minutes ago, Reg,” they grumbled, but were hasty when pulling back their hair into a loose bun. “Don’t get in such a fuss.”
Regulus huffed. “You were meant to be here over an hour ago! I woke you up and everything, Sirius — this is ridiculous! I had to get the newbie to come in early.”
Holding back a snigger, Sirius turned away to hide their shit-eating grin and busied themself by finding their pronoun pin, then washing their hands. They knew very well just how Regulus felt about their new hire — James — and found it utterly hilarious how frustrated Regulus became when having to face said feelings.
This, of course, earned them a smack from their little brother. “Stop laughing. His extra pay is coming out of your pocket and you have to close tonight. Go take over the till before Potter breaks it again.”
“Yes captain!” answered Sirius with a mock salute. Part of them wanted to remind Regulus that he was not in charge — if anything, Sirius was, as the older sibling — but instead, they hurried out front before Regulus could scold them any further.
A smile stretched across Sirius’ face as they stepped out into the open space of their little coffee shop, lit mostly by the morning sun and a variety of hanging fairy lights. It was their’s and Regulus’ pride and joy — the very first thing that the pair of them actually owned and worked hard to own, too.
Étoiles Noires just so happened to also be a giant ‘fuck you’ to their parents, as not only a queer-owned and queer-friendly shop, but also because working in hospitality had pretty much been the opposite to what their parents wanted from their children. Then again, the bastards had also wanted a pair of stuck-up, entitled prats; in the end, only Regulus was all that prattish, though that was probably as much Sirius’ fault as their parents, with how hard they tried to keep him happy.
Even that, though, didn’t stop them being late to work every so often.
James — who they’d hired just over a month ago, so that Sirius or Regulus might finally be able to take days off without the other having such a heavy workload — was the perfect addition to the team. A warm and friendly guy, he matched Sirius’ chaos with his own, but was able to calm a stressed Regulus just as easily — much to Regulus’ frustration, and Sirius’ amusement.
”Hey, Jamsie,” greeted Sirius, as they always did. And, as always, James yelped in surprise, turning to face them with wide eyes.
”Bloody hell, Padfoot!” he exclaimed, a hand clutched to his chest. “I swear to God, I need to put bells on your shoes or something.”
Sirius let out a laugh. “Reggie always knows when I’m there.”
”Yeah, well,” grumbled James, quieter like he didn’t want to be heard by anyone but Sirius, “he also has insane hearing. He’s like a bloody cat — hears everything and always hissing at me. Are you sure he doesn’t hate me?”
”Keep talking about me, Potter, and you’ll see just how I feel about you,” called Regulus from the back, and James gestured towards him with an urgent look on his face.
”See! He hears everything!” James groaned, tugging a hand through his messy dark hair. “Why did he let you hire me if he doesn’t like me?” he asked again, much lower in volume.
Sirius, grinning, rolled their eyes. “He didn’t let me do anything, James — it was a joint decision. And Regulus is an idiot, that’s why,” they added, purposefully louder at the end, though they only heard a small ‘tut’ come from the back rooms. “Right then. Are you finally gonna learn how the till works today, or do you want to make the drinks?”
It was a slow day, which bored Sirius to no end. They liked when they were busy; they hated loitering, thanks to the harsh words of their mother, and more business meant more money at the end of the day. Days like this were dull, and rarely brought in the profit they needed.
Regulus’ shift finished just after the lunchtime ‘rush’ (if it could even qualify as that — what was so wrong with today?) which left just Sirius and James, the latter of which had just come back from his own lunch break.
”James, will you be alright to handle everything for a bit? I need to sort some stuff in the office,” Sirius said, because standing around reorganising the syrups again was making their brain slowly decay.
James, though hesitant, gave them an affirmative nod, so Sirius headed through the back and all the way outside, by the bins. James knew where to find them if he really needed — ‘sorting stuff in the office’ had translated to ‘needing a smoke’ pretty much since the first time Regulus hadn’t also been there. Honestly though, Sirius doubted they’d have enough customers to give James the chance to break anything. He could probably just go home and leave Sirius to close at this point.
Sirius flicked a light at their cigarette and drew in a long breath, holding it until their lungs burned and then some. They tried not to smoke often — especially around their brother — but slow days were just… hell. They thought too much of home on days like these, and so a fag or two to cope didn’t seem so bad compared to what they could’ve been doing.
They were about to light up their second one when they heard the door open, and James leaned his head out. “Um, Sirius?” he began sheepishly, and Sirius held in a sigh.
”Till?” they asked, already pocketing the unlit cigarette.
”Sorry,” answered James, following Sirius back through to the front shop. “It was just a really complicated order and—“
”It’s alright, James,” Sirius said, because it was. As much as they and Regulus gave James grief over it, the till was pretty shitty. They hoped to upgrade soon, but for now, they were stuck having to deal with issue after issue after issue.
Stood at the bar was a young man with sandy brown hair, next to a shorter girl with flaming red locks pulled into a braid that rested over her shoulder. Thankfully, neither one looked pissed off or impatient; Sirius really wasn’t sure they could stay polite in the face of a pissy customer right now.
”Thanks for waiting,” they said, stepping up to see what the issue was. It wasn’t a huge fix, luckily — James had certainly managed worse — but it did take a fair few minutes. In the meantime, Sirius had James offer the customers a free sweet treat to keep the peace.
Finally, once they’d managed to get it all back up and running, they looked up and asked, “Alright, what can I get for you?”
The man, with dark eyes that reminded Sirius a lot of the gooey chocolate centre in their muffins, smiled politely, if a little shyly, and said, “Cappuccino with chocolate on top for me, please, with oat milk. Lils?” He glanced down at the girl he was with.
”Could I get an iced latte with an extra shot of espresso, two shots of vanilla, and with oat milk as well, please?” Lils — probably Lily, or Lillian — asked, a little embarrassed.
Sirius laughed lightly, glancing at James. “Yeah, alright James. This one’s not on you. Come here, I’ll show you how to put that in without crashing it again.”
They got the order in without a hitch — much to James’ amazement — but when Sirius told them their total, the man frowned.
”What about the cakes?” he asked.
”They’re on the house,” Sirius answered, “because you had to wait so long. Are the two of you paying together or separate?”
”Oh,” he said, and Sirius noticed a slight pinking of his freckled cheeks.
”We’re paying together,” Lils cut in, visibly holding back a smirk at her friend — boyfriend? “Re’s treating me today.”
’Re’s cheeks darkened a little further as he shot a weak glare at Lils; Sirius glanced down at the till, feeling a little like they were intruding on whatever the pair were doing.
”Cash or card?”
’Re’ — Sirius wasn’t really sure what that could be short for; Reece, maybe? Reid? — paid without any more questions and — much to Sirius’ internal relief — left a tip that more than covered the cost of their cakes. They smiled gratefully at the pair.
”Drinks will just be a mo’,” they said, then turned to give James a hand.
Once Re and Lils had their drinks, Sirius saw them take the table in the far corner, by the window. It was their own favourite table; just close enough to the door where they wouldn’t be too warm in the summer, but not so close that they get too cold from the breeze.
James sidled up beside them, nodding subtly at the pair. “She’s cute,” he whispered, a small smile in his voice. Sirius glanced over at them both again.
”S’pose,” they muttered, wiping down the counter. She was pretty and had a nice aesthetic, sure, but Sirius wasn’t about to drop to one knee for her.
”Him too,” James added with a nudge. “He was totally blushing over you.”
Sirius rolled their eyes, but took a moment to study the man. Again, he was… fine, they supposed. They sighed.
”James,” they began, laying their tea towel over one shoulder and leaning back against the bar with their arms folded. “Are you trying to get me to distract him so you can ask her out?”
”No!” he denied, far too loudly. “No, I— I’m not interested in either of them. Just— well.”
”James.”
”I might’ve heard Regulus saying the other day that you should try looking a bit more, and…”
Ah.
”And you want to earn brownie points with him,” concluded Sirius. “Setting me up with customers isn’t the way to go. I’m not really…” They sighed. God, they hated having to explain to people who didn’t get it. “I’m not interested in… anyone. Like, at all?”
”Oh,” James said. “You’re aro?”
Sirius tried not to grimace. “Sort of, in a way? On the spectrum, I guess. It’s… hard to explain. But for ease, yeah.”
”Oh,” he repeated. “Right, sorry then. I didn’t - ah - mean to push. Sorry.”
Clapping him lightly on the back, Sirius chuckled a little. “You’re alright, mate. Why are you so fussed about my brother anyway?”
James’ face heated a little, and in an instant Sirius knew. They laughed, almost slapping their thigh.
”Don’t laugh!” whined James, glancing around in clear embarrassment. “It’s not my fault he’s pretty!”
”Oh,” breathed Sirius through their amusement. “Oh god, that— that’s just made my bloody day, Jamsie-boy. You fancy my little brother!”
”Shh!” James hissed, but smiled.
”That’s bloody brilliant,” they wheezed, dramatically wiping one eye like they were crying with it. “Mate, you are fucked.”
James’ face crumpled and he rubbed a hand over it. “No,” he pleaded, “don’t say that! Tell me I have a chance! Please, Padfoot!”
”Christ.” Finally, with a deep breath, Sirius pulled themself back under control. “He’s so— prickly! James, mate, just— why?”
“He’s pretty!” James said again, with much more urgency this time. “And so smart, and clearly strong-willed, and funny — even when he isn’t trying — especially when he’s not trying — and his eyes—“
”We have the same eyes!” Sirius interrupted, but James shook his head.
”No; yours are very clearly blue. His are… they’re like— It’s like staring into a beautiful storm. There’s little flecks of green in Regulus’, like leaves being blown around in the strong winds. He’s—“
”God, no more metaphors,” groaned Sirius. They half regretted asking, now. “Are you gonna ask him out, then?”
James blanched suddenly. “I think he’d kill me. I mean, what a way to die, but—“
”You should,” Sirius cut in. “Ask him on a date, I mean. He doesn’t hate you as much as he thinks he does.”
The way James’ face lit up at that was almost enough to send Sirius spiralling back into laughter. God, they couldn’t believe it — James and Regulus. Like two sides of the same coin — complete fucking opposites.
”Really?” James asked.
”Yeah,” Sirius said. “Just remember: don’t be silly; wrap his willy. I’m not ready to be an uncle.”
James groaned, but his smile still shone through. As much as Sirius would absolutely give the pair of them shit if they ever got together, they really were happy about the idea of them both. Regulus deserved something nice, and James was basically the embodiment of the word. They were opposites, but it would be sweet.
The bell at the door rang to signal another customer, so Sirius dragged themself off where they were still leaning on the counter and shooed James away to the coffee machine, ready to start whatever orders came next.
But, not long after the drinks were sorted, James came to them and murmured, “I need to, uhm, go ‘round the back. Aura.”
Sirius’ brow furrowed in concern. “Do you want me to come?”
James nodded so, quickly, Sirius nodded for him to head back while they found the little ding-bell to rest on the counter, as well as a little notice to ‘ring for assistance — we’re on our way!’
They found James sat on the floor of the little stockroom, glasses already off and safely to the side. His forehead was resting atop his knees, and he grumbled a little when Sirius sat down too.
”Sorry,” he mumbled. Sirius shook their head firmly, even though he wouldn’t see.
”Not your fault, James. You’re alright. How are you feeling?”
”Same as usual,” James said, lifting his head but only to sit his chin down on his knees instead. “Tastes like metal. Little sick, slow. S’fine. D’you want me to go through steps with you again?”
Sirius shook their head, rubbing a gentle hand up and down James’ back. They’d only seen one of James’ seizures before, but he’d given both Sirius and Regulus full instructions for what to do, as well as a couple practice runs each — at their own insistence, which had made James a little teary eyed. Apparently, he’d found it hard to find work before where he wouldn’t just have to… deal with it alone.
”I know what to do. You just keep breathing,” they soothed. It was a minute or two later before the seizure actually hit. Carefully, Sirius eased James down, resting his head on the little cushion they kept back there, left over from when they and Regulus used to sleep there.
Their timer read only a little less than two minutes when James’ convulsions slowed to a stop — Sirius couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief; they always worried that one day James would just keep going and going — and then James was blearily blinking himself back awake.
”You’re alright, James,” Sirius said calmly, pushing a little hair out of James’ eyes. “You had a seizure. You’re at work, but you’re okay. Take your time, mate.”
Except, some bloody customer chose that exact moment to demand Sirius’ attention with the bell. Shit. They glanced at the door leading to the front, then back down at James.
“Just a moment!” they called out, but didn’t budge. Slowly, James looked to be coming back to himself properly, but Sirius really didn’t want to leave him.
”Sirius?” James mumbled, squinting up at him.
”Hey, James,” they spoke softly, reaching to hand him his glasses. “You had a seizure. Less than two minutes.”
James hummed lowly as he pushed on his glasses, still squinting a little as he took in his surroundings. “Work?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah, you’re at work. It’s alright, we can wait here as long as you need.”
But the bell rang again. Sirius did their best not to wince.
”’S okay,” James told him quietly, lifting himself to sit against the wall. “Can I stay here a minute? You can get that, it’s fine. Not another to come.”
”As long as you need,” repeated Sirius, glancing at the door anxiously. “Call out if you need anything, okay?”
James nodded, eyes shutting gently again, so with one final look of concern over him, Sirius rose to their feet and made their way out front again.
”Sorry for the wait,” they said on autopilot, then looked up at— “Oh god.” They laughed a little, though could hear their own nerves poorly hidden within. “Sorry for the wait again.”
Stood at the counter, awkward smile in place, was the chocolate-eyed man from earlier. The girl, Sirius noticed, was still at their table, phone in hand.
”No worries,” Re said. Then just… stood there.
Sirius forced a smile they were sure was just as awkward as the customer’s. “Can I… help you with something?”
Re seemed to snap back into himself at that. “Oh! Shit, right. Sorry. Um, could we get another two coffees to go? It was—“
”Chocolate cappuccino and an iced latte — extra shot of espresso, two shots of vanilla — both with oat milk,” Sirius rattled off, hitting it into the till as they went. “Right?”
Re blinked. “Um. Yes, that’s… yeah. Thanks.”
Sirius tried not to seem like they were rushing through it, but — well — they were, honestly. They were itching to go back and check on James; he’d be fine, Sirius kept reminding themself, but still. They got through the two drinks in what had to be record time, and set them down on the counter with their usual customer service smile.
”All set,” they declared. “Have a nice day!”
”Wait, um—“ Re cleared his throat as he picked up the drinks. “I’m, uh, Remus. Remus Lupin.”
Sirius had to hold back from snapping their fingers. Remus! It wasn’t a common name, so Sirius decided not to call themself stupid for not thinking of it as a possible full name for ‘Re’.
Then, “Like mythology? With the wolves?”
Remus blinked, and suddenly Sirius felt ridiculous for letting his mouth run. What a nerd Remus probably thought them to be — who, except nerds and pricks with private educations, knew bloody mythology?
But then Remus nodded, and a smile pulled at his lips. “Yeah, exactly.”
”What’s your middle name then; Wolfie?” they asked, teasingly.
”No,” answered Remus with a small laugh. “It’s John.”
Sirius couldn’t help but bark a laugh at that. “Shit, really?” they managed, and was relieved to see Remus hadn’t taken offence to their amusement.
”Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’. “Guess my parents had run out of wolf puns by then.” There was a pause then, once Sirius had managed to get their laughter under control. “What’s yours?”
Oh, right, yeah. “Sirius,” they answered, then added, “Like the star.”
But Remus was saying it too, before Sirius had even finished. They couldn’t help it — they smiled wide at that. So, either Remus was a nerd, or he was a posh prick with a private education, and Sirius could take a damn good guess at which it was.
”You’re the owner then?” Remus asked. “Étoiles Noires — Black Stars,” he translated. “And you’re a star.”
Sirius felt their cheeks warm a little — they had to admit, their parents at least did one thing right with their naming system; Sirius loved being named after a star, and loved it even more when someone called them one.
”Yeah, me and my brother,” answered Sirius with a nod. “He’s Regulus. My family had a thing about astronomy.”
Curiously, Remus put down one drink — his cappuccino — and circled the lid idly with one finger. ”Do you have star-related middle names too?”
Sirius nodded. “Any guesses?”
Remus chuckled softly. It was a nice sound, Sirius decided. Soothing. “Too many to choose. Tell me?” he requested, oh so softly.
”Sirius Orion,” Sirius said, then added, “And Regulus Arcturus.”
”Wow,” Remus responded, nodding slowly with humoured wide eyes. “I think that might just beat ‘John’.”
Sirius laughed and shook their head. A few curls of hair fell into their eyes, so they pushed it back, trying to tuck it under the more secured strands to hold it there. “‘John’s a winner,” they contradicted, then nodded behind Remus to where Lils was getting up from the table to make her way over. “Your friend’s on her way, so I’ll let you go—“ So I can check on James, they thought too, “but it was nice to meet you. Have a good one.”
Remus smiled and picked his drink back up. “Right, yeah. You too, Sirius.”
By the time Sirius made it back to James, he’d fetched himself a cup of water — shit, Sirius knew they’d forget something — and was sipping lightly at it. He glanced up with a smile when he noticed Sirius enter.
”Alright?” Sirius asked, leaning against the sink.
”Yeah,” James sighed. “Sorry again.”
Sirius shook their head. “Not at all. Stay back here, if you want. I was thinking of closing up early anyway,” they said, a light shrug lifting their shoulders. “I’ll walk you home.”
“You don’t have to—“
”—I’m going to—“
”I’m only a couple minutes away,“ James reasoned.
”Then it’s no bother for me, is it?” countered Sirius, who smirked a little when James realised he had no comeback. “You’re on my route anyway, James. I’d feel more comfortable walking you home, yeah?”
James sighed, but he nodded and shut his eyes. “Yeah, alright mate. Cheers.”
Regulus’ disapproving voice was echoing down the hallway before Sirius could even shut the door.
”Late start and an early finish,” he remarked, though there was a slight hint of playfulness there too. “You’re lucky I can’t fire you.”
Sirius rolled their eyes and dumped their keys on the little table by the door. “We were quiet,” they said, by way of explanation. “Didn’t want to waste the ‘leccy if we didn’t need it on.”
Regulus just grunted in response. Sirius found him reading in their small living room; a book they recognised as one of Regulus’ favourites.
”James had a seizure too, so I didn’t want to keep him. Didn’t like the idea of him walking home alone either, so.”
That had Regulus’ gaze darting up, near frantic. “Is he okay?”
Sirius barely hid their smirk. Oh, so James definitely had a good chance. “He’s fine, it wasn’t a bad one. A couple absences on the way home, but he said that’s not unusual.”
”Right.” Clearing his throat a little, Regulus sank back down into the shitty sofa and reengaged with his book, idly saying, “I bought another bag of pasta on the way back; there’s some already made in the pan if you want. Just needs reheating.”
Sirius nodded, but decided food could wait another couple hours; it was still a bit early. Instead, they found themself reaching for their guitar and strummed a couple of chords distractedly, a frown creasing their forehead.
After a few minutes of this, Regulus set his book aside and, feet curled up under himself, asked, “What’s going on?”
”Hm?” answered Sirius, who barely looked away from the patch of wall they’d been staring unseeing at, instead half-imagining it as James’ face. Which, yes, they did realise was quite weird.
”You’re getting like you do when you’re writing,” Regulus explained, eyes narrow. “But you don’t write much these days. So, what’s going on?”
Sirius shrugged, feeling oddly guarded. “I just…” they began, but found themself trailing off before they could get anywhere. “I ought to busk more, I think. And it’d be nice to have fresh material.”
”It sounds shit when you force it,” Regulus said bluntly.
Sirius hummed halfheartedly. “I know, but… I need something. I feel like we’re— stuck, almost. It doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere, Reg,” they quietly admitted.
”We’re doing fine,” protested Regulus.
”But we aren’t going anywhere,” Sirius reiterated. “I dragged you out of a stable home—“
”An abusive home,” Regulus corrected, “in which I was—“
”I know,” Sirius cut off. They hated the reminder of what they’d let happen. “But still. We’re living month to month. My medical bills are taking a huge chunk out of what we’re earning, and I just— feel like I should be doing more.”
”You’re keeping us both alive and healthy,” said Regulus, in a rare moment of soft sincerity. “That’s more than our parents bothered to do. Give yourself — give us both — a little more credit.”
Sirius sighed.
”Don’t get me wrong,” continued Regulus. “I wish it wasn’t so difficult, but I don’t regret leaving. I know I… didn’t really choose back then, but every day since rehab I’m glad I’m choosing you now.”
They paused, because there was a question in the back of their mind that they’d been afraid to ask for so long, but… well, somehow Regulus made it easier.
”Do you… wish I’d stayed?” Sirius asked quietly, diverting their eyes to where one hand was still lightly plucking the guitar strings. “It kills me every day knowing what I left you to—“
”No,” Regulus said firmly. “That was not on you, Siri. We’ve been over that. You had to go, but you couldn’t have brought me with you then, either. I don’t blame you for that anymore. We’re out now — we've been out for years — and that’s what matters. Sometimes— sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do. I think— I think that as much as it hurt us both back then, you leaving was the best option.”
Sirius’ eyes shut, and they flinched. They knew what Regulus meant, but still. “Ouch,” they managed with a small laugh.
Gently, Regulus nudged into their side. “I wish things hadn’t been how they were, but I’m happy with how they are now.”
”Yeah?”
”Well,” continued Regulus, and Sirius smiled preemptively, already hearing the switch into his less serious tone, “I could do with a new set of headphones if you’re offering.”
Sirius rolled their eyes. “Maybe for your birthday, Reg. In the meantime, how about a date?”
Regulus’ face screwed up. “I don’t want to continue that family tradition, thank you.”
”Not with me, idiot,” laughed Sirius. “But I happen to know of a little admirer of yours. Let me set you up?”
”No.” Regulus set a glare on them. “Don’t you dare.”
”Oh, come on!” Sirius set aside the guitar and turned to properly face Regulus. “How is it that you’re allowed to try setting me up and I can’t do it for you?”
”Because you thrive on other people’s attention, while I wither under it.”
”Okay, but you actually want to date someone. I’ve only ever really got one foot in the door.”
”And yet you’ve had more partners than I have,” Regulus retorted, and Sirius was sure they sensed a little bitterness in there.
”Give yourself a chance, Reggie. He’s head over heels for you, and I know deep down you like him too.”
Regulus’ eyes narrowed at them for a moment, clearly searching for a name — okay, so maybe Sirius had let that one slip a little too easily, though it wasn’t like they actually knew many people as it was.
”Potter,” he hissed, crossing his arms. “Absolutely not. Not only is that unprofessional, but he’s also a prat.”
Sirius huffed a laugh. “You like him really. Just— if he asks, don’t turn him down immediately. Give him a chance.”
“You are insufferable,” Regulus sniped, but Sirius grinned.
That wasn’t a no.
”This is ridiculous, Lily,” grumbled Remus, but Lily’s stride didn’t falter. “I could’ve spent another hour in bed. Why are we even doing this?”
”Because,” emphasised Lily, who’s grip around Remus’ wrist was far too tight, and if he could catch his breath, he would’ve said as such. “You need a bit of joy in your life, and that cute barista is exactly that. I saw how happy they made you. And don’t think I didn’t notice you flirting before we left, either!”
”We weren’t flirting,” Remus denied, except— yeah, they sort of were. At least, it felt like it from Remus’ side of it. “And it’s weird that you’re so invested. Don’t you have something better to think about?”
”Stop trying to deflect,” Lily chastised. “I need coffee, and you need your barista. Hurry up.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother trying to argue any further. When Lily set her mind to something, there was no putting her off it. Not at first, at least.
Except, somehow, he found himself just as disappointed as she seemed when the pair of them stepped into the coffee shop only to find a significant lack of Sirius.
Instead, stood at the counter was who Remus assumed had to be Regulus, the little brother. They looked remarkably similar, but Regulus’ curls fell much shorter, and were honestly closer to waves than curls. He, unlike Sirius, wore a frown that told Remus immediately that he’d probably already had a shitty morning.
The boy from yesterday who’d struggled with the till — Remus couldn’t quite remember if he’d caught a name — had his back turned and was working the drinks. But maybe Sirius was round the back?
Don’t ask, he told himself. You’ll look desperate.
Lily had already got started ordering their drinks by the time Remus focused in on their conversation, but part of him wished he’d never tuned in at all, if only so he didn’t have to hear her say—
“So, where’s the barista from yesterday? Looks a lot like you, but more Remus’ type.”
Oh my god.
Remus, quite honestly, wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and die.
Regulus’ eyebrows raised and he turned his eyes to Remus, pointedly looking him up and down.
“Hm,” he mused, but instead of answering, he turned to give James their orders to be made.
”What the fuck, Lils?” hissed Remus, leaning down closer to her.
”What?” Lily asked innocently.
”Why would you say that?”
”Say what?”
Remus fought not to fold his arms over his chest petulantly. “I’m dropping you in it with Pandora later.”
Lily drew in a breath. “You wouldn’t.”
”Oh, I would,” he swore. “And I will.”
Thankfully, he was saved from whatever wrath she may have sworn on him by Regulus setting down their drinks. Remus did his best to avoid eye contact, but he couldn’t help looking up from the floor when Regulus spoke.
”Go around the corner to the weird naked statues. You’ll find my brother there. Hurt him and I’ll hurt you.”
Remus blinked, muttering out a small ‘thank you’ as Lily dragged him away, beaming.
”See! It worked wonders,” she declared, completely ignoring the threat they’d just received. “You’ve got to start asking for what you want, Re.”
”I want a new best friend who doesn’t embarrass me,” Remus said flatly. Lily just tutted.
He was distracted from whatever she said next, though, by the strumming of a guitar. And, as the pair rounded the corner, as Regulus had instructed, Remus saw the source of the music.
There, stood in a black leather jacket with a guitar slung across his front, was Sirius. In front of them was a mic stand, and an open guitar case that Remus could see held a few coins. There wasn’t much of a crowd gathered, but the streets tended to be fairly empty in the morning anyway.
Remus found his feet pulling him closer until Sirius was properly in his sights, and he was in Sirius’. From there, Remus could see the guitar strap was littered with pins; two different constellations — probably Sirius’ and Regulus’, if he had to guess — a few different flags that Remus vaguely recognised as pride flags, though only recognised the main rainbow flag himself, as well as a ‘he/they’ pronoun pin — different than yesterday’s, he noted.
He didn’t even realise that Sirius had leaned in to sing until his smooth voice was travelling through the street. The song was French, and so beautiful that Remus wished he knew enough to translate it.
”Pourquoi la mort te fait peur?” Sirius began, eyes almost all the way shut, like they were so absorbed in his music that he could float away with it. “J’entends les sauts de ton cœur à travers les océans.”
”Wow,” Remus vaguely heard Lily say.
”Tu sais que toi et moi,” he continued. And Remus was mesmerised. “Elle ne nous aura pas. On ira sous l’océan.”
”Beautiful,” whispered Remus, only realising afterwards that he’d said it aloud. He wasn’t quite sure if he meant the song, or Sirius.
”Au creux d’un saule pleureur, je t’éviterai les douleurs. Et nos corps—”
”Do you wish now that I hadn’t asked about him?” Lily muttered, smirking as she nudged his side. Remus didn’t look away from Sirius as he answered.
”I will no longer be dropping you in the shit with Pandora.”
Because, really, this was… god, it was gorgeous. Sirius had been lovely yesterday, but today he was really in their element, and it showed. The way their voice flowed with the music, the way his fingers danced across the guitar; everything about it was like a dream. Sirius really seemed to belong with his music, and Remus felt blessed to be able to see it.
”Ils ont trouvé des enfants sauvages,” Sirius sang, as the song drew to a close. “Ils ont trouvé des enfants dans l’arbre.”
There was a small applause from the few who’d stopped to listen, and a few coins were dropped into his guitar bag as he spoke a soft, “Thank you,” into the microphone.
Remus watched Sirius’ throat bob as he took a drink of water before they began their next song.
”Do you want to stay a bit and listen?” asked Lily, linking her arm with his and guiding him to a bench. He smiled gratefully at her, barely having noticed the aches in his ankles until his weight was off them.
”Would you mind?”
Gently, she laid her head down on his shoulder and sipped at her coffee. “Not at all. I like seeing you like this.”
Remus frowned. “Like what?”
”In love,” she said in a breath. “You look happy, and you’ve not even asked him on a date yet.”
Sirius’ voice came through the mic again, “He made the first move,” and Remus smiled. “He licked his lips and kicked off his boots.”
”See?” Lily grinned at him. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you so into someone. You should go for it.”
”I don’t even know him,” countered Remus, feeling himself blush a little.
”I think I’m falling in love with you, but oh no; I always act so dumb with you.”
”But you want to,” Lily pointed out. “That’s a good place to start. Ask them on a date. What’s the worst that could happen?”
”My friends all told me that you were a no-no, and yet here we are alone. Uh-oh.”
”He says no,” Remus began. “Which is embarrassing enough, but then I can never go in for coffee again — so we’ll have to find somewhere else, and I know for a fact that you liked yesterday’s iced coffee better than any place back home made it — and I’ll forever have to avoid walking the streets too, in case they’re out with his guitar like today.”
”That’s not so bad,” reasoned Lily.
”I end up a recluse,” he continued, like he hadn’t heard her. “You end up having to do everything for me that I can’t do from our flat — buying food, working, visiting my mum — and I end up depressed. Or I’ll miss so many appointments that I just seize up and can’t move at all. Either way, it probably ends in my own death, and you’ll lose your best friend.”
”Quite melodramatic of you, Re,” she muttered, but sipped her drink. “Either you’re delusional, or you’re in deep for him.”
”I’m in too deep. I’m in too deep,” Sirius sang. Ironic, Remus thought. “Baby boy got some kind of hold on me.”
”Just ask them on a date,” Lily said softly. “Give it a go.”
It was another. Slow. Day.
Sirius felt like he might die.
Worse yet: Regulus was working, which meant Sirius couldn’t even go for a smoke.
”I’m going for lunch,” Regulus grumbled, clearly just as bored. “Don’t burn anything down.”
”No promises,” Sirius muttered, if only because it would be something fun to do.
A couple of lunchtime regulars came in — Sirius’ favourite, an old lady, liked to sit right in the corner to video call her grandson every week — and then just as Regulus came back and Sirius was about to head back for food, the bell at the door dinged.
”Hi, what can I—“ Sirius cut off for a moment when he looked up to see Remus and his friend from a couple days prior come in. Lils gave Remus a look that Sirius struggled to decode, then headed straight to their table, leaving Remus to order. “What can I get started for you, Wolfboy?”
Remus’ almost shy smile at the nickname became the highlight of Sirius’ day. “Hey, Starman.”
The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about them. “You think I’ll blow your mind?”
“Wh-what?” stammered Remus.
”Sorry,” Sirius said with a small shake of his head, cursing himself a little inside. “What can I get for you?”
”No, that’s—“ Remus’ smile grew, and he leaned on the counter a little. “Bowie reference?”
Blinking, Sirius paused in pleasant surprise. “Yeah,” he said, barely a breath. “Didn’t think you’d know it. Not everyone our age would.”
”Please,” Remus almost scoffed, “he’s a legend.”
”Damn fucking right,” Sirius agreed. “What’s your favourite song?”
”Moonage Daydream,” answered Remus. “Yours?”
”The Prettiest Star,” Sirius said with a grin and a wink, like a reflex. Remus smiled at that.
”Suits you.”
Oh.
Feeling his face flush a little, Sirius cleared his throat and glanced down at the till. “So, um, what can I get for you, Remus?”
Remus seemed to hesitate for a moment before he answered, “Cappuccino with chocolate and oat milk for me, please, and an iced latte with two shots of vanilla, a shot of espresso, and oat milk for Lily.”
Lily, Sirius noted in his head as he punched in the order.
”Anything else for you today?”
Again, Remus paused, and Sirius saw him glance over at Lily — who, again, sent him that unreadable look — before he said, quieter, “Maybe, your number?”
Sirius blinked. Looked up, studied Remus’ awkward, hopeful expression, then blinked again. “Sorry?”
“Your um—“ Remus cleared his throat, eyes flicking away for a moment. “Your number?”
A beat.
”Oh,” Sirius said stupidly. “Um—“
”We’re new to the area,” Remus hurried to explain, “so Lils and I are having a small get-together with anyone we’ve met so far. I just— um, wondered if you’d want to come? Your brother, too, if he’s… and your coworker from the other day. That’s— that’s all.”
Oh, thank fuck, Sirius thought, internally letting out a sigh of relief.
”Yeah, sure. Sorry, just— one sec,” he bumbled, digging out the little notepad he kept under the counter and scrawling out his number. “There.”
Remus looked down at the slip of paper with an unreadable expression, then pocketed it with a small smile. “Thanks. I’ll— um. I’ll be in touch about it.”
”Yeah, sure,” Sirius said. “Drinks will just be a mo’.”
As Remus wandered back over to Lily, Sirius turned to find his little brother staring at him flatly, aside from one raised, judgemental eyebrow. Sirius just rolled his eyes and began working on the drinks.
”Are you going to just stand there or are you going to help make their coffee?” he snapped after a moment.
”He was asking you out, idiot,” Regulus muttered, but got to work on the iced latte.
”It’s a friend-thing,” countered Sirius. “You’re invited too. I wouldn’t want my little brother on a date with me, and it’s weird if you think I would.”
”That was clearly just his fall-back. Because you got weird about it, so he panicked.”
”That’s not true,” Sirius insisted, heating the milk.
”Don’t be stupid, Sirius,” Regulus scoffed. “Why are you so against it?”
”You know why,” he muttered.
”I know you’re being ridiculous.” Regulus set down the cup, half-filled and unfinished, and turned to face his brother. “Give me a genuine, proper reason why you won’t give him a chance.”
”I’m not about to lead him on, Reg,” Sirius said under his breath. “Nobody deserves that. And I don’t even know if he only likes men, or…”
“You’re not leading someone on if you actually like them, and you’re honest.”
”I am if I know I won’t like them forever.”
Regulus sighed. “Do you like him now?”
Sirius shrugged halfheartedly. “I dunno. He’s… okay. You know it’s not that easy.”
”But, if you knew you weren’t at risk of losing any attraction to him, would you have said yes to a date?”
Sirius looked away. “Maybe.”
”Then go on a date,” Regulus said simply.
”And when I suddenly stop liking men? Or if he only likes men?”
”Then you tell him so. Either he understands and you stay close, or he’s a prick and you deserved better anyway.” Regulus snapped the lid onto Lily’s drink. “Finish the cappuccino and I’ll take them over. Go take your break and knock some bloody sense into yourself.”
18:47
wolfboy:hello, it’s remus.
wolfboy:from the coffee shop.
18:49
starman:hey remus!
18:49
wolfboy:hi.
18:50
starman:hello
18:51
wolfboy:right, sorry. ill send the details over now. we’re thinking saturday night if that works for you and your brother?
18:51
starman:sounds good! can i ask though, are you planning on having alcohol there?
18:54
wolfboy:sorry, had to ask lily too. as long as nobodys getting piss drunk or throwing up then you can bring some, but we dont have.
18:55
starman:sorry, will rephrase. if one wanted to avoid being around alcohol, would one need to avoid this gathering?
18:55
wolfboy:oh! sorry. uhm, idk. i can speak to the others and ask them not to bring any, its no bother.
18:56
starman:ta, i appreciate it :)
starman:oh, and james said he’s gonna try and make it too if that’s fine w you, but he’s epileptic so asked about flashy lights?
18:56
wolfboy:no flashy lights, and no alcohol 👍
18:57
starman:ta
18:57
wolfboy:of course <3
wolfboy: Has sent a Location and Time for Remus and Lily’s Housewarming. Add to calendar?
18:58
starman:ooo wow, very fancy. i shall pen it into my fridge calendar too 🖋️
18:59
wolfboy:bugger off, it was lily’s idea. she likes being organised, it stresses her out otherwise.
19:00
starman:s’alright. reg’s the same, i reckon its our parents fault haha
19:01
wolfboy:strict parents? my dad was the same.
19:07
starman:yeah, something like that.
19:11
wolfboy:so, see you saturday?
19:13
starman:yeah
Remus held back a smirk as Lily fussed over her hair for the thousandth time that hour. “Should I have put it half up?” she asked again, frowning into the hallway mirror. “You know it looks cute with the half bun at the back.”
”It always looks nice, Lils,” he assured her, pushing off the wall where he’d been leaning and letting his hands fall onto her shoulders. He made eye contact in the mirror and smiled. “You look great.”
”And you’re sure this dress doesn’t show too much? It’s only a little get-together after all, I don’t—“
”Lily,” he emphasised and gave her a gentle squeeze. “You look great. I’m sure Pandora will agree.”
She shot him a glare in the mirror, then turned to face him. “This is all your fault, you know,” she muttered, falling into his arms for a hug. “If you had just asked the barista on a date—“
”They would’ve said no,” Remus said, as he had done multiple times all week. “They looked so bloody panicked, Lils. I wasn’t about to humiliate myself.”
”So instead you want to humiliate me. You could've rectified this any day this week — it's not like we've not been in since then. God, Remus, this is going to be a nightmare.”
Remus laughed. “Just be yourself and you’ll be fine. Pandora already likes you — you just have to let her in.”
Lily sighed. “I know. How long do we have until everyone gets here?”
”Ten minutes?” he guessed, and smiled when he glanced into the kitchen and saw he was about right. “I told Sirius around seven.”
”Okay.” Lily drew in a long breath, and let it out slowly. “Let’s fucking do this.”
Not two minutes later, someone knocked at the door. Lily, wide-eyed and clearly panicked, gave Remus a gentle shove, so he rolled his eyes and dragged himself off their sofa.
When he opened the door, he was met with two matching heads of curly hair, with two pairs of icy eyes; one set stony cold, like he’d been dragged along, and the other set—
The other set was lined with black.
“Hey, Wolfboy,” Sirius greeted, while Regulus just let himself in and made his way inside. “Sorry about him, he’s… well. He’s Regulus,” added Sirius with a laugh.
Sirius, who acted like they weren’t dressed like a god…ess? Remus didn’t want to assume, but… well, he’d done a little googling after seeing Sirius busking, and while he hadn’t managed to identify one of the flag pins, he had discovered one of them meant Sirius was genderfluid. Which, Remus had later noted, had made sense with the change of pronouns between then and the previous day.
”Hi,” Remus managed to get out, though he doubted it was much more than a breath. “Star…?”
”Girl,” Sirius finished, with a slight blush to her cheeks. “They/she, if that’s…”
”Yeah, yeah. Of course,” he assured with his best smile. “Come on in, Star Girl. Like the McFly song,” he added with a smile.
”Sticking with the theme then,” Sirius said with a laugh. “I feel like we ought to find a song for you then.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but didn’t hide his smile. “Yeah? Well, I suppose you could call me Symphony 25.”
Sirius gazed at him in slight confusion. “What?” they asked, chuckling softly. Was it weird that Remus wanted to play that sound on repeat? “Why do you want to be named after that?”
”Well,” he began, suddenly feeling awkward and stupid for ever suggesting it. “It’s — y’know — it’s Mozart. And he was—“
”Wolfgang,” she finished, shaking their head but smiling nonetheless. “But you couldn’t think of any better sounding pieces?”
”And just what would you have suggested, oh wise one?” he teased.
Sirius paused and leaned against the doorway, looking Remus up and down like they were inspecting him. “Hm. Well, if I remember correctly, you said you like Moonage Daydream. And what do wolves howl at? The moon.” She grinned. “So how about Moonage Daydream?”
”Bit of a mouthful, hm?”
”I’ve had bigger,” Sirius shot back with a wink, and it was only then that Remus registered what he’d said — or, rather, how it could’ve been taken. “Gonna let me in then?”
”Oh.” Right, yeah. They were still in the doorway. Oops. “Sorry, yeah. Um, come in.”
A little bashful, Remus led Sirius through the hallway and into the living room, where Lily was just bringing Regulus a glass of fizzy orange. She glanced up at their arrival.
”Nice of you to let them in, Re,” she scolded lightly, but smiled at Sirius. “God, what a gorgeous colour. I wish I could pull it off as well as you do, Sirius, but I’m afraid it clashes with my hair,” added Lily with a laugh.
Sirius flushed a beautiful pink and smoothed their hands down the front of her maroon dress. They still wore the leather jacket from the other day, though. “Thank you. I have to say though, you look brilliant in green. Lily, right?”
A few others arrived a little after Sirius and Regulus. A trio of girls came next — though Sirius only recognised Marlene, who was their first friend after setting up shop with Reg — and then James came in. Sirius, however, had so far spent the whole night talking to Remus.
”So what made you decide to move up then?” she asked, after Remus had dropped that he was actually from northeast England. “Not many people tend to come all the way up to somewhere like here unless they’re looking for a holiday home in the Highlands.”
”Well,” Remus began, one finger circling his glass. He’d been doing that for most of the night, Sirius had noticed. “Lily’s been needing to get away for a while — her sister’s a bit of a bitch, honestly, and her parents couldn’t give two craps between them — so she’s been looking at opportunities away from home, but we were living together down there, too, so it wasn’t going to be easy if one of us moved and one stayed. But my mum lives up here and I’ve been meaning to find somewhere closer to her — she loves Lily like her own daughter, too, which is nice. So it just… worked out, I guess.”
”Still a long way though,” Sirius commented, tilting their head. “What about your dad?”
Remus’ face twisted a little, almost pained. “He’s… not in the picture. Irrelevant.”
Sirius didn’t dare push. She knew just how that felt. “Is your mum nearby then, yeah?”
”Sort of,” Remus answered with half a shrug. “I didn’t want her to be on our doorstep — she’s a little… overprotective — but I didn’t want to be too far either. She’s up in Hogsmeade; half an hour drive on a good day, I reckon.”
”That’s nice,” Sirius said with a nod, sipping their drink.
”What about you?” asked Remus before Sirius could think of another topic. “You don’t sound Scottish either.”
Sirius took another, much longer glug of her drink. “No,” they confirmed, trying their best not to grimace. “Reg and I moved from London a bit ago.”
Remus hummed. “Big city to the countryside — or near as dammit. What made you decide that?”
Sirius looked away for a moment, easily finding Regulus across the room. He was deep in conversation with one of the girls Sirius hadn’t known — though, had since introduced herself as Marlene’s girlfriend, Dorcas — and even though they knew they were safe, Sirius felt a weight ease off their shoulder just a little.
”Family issues,” they answered, and left it at that. “Have you managed to find work up here yet? Usually more places are hiring during the summer — we get hit with a bunch of tourists — so you’ve kinda just missed the peak. Or are you studying?”
Remus noticeably paused, but thankfully let Sirius move them on. “I’ve applied to a couple places, but I’ve not heard back yet. Lils is working part-time in the bar just around the corner — The Three Broomsticks? — but she’s got a place in the theatre course at UHI. Starts in a few weeks, I think.”
Sirius smiled. “You didn’t fancy theatre yourself?”
Laughing, Remus shook his head. “God, no. I’m not really a performer, not like she is — not to mention my severe lack of spacial awareness and capabilities. I considered doing it for the tech course, but honestly I’m happy just taking another couple years to find something I really want to do.”
”Fair enough.” Sirius shrugged lightly. “Plus, there’s loads these days that you don’t even need a degree for. Reg and I both didn’t do one — he started one, mind you, but he dropped out after first year when we moved.”
That wasn’t quite right, but… well. It was close enough.
”Would you want to?” asked Remus.
Sirius took a moment to think about it — to really think. When they were younger, she’d always been told she’d do business or politics, then make something of their life. Even considering anything else would earn them a harsh scolding at best. But now…
”Maybe,” she answered, quieter than they’d meant to. “I’d like to study music, I guess, but I didn’t really pick the right subjects back in high school for that. I’d have to do them in college first, then continue on for a degree. Dunno what I’d do with it, though.”
Remus frowned. “You didn’t do music in school? But you’re — like — really talented. You must have at least had guitar lessons, surely.”
Now it was Sirius’ turn to furrow their brow. “How do you know that?”
”What?”
”How do you know I’m good on a guitar?”
Remus shifted a little where he was sat. “I, um—“ He cleared his throat. “Lily and I saw you busking the other day. You were… brilliant.”
”Oh,” Sirius said through nervous laughter. “Thanks. Sorry I didn’t see you; I’m usually too busy trying to remember what the fuck I’m supposed to be playing, or singing.”
”I wouldn’t have been able to tell,” Remus told them, and she could hear his genuine honesty shining through. “You looked like you belonged on a stage.”
Sirius felt heat rise to their cheeks. “Okay, now you’re just flattering me.”
”Please; you were singing in French. Do you realise how impressive that is?”
Sirius let out a light scoff, waving him off with one hand. “Hardly. It was as much a first language growing up as English was.”
Remus blinked. “That’s… really not the small thing you seem to think it is,” he said, chuckling a little. “And it definitely doesn’t make you singing in French any less impressive. Especially to someone who barely got through it in high school.”
”Yeah?” Sirius asked, grinning a bit. “You like it when I speak French? [I could call you anything I like and you’d have no idea, would you?]”
Remus visibly swallowed. “Bloody hell,” he said, voice suddenly breathy.
”[Somehow, this never gets old,]” Sirius continued, smirking. “[My parents might’ve been abusive pieces of shit, but at least they gave me this.]”
That managed to crack a smile from Remus, but sent a sudden panic through Sirius. Did Remus understand after all? Had he understood what Sirius said about their parents?
”Sorry,” Remus said, hiding a smile behind the back of one hand. “All I got from that was ‘shit’ — or ‘fuck’, maybe; I only really remember it’s a swear.”
Oh, thank fuck, was Sirius’ first thought, and then, That’s bloody brilliant.
”You only know how to swear?” she asked, chuckling behind their hand. Remus grinned bashfully.
”I didn’t take it in high school any further than I had to,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. “But Mum insisted I learned the most important stuff.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Swearing?”
Remus nodded. “Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’. “And two phrases. [I don’t speak French,] and [I’d like a shot of vodka, please.]”
“Ah yes,” Sirius said with a solemn nod. “Two very, very important sentences. Nothing like — I dunno — call an ambulance? Where’s the closest police station? Where can I find a taxi?”
“Nope.” Remus shook his head with a fond smile. “She’s a very practical woman; Mum. Taught me everything I know.”
Sirius’ brows furrowed slightly as they thought. “So — I mean, if it’s not intrusive or anything — why was she living up here before you were? Like, did she move here when you moved in with Lily?”
”Not… exactly,” Remus said through half a grimace. “She was still in Yorkshire for a bit after Lils and I moved in together, but… well, she always talked about retiring up here, y’know? She used to come on holiday when she was a kid, then she took me too once I was born. But uh— well, she got sick at the start of the year. Cancer. And it’s…”
”Oh,” exhaled Sirius softly. “I’m so sorry.”
Remus shook his head. “No, it’s— it’s alright. But I thought, well, since she wouldn’t get to retire up here, I’d help her move anyway while she was getting treatments and stuff. That way she could at least…”
”Yeah,” they said, reaching a hand out to softly rub Remus’ arm. “How is she?”
”Staying strong,” Remus said with a weak laugh. “Putting on a brave face, I think. She doesn’t like when I worry about her. Doctors reckon she’s still got some fight in her though, so…” He sighed. “We’re trying to stay positive.”
”Sometimes that’s the best thing you can do,” Sirius attempted reassuringly. “If you ever need anything, I’m here.”
Remus smiled at her, and it was perhaps one of the most heart-wrenching things Sirius had ever seen. Such a lovely smile, and yet it was laced with the worst kind of pain. “Thank you, Sirius,” Remus whispered.
Great job, Remus, he thought, eyes flicking between Sirius’, and watching them do the same. Instead of asking them out, you got talking about your dying mother. Wonderful.
”I’m uh,” he began, somewhat awkwardly. “I’m gonna step out for a smoke. Do you mind?”
Sirius hesitated, glancing away across the room — fuck’s sake, now you’ve blown it — but then, to Remus’ surprise, asked, “Mind if I join you, actually?”
“Sure,” he said, and nodded towards the door. Lily would no doubt assume where he was if anyone noticed they’d disappeared.
He led Sirius back out of the flat and into the little garden around the back; since he and Lily were in the ground floor flat, the whole garden was technically theirs, rather than belonging to the other residents, which he quite liked. Lily didn’t mind being the only one to maintain it, either, as it gave her the freedom to control exactly what she wanted and where.
Carefully, he lowered himself into one of the rickety camping chairs they’d set up a few days before and pulled out his pack, offering it to Sirius first, then his light.
For a while, the only sounds were their breaths, and the far-off noise from the park down the road. It was peaceful and easy in a way Remus didn’t often find in strangers — or near-enough to it. Then again, most of them weren’t Sirius.
”Where are you tonight?” Remus asked eventually. He’d been scanning the sky; it was a pretty clear night, and the stars were just coming out. Unfortunately, he knew more about the stories behind the stars than he did about finding them.
”Hm?” hummed Sirius, glancing over. When she saw Remus’ eyes still trained on the sky, they chuckled softly. It was beautiful. “You won’t see me just now, not in August. I’ll be out in the morning though.”
”What time of year are you out at night?”
”Winter is a good time to look,” they answered, but turned to look at Remus. Remus did the same, taking in her teasing smile and the way her cheeks dipped in on the left with a little dimple. “Lucky for you; you’ve got your very own star right here.”
Remus’ breath caught in his throat. “Yeah?”
”Mhm.”
This was it, wasn’t it? Remus had fumbled his chance in Étoiles Noires, and hadn’t found a moment inside this evening, but… this was it. Now or never, he supposed.
He leaned a little closer. “Can I k—”
”It’s getting a little chilly,” Sirius said, looking back up at the stars. Remus wasn’t even sure she’d heard him to have cut him off. “We should head back in.”
Fuck.
”Yeah,” he sighed, putting out the butt of his cigarette and watching Sirius do the same, then followed them back inside. At Lily’s questioning look, Remus shook his head. He didn’t bother watching for her sympathetic smile.
Sirius headed straight for their brother, who was quite pointedly ignoring James and engaging still with Dorcas; one of Lily’s friends. She’d met her through Pandora, he remembered, and Marlene as well. At least one of us is having a little success here.
He sat down beside Lily and across from Pandora, but didn’t really pay any attention to what they were talking about. His eyes stayed on Sirius across the room, where they were seemingly trying to get James an in with Regulus and Dorcas’ conversation. There appeared to be no triumph, though.
And, to no surprise to Remus, it wasn’t much later that Sirius declared they and Regulus would be heading out. “Early morning tomorrow,” they’d excused with an easy smile, but Remus knew. You scared them off, he thought, barely holding back a sigh.
“Not having fun?” Regulus asked, barely two steps out of Remus and Lily’s flat. Sirius wrapped their arms around themself; it really had dropped cool.
”It was nice,” they answered, but knew it wasn’t the answer Regulus would settle for. “I think he was going to kiss me.”
”Okay.” A pause. “Not okay?”
Sirius shook her head. “I don’t know. I mean, I should like him, right?”
”That’s ridiculous, and even you know that,” Regulus pointed out flatly.
”No, I mean—“ Sirius let out a breath. “He’s nice, and it really feels like he likes me — no matter how I’m presenting. And I do think I could like him, maybe.”
”You don’t have to like him back, Sirius,” said Regulus, with a softness rare even for Sirius to hear. “What would you tell me if I was you?”
She paused. Her eyes looked down at their feet, watching themself kick a little rock along as they walked. “I suppose I’d probably tell you to get your head out of your arse,” she said with a small laugh. “And get it into James’.”
Regulus sent them a glare. “We’re on you and Remus just now.”
”Fine, but we’re coming back to that.”
Regulus just rolled his eyes.
”I’d probably say…” Sirius trailed off and sighed. “That you should just tell him what you’re thinking. Lay it all out and see if he still wants to give anything a go.”
”Then do that,” Regulus suggested simply. “Tell him to come to the shop tomorrow and talk to him then.”
”Yeah, maybe.”
A beat.
”So, you and James then—“
Regulus shut that down very quickly. ”No.”
”He likes you!” declared Sirius, waving their hands around emphatically. “And I know you don’t hate him like you think you do. What’s holding you back?”
Regulus was quiet for a moment, so Sirius didn’t push yet. They could tell the difference between his silences; she knew he’d say something eventually, here.
”He’s so—“ he finally began to say, but cut himself off. “He’s like… this big, happy ball of energy. All the time.”
”You think you’ll ruin it?” asked Sirius.
”No,” Regulus said, in almost a scornful laugh. “I just… I don’t know that I can be… enough. That’s not the right word,” he added, before Sirius could tell him otherwise, “but it’s…”
”S’alright,” they cut in, nudging his shoulder gently. “You don’t have to force yourself if you really don’t want to, for whatever reason. But James already likes you the way you are, y’know? He doesn’t want you any other way. Just you.”
”Just me,” echoed Regulus, quieter. “Yeah.”
22:31
starman changed their name to starshine.
starshine:makes more sense that way haha
starshine:so, there was something i wanted to talk to you about
22:32
starshine:can you come into the shop tomorrow? i’m in all day
22:47
wolfboy changed their name to moonage daydream.
moonage daydream:sure. see you then.
You knew this was coming, Remus thought as he hovered awkwardly around the corner from Étoiles Noires, sighing out a long breath. Hopefully they’ll at least be gentle.
And that was the thing — Remus knew not to hope for anything more. It was clear as day that Sirius wasn’t interested, so there was no point praying they’d ask Remus out today. But there was still a chance Remus could get out of this with his dignity in one piece.
He’d been stood there probably near to half an hour, pondering whether or not it was even worth going in. Would it be as easy to just… never see Sirius again? Lily might end up disappointed about the coffee, but — well — she would just have to suffer, Remus supposed. Or she could go in alone and fetch one for Remus while she was there.
No, Remus decided. Sirius is too lovely for you not to even show your damn face.
And so, in he went.
It was only Regulus at the counter, but it was a quiet moment in the morning, so Remus supposed they didn’t really need two people out if there were things to be done in the back. But Regulus noticed him quickly, and stuck his head around a doorway — presumably calling out to Sirius — then looked at Remus.
”They’ll be out in a second,” he said, already moving to make Remus’ drink. “Go sit down.”
Remus glanced at the till. “Oh, but what about—“
”Go, sit down,” Regulus instructed more firmly. “Sirius will get it.”
Unwilling to argue with him, Remus conceded and made his way to his table — or, what was his table — in the corner. He had a feeling he wouldn’t sit there again after today.
It wasn’t long at all before Sirius came out from the back, bringing over both Remus’ drink and their own.
”Hi,” she whispered, almost like they were nervous. “Thanks for coming in.”
”It’s good coffee,” Remus teased, but it fell flat. He realised, suddenly, that Sirius was nervous.
They cleared their throat as they sat down, and their now empty hands were clearly fidgeting under the table, even if Remus couldn’t see them directly. He had the strong urge to reach out to comfort her, but kept his hands firmly around his coffee instead.
”So,” he began, if only to get it over with. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
Sirius paused, and Remus watched as their eyes flicked momentarily up to meet his, only to drop back down and settle on her coffee instead. It was iced, like Lily had, but aside from that Remus couldn’t tell what it was.
”I, um—“ they said, but cut themself off. “I’ve… noticed you uhm— well, I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, of course, but— you…”
”I like you,” he breathed, in part just to get it out, and partly to help Sirius out; he hated seeing them so… anxious.
Sirius’ eyes darted up at his words, opening wide like their mouth in evidence of their surprise.
”Oh,” she said, and just for a moment, Remus worried that that wasn’t at all what Sirius wanted to discuss. “Yes, um— that.”
Remus shifted in his seat. Sirius sipped their coffee.
”I’ll stop trying to make a move,” Remus said quietly, running one finger around the rim of his mug. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”
”No!” Sirius burst out suddenly, making Remus blink twice in surprise. “I-I mean, not— just—“ They sighed. “It isn’t… easy.”
He tilted his head a little; Sirius wasn’t making any sense at all. “What does that mean?”
”I’m not… an easy person to be with,” they admitted.
”That’s fine,” answered Remus, because really, he’d take his chances if it meant Sirius liked him too. It wasn’t like he’d be easy either.
”No,” repeated Sirius, with far more urgency. “I’m—“ She sighed again and buried their face in their hands. Their words came out a little muffled, “Do you know what abrosexual means?”
Remus frowned. Running through a list of sexualities he’d heard of… no, he didn’t think he did.
”It’s sort of like how being genderfluid means that my gender fluctuates,” they explained when Remus admitted as such. “But with sexuality instead.”
”I’m not sure I understand,” he said gently, adding, “Can you tell me a bit more about it?”
Sirius glanced up from where they’d hidden her face, curiosity and wariness written clear as day in their expression. “Yeah,” they said carefully. “It’s— so like, it sometimes changes in tandem with my gender identity, sort of. I find I’m more attracted to women when I identify as one myself — or, at least, when I’m using feminine pronouns. I don’t really… ever identify fully as a man or woman. It's rare, maybe”
Remus nodded, doing his best to take mental notes.
”But it’s not always as easy as that,” continued Sirius, who sounded slowly like they were gaining confidence as they went. “It’s not as black and white as only being attracted to women when I’m using she/they, or only being attracted to men when I’m using he/they. Sometimes my own gender doesn’t matter at all, y’know? Like, my gender could be doing some sort of bloody rollercoaster, shifting back and forth and back and forth and settling somewhere in the middle, and all the while my attraction to whoever is staying the same. And then, sometimes, I’m not even attracted to anyone at all. God, and don’t get me started on the fucking ace spectrum side of it—“
Gently, Remus reached one hand out across the table to rest over Sirius’, stilling it from where it waved around manically. “So, what does that mean? For— I mean, I don’t want to assume I’ve got a chance, but — I also assume you’re explaining this to me for a reason. I hope you are,” he added, offering a small, encouraging smile. Please.
Sirius sighed and let her shoulders sag. “Yeah,” they breathed, nodding a little. “I-I can’t give you a normal relationship, Remus. I won’t want to date you — won't like you in that way — all the time, and you deserve better than a part-time arrangement.”
”Do I get a choice in it?” asked Remus, trying not to push, but still — it was worth a shot, right? Sirius was worth it.
Sirius glanced up at him again, almost hopeful, but evidently still trying not to let either of them get ahead of themselves. “You do… understand, right? I won’t always want a romantic relationship with you.”
”So what happens then?” he asked. “Would we be just friends?”
There was a pause, like Sirius genuinely couldn’t believe anyone would want them enough to ask. “In the past,” she began hesitantly, “it’s been sort of like… well — have you ever had a friend you love so much — you want them in your life forever; you’d do anything for them — but you wouldn’t want to kiss them? You love them like more than a friend, but you don’t love them romantically?”
Instantly, Remus’ mind thought of Lily. She was everything to him, really, and he wasn’t sure what he’d do without her. He loved her with every piece of himself, but the thought of ever dating her made him laugh — would make her laugh, too. Their bond was so much deeper than he’d felt with anyone before — more than past lovers, more than other friends. She was like his other half.
”Yeah,” he answered breathlessly after a moment, nodding. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”
”Well,” Sirius said, “it would be a bit like that. On my end, at least. So, like, I’d still want to be around you and stuff, but just—“
”No kissing?” cut in Remus, smiling a little.
”No kissing,” exhaled Sirius, who sat back in their chair with clear relief. “And sex is a whole other issue, too.”
”Sirius, if you never wanted to have sex with me ever, I’d be okay with that,” Remus told her honestly. “I have a left hand.”
Sirius blushed a deep red and looked away. Lily had been spot on last night; red is a lovely colour on Sirius.
”One more thing,” Sirius added. “Evidently, I am not cis.”
”Woah, really?” Remus asked with heavy sarcasm, thankfully earning him a smirk and an eye roll from Sirius.
”Really,” they echoed, “but I am afab. Does that bother you?”
”No,” he answered. “I like you for you, and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a way to scare me off.”
Sirius raised one eyebrow. “Sounds like a challenge, Moony.”
That caught Remus off-guard. “Moony?” he echoed after catching his breath where it had caught in his throat.
”You were right,” conceded Sirius with a shrug. “Moonage Daydream is a bit of a mouthful. I like Moony better anyway.”
Remus smiled. Moony. He liked it, too. “So, what does all this mean for us then?”
Sirius sat up, suddenly losing their teasing playfulness. “It means, Remus John Lupin, that I would very much like to take you on a date. If you’ll still have me?”
He hummed, letting his eyes fall to his coffee. “I dunno,” he drawled. “Will it mean I get discounted coffee from now on?”
Rolling their eyes, Sirius barked a laugh and lightly smacked his arm. “Cheeky bastard,” they muttered, but smiled. “Yeah, you can have cheap drinks.”
”Then yes,” he answered, mirroring Sirius’ smile. “I’d love to go on a date.”