In the days following Yule, the group of four Gryffindors was split in half. Though Hari saw that Hermione and Draco meant well, he was still upset about not having his broomstick. Ron was absolutely furious with Hermione and Draco, taking it as a great insult that they would ‘deprive Hari of the best damn broomstick in the world.’ In truth, Hari was mainly sticking with Ron so that he didn’t have to be on his own while Hermione and Draco were both against him.

All in all, it was a relief to all four of them once everyone else returned after the holidays, bringing noise and distractions once again.

On the night before term started, Oliver Wood came over from talking to Percy about something, pestering Hari about buying a new broom and having a way to avoid falling off his broom again. When Ron revealed that Hari had a Firebolt and that Professor McGonagall promptly confiscated it, Oliver went comically pale before insisting on having a word with her to try to talk ‘some sense’ into her.

The next day, classes started up again. They had a rather pleasant lesson with Hagrid despite the cold, tending to a small bonfire set up for salamanders. It was enjoyable to watch the little fiery creatures scramble over the burning logs, giving them plenty of time to just catch up with their classmates while they threw leaves and sticks into the flames and tried to avoid stepping on one of them. Hari chatted with Pansy, Blaise and Millicent about what they did over the holiday and laughed at Ron yelping when he accidentally set the bottom of his cloak on fire and asked Hagrid how his hippogriffs were doing. Divination was its usual misery fest, having started on palm reading. Hari spent the majority of the time just holding hands with Ron while they tried to remember what each line symbolised. Trelawney, of course, made a huge deal about how she had never seen a life line so short as Hari’s, much to his irritation.

Finally, the class he had been waiting for all day, Hari and the rest of the Gryffindors made their way to the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Hari sat with Ron near the back of the room while Hermione and Draco sat in their usual seats as Ron refused to go near either Draco or Hermione.

After the bell rang for the end of the lesson, Hari stayed behind to speak to his teacher about when they were going to practice banishing dementors. Letting the others file out of the room, Hari wandered over to the front of the room where Remus was packing up his briefcase at his desk.

“Ah, Hari. Hello,” Remus said pleasantly as he noticed Hari’s presence. “Can I help you?”

“I was just coming to ask about when suits you the most for learning how to cast away a dementor…”

“Aha, I remember,” said Remus, leaning against his desk. “Does Thursday evening at 8 o’clock work for you?” Hari nodded. “Perfect… I’ll just need to come up with a way to safely practice it as bringing an actual dementor won’t be plausible…”

¤¤¤

“He really does look quite ill, doesn’t he?” said Ron once Hari rejoined him in the corridor and they made their way downstairs for dinner. “Wonder why he’s been getting sick so often…”

Someone tutted from nearby and they found Draco helping Hermione to repack her bag, which was so crammed full of books that it wouldn’t close.

“What are you tutting about?” Ron asked Hermione irritably.

“Well, it’s obvious isn’t it?” she snapped, lifting her chin with a haughty frown. “Draco and I have figured it out…”

“Either tell us whatever cryptic thing you’re on about or just leave,” Ron snarled.

“Fine,” said Hermione stiffly, ripping the last book from Draco’s hands and marching off, curls bouncing up and down with her steps. Draco gave a sort of hopeless expression, looking between Hari and Ron and after Hermione.

Ron scowled. “You better go after your best friend since you’re not telling us either.

Draco gaped at Ron for a moment, cheeks faintly pink. “You know, I actually was, but if you’re going to be a prat about it, I won’t bother!” he snapped, poking Ron’s chest with a finger and turning on his heel, jogging to catch up to Hermione, muttering to himself in French.

“They can be so irritatingly proud sometimes,” said Ron as he and Hari started down the corridor again. “They’re so obsessed with being smarter than everyone else that they can’t even indulge us in anything.”

Hari hummed halfheartedly in agreement. He kept it to himself the fact that Ron was the one insisting on being rude to them any time they tried to interact properly. He made a mental note to ask Draco later, once Ron wasn’t around…

¤¤¤

Hari’s watch was right on the numbers 8 and 12 by the time he made his way to the History of Magic classroom on Thursday. The room was dark and freezing cold when he stepped inside, finding Remus hadn’t arrived yet. He busied himself with lighting up the lanterns while he waited and was just finishing with the last one when Remus arrived, dragging a large trunk and lifting it onto Professor Binns’ desk.

“What’s that?” asked Hari as Remus pulled off his cloak and Hari made his way over.

“Boggart. I thought, since it’ll turn into one when it sees you, a boggart would be the best replacement for an actual dementor,” he explained. Clearly sensing Hari’s apprehension at the thought of having to face something with a likeness to dementors, he added, “It’ll be alright, Hari. I’ll be here the whole time.”

“Okay…”

“So,” said Remus, “the only way to defend yourself against a dementor is through the casting of a Patronus charm. When successfully casted, you will produce a semi-tangible positive energy which will usually take the shape of an animal, acting as a sort of guardian. This spell will ward off the dementors as it is the very opposite essence of a dementor’s presence.

“Now, it is an incredibly advanced spell, far beyond even N.E.W.T. level, so don’t be surprised if you can’t get it quite yet,” said Remus. “Only those who are truly good at heart can even try to cast the charm successfully, as a patronus is the very essence of good, hope and happiness.”

“So, what sort of animal would mine be?” asked Hari.

“It depends. A patronus will usually take the shape of an animal that you may have strong connections to and will reflect your innermost personality,” Remus said. “For example, Minerva can produce a cat patronus, as she herself can turn into one.”

“It makes sense, I guess.”

Remus smiled down at him. “In order to cast, try to think of the happiest memory you can think of. Anything at all, but it must be happy.”

Hari closed his eyes and tried to think of a happy memory he could use. He had plenty of times in the past where he could recall feeling cheerful or content, but trying to come up with the happiest was far more difficult. The first thing to come to mind was riding his broomstick in the back garden with Draco and Neville one summer, goading each other to go higher and feeling the breeze rushing past him.

“Got one,” said Hari, opening his eyes once again.

“Excellent,” said Remus, his smile widening. Hari returned the smile. “The incantation for a Patronus charm is Expecto Patronum. Why don’t you try it without a wand first?”

Hari did so a few times, trying the words on his tongue until it felt right. Then, he nodded determinedly and looked back at Remus. Next, Hari tried it out with a wand, producing the faintest of silvery lights after a couple of tries, much to both Hari and Remus’ excitement.

Remus moved over to the box on the desk, hand on the clasp of the opening. “Okay. I’m going to let the boggart out now. Remember, I am right here with you. Just try to focus entirely on the happy memory,” said Remus encouragingly. Harry nodded once more and Remus unfixed the lock on the trunk and stepped aside, letting the boggart out.

Immediately, Hari felt his grip on the wand loosen slightly as the hooded figure floated out of the box, coming towards him. It was sucking at the air once again with its horrible mouth. The usual cold and dread washed over Hari immediately and he struggled to maintain the memory of flying alongside his childhood friends.

“Expecto—Expecto Patro-Patronum!” Hari stammered, raising his wand to the dementor coming closer. “Expecto Patronum!” The spell was failing fast, his wand tip staying as void of light as if he had said nothing at all.

The classroom began to dissolve in and out of focus and, after one last weak attempt at the spell, Hari’s knees gave way and he fell into familiar darkness, swallowing him whole. He heard the familiar screaming of his mother as she begged for Voldemort to spare him, her pleading, terrified voice and Voldemort’s cruel laughter. The flash of green was blinding against the sheer darkness of the rest of Hari’s existence and then—

Hari gulped in air as he opened his eyes once more. He was lying flat on his back, knees bent awkwardly and his arms out at his sides like he was doing a snow angel. Slowly, he sat up, blinking around. Remus was kneeling a few feet away, eyebrows furrowed.

“Sorry…” said Hari awkwardly, hugging his knees to his chest.

Remus passed Hari a Chocolate Frog and he took a large chunk out of it immediately, feeling the warmth and feeling spreading back to him through his mouth and fingertips. Remus was watching him still, thoughtful and concerned.

“It was louder this time,” said Hari once he finished his bite of chocolate. “Voldemort’s and my mum’s voices... They’re louder each time and the flash of green light was… brighter.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably, looking down. “It’s okay if you don’t want to continue for tonight. We can—” he started.

“No! No, I can do it!” said Hari determinedly, getting back to his feet. “I’ve got this. I know I have to be able to do it, right? I’ll… I’ll get it.”

Remus smiled, eyes sad, getting to his feet as well. “You’ll want to think of a happier memory, I think. That one didn’t seem strong enough,” he said, brushing off non-existent dust from his grey trousers.

Hari thought once again, scouring his mind for better memories. Catching the Snitch for the first time? No, he’d broken his arm as well and nearly choked to death… He remembered distinctly when they had that huge party after Hermione was revived and Ginny was saved and Hagrid was back. That should be happy enough, he had certainly been ecstatic about everyone being safe again.

“Got one?” asked Remus.

“Yup.”

Remus gave him a look and moved back to the trunk. Hari rolled his shoulders, readying his wand in the air. Remus opened the trunk.

At once the air felt cool and inescapable, the cloaked figure rising out of its hiding spot inside the box and swooping down on Hari. He stumbled back, trying desperately to think about the relief at his friends being okay and to ignore the dementor closing in on him.

“Expecto Patronum!” His hand shook in the air. “Expecto Patronum! Expecto… Patronum…” Hari’s attempts grew weaker and weaker once again as his resolve broke at the sight of the horrifying creature hovering in front of him. “Expecto P-Patronum…”

The darkness grabbed hold of Hari, pulling him, stretching him thin, inescapable, maddening, overwhelming. The darkness pulled him down, down, down, dragging him deeper and deeper than ever before.

“Lily! He’s here! Take Hari and go! I’ll try to hold him off as long as I can! Take Hari and go!”

A new voice, unfamiliar, masculine. It was frantic yet determined, unfamiliar and yet warm.

“Not Hari! Please, not Hari!”

“Stand aside, silly girl! Stand aside!”

The cruel, cackling laughter. The blinding flash of green. The high pitch, ear splitting scream.

“Hari! Hari… Hari, wake up…”

Remus was kneeling right next to him, shaking Hari’s shoulder. He was lying on the ground once again and his elbow throbbed slightly, likely from having fallen on it. The green flash from before was still making his eyes hurt, even after he was back. As he sat up, cold sweat dripping down his forehead, Remus kept his hand on Hari’s shoulder. He passed him another large chunk of chocolate.

“I heard… I heard my dad that time,” said Hari after a moment of sitting in silence, eating chocolate on the ground. He felt Remus stiffen at his side.

“You heard James?” Remus’ voice sounded brittle, close to breaking.

Har nodded. “He told my mum to take me and go while he tried to… to hold him off.” Hari looked down at the last bit of chocolate, turning it over in his hands. He felt an almost overwhelming, painful feeling of sadness at the thought.

“Perhaps we should leave it,” Remus said, getting to his feet and offering out a hand to help Hari get up. “It’s ridiculously complex and difficult magic and this much fainting can’t be good for you. Madam Pomfrey will have my head.”

“One more time! Just one more go and if I can’t do it this time, we can… try again another time,” said Hari. “Please, just one more go.”

Remus sighed, running his hands through his mousy brown hair flecked with grey. “If you’re sure…” He moved reluctantly over to the box. “Again, think of something even happier.”

The first thing that came to mind this time was something more insignificant than the other two he tried. It was a small memory, full of contentment and comfort and sheer belonging. It was the common room one evening when all four of them had no homework for once and were simply enjoying each other’s company, telling jokes and playing Wizards Chess. Hari remembered lying across the couch with his head on Draco’s lap and his legs draped over Hermione. In a moment of peace, Hari remembered looking around at the smiling faces of his friends, bubbling laughs fading into content smiles, reminding Hari in that moment of just how lucky he was to have his friends.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Hari held his breath, ignoring the freezing, sucking air and trying to think of the warmth from the fireplace. He ignored the gaping mouth and the swaying, ominous cloak and the gasping noise, focusing as hard as he could on his head in Draco’s lap, the contentment he felt as he looked at his friends together. The usual screaming was distant, far away.

“Expecto Patronum!” shouted Hari determinedly. “EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM!” This time, a faint, silvery light burst out of his wand, moving like silver fog towards the dementor. It was relatively small and shapeless, but it hovered between Hari and the dementor, blocking out the distant screams in his mind.

“Riddikulus!” Remus called, stepping in front of Hari and banishing the dementor into the box, slamming it shut. He leaned against it for a moment, catching breath. Hari, meanwhile, stood stunned in the centre of the room, heart hammering and relief flooding through his body with warmth.

“I did it,” Hari breathed out, staring disbelievingly at Remus. A smile spread on his face. “I did it.”

“That was excellent, Hari!” exclaimed Remus, grinning. “That was a great start!”

Hari grinned and fell into a hug with Remus, laughing into the fabric of his jumper. Remus laughed as well, patting his back as he hugged right back. Hari stepped back after a moment, still smiling to himself.

“Can I have another go? Just one more?”

“No. I think you’ve done plenty tonight,” said Remus, pulling out the largest piece of chocolate and handing it silently to Hari. They sat against Professor Binns’ desk for a couple minutes, eating the chocolate in silence, listening to the faint ticking of a clock somewhere in the classroom.

“May I ask what memory you thought of? It’s alright if you don’t want to say, but…” Remus asked a few minutes later.

“It was just a small memory, really,” said Hari, licking melted chocolate from his thumb. “It was just this one time when I was in the common room with Draco, Ron and Hermione. We had no homework after exams were cancelled and our Defence teacher was gone, so we were just sitting together. I just remember realising, in that moment, that I really, really love them all.” He looked at a patch of dust on the table, skimming the pad of his finger through it. “It’s silly and insignificant, but it was a warm feeling, I guess.”

Remus smiled softly. “I don’t think it’s silly or surprising at all,” said Remus honestly. “Oftentimes, our fondest memories are of the smallest of moments, with the people closest to us. They’re all incredibly important to you, so it’s only natural that your happiest moments would be with them.”

Hari turned to Remus, watching the older man finishing his piece of chocolate thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed and lips downturned in a concentrated frown. Hari wondered what he was thinking about. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” said Hari after probably too long of a wait.

Hari traipsed back up to the Gryffindor common room a few minutes later, thoughts running through his mind. He couldn’t get the sounds of his parents’ voices out of his head. He had no real memory of his parents, but he felt odd finally knowing what their voices sounded like. How strange it was that his only recollection, his only proof of them and their voices were the last words they spoke before they died.

A tiny part of him almost longed to just hear their voices again, even if it meant he would have to face a dementor again.

Hari shook himself off, almost at the portrait into Gryffindor tower. He couldn’t think like that. He had to stop fainting because of the dementors, even if it meant he would never have the chance to hear their voices again.

¤¤¤

With the increased number of Quidditch practices after Slytherin narrowly beat Ravenclaw in the last match and his Thursday evening Patronus work with Remus, Hari was beginning to feel the weight of his growing piles of homework once again. He now only had one day a week to do any of his homework and was rapidly approaching a similar situation as the start of the year, struggling to keep up with all the essays he was being given.

Nobody was having a worse time than Hermione, regardless of Hari’s own course load and extracurriculars. With her extra classes and piles of homework that took over the entire table she sat at, Hermione was always the last person to leave the common room or show up from the library every night. She looked practically dead on her feet, her shoulders sagging and Draco having to poke her awake multiple times an evening sometimes.

“How does she do it?” Ron asked Hari one evening while they were in the midst of bullshitting a Divination essay. Hermione was writing an essay rapidly on a table in the corner, Draco watching her curiously over the top of his Potions textbook.

“Do what?” Hari asked, pausing between predicting that his palm lines suggested he would marry a rich Muggle one day.

“Get to all her classes! Her schedule’s bonkers, Hari. It should be impossible for her to get to all her classes…”

Hari, who admittedly hadn’t put much thought into how his friend was getting to her lessons, was distracted by Draco saying something to Hermione and walking right over to where he was sitting with Ron across the common room. Ron started to say something as Draco neared, but Hari kicked him, giving Draco a polite smile. Draco returned it with a sheepish smile, cheeks faintly pink as he stopped in front of them.

“How was your, er, Patronus work this evening?” asked Draco.

“They could be better. I haven’t had much improvement since the first lesson,” said Hari bitterly.

Draco scratched the back of his neck and fumbled with his signet ring. “About that… Can I speak to you? It’s sort of… important,” said Draco, eyes intense as they stared at Hari.

“You’re already doing that,” said Hari. “Go ahead.”

Draco huffed, looking frustrated for a second before composing himself and rolling back his shoulders. “I meant in private. In the dormitory, perhaps?” He gestured vaguely behind him, towards the stairs leading up to their room.

Hari sent Ron an apologetic look and went with Draco up the spiral steps, up to their room. He sat down on his bed, facing Draco’s as the pale blond sat down across from him. He looked like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself, fiddling with the curtains hanging around his bed and tapping his foot, shifting on the bed.

“What did you need to tell me privately?” asked Hari, raising his eyebrows.

Draco let go of the drapes and sighed, sagging. He took a deep breath. “I—well, Hermione and I think that…” He sighed again, gesturing his hands vaguely. “We think Professor Lupin is a werewolf.”

Hari’s eyes grew wide. “You what?”

“We think Remus is… a werewolf.”

“Why? Why would Remus be a—a werewolf?”

“Well, he’s always ‘getting sick’ on a monthly basis, he’s covered from head to toe in scars and acquires new ones all the time, his boggart was the fucking moon and Hermione and I calculated that the times he gets sick always fall right on the full moon.” Draco spoke quickly, ticking off on his fingers. “There was also the time that Severus made us write about spotting a werewolf even though we weren’t that far along in the textbook yet.”

Hari released a breath and fell back onto his bed, looking up at the top of his four poster bed. Could that be true? Remus, a man he had known for the better part of the majority of his life, a werewolf. When Draco laid it out in front of him, he made complete and total sense. But at the same time, it just felt so strange to consider Remus to be like that. He didn’t necessarily hate Remus if it was true, but he certainly saw him a bit differently.

The second Hari thought it, however, he hated himself for it. He hated people looking at him and already having an opinion about him and who he was just from their pre-concieved ideas, so why would he think the same about Remus? If Remus was a werewolf, surely it was unfair to think differently of him out of the blue…

Hari sat up again. “It makes sense when you put it like that,” said Hari. “But why are you telling me this? He would have had a logical explanation for not telling me.”

“Well… it could be dangerous, couldn’t it? Werewolves are dangerous,” said Draco slowly, awkwardly. “And you’ve been spending extra alone time with him during these Patronus lessons, so I just thought—”

Hari stood up, feeling his skin warming with anger. “You just thought, what? That Remus is a dangerous person and that he’s now going to decide to go all werewolf-y on me after 8 years and try to kill me?” he snapped, hands balled into fists. “If he wanted to do that, he’s had 8 years to get the chance, Draco. He isn’t a violent person just because once a month he turns into a werewolf. You’ve known him almost as long as you’ve known me! And, what, you suddenly don’t trust him?”

“Hari, I—”

“No. Don’t try,” Hari interrupted, pointing his finger at Draco. “Fuck you, Malfoy. Remus is a good person and you’re wrong if you think he isn’t just because he might be a werewolf. I’m sure most werewolves are perfectly fine people, anyway!”

Hari glared darkly at the other boy and stormed out of the dormitory, slamming the door behind him and hurrying down the stairs two steps at a time. He marched past everyone, ignoring Ron’s questioning after him, pushing through the portrait hole and outside.

He walked and walked aimlessly, trying to calm himself down from the argument, thoughts running through his head at a mile a minute. He didn’t return back to the common room until just after curfew, grabbing his things and taking them upstairs to the dormitory without looking at anyone.