Chapter 6
The return to school came as a comfort for Regulus. With Sirius confined to his room, there was little to do. There were only so many times he could visit Narcissa before he feared she would grow tired of him.
Being back in the familiar halls, with bustling activity at all times of the day, was something he never thought he would yearn for. Where once he had longed for their absence, now he longed for the thrum of conversation that drowned out the emptiness which had seeped into him from the hollow halls of his ancestral home.
Sirius surely felt it too; the moment one stepped into the entranceway of Grimmauld Place, it felt as though all joy was being eaten away by an unrelenting black mould. Regulus would end up just shell with his thoughts ricocheting around the caverness void inside of him.
They rushed like torrents of water breaking through a dam. He tried to build it back up again, to keep the water back, but the house sapped all energy from him. Staring at his wall, nails digging into his palms, was how he spent a lot of the latter part of his summer.
When the day came that Kreacher was to take them to King’s Cross once again, Regulus had been packed and waiting for days. Sirius had appeared from his room, looking pale.
Later, when walking through the station, Regulus noticed the colour appearing back on his brother’s face as he looked about him eagerly, walking so fast it was hard for Regulus and Kreacher to keep up.
The only goodbye spoken was between Regulus and Kreacher. Regulus had always been fond of the elf even when Sirius and his parents had told him not to be. With Sirius gone, he knelt down to speak his goodbyes.
“Master Regulus should call anytime if he is needing anything,” Kreacher had reminded him before Regulus stood and the elf disappeared.
It was when he was walking to the train, looking for the luggage carriage, that Dorcas appeared from the crowd. Somehow, she had grown taller and Regulus was conscious of the fact that he hadn't.
“How was summer?” she asked, coming up beside him and walking with him as they both wound their way through the milling students to the train.
“It was nice,” he said. For the most part, it had been. “Yours?”
“Good, for summer, I guess,” she replied as she watched the other people passing by as they walked.
“You don’t like summer?” Regulus asked curiously.
“No, I much prefer spring,” she replied thoughtfully. This surprised Regulus; with her slightly icy exterior, he had thought she’d like winter the best. She seemed to notice his shock because she laughed slightly, “I like when the flowers begin to appear, everything seems so much brighter.”
Regulus supposed she was right. He too enjoyed looking out at the blossoming garden, bright but with a chill still hanging around. But he would always prefer autumn and winter, when the days would shorten and the darkness would creep in.
The line moved and soon they were at the front, having to heft their bags onto the train and then move along further down to find a compartment. They didn’t move fast, busy as it was, but they looked in each compartment window as they passed, looking for an empty one.
It wasn’t an empty compartment that Regulus spotted first, but two heads of white blonde hair. Pandora and Evan were sitting next to each other on one bench, the other wasn’t quite in his viewline, but he suspected Barty would be there too.
“In there,” he said to Dorcas, nodding to the compartment before they quite reached it. There was no complaint from her, though she did hesitate once she noticed it wasn’t unoccupied.
Regulus slid open the door and stepped inside. To his left was Barty stretched out on the bench, laying down with his arms behind his head looking up at Regulus with a grin. To his right was Evan and Pandora watching him with eerily similar expressions.
Dorcas came in behind him and he heard the sliding of the door and the thud as she closed it shut.
Before he could introduce and of them, Dorcas spoke. “You’re friends with Barmy Barty?” Dorcas asked incredulously and Regulus turned to see her staring at his friend with an unimpressed raised eyebrow.
Barty shot up from where he’d been laying, mouth open in offence. “Who is calling me that?”
“Oh, everyone calls you that,” Pandora said dreamily as she stared out the window.
“What? Why?” Barty spluttered, head turning from Pandora to Dorcas and back again.
“I think it was me,” Pandora sighed as she turned her wide, blue eyes on him, “I may have called you Barmy Barty to Lucinda Talkalot, she talks a lot, and she found it quite funny, liked the alliteration she said. Anyway, you are a bit… insane.”
“Panda, why would you do that?” Barty demanded, “you could’ve called me anything, could’ve at least made me sound cool.”
“I never lie, Barty,” Pandora said sadly, as though there was nothing she could have possibly done about it all.
Regulus sat down in the space Barty had been taking up just a second ago, trying to ignore the bickering. He noticed Dorcas hesitate before she sat on his other side, back straight and looking slightly uncomfortable in their presence.
“So who are you then?” Barty asked, leaning around Regulus to stare down Dorcas with narrowed eyes. It only took a second for her to take up the challenge and glare back right back with twice the amount of hostility.
“Dorcas Meadowes,” she replied coldly.
There was a moment where neither of them spoke, though Regulus could see Barty had his thinking face on.
“Dorky Dorcas,” Barty muttered eventually and Dorcas’ eyebrows shot up.
“Call me that again, Crouch, and I’ll hex you,” she hissed, punctuating her threat with the reveal of her wand.
“Did you do the summer reading, Reg?” Pandora asked him suddenly over the argument.
“You’ll hex me?” Barty said condescendingly, his voice had become louder so Regulus had to speak up slightly to make sure Pandora heard.
“Yeah, you?” Regulus said as he tried his best to ignore his warring friends. He was unsure how long to let them go on for and he suspected if no one intervened they’d never stop.
“Try me, Crouch. One word and you’ll be coughing up slugs til breakfast tomorrow,” Dorcas said and one brief look at her told Regulus she was possibly enjoying this. A look at Barty too suggested the same.
“Oh, yes I found the theory of charms particularly interesting,” Pandora said, “You know how much I adore charms.”
“Don’t understand why,” Regulus remarked. The more he focused on conversing with Pandora, the easier it was to block out the faint threats being spoken either side of him.
“Well, I don’t understand why you like potions. Be my potions partner this year?” Pandora pouted slightly, an attempt in encouraging him to agree even though she must know it was unnecessary. Partnering up with either Barty or Evan for potions was something he’d never subject himself to, and he didn’t like anyone else.
“Course, I would’ve asked you the same,” Regulus replied and Pandora smiled.
They spoke some more about the year, Evan occasionally tuning in and making a comment. Soon, they’d have to choose their subjects for the next year. Regulus could tell it was a hard decision for Pandora. It was in these moments where her house truly showed; she wanted to take every class and gain all the knowledge she could, not wanting to miss out.
“I think I’d learn all the content, just not take the classes,” she contemplated.
“That’s silly,” Evan argued, “and a waste. If you learn it, you may as well go to classes and take the exam.”
“But, if I take the classes it’s so much pressure, and it would be so much work.”
They talked some more on the subject until the topic simmered down. In the end, Regulus hoped he and Evan had convinced Pandora to take it easy, to stop overloading herself. Already, she was focused on her own separate projects on top of her schoolwork. In a way, she would have done well In Slytherin with ambition such as hers.
With the cessation of their conversation, the three of them were once again left listening to the bickering that hadn’t stopped between Barty and Dorcas. Still, they were leaning around Regulus so they could face each other as they spit their vitriol.
“Well, I’m off,” Pandora said abruptly. With her bag in one hand, she stood.
Barty and Dorcas paused in their quarrel to fix their eyes on her as she moved past to the compartment door. The air seemed to be ringing with the absence of their noise.
“You’re going?” Evan asked, confused. Though his tone implied he was disappointed, he was already shuffling across to steal her window seat and bringing his legs up onto the bench, blocking the space next to him.
“You don’t like our company?” Barty exclaimed.
“Not particularly, I only stayed for Regulus. I have to meet my friends anyway,” she shrugged, hand drifting to the door handle as though eager to make an escape.
“You have other friends?” Barty asked as though he’d never considered it possible.
“You’re not my friend Barty, Regulus is,” she replied firmly, “And of course I do, what do you think I do all day? Wait for you guys to appear?” Barty had a look on his face that implied that’s exactly what he had thought. “Whatever, I’m going.”
“I’m coming too,” Dorcas suddenly said, jumping up out of her seat as Pandora slid open the door. Regulus had never seen anyone so desperate to leave.
“What? You guys don’t even know each other?” Barty said, perplexed.
“That’s actually how you make friends, Barty,” Pandora chided him. “Come on then,” she continued as she grabbed Dorcas’ arm and led her out. “Bye Reg,” she said behind her shoulder.
Dorcas looked back at him before she disappeared down the corridor, sending him a little wave.
“Why’d you have to scare them both off?” Regulus turned to glare at Barty.
Really, he shouldn’t have spoken because then Barty began to voice his complaints about Dorcas. Evan would hum every now and then, a blank faraway look on his face, while Regulus blatantly ignored him with a book in hand.
Regulus didn’t read the words on the page in front of him, just stared at the letters unseeing, thinking. His parents' words were fresh in his mind. Rarely did he ever feel the need to tell people things, but at that moment he just wanted to speak with Evan. Perhaps Evan had been told details that he hadn’t.
There was still a ringing in his ears, a persistent noise drilling into his head. He felt the need to curl up, close his eyes, and forget.
“Your summer good, Reg?” Evan asked, cutting through the noise and cutting off Barty’s ranting.
Regulus placed his book by his side, not bothering to save the page he hadn’t been reading. “Yeah, it was good,” he replied. He paused, then decided to just ask the question that had been eating away at him. “Have your parents spoken with you? Mine did over summer.”
Evan furrowed his brow and shook his head though he seemed to understand completely what Regulus was talking about. “They’ve mentioned it to each other, but never spoken with me about it.”
Barty was looking between the two in confusion. “About what?”
“War,” Evan explained simply.
Regulus wouldn’t have called it that. War would just be a side product of their liberation; it was a necessary stage they’d undertake to regain their freedom. War wouldn’t even be necessary if the Ministry just fulfilled the people's wishes.
“There’s going to be a war?” Barty asked. Bartemius Crouch Senior must know about it, Regulus assumed, but he most likely hadn’t told the son he didn’t much like.
“Not exactly,” Regulus disagreed, “There’s this man who believes what we believe; that muggles and muggleborns should be kept separate from the pure. He’ll do whatever it takes, and my family will join him. Purebloods will finally gain back their power.”
“Our parents are pulling strings to get us in,” Evan continued explaining to Barty, “Once we’re in, we’ll get you in too.”
“I’m not sure I can, this is exactly what my father works to eliminate. Plus, we’re a little young for war, don’t you think?” Barty queried, looking between the two of them apprehensive.
“You either do or you don’t, Barty,” Regulus replied harshly. “At the end of the day, you’ve got to pick the winning side. I swear you don’t even like your dad anyway.”
There was a part of him that felt bad, but Barty had to join. If not, they couldn’t be friends anymore; not if Regulus wanted to be part of something greater. No harm would come to Barty unless he actively opposed them, being a pureblood, but being friends with someone who objected would only hold him back.
“But what if he doesn’t want me because of my father?” Barty asked, looking more worried than he had been before.
Regulus thought he understood. Barty was disliked by his father and Barty disliked him in return. For Bartemius Crouch Senior to be the reason Barty not be accepted would be mortifying. Some days, Regulus feared his brother would have the same impact on his own future.
“You’re still a pureblood,” Regulus assured him, “Course, you’ll have to work harder to show your devotion, to convince him you believe in the cause, but you’ll get in. You’ll be useful too, with your ministry connections.”
Barty nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’re right,” a smile crept onto his face, “You know, why not, I’m in. So what do we have to do?”
And it had been that easy. Regulus felt himself relax.
“Nothing for now, just do well in classes so we have something to offer,” Regulus said, reiterating what his parents had told him.
Barty nodded enthusiastically. Doing well in classes was something Barty could do with ease and Regulus could tell his nerves had been soothed.
“Try not to mention it to Pandora. Whenever I bring it up, she gets upset,” Evan said softly, looking at his feet where they rested on the bench in front of him.
“She doesn’t support the cause?” Regulus asked with unsurity. It would complicate things if she didn’t. Pandora’s company was one that he valued the most. She was forever honest, brutally so sometimes, but undeniably kind. Regulus supposed, if he thought about it long enough, that there was no way Pandora would partake in war.
Then again, they all had to make sacrifices. If Pandora didn’t support them, the first sacrifice he would make was their friendship. Nothing could get in the way.
“Yes,” Evan said quickly, a slight panic in his voice as his wide eyes darted up to meet Regulus’. “Well, I don’t know. She’s neutral, but I’ll talk with her, I’ll convince her.”
“Good.” Regulus truly hoped Evan could.
The train journey passed quicker than the year before. Time only seemed to speed up the more it passed him by. There he sat, the same train, the same view, the same destination, and yet he couldn’t have felt farther from it all. There was a glass wall between himself and the world and everything felt muffled, as though he wasn’t really there.
When they pulled into the station, the three of them walked together to the carriages that would take them up to the castle. Regulus tried to look out for Pandora and Dorcas and tried to keep his eyes off of the thestrals.
He hadn’t told anyone he could see them, for he wasn’t quite sure why he could. There had been no time he could remember where he had seen death, and yet there were the skeletal, horse-like creatures stomping their hooves and flapping their leathery wings.
They were beautiful, in a haunting way. He wanted to touch them, to spend time with them, and see if what the books said were true. But, being seen doing this would only raise questions, questions that he couldn't answer.
So, he walked past them, refused to look in their direction, and pretended there was nothing there.
-
Dorcas dragged Regulus to the Quidditch tryouts part way through their first term. Every Friday they had gone out to practise before the light of day faded. Dorcas was adamant he was going to make it, as though trying to speak the outcome into existence.
“You’re good, excellent even,” she had said as they walked back from their last training before the tryouts on Sunday. “There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get picked.”
Regulus could think of a few. He was inexperienced and much younger than any of the other team members. The only second years who had been chosen last year in the entire school were Dorcas and Potter, and Dorcas had started out as a backup.
Gryffindor tryouts had taken place the week before and Regulus had learnt that Sirius had made beater like he had wanted the year before. There was a third year Gryffindor girl who also made it but Regulus couldn’t remember her name despite Dorcas’ frustrated rants about her.
Sirius’ new title as beater had ended up giving Regulus a drive to do well. Before, he hadn’t been planning on trying too hard; he’d do enough to not anger Dorcas, but not quite enough to look like he wanted it. If he did his best and didn’t succeed, the embarrassment would follow him and he wasn’t sure he would try again.
But now he felt the familiar competitiveness that tied the two brother’s together. Everything was a competition, they’d be competing against each other their whole lives, and this time, Regulus would win.
The ground was damp and slippery underfoot so they took their time as they walked the long path back to the dorms. Though they had their wands, the brightness of the moon was enough for them to see their way.
They both froze when they heard a howl in the distance, coming from the Forbidden Forest. Looking towards the sound, all they could see was the blackness of the dense woodland.
“Wolves? I’ve always thought it dangerous to have such a place so close by and so open. Anything could get into the school,” Dorcas muttered.
“You think they should remove it?” Regulus asked. She was right about the lack of safety, but he considered the creatures in there and how wrong it would be to have their home ripped away.
“Maybe, not necessarily,” she said, eyes narrowed on the forest, “just doesn’t seem right, does it? Merlin knows what lives there; Dumbledore should be more concerned with it, the Ministry, too, should be more concerned with it.”
Regulus nodded slightly and another howl sounded. He wondered if it was a different wolf, or if it was the same one all alone.
“Let's go,” Dorcas said, “I don’t like this place in the dark.”
Whether she meant the pathway or the school, Regulus didn’t ask, but together they climbed back up to the castle, in through the doors and down to the dungeons. He found himself thinking about Sunday, about whether he would make it to the team. By the time he pulled his duvet around him, staring at the canopy of his bed, he had knots in his stomach.
Sleep came slow the next couple of nights, delayed because of his thoughts running in circles in his mind, revisiting the same instance over and over, never letting go.
In the end, come Sunday, Regulus had made the team.
-
Regulus took to going to the library in the late hours of the evening. Without Quidditch training on or homework to do, Regulus felt his constant agitation creeping up on him. He felt he needed to do something, something important.
So, he would go to the library and read. Not even the Grimmauld Library had so many books. He would walk the shelves, picking one's off at random and taking them to his table, staring wistfully at the restricted section where he knew was where his true interests lay.
Occasionally, he would reach for a book only to snatch his hand back and shrink away until his shoulder blades thudded against the shelves behind. The hand reaching to him from the other side of the shelves would retreat and disappear, but the memory of the grey and decaying flesh remained vivid in his head.
When he moved to see if anything was there, all he could see were shadows engulfing the row. Daring not to further investigate, he would retreat back to his table, his feet leaving wet footprints behind him, and wait until his nerves calmed. Only then would he risk reaching for another book.
It wasn’t often that he was disturbed. When he was, it was usually Pandora keeping him company or the librarian informing him the library was shutting. He valued the peace and quiet that would vanish come exam season.
This peace and quiet was disrupted by voices. Tucked away in the corner, the three boys couldn’t quite see Regulus where he sat shielded by shadows.
James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were murmuring in a huddle, pointing down different aisles and at different shelves. It was clear none of them knew where to look for what they wanted to find.
Their fourth, Remus Lupin, was missing, Regulus noticed. The scarred boy was often ill, apparently. Regulus did always think he looked a bit sickly. Sometimes Lupin looked as though he would keel over at any moment, sometimes he looked as though he could beat five men in a fight. His demeanour seemed able to change in just a day, like a snuffed candle.
“I say just go for it,” Sirius’ frustrated voice carried across the room.
Neither of them had spoken yet that term, though they had acknowledged each other in the corridors with a discrete nod. They weren’t on bad terms, but they still weren’t how they were before Hogwarts and Regulus feared they never would be.
“No,” Potter shook his head, “We can’t take that risk, we could get hurt and Moony would never forgive us.”
“If we don’t do it, what was the point of any of it?” Sirius huffed in frustration.
“Just a little more research, just in case,” Potter insisted. "It won't take long, we just have to remember where we put those books, then we can double check and be ready for tomorrow night."
“He’s right, Padfoot,” Pettigrew spoke up. He was more softly spoken than the other two and it was harder for Regulus to catch what he was saying. “It’s dangerous, we can’t just go into it blind.”
“But we have researched this, we know it’ll work.” Sirius complained though the other two seemed to be standing their ground. Sirius stared at them both as they stared back, then he sighed and threw his arms up in defeat. “Fine. Let’s go find those stupid books.”
Regulus watched them from his corner as they split up and looked for their books. The trouble with the library was that so much of magic overlapped that clearly labelled sections were hard to distinguish. Therefore, most of the books were randomly assorted. The shelves themselves also had a habit of reordering, Regulus had noticed.
The trio continued searching, getting visibly more impatient as they went.
Though they were too far from Regulus for him to determine what they were saying, the gestures to the restricted section were answer enough. He watched them leave and packed his own things to return to the dorm before the library closed, contemplating what had just happened the entire way back.
Perhaps that night he didn’t figure out what they were up to, but they had snagged his curiosity, and now he was set to figure out their secret.