Chapter 5
He left the room with a heavy heart, and a strange twist in his soul. Holding her, their children, the all encompassing feeling of unbridled happiness was just.. too much.
He meant every word, even the ones he did not get a chance to speak.
How he wanted to learn with her, help raise his children. To be involved, never leave them wanting. And, to his astonishment, she agreed. She believed him. She wanted that for him, for their children. The trust in her eyes and the pain in her voice, the sacrifices she made, the isolation she had endured.. all come to a head. Now, he re they are, both unsure what happens next.
What would happen next? Where would she go? How could he go back to his life in Ireland knowing they were hundreds of miles away. Sure, he could see them every other day, with apperation, he’s certain custodial port-keys were used for parents that did not live together for work related reasons. But then, how would that work? He’s a potions master, he has an in house contract, and is subcontracted to nearly all on wizarding Britain, whales, France. Could he leave that behind? Would he have to?
He would.
Stopping all together on his side quest to the kitchen, he came to the realization.
He would give it all up without hesitation.
It wasn’t even a legitimate question.
Breath leaves his lungs as he wills his legs to continue forward, determined to get her something of substance. After all, she’s been surviving on nutritional potions and a muggle feeding tube off and on for five while fucking days, after running the biggest marathon of her life. Under incredible stress. Truly, she was a lioness. Brave, stubborn, strong. So, so strong.
Stop.
Thinking in such a way was dangerous. Acknowledging these feelings..
Of course, they’d been there for sometime. An inappropriate amount of time.. for Christ sake, he’s been her teacher! But, none of that mattered now. Their duty to the light had led to this moment. God, what could be done now?
He didn’t have to work, he was a lord. Truly, he only did because he enjoyed the routine, the precision, the intellectual challenge. He could cut his exclusive contracts, brew what was necessary from home, the reception is on time. That’s what he would do, he would work independently, to leave time to care for his children. No doubt she would want to look into furthering her education, she shouldn’t be denied any ambition she had. She wouldn’t be, he’d make sure of it.
Absently, he began to shift about the kitchen, finding bits of protein and adding them to a small tray of cheese, fruit, and crisps he’d managed to assemble. As he continued to build her a proper afternoon tea, he heard cautious foot steps behind him. Exhaling slowly, he turned his heel, and was met with the eyes of the young Potter.
Harry, he corrected himself. The boys had done so much, sacrificed so much, it was time to start associating him with the respect he had earned.
“Professor.” He began, glancing down to the tray of goods before once again meeting Severus’ charcoal eyes. “Hermione?” A simple nod in place of an answer and he found a note of approval in the boys eyes.
“It is a given that Hermione will be living here for the time being, but I wondered if you might want to stay in any of the rooms here? We have quite a few that are empty, you know the layout, and well.. your children are here.”
Severus felt as though someone had slapped him. How foolish had he been? To assume he would just be all but living in the same room with the woman he had raped pregnant? How delusional was he? Good god, he felt like he may throw up. No, these feelings of affection and this muddled sense of responsibility and the already all encompassing love for his two children had completely muddled his mind. He could not make these assumption, they were disrespectful and untoward.
But she had thanked him, hadn’t she? She had held no derision towards him. She said as much. She felt guilty for baring them knowing he was alive. Had she known, would she have terminated? No, surely not. No. Dwelling on what ifs simply would drive him mad, and he was already half way there with the blurring lines that had only been growing since the moment she opened her eyes. They would need to discuss how they were going to make this work, moving forward, but he would not place expectation or fantasy upon her.
“Yes, I don’t plan on returning to my home in Ireland for.. some time. I appreciate the offer, I would prefer to be close to.. the children.” He replied, choosing his words with care, making sure to hold emotion evenly. The last thing he needs was Potter butting his nose into places it doesn’t belong.
“Of course! Of course. I can transfigure a bed in the library? It shares the wall with the cup-nursery?”
Nodding once, he sees his out and shifts his feet, “That’s acceptable, thank you.” With that, he begins his decent back to his children and their mother.