Hey Lupin
Sorry I know that the chapters have been kind of short recently
TW Warning:
-cursing
-minor angst
Sometimes when I look at Sirius I can't help, but feel that I'm looking at the poor broken 16 year old boy, covered in bruises, tears streaming down his face, asking why his brother stayed. Asking, why wasn't he enough?. Right now looking at him sitting on the steps outside our apartment, alone, drunk, tears streaming down his face, I can see his thoughts.
"Why am I not enough? Why have I never been enough?" Sirius voices cracks with pain. I'd say it sounded like a shattering heart, but you can't shatter something already cracked. I open my mouth to comfort him when he continues, "Why is he with James? Why does James get to know him?" I've never been good with what to say. I write. I don't talk. Ever since I met him Sirius always wanted me to say what I was thinking even in situations like these.
"Sirius, do you want to know your brother?" He believed that when he was having a breakdown, me asking the logical questions helped him, so I don't mask what I want to say. I've learnt not to with Sirius.
"Yes."
"Then why didn't you take the phone number?"
"Remus." His voice screamed with pain. "What if.. What if he doesn't want to know me? What if I'm not his brother."
"Look I can't tell you what Regulus wants and doesn't want, but no matter what you are his brother."
"No. No, I'm not. He made sure I knew that before I left." We sit together in silence for a while.
"You're enough." I affirm putting my hand on his.
"Why not enough for him?" He can barely even get the question out..
"It was never you. It was the situation."
[5 years ago]
James and Sirius fell asleep together on the couch worn out from a day in the sun. The beach today was so fun, and Sirius in that swimsuit, aghhh! His short hair that just barely reached his shoulder, wet? I'm pretty sure I died and went to heaven. His hair has just left that awkward stage in growing it out, after his mom forced him to cut it. I was just sitting in Fleamont's recliner reading A Separate Peace when the house phone rang out. I jumped up running to the phone to make sure it wouldn't wake anyone.
"Hello, this is Remus, the Potter's are all asleep."
"Oh hi.." I heard a very quiet voice mutter "Sorry for calling so late but I was actually wondering if Sirius Black was there?" I could hear rain in the background of the call. I guess this was a phone booth call maybe?
"Ya he is. He's currently sleeping on the couch though sorry."
"Okay." The voice seemed to sound very disappointed but also relieved in a way.
"What's the name, so I can give him a message?" I asked.
"Regulus, I'm his brother. Uh.. I was just wondering if he was okay?" Oh shit this was his brother! I've never talked to Regulus before.
"Oh. Ya he's doing great! We actually had a beach day today. It was a lot of fun! I'll let him know you called."
"No! Sorry, uh just please don't tell him I called." The panic and urgency in Regulus' voice made me keep his secret. If he didn't want Sirius to know he didn't have to know.
[Present Day]
God, I'd forgotten about that phone call.
Today Sirius had some bar stuff to tend to, and James was.. Only god knows where. He never came home after the fight last night. I'm not too concerned though James has done this before. He probably just stayed with Lily or something. But, with the boys out of the house that means I have the day to myself, which is good. It gives me more time at Three Broomsticks to read and maybe catch up with Marlene and Dorcas, after my chiropractor appointment. I always hate these appointments. They just tell me the same shit every time like 'just take it easy' and 'no strenuous activities'. But, it makes Sirius feel better about my back problems so I suppose they aren't so bad.
Once I get to the coffee shop I place my order and take a seat in the back, reading this book I just learnt about, Red White and Royal Blue. James and Sirius are obsessed with the movie so I decided to read it. It's very good!
I finished my coffee, and have eaten my danish, I'm about 2 chapters in. When I finally look up from my book, which is difficult because Alex and Henry's relationship just got outed and I'm in shock, I see 2 familiar faces. James and Regulus. The 2 of them are alone sitting at a table. Regulus is sitting with his legs propped up holding up a notepad while he writes and James is leaning on his hand on the table saying something that I can't quite make out. Is Regulus even paying attention? I mean he's doing something. After a few minutes of this Regulus finally looks back up at James and speaks, "James, you're actually pretty cool." The look on James' face said it all. The way his eyes' light up, his smile stretched across his face, his whole face was in harmony like the only thing he'd ever needed to hear was Regulus.
"Aww Reggie!! You love me!" He exclaimed jokingly.
"Okay, Potter I take it back. Don't flatter yourself." Regulus said with a muted sarcastic tone. His tone still can't hide the small smile on his face.
"You think I'm cool!" he gushes, poking his finger at Regulus. The only responds he gets is a middle finger and Regulus looking back down at his work.
"Well I should probably get back and manage my bar seeing as that is kind of my job. Bye Smoochums!!" James squealed out in a mocking flirty tone while he put up his mug.
"If you call me smoochums again I'll stick my pencil up your ass!" Regulus responds with the same fake sweet tone and a smile. I couldn't hear what James said next because he got up close to Regulus and whispered something to him. I'm going to assume me not hearing it was for the better. That boy can be quite freaky.
"Hey, Smoochums." I say as I come over to Regulus' table taking James' old seat.
"Hey, Lupin. I was wondering when you were going to come over." He responds without even looking up from his work.
"You know my last name?"
"You're my brother's boyfriend and future husband. So ya I know your last name." Oh he knows who I am. And here Sirius is thinking Regulus doesn't care. I bet he never stopped caring. "Fair point."
"So what do you want, Remus?"
"I figured that if James gets to hang out then I want a turn."
"Ya but also A I slept with James, and as attractive as you are" He gives me a glance up and down "My relationship with Sirius is rocky enough shouldn't make it worse, and B James came to my door drunk and sad about his fight with Sirius wanting a place to sleep."
"Oh so that's where he went. Well thank you for making sure he was safe."
"Always, I quite like him. He's a good.. friend" Oh Regulus. He doesn't know. Has no one told him the way that he looks at James. He'll figure it out eventually.
"He is. I won't tell him you said that by the way. I know you don't want me too. Just like last time."
"Thanks. Just like last time." There was a knowing silence. It was a comfortable quiet.
"So, what part are you on?" He inquired.
"Huh?"
"You're reading Red White and Royal Blue. What part?"
"Oh! Their relationship just got outed."
"Oh my god! That part is so sad right?" He exclaims, seeming quite excited now.
"It really is! It took everything in me not to cry."
"I did cry! I love Henry, he's so me. You know.. Black family and all."
"Ya.. I know."
"Thank you, Remus."
"Thank you? For what?"
"Taking care of Sirius."
"Always. I quite like him." I give him a friendly little smile causing him to laugh at me quoting him to him. We talk about Red White and Royal Blue for a little bit longer than going from book to book. Eventually he goes back to his work, getting a closer glimpse now I can tell that it's homework, and I go back to reading. I understand why James likes Regulus so much now. He's very funny and sarcastic, but underneath you can tell that he does care. It's easy to hang out with him. If things were different I could see me and Regulus being great friends. Maybe we could, but things would have to change. And if James keeps up with this they just might, for better or worse.
"I've got to get going, I have a shift at the bar. I'm a bartender."
"See you around, Lupin."
"Will you?" The question was so vague but I could tell that Regulus understood.
Will I? Will I see Remus? Will I see my brother.
I think for the first time in my life I need to swallow my pride. My brother is in reach for the first time in 5 years. I'm not throwing it away this time, because of fear or pride. Sirius will never try if he doesn't think I want him too. I pushed him away. Now I have to pull him back. Who needs a brother? I do. I need my brother.
It's 8 at night. What if he's asleep? No, Sirius has insomnia like me and he's a bar owner. What if he doesn't want to see me? He'll have to tell me to leave himself then. I need to stop trying to convince myself not to do this. I'm already halfway there anyway. As I start to walk up the steps to their apartment I stop when I see a short man, with long jet black hair up in a bun, in a cable knit sweater and a loose fit pair of trousers, holding a cigarette between his fingers.
"Hey, Brother." I say trying to keep my voice even. I talked up this encounter so much in my head I don't know what to do. What if I was right? What if he does hate me? I should run. Run as far as possible. No. Not this time.
Sirius quickly jerks his head up in shock. Obviously not expecting someone to be there and deftly expecting that someone to be me.
"Regulus!?" He sounded so shocked. It was like he didn't know what to feel. His face was flashing between every emotion.