By his own hand

Chapter four

Severus stared down at Harry's exposed arms to see many scars, more scars than he had, ‘You did the same, cut yourself. When did you start?’ Severus asked softly. He wanted to try anything to stop Harry from killing. He hoped Dumbledore and the rest of the staff could open the doors.

‘When I was six, it let me forget the pain they put me through. But it was pain I wanted, not what they did.’

‘It was your choice where before it wasn’t. The pain you’re feeling now is normal Harry, but you can have a life, you just have to give yourself a chance to see that.’

‘My life isn’t worth living, even my so called friends turned their backs on me. I learned you can’t count on anyone, so why bother. I won’t be returning to that lot, do you know why?’

‘You shouldn’t return, but tell me why?’

Harry lent closer and whispered, ‘I killed them, a few days ago, I stabbed my cousin until he was dead then slit Petunia and Vernon’s throats,’ Harry stood straighter, ‘See, if I was to live then I’d be sent to Azkaban, for Crouch and them. This way I can see my mother and father. That’s better, don’t you think Snape?’

‘I will make sure you have a life, I give you a wizard’s oath, if you will just live and let everyone go.’

Harry looked at Draco, ‘This is partly your fault, you know that. Are you ready to see your friends die, to see your godfather die, then you will die.’

‘I know it’s my fault, or part of it is, I’m sorry. If you would have just taken my offered hand things could have been different. That day hurt, I never felt that before.’

‘Just because I refused your friendship you turn into a bastard, a cruel boy who would say things about my dead parent’s, that felt like my heart was being ripped apart,’ Harry pointed the gun back at Draco, ‘How would you feel if you found out your parents died? What if I told you I went to your home and tortured them before killing them, then for me to tell you how they said to kill them since they couldn’t’ stand the sight of you any longer, that you were a disappointment.’

‘It would hurt.’

‘Yeah, it does hurt and you relished in saying that to me, well, no more, I’ve had enough. People can only be pushed so far before they end up pushed completely over the edge.’

Severus once again stepped in front of Draco, ‘Children do not realise what their words can do, what their actions can do, but I know. Being tormented as a child sent me to the dark lord, the worst mistake of my life. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t regret that decision. If only I listened to your mother. She was so full of life, she should be here today just as many others should be here. You said you can feel him, tell me and I will try to stop him returning, then you can have a life without him. You deserve to live Harry. That is what you’re mother wanted for you. She died so you would live.’

‘I want to be with her, I try to remember her, all I remember is a flash of green light and her screams. He screams in my head all the time, makes my head hurt. He’s there you know, behind my scar. The very first night in this castle he told me I had to change to Slytherin, he done that many times now, tries to make me do things. Do you know he’s not a lord though, he told everyone he was Lord Slytherin, well, he was, but when I killed him that night I became Lord Slytherin by right of conquest. That’s how I did all this you know, why I am able to lock you all in here, how I can get muggle stuff work and not magic.’

‘Tell me how you achieved that, why the headmaster’s spells won’t work?’

‘Lord Slytherin, by conquest, Lord Gryffindor by heritage, but I also found out that my mother wasn’t a muggleborn. Her family were squibs, lost their magic centuries ago. She was the last descendant of Ravenclaw, until me, so I'm also Lord Ravenclaw. I am related to three of the founders, it lets me control the wards and the castle. When I’m gone the blood line of some oldest families will die, not to mention other lines once I blow this place. Lady Hogwarts isn’t that upset either, she knows things have been wrong for years. It’s like she wants me to do it so she can start over.’

‘I told your mother that she should check for a magical genealogy, to check what her heritage shows. There was something about Lily that always reminded me of Rowena Ravenclaw. Your mother was going to be a healer but she decided to have a family, Rowena was a healer. You would be a great healer, do you know why?’

Harry tilted his head to the side as he stared at Snape, ‘No, tell me why?’

‘You’re a parselmouth, the greatest healers from centuries ago were parselmouth’s; that was before it was thought to be dark. There are spells, healing spells out there that only a parselmouth can work. There is even a spell that would cure mind damage but you would need to speak parselmouth to perform the spell.’

‘Do you mean Neville’s parents could be cured if there was a healer that could talk to snakes?’

‘Yes, but you are the only parselmouth alive.’

‘Then they remain as they are, I’ll be dead soon,’ Harry lifted the gun again, ‘When I do, then the pain, all the pain will stop.’

‘It would, but it’s not what your mother would want. She told me once, I don’t know if she did it but she said because of the war that she might work on a portrait, one that can talk. Have you ever asked the goblins if there are portraits like that in one of your vaults?’

Harry shrugged, ‘No, it’ll be found once I’m gone.’

‘Do you know the ministry will get all that if you die?’

‘Nah, I made out my will, everything is being donated, mainly to orphanages. I would have preferred an orphanage to those people. Our world should have their own, don’t you think Snape? Maybe if we did then Tom Riddle would never have become Voldemort. Maybe he would have turned out the same, we will never know. Oh well, I’ve had enough, no more talking.’

‘Please Harry, find that bit of your mother, the caring side that you got from her. The one that will make an eleven year old jump on the back of a mountain troll to save a young girl. The same boy at twelve put his life in danger to save another girl. Your heart is not cold, not if you find that bit of Lily. She is there, inside you, just like your father is, they would want you to live. They died in the hope you would live.’

‘But I don’t want to live, not any more, it’s just too painful. I forced myself to go on, day after day, I’m just so tired so I decided life is not worth living.’

‘It is, you just need to find something to hold onto, some bit of life. I can see it in your eyes, they used to shine with life, so much like Lily’s did. Now though, your eyes hold no life anymore. But that can change if you just don’t give up, trust in the people that care for you.’

‘No one cares for me or they wouldn’t have left me in that house. Dumbledore just wants his weapon, the one the prophecy mentions, well, I’m not going to be that weapon. I’m sick of being thought of as a pawn in his game to end Voldemort, for the greater good,’ Harry spat those last words at his glared at Dumbledore, ‘When I’m gone Voldemort will return and he will rule, let him deal with the bastard, I’m done.’

‘You do have people that care for you Harry, I do.’ Minerva said kindly.

Harry looked towards the back of the hall to his professor, ‘I don’t believe you, just as you didn’t believe me. You were there that night as well, you agree to leave a baby on a door step, out in the cold night air. That tells me you are not someone that cares, you just follow him.’ Harry sighed, ‘No more, I’ve had enough, I’m too tired,’ he lifted the gun, he saw Snape and a few others move, ‘You’ll die if you move closer.’

‘Then I’ll die, but you deserve to live. Please don’t do this Harry,’ Severus reached out with his hands but not to try to get the gun just to get Harry to see that people do care, ‘Live, for Lily, for…James, for…Sirius, for your friends. You could help two of your friends by telling them about the Marauders.’

‘The marauders,’ Fred and George gasped at the same time.

‘James Potter was Prongs, Sirius Black is Padfoot, Remus Lupin is Moony and Peter Pettigrew is Wormtail, they were the Marauders. Harry is the son of a marauder, the only heir. You would disappoint your father if you didn’t carry on his love of pranking, like Lily, he loved life.’

Harry felt his heart break, ‘Enough, I don’t want to hear anymore,’ he yelled then before any more words could be spoken he lifted the gun again, then placed it against his head and pulled the trigger.

‘Nooooo,’ Severus raced to Harry, pulled him into his arms, ‘Poppy, quick,’ Severus removed the gun from Harry’s limp hand. He ignored the screaming, the shouts, the cries, ‘Hang on Harry, don’t let go, I will do what I promised, just don’t let go.’

Draco stared down at his godfather holding Harry Potter’s bleeding limp head in his lap. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had been terrified, scared to death. He also didn’t want to admit that he was partly to blame for what Potter did. His words hurt, he had no idea if his parents were alive or dead, but he knew when Potter said that he killed them, that was when he knew how his enemy felt whenever he tormented Potter about his dead parents. He knew what took place here today would change him, but he also heard what Potter said about Voldemort. Maybe it was time to change his views, maybe he could make others change their views, before it was too late.

Draco Malfoy was not the only person with the same thoughts. After everything they heard and everything they saw, many were now in deep thought. If Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived can kill and kill himself, what could others do just because they were tormented.